OT: Who should pay for prom ticket?

[crispychicky]

The problem as I see it is that you feel there isn't an even division of spending. You have spent alot of money on this boy and you don't see him or his family reciprocating.

Do you know his family finances? Is your family more well-off than his? Has a parent been laid off? Is his family supporting a family member or perhaps paying a medical expense that you might not know of? Does he have expenses that he has to pay for that your daughter doesn't have to pay for? (car, insurance, etc.). Or do you feel that he and his family are just cheap?

If the boy is nice and treats your daughter well, then I don't think it's a big deal if she (you) pays for the ticket. If they are fighting over who pays, perhaps your daughter isn't feeling respected by him. Dig a little deeper to find out the real issue.

On a side note: With the Great Recession still happening, and alot of parents being laid off, the money isn't there like it was a few years ago. I hope the schools realize this and dial down the expenses so all students have the opportunity to attend prom. For the money it costs to rent a tux, I could buy my son a suit! Just as we are trying to be frugal, we need to teach our children to be frugal.

Well put. It seems like you expect the boyfriend and his family to spend the same amount of $ on your daughter that you've spent on her boyfriend. Don't buy someone gifts (or treat for a meal) if you expect something in return. You'll save yourself a lot of stress.

 

[growinupdisney]

He asked her, it's his prom - he should pay. Is the limo his idea or hers? It seems like if he had to cut back, that's the one thing he could do with out.

Limo is his idea! They will be sharing it with his friends!

 

[Justsyd2]

I wouldn't be offended if he asked for help -- I don't see why your daughter doesn't want to help -- isn't this what relationships are, helping each other out when they need it? I'm sorry. I just don't think $25.00 is worth getting upset over. What if she needed help? Would he get upset about it?

 

[growinupdisney]

I have paid for him several times on alot of things, we bought him a GPS for christmas, spent $100 on him for his b-day and have taken him to eat dinner alot. I think his parents have paid for her once maybe twice. He does have a job and when he didn't they did split meals on dates etc.
Just need some insight: I know things are different now so I need to know what is proper or not![/

A gift is just that...a GIFT and I think it's pretty tacky to 'keep score'. If you resent giving this young man gifts, then stop. Otherwise, do it with a glad heart and no expectation of reciprocation.

I shall climb off my soapbox now.

I'm not keeping score! I just feel that he is taking advantage of her and what we have done for him! I will plan on paying for the ticket to stop the fight between him and her. I was just asking what was the proper way to handle this!

 

[KandD]

Just throwing this out, my opinion and my feelings, no flames please. I am a female. Hate the idea that females always want males to buy drinks, pay for movies, dinner, etc. but then they want equal rights. Wouldn't equal rights mean that each should pay their own. I have told my son if he goes to prom, I will not pay for the girl. When a teenager works for minimum wage and then pays for car insurance and gas, he doesn't have much left over.

Just my feelings.

I'm not flaming you because I agree to an extent but in my opinion it is not about him being male it is about it being HIS prom and he INVITED her. If it was her prom and she invited him I would feel that she should pay for his ticket. If it were both of their proms then probably each should buy their own ticket.

 

[growinupdisney]

I'm not flaming you because I agree to an extent but in my opinion it is not about him being male it is about it being HIS prom and he INVITED her. If it was her prom and she invited him I would feel that she should pay for his ticket. If it were both of their proms then probably each should buy their own ticket.

I agree 100%

 

[maggiew]

At my DDs school, the tickets are sold separately (not by couple). In the case of my DD and all her school friends, they each paid for their own ticket. In fact, at her school, you can't buy more than one ticket. You have to show your ID and they check you off the list some how. (This is a big High School.)

Maggie

 

[pixie921]

I'm not flaming you because I agree to an extent but in my opinion it is not about him being male it is about it being HIS prom and he INVITED her. If it was her prom and she invited him I would feel that she should pay for his ticket. If it were both of their proms then probably each should buy their own ticket.

I agree.

And I know you didn't ask for it, but I'll throw my .02 out there anyway. I think if it were my child in this situation (boy or girl -- and I have a 17yo son), I'd grab this opportunity to try and find out if there are deeper issues. If they've been dating "off and on" as you said, it sounds like the relationship isn't exactly perfect, especially if this ticket thing has evolved into an actual "fight".

 

[EKW]

I agree: the rules of any type of social event say that the person doing the asking pays UNLESS they stipulate that they're going Dutch.

I don't have daughters, but, as the mom of sons, I would hope that if they ever do this to a girl they get turned down flat! Without getting into a whole bunch of research, let me say that a quick read through Michael Gurion's work will convince you that there is something wrong with a boy asking a girl out, then asking her to pay her own way.

To the argument that, if the experience is important to your daughter she should be willing to pay the $25, I say, dating shouldn't be done for that purpose. Friends go along for common experiences. If it's a date, your daughter should be choosing only boys that have the traits she wants in her husband. Does she really want to marry a man who has money issues? The fact that she isn't going to marry this boy doesn't matter!

I'd encourage her to tell the boy that she respects herself too much to be treated this way, and wish him the best in finding another date.

 

[fall08CP]

My school had a unique way of handling this- every junior had to buy two tickets (billed right to the student account, it was a private school) and they went senior year for free. There were no physical tickets handed out- only juniors and seniors that attended the school were allowed in, and everyone was billed for a ticket whether or not they went. Definitely wouldn't work in a lot of public schools (where taking students from other schools and/or underclassmen is common) but it worked really well for us.

Since it's only $25 and he's adament about not paying it, I wonder if he truly doesn't have the money and is scraping up for all the extras or just cheap and doesn't want to pay more than he has to.

 

[growinupdisney]

My school had a unique way of handling this- every junior had to buy two tickets (billed right to the student account, it was a private school) and they went senior year for free. There were no physical tickets handed out- only juniors and seniors that attended the school were allowed in, and everyone was billed for a ticket whether or not they went. Definitely wouldn't work in a lot of public schools (where taking students from other schools and/or underclassmen is common) but it worked really well for us.

Since it's only $25 and he's adament about not paying it, I wonder if he truly doesn't have the money and is scraping up for all the extras or just cheap and doesn't want to pay more than he has to.

This what I'm wondering too! He just called my dd and told he was at walmart and was buying an airsoft gun ($45) (he just told her how much he was spending on it!)

He also told my dd that she needed to spend atleast $400 on a dress since it was his senior year and that the more expensive the better they look. He said that in front of me, and I told him that that was not happening!

 

[ChrisinNJ]

This what I'm wondering too! He just called my dd and told he was at walmart and was buying an airsoft gun ($45) (he just told her how much he was spending on it!)

He also told my dd that she needed to spend atleast $400 on a dress since it was his senior year and that the more expensive the better they look. He said that in front of me, and I told him that that was not happening!

Sounds like he just doesn't want to pay. But it is His prom & He asked Her, so I think he should be the one to pay. I can't imagine why he thinks he has any right to comment on the $ of the dress one way or the other unless He wants to pay for that too!

 

[mrsklamc]

How would he know? Sounds like he's a shallow jerk and your daughter needs to RUN, not walk, in the other direction.

 

[pixie921]

How would he know? Sounds like he's a shallow jerk and your daughter needs to RUN, not walk, in the other direction.

ITA!!!! I'd be mortified if I ever found out my son acted in that matter towards a girl he supposedly cared about.


ETA: I just ran this by my son and he said the guy sounds like a total moron, especially about that dress demand!

 

[mrsklamc]

This is the exact type of guy who is going to be 'done' with your daughter as soon as he gets to college in the fall, too, so I would recommend not wasting any more time or money on him.

 

[cheshireqt]

He asked her, it's his prom - he should pay. Is the limo his idea or hers? It seems like if he had to cut back, that's the one thing he could do with out.

I was thinking the same thing. The limo should be the first thing to go before asking his date to pay for her own ticket. If the limo is a big deal to your DD and he cannot afford limo fees and tickets, well then that is a choice that she is part of and they should negotiate that out. If he is insisting on all the particulars that go with prom and not willing to pay the additional $25 for his date's ticket then there may be more afoot. I agree with another pp, it sounds like your DD is feeling an overall frustration with this guy. His remark about the dress $ was way out of line, sheesh...most guys have no clue how much one dress costs compared to another dress, they just register how beautiful their date is.

 

[pixie921]

This is the exact type of guy who is going to be 'done' with your daughter as soon as he gets to college in the fall, too, so I would recommend not wasting any more time or money on him.

Yup. She's just that last "accessory" he thinks he needs to look good at the prom.

 

[Poohbear5]

My son went to three proms. One was with a girl from the same school, they each paid their own ticket.
2nd- was a girl from church who asked him to her prom as a friend- they each paid their own ticket (I was hoping her mom would pick up the tickets as they are well off and shes' an only child, but they didn't offer).
3rd- he asked a girl from a different school to come to his senior prom, we paid for both tickets.
He paid for the girls flowers on all three and photos for all three.
Boy, I was glad when he graduated!

 

[MrsPete]

I have gone on line and looked up prom ettiquiette and they all say whoever asks pays for the ticket, pre-prom dinner and transportation. They split pictures and after prom activities.

I didn't realize you could find prom ettiquette online, but I would've said just what you did: Whoever invites pays for for tickets.

Personally, I'd say that if they were BOTH seniors, they might each buy their own tickets. And in a couple years when SHE is a senior, if she invites a younger guy or a guy from another school, at that point she should pay for the tickets. And if they'd been dating for a while, that might change things; they might agree that she'd buy the prom tickets, and he'd buy the tickets to an amusement park for their plans with friends a few weeks later.

The situation I ran into when I was in High School was that I was only working part-time (obviously). By the time I rented my tux, bought flowers, paid for post-prom festivities, I didn't have enough to cover my date's ticket, so was I being discourteous?

Just throwing that out there, since there are numerous reasons why he may be asking for her to pay.

Everyone can't afford everything. If you can't afford "the whole thing", I'd cut back on something. The obvious option would be post-prom festivities. If a limo is involved, that's another obvious place to cut.

How would he know? Sounds like he's a shallow jerk and your daughter needs to RUN, not walk, in the other direction.

You're absolutely right . . . but they're not talking about getting married. They're just going to prom. She needs to learn about jerks, and the sooner she understands guys like this, the more ready she'll be to make better choices in the future.

 

[mamaLori05]

As adults, I always say whoever asks/invites pays. These are H.S kids though with lots still to learn about life. I don't think it is worth the fight, expecially over $25. I would just pay for the ticket, hint to my dd that wasn't normal, but leave it be. I also wouldn't be surprised if he asks for her share in dinner and limo rental, so be prepared.

As for his comment about a $400 dress, I would have done exactly what you said. Actually I probably would have been "smart" with him and said something like well, that is soo nice of you to offer to buy her a $400 dress. When are we going shopping. LOL!