OT: What would your church do for you if something really bad happened?

[RN01]

This has been bothering me for a long time. I asked my coworkers about it and now I'm asking you: the wonderful Diser's who always give such good responses. In August my 4 year old DD had a brain hemmorage and was in a hospital 3 hours away for 3 weeks. She was then transfered to a hospital an hour away for a week of rehab. It was an absolutely horrible experience but she is doing well now.

My question is this: What would your church had done for you if this had happened to your family. My church did nothing. Now a few people in the church sent money and cards but nothing was done as a group effort. We have been going to this church all of my life and are very active in it. My DH is president of the parrish council. Anytime anyone calls us for anything we are right there.

When we got home from the hospital I was busy running my daughter to therapy 3 times a week and everyone was very stressed out and tired from the whole ordeal. A few meals a week would have been nice especially to help out with the grocery bill since we had been out of work for a month. I hate to feel like it was owed to us because it wasn't but it would have been nice to get some help when we needed it since we were there to help other people when they needed it.

 

[KirstenB]

Our church has a committee to bring food to folks going through a tough time like yours. Of course, we're all welcome to cook something and stop by the family's home with it, also. I'm really sorry for your ordeal, and I would be hurt too, if it were me.

 

[thebeesknees]

I'm sorry to hear about your DD's ordeal and glad she is doing better. To answer your question, I'm fairly certain our church would have at least arranged meals for awhile in this type of situation. We always do it for new moms, as well as those who have had a death in the family, or surgery. One family had a fire (didn't burn down, but lost a lot due to smoke and water damage) and everyone pitched in with non-perishables to restock their pantry, as well as clothing and toys for the kids.

I'm sorry your church didn't do more for you. That must have been really disappointing for your family, especially given your long history with them. Maybe by the time your DD got home, they thought that the crisis had passed and you didn't need anything, but it would have been thoughtful if someone would have at least asked if there was anything they could do to help.

 

[disykat]

Our church also has a specific ministry committee for this type of thing. If you don't have someone "in charge" of something it doesn't happen. I'm guessing in your case, because you are so involved, everyone assumed someone else was doing it and they didn't want to overwhelm you.

 

[BelleRocks]

John 13:34 By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love among yourselves.

Gal 6:10 Let us work what is good towards all, but especially toward those related to us in the faith.

That said....

Rom 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

So, I guess only you and your husband can decide if this was an isolated hitch in the system, or a symptom of a larger problem. You are absolutely right that you should be able to depend upon your congregation for support.

 

[wmharley]

ours would have had a pastor go there and pray, and/or meals, and/or money for soemthing...

but this is something you should bring up with the church leaders. State how you feel and that you were saddened by no support and no ministry out to your family.

There shouldn't be a good excuse, but I cannot tell you if this is widespread or just falling through the cracks.

 

[Matt'sMom]

...Anytime anyone calls us for anything we are right there.
...it would have been nice to get some help when we needed it since we were there to help other people when they needed it.

Did you ever call your pastor (or other church members) to request help, and to inform them of your specific needs? If you didn't ask for someone to provide meals or other similar forms of support, then they may honestly have thought that you already had all of the help that you needed.

If you did ask for meals or grocery donations, and your requests were coldly ignored, then that is a totally different situation. But I am wondering if you were perhaps expecting your congregation to 'mind read' & know what you wanted/needed... without your having to admit to anyone that you could really use some extra help.

I do hope that your daughter is doing well with her recovery. I went through both of my parents having strokes & major surgeries during the past two years, and can empathize with the stress of running back and forth to hospitals and rehabs located several hours away from home.

 

[brockash]

This has been bothering me for a long time. I asked my coworkers about it and now I'm asking you: the wonderful Diser's who always give such good responses. In August my 4 year old DD had a brain hemmorage and was in a hospital 3 hours away for 3 weeks. She was then transfered to a hospital an hour away for a week of rehab. It was an absolutely horrible experience but she is doing well now.

My question is this: What would your church had done for you if this had happened to your family. My church did nothing. Now a few people in the church sent money and cards but nothing was done as a group effort. We have been going to this church all of my life and are very active in it. My DH is president of the parrish council. Anytime anyone calls us for anything we are right there.

When we got home from the hospital I was busy running my daughter to therapy 3 times a week and everyone was very stressed out and tired from the whole ordeal. A few meals a week would have been nice especially to help out with the grocery bill since we had been out of work for a month. I hate to feel like it was owed to us because it wasn't but it would have been nice to get some help when we needed it since we were there to help other people when they needed it.

First, I'm so glad you dd is doing well now, and I'm very sorry you had to go through that.

Okay, onto the question, honestly would it be nice if ppl. from your church or the church as a whole did something for you?? Sure, but I don't think it should be automatically expected, and the fact that someone feels they are owed something, would make me want to do something for them even less. I just don't get entitlement issues. Have there been times in my life that I thought it would be great if someone did something for me or helped me out ect. and it didn't happen, of course, but in all honesty I never really expect anyone to do things for me...I mean, everyone has problems and no matter how hard or bad things are for me at various moments, I'm sure there are other ppl. out there that are worse off. As far as always being there for others, that's great, but don't do it, if it's only to expect something back in return.

 

[RN01]

Did you ever call your pastor (or other church members) to request help, and to inform them of your specific needs? If you didn't ask for someone to provide meals or other similar forms of support, then they may honestly have thought that you already had all of the help that you needed.

If you did ask for meals or grocery donations, and your requests were coldly ignored, then that is a totally different situation. But I am wondering if you were perhaps expecting your congregation to 'mind read' & know what you wanted/needed... without your having to admit to anyone that you could really use some extra help.

I do hope that your daughter is doing well with her recovery. I went through both of my parents having strokes & major surgeries during the past two years, and can empathize with the stress of running back and forth to hospitals and rehabs located several hours away from home.

Our pastor was very informed on what was going on as he came to the hospital to bless her before she was lifeflighted to Indy. He also came to Indy to see and and the hospital closer to home. I really appreciate the fact that he did that. I didn't feel right asking for help. I feel like this was such a major thing that we shouldn't have to ask. I was out of work for 2 months, DH was out of work for 3 weeks, we were 3 hours from home. Had to eat every meal out except for when we ate at the Ronald McDonald house. Everyone in town new about what was happening and towns surrrounding. I knew this by my sister saying everytime she went somewhere eveyone was asking her about it.

 

[mjkacmom]

Did you ever call your pastor (or other church members) to request help, and to inform them of your specific needs? If you didn't ask for someone to provide meals or other similar forms of support, then they may honestly have thought that you already had all of the help that you needed.

This is what I'm thinking, too. When my twins were born, people brought me so many meals, and actually volunteered to help me out (I had a 1, 4, and 6 year old at the time). If something like this happened to me, friends would help out, and spread the word. Maybe your church didn't know you needed help?

 

[design_mom]

I am glad your daughter's recovery seems to be going well.

I am not confident that our church would have done anything either, unless you asked for something specific.

There have been a few occasions where the pastor has stood up and said, "_____ has happened. The family has asked for assistance with ______." I think, at those times, the congregation has been pretty generous. However, I am not sure that there's anyone on the lookout for situations and asking "what can the church do to help?"

 

[RN01]

ours would have had a pastor go there and pray, and/or meals, and/or money for soemthing...

but this is something you should bring up with the church leaders. State how you feel and that you were saddened by no support and no ministry out to your family.

There shouldn't be a good excuse, but I cannot tell you if this is widespread or just falling through the cracks.

The bad part about it is my DH is president of the parrish counsil so he is part of the church leaders. How can he go to them and say "Hey no one did anything when we really needed it." It just sounds selfish on our part. I hope no one on here thinks I'm sounding selfish. We just were hurt that nothing was done.

 

[RN01]

This is what I'm thinking, too. When my twins were born, people brought me so many meals, and actually volunteered to help me out (I had a 1, 4, and 6 year old at the time). If something like this happened to me, friends would help out, and spread the word. Maybe your church didn't know you needed help?

This was not the case. Everyone in the church new what was going on. My mom and dad also go to this church (lifelong members) and people would call them and ask them about us everytime they were there.

 

[RN01]

First, I'm so glad you dd is doing well now, and I'm very sorry you had to go through that.

Okay, onto the question, honestly would it be nice if ppl. from your church or the church as a whole did something for you?? Sure, but I don't think it should be automatically expected, and the fact that someone feels they are owed something, would make me want to do something for them even less. I just don't get entitlement issues. Have there been times in my life that I thought it would be great if someone did something for me or helped me out ect. and it didn't happen, of course, but in all honesty I never really expect anyone to do things for me...I mean, everyone has problems and no matter how hard or bad things are for me at various moments, I'm sure there are other ppl. out there that are worse off. As far as always being there for others, that's great, but don't do it, if it's only to expect something back in return.

This is not what I'm asking... I'm asking what your church would have done to help you if this happened to you. Why does everyone always have to turn everything into something bad. Unless you have been through something like this you have no idea how physically and emotionally draining it can be. It takes a long time to get over it also. And you are turning this into I'm a bad person for wanting help from our church when we needed it.

 

[okeydokey]

This is not what I'm asking... I'm asking what your church would have done to help you if this happened to you. Why does everyone always have to turn everything into something bad. Unless you have been through something like this you have no idea how physically and emotionally draining it can be. It takes a long time to get over it also. And you are turning this into I'm a bad person for wanting help from our church when we needed it.

Our church family is very close and if they didn't throw their support behind us when we truly truly needed it (like you did) I would be hurt also. Ours would have helped at least with meals and my close friends would have offered child care and housework help and shopping etc.

 

[tara32]

I think either someone needed to put the bug into the pastor's ear if they would have liked help (easy since dh is on parish council) or be overwhelmed and surprised that someone thought to orchestrate something on your behalf. But I don't think I would feel owed help if I didn't even request for it or even hint at it.

Isn't it possible that the "other" families who recieved help asked for it or at least hinted they needed help? (Other than being unionsured and having your house completely burnt down).

 

[mjkacmom]

This was not the case. Everyone in the church new what was going on. My mom and dad also go to this church (lifelong members) and people would call them and ask them about us everytime they were there.

Why didn't your parents or sister get people to help? We had a family at our school, dad was dying of terminal cancer, and they had 4 kids. A couple of people organzied meal delivery, and a fundraiser was held in town, after word got out, because he was hospitalized and maxed out his life insurance, and his wife couldn't work, because she was at the hospital with him (for 6 months!). He eventually passed away.

If your mom or sister knew you needed help, when people called to check on you, why didn't they say "hey, would you help me organize meal drop-offs/" People do love to help - someone just has to get the ball rolling.

 

[RMulieri]

My church would have organized something...Heck all my neighbors would have been on top of it as well.

 

[mom2val]

My SIL had breast cancer 2 years ago. We all go to the same church- it's a HUGE Methodist church- for close to 3 months 4 times a week meals were brought to her home.

 

[tlh0726]

Anytime anyone calls us for anything we are right there.

First To you and your family.

I quoted the sentence that really stuck out to me. People call you for helpand you respond, if you did not make the call to them, how would they know you needed help?

You and your DH need to turn your bad experience into something positive. No one else should feel the way you do. What about starting a new committee that has a chain of command. If the first one in command is the one that needs the help then the 2nd in command steps in and takes over so that that person is not overlooked.