OT: what's with "save the date" wedding announcements?

[nuzmom]

Apparently, I've been away from the wedding scene for WAY too long. This past April we received a "card sized" envelope with a small magnetic business card with "save the date, Oct XXX, so-and-so are getting married, invitation to follow". This was from a family member AND our DS7 is IN THE WEDDING!!!!! Of course we "saved the date" - duh!!!! What a waste of postage and strange little card.

Yesterday, we received an envelope from another family member - SAVE THE DATE, 12-6-08, so-and-so are getting married, invitation to follow". At least this one also had some hotel information (although it's local for us and we don't need the hotel).

Here's my issue - why do they say "SAVE THE DATE"? Like, I better not plan ANYTHING else for that day? Let me tell you, if we were "so close" as they couldn't imagine us not being at the wedding, don't you think we woud have already known about the wedding and "saved the date"?

Is it not appropriate to just say "hey, so-and-so are getting married on xx date, invitation to follow". I know it's just wording, but it seems not quite so pushy.

And, these cards come about 6 months prior to the wedding. Hey, a LOT can happen in 6 months. Ok, but that's ok, atleast I will have the date saved.

Is this a new thing that everyone is doing? Or is it just a few wacky people?

 

[starann]

STD cards seem to be the normal anymore. I got married 3 years ago but didnt send any, however I know people who got married 2 years ago who did.

I think it is personal prefrence and a budget thing (if you got the $$ to waste on it, go for it!). I think the idea behind them is.....the wedding industry has gotten sooo expensive...opps I mean busy that often people have to book a year or more in advance so they send out the STD cards so if you like you have a reminder that they are getting married and to save the date (don't book a wedding of your own, vacation, and so on).

 

[lil mermaid]

I have received "save the dates" before - but only in the case of destination weddings, or when it is an out of town relative. That makes sense to me. But for a wedding that your own son is in - that sounds strange.

 

[nuzmom]

...so if you like you have a reminder that they are getting married and to save the date (don't book a wedding of your own, vacation, and so on).

For some reason, that made me laugh. If we're not close enough (or see each other often enough) for me to make a note of your wedding date, then don't expect me to not schedule a vacation or MY WEDDING around yours. Sorry, just seems very self centered. Oh my, not "you", the person sending the STD card.

lil mermaid - that makes some sense, but I still like "announcing" better. I guess STD is just the wedding industry's term. I actually am a bit mad at my BIL. He waited so long to tell us EXACTLY WHERE the wedding will be that the best hotels and rates on hotels dot com are gone already. (I BEGGED him months ago for EXACT LOCATION so we could buy plane tix and hotel)

Thank you both for replying. You guys are so much more "in the loop" than I. Thanks.

 

[bumbershoot]

I actually am a bit mad at my BIL. He waited so long to tell us EXACTLY WHERE the wedding will be that the best hotels and rates on hotels dot com are gone already. (I BEGGED him months ago for EXACT LOCATION so we could buy plane tix and hotel)

If only he had sent out a S.T.D.! The ones I've seen have at least the state on them, and usually city and state.


So many people schedule things long-term now, and that doesn't go together with wedding invitations that are normally sent out, what, 2 months? before the wedding. In addition, many places (and all but one of MY vendors) REQUIRE full payment 2 weeks before the wedding, with the best estimate of # of guests so they can make enough food (and get enough cake) for everyone, that couples want the best chance of the guests arriving.

As to why you got the cards when you're in the wedding (or your family member), eh, they sent one to everyone on the guest list. Couples tend to spend quite a bit of time designing their STDs and invitations now (I spent far more time figuring it out than my friends who got married in the 90s, and family friends marrying in the 80s had very few choices, let alone the possibility to create their own stuff without spending scads of money), and so why *not* send one of the carefully designed things out to everyone? And of course if they were to decide to NOT send someone one, then THAT person would be the one that is offended that they didn't get everything the couple was sending (some people save such things, some people scrapbook them, some people even make gifts for the couple based on such things!). Can't win!

 

[mommy-on-the-move]

I think the best I've recieved to date was for my cousins sons baptism- he was pushing and pushing insisting he HAD to have final numbers (weeks out) and we had to say a definate yes or no because it was costing him XXX for the baptism... great, except my first baby was due ON that day of the baptism- if she was on her way then the last thing on my mind was going to be his $$$ I really could have used a bit of leaway there! (as it was my daughter arrived 4 days early but after a 23 hour labour and her being my first newborn I really wasn't worrying about his appetizers going to waste whilst I stayed home!)

Save the date are definately new things by me- we married 2002 and everyone we wanted there knew well in advance what week the wedding was, my sister marries shortly and was led to believe they're now essential (which made me giggle as we're all travelling from the UK to disney for her wedding so if we schedule anything else for that day it would sure as anything be a total faux pas!)

 

[cogero]

the only time I have ever received them was when we were traveling out of town to weddings. I already knew about them but I am not a big fan of them but understand about them

 

[MiniGirl]

I've gotten a few, and thought they were a nice reminder. All of mine have been from relatives that I don't see much. I knew they were getting married and I knew the approximate date, but appreciated the early reminder with the exact date and such. If we had been in the wedding party or something, I really don't think I would've given it a second thought either. I have heard of people making conflicting plans when dates are scheduled so far in advance, and with my own family and several schedules to keep up with, it is hard for me to remember when my nephew (who I only get to see every other year or so) is getting married.

So, to answer your question, I don't think it is just wacky people doing it. I think it has become the norm. I also I'm not taken aback by them and appreciate the reminder as the date gets closer.

 

[nuzmom]

If only he had sent out a S.T.D.! The ones I've seen have at least the state on them, and usually city and state.

He actually is the one who sent the magnetic business card type thing. It didn't have location or time, just date. Not hotel info or anything else.

 

[mommy-on-the-move]

My sisters ones came with an info pack for hotels etc etc which was really good to recieve, I know she's also working on a news letter for those of us travelling to be there, she's also helped book dinner reservations, airport transport bits like that- above and beyond what a bride should really... made her guests lives alot simpler.

 

[luvmy3]

I have recieved a couple of those but they were for out of town weddings. I thought it was nice to know alittle ahead of time so that I could make arrangements.

I have also recieved them for other things like Christmas and birthday parties.

 

[jess98ac]

We only sent them to immediate family who asked for them as a little keepsake (we did the magnets, too), and out of town guests and those who we thought would want to spend the night in the hotel where the reception was (it was open bar). We included all the hotel info (special rate), the magnet, and things to do in the area that weekend. It was a good way for our friends to keep things straight, too. We were at "that age" where we were at weddings every other weekend it seemed, so this way everyone knew whose was when!

 

[jodifla]

I think STDs are nice. I plan some of my vacations two years in advance, so having scheduling notice of things like weddings is really important.

 

[nuzmom]

I actually really like the idea of receiving information about hotels and other things to do in the area. It's very hard to make hotel reservations not knowing anything about the surrounding areas. I guess a wedding "packet" for out of town guests would be nice (haven't received one of those), but I still think an "announcement" would be nicer wording than "save the date".

I guess we're odd, but we're not going to plan our vacation dates around our 2nd cousin's wedding, who we never see, and who live out of state, but with the wedding locally. For that matter, if my DH's company Christmas party that date, we'll might go to it instead. Whether we were "told" to save the date or not!!!! I would plan around very close family and friends, but then I would think that I would write their dates on our calendar. A reminder from them would be fine.

I'm sorry, but I also don't see how the STD help lock down the number attending. We try to be very respectful of the RSVP date, so hopefully that date is prior to final payment for the wedding family.

I guess I need to try to think of the STD as an "announcement" or "reminder" and not a "you better not schedule anything on our wedding day". And again, a packet of information for out of town guests would have been awesome. Too bad that's not what we got (twice). Would have made more sense to me.

 

[3goofyboys]

I think it really is a type of announcement, like "hey, I'm getting married on X date, in X location". I find them very helpful as my husband has to bid for his vacation about 15 months ahead of time, so if you don't tell us that far in advance, there is a great chance we won't be attending. I'm guessing it's really hard for the bride and groom to know who finds them helpful and who finds them annoying, so they just get sent to everyone.

 

[lillykat]

I think sometimes they get out of hand - but they seem to be the norm these days. We sent them out - b.c I would say more than 70% of our guest list was from OOT and so we wanted them to be able to book hotel, flights etc (so we also sent hotel info) they all already knew the date but it was just a way to give info rather than calling 100 people and giving it out. Our wedding was around easter, spring breaks, and there were already a lot of showers, weddings etc going on during that time, so we wanted family and close friends to have the info so they could make their choice about whether they wanted to come or not and when to plan their vacations and trips. In fact people mentioned that they had gotten STD's for other weddings after ours even before we sent ours out. In fact some people had trouble finding hotel reservations even with rooms blocked and calling in advance. We sent them to our entire wedding list regardless of whether people were in the wedding party or not.

 

[True North]

Basic wedding etiquette says you send out wedding invitations 6 to 8 weeks before hand. A lot of people need more warning then that to ensure nothing is planned for that date. While I'm sure the couple have told a lot of people the date, it is always nice to make sure every guest have a written notice. While I understand you are closely related, it would be wrong to send out the STD cards to some guests and not others. Can you not picture a thread right here on the DIS saying "My son is in the wedding and they sent a save the date card to Great Uncle Hairy but not me!!"?

As for the terminology, I hate to say it but I think it is something you will need to get used to as it is pretty much the standard now a days. I think to most people "save the date" means "save the date if you would like to come to our wedding" not "save the date OR ELSE!!!"

 

[bumbershoot]

He actually is the one who sent the magnetic business card type thing. It didn't have location or time, just date. Not hotel info or anything else.

Aha! Well then the problem is that it's a BAD save-the-date card. I bet they barely knew where it was going to be, or perhaps they were having arguments with key people, etc etc. The ones we've received have stated the basic area...Block Island, Rhode Island, Cherry Hill, NJ, and so on.

We didn't send them, but we should have, since *everyone* had to travel for our wedding (only a few hours away from our home and hubby's family and our friends, but still, a state away).

My sisters ones came with an info pack for hotels etc etc which was really good to recieve, I know she's also working on a news letter for those of us travelling to be there, she's also helped book dinner reservations, airport transport bits like that- above and beyond what a bride should really... made her guests lives alot simpler.

She is a bridal goddess.

 

[rt2dz]

Basic wedding etiquette says you send out wedding invitations 6 to 8 weeks before hand. A lot of people need more warning then that to ensure nothing is planned for that date. While I'm sure the couple have told a lot of people the date, it is always nice to make sure every guest have a written notice. While I understand you are closely related, it would be wrong to send out the STD cards to some guests and not others. Can you not picture a thread right here on the DIS saying "My son is in the wedding and they sent a save the date card to Great Uncle Hairy but not me!!"?

As for the terminology, I hate to say it but I think it is something you will need to get used to as it is pretty much the standard now a days. I think to most people "save the date" means "save the date if you would like to come to our wedding" not "save the date OR ELSE!!!"

Bingo!! Especially the if you would like to come.

My cousin is getting married in October. I've known for two years. Oops, I don't know the EXACT date yet and um, that probably means we won't be there which will really upset my aunt. While I am not close to my cousin, I am close to my aunt. I know I need to be there, but without the exact date, I can't arrange travel at the cheapest possible. Also, without thinking about it, I booked a vacation for October. Since I bought non-refundable MNSSHP tickets, I won't be changing it. If they overlap, too bad for the wedding. I wish she would have sent save-the-date cards. Every time I try and get the exact date, something comes up and the conversation goes off track.

In general, I really appreciate them. I make so many arrangements so far in advance, if it is something I want to be at, I need to know a little further out the wedding invitation many times.

 

[jackdis]

I'm laughing out loud at all the STD's being "shared" on this thread.

Personally, our schedules get so crazy, weekends, especially, that save the dates have been used informally in our family for birthdays, etc. (Just a phonecall though.)