OT - What to do when people show up unannounced?

[sashagiselle]

My family and I went out to dinner during the week. When we got back we were told that one of my friends and her dh and her dd's had come over to hang out, but she told them we were not home. Now we aren't that close and I would never dream of showing up to someones house with my whole family in tow unannounced. I hate to think that they will keep doing this, I think they wanted to entertain themselves and kids at our house. They have done this before , it seems like they want to 'catch us' with a messy house or messy kids because they always seem to come straight from the salon when they show up! I am totally not confrontational so what would you guys do if you were me?

 

[RMulieri]

My neighbors generally do this when my pool is opened. I simply tell them " Sorry now is not a good time", and then suggest another time for a visit.Mostly they understand and get sort of embarassed.

 

[sashagiselle]

Oh yea, with a pool you must get that alot! We've had friends suggest that we get a pool or a playground set since we have abig backyard and their kids could come over all the time. I totally dont get it!

 

[dislal]

Just do what I do, when I don't want company I pull the blinds and lock all doors and i won't answer the door for anyone (relatives, friends, anyone)

 

[cmaee]

In a time that has sadly gone by, it was common for people to "go visiting" their friends. My grandparents and parents did this as a common practice growing up. Showing up unannouced to go swimming in your pool is a bit rude, but showing up to chit-chat isn't rude...perhaps an inconvience if your house is a mess.

 

[SiSiMonique2009]

We have the same problem at our house sometimes. We're a really laid back family so the house is not always spotless and ready for company so when some one does drop in on us my mom freaks out a little. It doesn't happen much any more I guess because the people caught us in pjs one morning and decided that it would be better to call first before dropping in. We also have a pool in the backyard but no one was ever bold enough to actually come around with out asking Possibly because we have really tall fences. Sorry I don't have any real solution to your problem since I'm not that confrontational either and the only advice I have from my mom is "Clean up on Sundays! People always like to drop by on Sundays." I think its some what true to an extent but again sorry I have no real advice and goodluck!

 

[ilovejack02]

Pool owners....


We used to put out a flag.. when the pool was ready for free use and we wanted company it was out.

When we didnt want company and wanted to be alone flag was put away.

We let the whole hood know the rules and it worked pretty good.

 

[crisi]

In a time that has sadly gone by, it was common for people to "go visiting" their friends. My grandparents and parents did this as a common practice growing up. Showing up unannouced to go swimming in your pool is a bit rude, but showing up to chit-chat isn't rude...perhaps an inconvience if your house is a mess.

There used to be a lot of etiquette built around "dropping by." For one, it was understood that the host could make a lame excuse "oh, its really nice to see you, but we were just about to step out ourselves" without causing offense. Whether you ever stepped out or not was none of the person's business - it was an excuse akin to 'have to wash my hair.' And - unless you knew people really well, or were pressed to stay - fifteen minutes and out.

Guests who drop in shouldn't expect fresh baked goods and lemonade - and should expect to sit outside or on the porch if the house is a mess.

 

[carj]

I think that the whole concept of dropping by has gone away with the advent of cell phones. Even if people are in the neighborhood, they can still call first. (Except for my FIL who drives 2 hours to show up unannounced and then is surprised that we aren't home. We might try to be there if we knew that he was coming. We WANT to see him, but we don't know when he is coming!

 

[dougsmom98]

I would just call my friend and let her know that I was sorry I missed her and her family. I would then tell her that I wished she had called so we wouldn't have missed them and that you are always so busy these days so she should definitely call before stopping by next time. I would also suggest that she call you soon so you can have some planned time together.

My in laws show up unannounced all the time. It used to drive me crazy because my house would be a mess. It still irritates me that they stop by at inconvenient times, but I don't worry about the mess anymore. I have kind of gotten over it. I have four kids and my house is always messy, so be it.

 

[brymolmom]

I'm in the 'come on over' camp here. I mean, I guess if a specific family was coming over unannounced every other day it would get to me and I would have to say something. But an occassional drop-by visit - I like it! Now, granted, I would expect them to be courteous and make it a quick visit if it looked like they caught us at a bad time (putting kids to bed, doing the taxes, or whatever), but if we're just hanging out or, even better, if I'm cleaning the house - COME ON OVER AND GIVE ME AN EXCUSE TO VISIT INSTEAD!

I guess maybe it's because my house was very much a 'go to' house as a kid and even into my young adulthood when I still lived with my parents. We never locked our door (I know - times were different) - but it was not unheard of for many, many friends to drop by and let themselves in at different times. I honestly don't want my kids' friends thinking they need to call to setup a 'playdate' every time they want to hang out - just ride your bike down the street and if my kids are in the yard - join right in. I like the informality of it. If someone calls and arranges a time - well, then I feel like the hosue needs to be cleaned first, and munchies and drinks arranged, etc. And, this just can't be done all the time. I like that it leads to more getting together. How many times have you said to someone that you really like but don't get to see often enough 'let's get together again soon'?? And often, it just doesn't happen because the appointment is never made and a 'good' time in both your schedules is hard to come by. But if that person happened to be in your area and dropped in....Well, sometimes it ends up being the best thing and the only way that get together is going to work out with any timeliness.

That said, having this type of feeling, I know there are lots of you who hate it. I have a friend and across-the-street neighbor who has often talked about not wanting neighbors in her yard chatting every day. She wants her space. I honestly try to honor that, but sometimes it is a tough call to make - as I don't know where that line is between 'good friend and neighbor' and 'you're stepping on my toes'.

If any of you is ever in my area - stop on in!!! All are welcome!!!

 

[MandM-Mom]

I'm in the 'come on over' camp here. I mean, I guess if a specific family was coming over unannounced every other day it would get to me and I would have to say something. But an occassional drop-by visit - I like it! Now, granted, I would expect them to be courteous and make it a quick visit if it looked like they caught us at a bad time (putting kids to bed, doing the taxes, or whatever), but if we're just hanging out or, even better, if I'm cleaning the house - COME ON OVER AND GIVE ME AN EXCUSE TO VISIT INSTEAD!

I guess maybe it's because my house was very much a 'go to' house as a kid and even into my young adulthood when I still lived with my parents. We never locked our door (I know - times were different) - but it was not unheard of for many, many friends to drop by and let themselves in at different times. I honestly don't want my kids' friends thinking they need to call to setup a 'playdate' every time they want to hang out - just ride your bike down the street and if my kids are in the yard - join right in. I like the informality of it. If someone calls and arranges a time - well, then I feel like the hosue needs to be cleaned first, and munchies and drinks arranged, etc. And, this just can't be done all the time. I like that it leads to more getting together. How many times have you said to someone that you really like but don't get to see often enough 'let's get together again soon'?? And often, it just doesn't happen because the appointment is never made and a 'good' time in both your schedules is hard to come by. But if that person happened to be in your area and dropped in....Well, sometimes it ends up being the best thing and the only way that get together is going to work out with any timeliness.

That said, having this type of feeling, I know there are lots of you who hate it. I have a friend and across-the-street neighbor who has often talked about not wanting neighbors in her yard chatting every day. She wants her space. I honestly try to honor that, but sometimes it is a tough call to make - as I don't know where that line is between 'good friend and neighbor' and 'you're stepping on my toes'.

If any of you is ever in my area - stop on in!!! All are welcome!!!

This sounds like our house when I was a kid This is how I was brought up and this is how I want my kids to grow up too. With that said there are some friends of ours who I would not dream of not calling first just because I know they were brought up different than that and like everything planned and that is okay with me to each there own

 

[ilandrazdsw]

I didn't grow up with just stopping by to visit, but it is common wher DH lives so I had to get used to it. If possible I will stop and visit, but DH will just continue to do whatever he was doing when the bell rang...unless it is his father, then he will look for something to do in another room and leave me to deal with him . He's since gotten better at not running away...due to threats of divorce. I don't mind when friends stop by, but I don't go out of my way to may them overly welcome them.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

What I like to do when people show up unannounced is to just answer the door completely naked. I even try to get DH to join me. I greet my guests warmly and always remark on what a lovely day it is and how the breeze feels so good! Then I invite them in. I haven't had anyone who wants to stay though. I offered coffee, tea, cakes etc. but everytime someone comes here they must be catching some kind of stomach bug because the second I open the door and say hello they start vomitting. I am a little scared. They seem to be pretty violently ill. I hope I don't catch it. So of course they cannot stay because they are heaving. Maybe next time......











No real advice except that I would shut the blinds and lock the door. Then tell your child to never ever ever look out the window if someone knocks during this time and to be very quiet. Yeah, good luck with that.
I don't mind people popping over once in a while as long as it is not an everyday sort of thing.

 

[Avonlady1001]

No real advice except that I would shut the blinds and lock the door. Then tell your child to never ever ever look out the window if someone knocks during this time and to be very quiet. Yeah, good luck with that.
I don't mind people popping over once in a while as long as it is not an everyday sort of thing.

DD JUST learned how to do that (although, depending on who it was, I'd ignore the unannounced visitors even WITH DD pulling the curtains back & starting right at them...now she goes into the hallway with me to "hide". LOL If only DS 6mths would learn to be quiet too!

I'll have to try the answering the door naked trick! Sounds FUN!

 

[PaDisney02]

It drives me crazy when people come over unannonced! Mainly cuz my house is a mess! I hate having a mesy house in front of people. Although my husband says our house really isnt THAT bad, to me it is not always in company condition. When we have company coming over i clean everything! So when some1 comes over unannonced it is so embarrassing....I know exactly how you feel. 2 days after I had my son my FIL showed up unannonced! I was so mad. I had just had a c-section and was in the hospital for a couple days so my hubby was in charge of the "cleaning" and I'll tell u his idea of cleaning is not my idea of cleaning. I understand my FIL wanted to see the new baby but he should have called.

Now my grammy's house was always the "go to" house. As a child every1 would meet there and show up unannonced. We would even just let ourselves in! My grammy always had a perfectly clean house good memories

 

[bunnielly]

wow, I'm sure they don't realize how intrusive it is. You've go to say something.

 

[scottish mum]

My house is the house that everyone comes to. All the kids play in my garden and lots of my friends turn up for a visit whenver. Sometimes the house is tidy other times not so tidy. But these people are my friends and have come to see me and my family not to inspect my house.

My kids know that they are allowed their friends over, and their friends know just to knock on the door. If we are busy no offence ever gets taken.

If my mil was to turn up unannounced well that is a different story.

 

[luvmy3jewels]

We don't get too many uannounced visitors (except the neighborhood kids, but that's a different post). But I have had a problem with my parents bringing over a friend or relative with the intent of giving that person a tour of my home. They have done this on several occassions, with no warning and a couple of times when I was not home. It really ticks me off. The most recent time was a month ago when mom wanted to show a friend of hers the stained glass window she made that sits over my bathtub.

We built my house a couple of years ago, and while I am proud of it I don't always have the time or energy to keep it spotless. I wish my parents would respect my families privacy and not bring in unannounced tours. However, they do so much for dh and I (they watch our kids in the afternoon at the house) that I feel beholden to them. I know that they know it bothers dh and I. The last time it happened, my mom even told me "but I only showed her the bathroom." Of course, they had to go through my bedroom to get to the bathroom (and the closet is clearly visible from it as well). My parents have a lot of good quailites, but consideration is not at the top of their list!

 

[crisi]

We don't get too many uannounced visitors (except the neighborhood kids, but that's a different post). But I have had a problem with my parents bringing over a friend or relative with the intent of giving that person a tour of my home. They have done this on several occassions, with no warning and a couple of times when I was not home. It really ticks me off. The most recent time was a month ago when mom wanted to show a friend of hers the stained glass window she made that sits over my bathtub.

We built my house a couple of years ago, and while I am proud of it I don't always have the time or energy to keep it spotless. I wish my parents would respect my families privacy and not bring in unannounced tours. However, they do so much for dh and I (they watch our kids in the afternoon at the house) that I feel beholden to them. I know that they know it bothers dh and I. The last time it happened, my mom even told me "but I only showed her the bathroom." Of course, they had to go through my bedroom to get to the bathroom (and the closet is clearly visible from it as well). My parents have a lot of good quailites, but consideration is not at the top of their list!

Leave the handcuffs attached to the headboard and the love lotion out......