OT What is age approriate 2nd grade?

[kellyg403]

My gdd moved in with us in the beg of Feb. Suffice it to say it has been a long year for her, moving a couple times, parents deciding they couldn't continue to raise her for awhile etc. Along with the emotional side of things, she is having difficulty in school. I haven't had a 2nd grader in SOOOO long I am wondering what is age appropriate! She is behind..my guess being different states do different things etc. She is having a hard time focusing and oftentimes says I wasn't listening when the teacher explained it or I don't remember. Typical I am sure! She is a 'player', wanting to play more than homework. So, we have tried playing after school for a set time then homework, but she always ends up being to tired and cranky after dinner. This makes homework even more fun. We tried doing it right after school after a snack, then she more or less would sit there and not do the work, just kind of look at. Needless to say, its starting to be not 'fun' times at grandma and grandpa's house. We sit with her, explain it, help her. Initially, I found my self giving her the answers more than 'helping' her. So I noticed that she will quickly just write answers down, show you her work and when you show her the ones wrong she wants me to sit down and work it out with her. No problem but it went from 4 wrong to all of them. DH is not being totally helpful, he gets frustrated easily. Its been a long time since this phase of our life passed. He asked me yesterday if I remembered any of the kids having these problems? My response was I can't remember what I wore yesterday let alone 15 years ago.

The final note, the teacher does NOT seem concerned so I probably should not be. Her grades in math are in the 70 range and spelling tests are around the 50 mark. We study the words everyday, she appears to know them but then the next night we are almost starting over. I am worried that because she is such a good kid, some type of focus issue has been missed or since it is the end of 2nd grade and things are getting harder she is starting to show that she may need some outside help..tutoring etc. I am even unsure where to begin as she can not do some things by rote. For example, 2+2 she is unable to automatically say 4. It takes a long time for her to figure it out. But that could be right on the age spectrum. I guess the one thing most concerning to me is that she can do things one day and its almost like we never did it the next day? Is this also normal 8/9 y o? We also have noticed comprehension in reading is a little harder for her. We have her doing 30 min on the math website recommended by her teacher, I went to the store nearby and bought a few books that she can do some extra work on. We typically add that in every few days. One page. I purchased math skill building and reading comprehension skill building. She is also going and having lunch with the counselor one day a week, to talk and just get some of the feelings out there. The counselor said she seems to be feeling comfortable the only thing dgd seems to struggle with is that she was the parent more or less when she was with her mom and dad. So she is having issues wondering whether her mom remembered her wallet because she always forgets it, her dad got up because he sometimes forgets to set his alarm. So, we are hopefully, working on those things at home by letting her be a kid again. Except for homework!

So thanks for hanging with me for this long. Starting to get concerned as I am not sure if I should be!

Kelly

 

[cogero]

With all the upheaval in her life the teacher may see it as something your gdd has control over.

We had a horrible time in the second grade with homework and my dd has no problems. Part of it is just the age. I find doing it right after school with a snack works best. You have to find something that really clicks for her which is hard.

Good luck I was very happy to see second grade end last year. Third has been a lot better.

 

[kellyg403]

With all the upheaval in her life the teacher may see it as something your gdd has control over.

We had a horrible time in the second grade with homework and my dd has no problems. Part of it is just the age. I find doing it right after school with a snack works best. You have to find something that really clicks for her which is hard.

Good luck I was very happy to see second grade end last year. Third has been a lot better.

Thank you! I am starting to feel I can't wait for the year to be over!

Kelly

 

[schatterjee]

She's lucky to have some grandparents that care so much about her. Hang in there!

We do half hour of snack and often TV then homework and then he can play. But my 7 yo 2nd grader doesn't have very much homework and he kind of likes it so my job isn't very tough. My big boy had a harder time however. In CA there was a lot more work and that was definitely a bigger challenge. I suppose they are all just different.

Best of luck!

 

[ccgirl]

My DD is in 1st grade. We just had the homework "fight" last night. If she just sat down and focused it would be over in 15 minutes, instead she just trails and it ends up taking over an hour. Her grades are very good all in the 90's and she is reading at a 3rd grade level. She knows she does homework when she gets home and playing is a reward for doing her homework. I will say, it can be a battle and she doesn't have the issues going on with her life that your Poor DGD has. Is she seeing a therapist outside of school? If not, I would look into that. I went through similar issues while growing up and I was just too concerned with what was going on to focus on my school work. It's best to nip it in the bud now. Good luck...it can't be easy for you I'm sure.

 

[woodkins]

My dd7 is also in 2nd grade. Typically we do hw after school while eating a snack. Have you tried a reward system for the homework? My dd is all about earning prizes etc. You can do a sticker chart, if she does hw without any whining etc earns 2 stickers, an extra sticker for doing a great job, lose a sticker for complaining etc. Make a chart that clearly outlines what the goal is. For every 20 stickers (or what you all agree on) she can earn a treat-we have a "prize bag" filled with cheap trinkets I find on sale: lip glosses, cool pens & markers, art supplies, etc.

We also do a journal for fun, dd has a notebook that she writes in every day or every other day. She can write about anything she would like & illustrates it as well. We do it as a response journal. I write her a note in it, usually incorporating some type of question to elicit a response. It could be silly questions like if you could turn into an animal which one would you be and why? When we finish our responses we secretly put it under the other person's pillow, so it is a fun and exciting way to share our thoughts and bond.

I think you are doing a great thing for your gdd by adding in the workbooks etc. She will be ahead of the game in no time. You sound like amazing grandparents and she is lucky to have you in her life

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

First of all, I have to say. As an infant I was given to my grandparents, to this day we have the most amazing, wonderful bond. We live 8 hours away but see them every other month and call daily. Your DGD will grow to appreciate what you are doing for her more and more. I know I did. I always appreciated it, but at certian times in my life I did more. I think the most was when I had my first DD, knowing they went through all that they did for me when they could have said no. It made for an amazing bond. I know you will have this too! She is soooo lucky to have you!

As for the school thing. Every kid is different. I have 2 kids who don't have to study at all to get As. (Oldest and youngest.) My middle DD has to study like crazy (and I study right there with her) and she can get anywhere from an A to a c. Some kids stress over tests and she is one of them. I like to study with her in a more fun way and don't say much about the test, seems to help.

Also, with everything she is going though, I would guess that is an issue too. I think the teacher sees this and thinks it's temporary.

My kids are all players too. What works for them is to have a break afterschool before we get into homework mode. Somedays we don't do homework till after dinner. Sometimes I go crazy (I was the come right home and get it over with type and it annoys me to start at 6:30) but it works best for them so I deal with it. However, we have NO TV till the homework is done.

Hope some of this helps and for being such wonderful, caring grandparents.

 

[Maggie'sMom]

I would ask if you could meet with the school guidance counselor. It sounds like your granddaughter has gone through a lot emotionally so it's no wonder she is having a difficult time focusing. The guidance counselor might be able to give you some suggestions on how to help your granddaughter.

I think the teacher should be concerned about the grades, if for no other reason than I think it indicates your gdd needs some extra attention with all the upheaval in her life.

But I agree with the other suggestions of setting up rewards for her.

 

[kellyg403]

Thanks for all the kind replies. We are going to be putting her in therapy but unfortunately the wheels in the court are grinding slowly. We are unable to make certain decisions, such as counseling. We have been given temp guardianship till the end of the school year, to be reevaluated at that time. We have tried to have the current order amended to include making certain decisions such as counseling, but her parents specifically stated when giving us temporary guardianship that they would not allow certain things like therapy. We have another court date in two weeks where we are attempting to have that changed. We were given the temp thru Texas court but NC does things differently so we are, in essence, starting over! We agreed to several things just to get her here, thinking we would start over again here in NC courts. We did what was best at the time, dsd and her dh made it clear their way or the highway.

At this stage of the game, I just want to get her through this school year without failing and then hoping to get her in therapy to deal with the emotional side of things without her falling to far behind. I really do believe that it is just not clicking for her at this moment because of the emotional side, but trying to not let it be an 'excuse' to let the homework/schoolside go. I also think she is probably thinking who are these people and where did my grandparents go. Typically we are not the mean ones! So, that aspect is also there.

We will continue to do the things we are doing and hopefully the teacher will be watching, and I am sure she is..she is a very nice lady. I will become concerned when she does! She is journaling and we do speak to the guidance counselor weekly but I have not asked her for suggestions re: the work. I hadn't thought of that, was more concerned when speaking with her about other things. I will definitely bring the issue up with her this week.

Thanks again!

Kelly

 

[rodeo65]

It may well be a stress and worry issue with everything that is happening in her life. If the teacher is not concerned I would not place too much emphasis on it either. However it could also be an attentional issue as well. While I wouldn't jump all over it immediately since she's only been with you a few weeks, I would keep an eye on her ability to focus on tasks and keep in close contact with her teacher to see how the remainder of the year progresses. If there continues to be an issue you may want to have her tested for attentional abilities.

Our DS was diagnosed with ADHD in grade two. Some of the focus issues you talk about are things we deal with. Knowing things one day and forgetting them the next. We are currenty re-learning multiplication that he had down before March break. While your DGD may not have the hyperactivity component, she may have the attentional deficiency. It will be hard to tell until she is stable emotionally and able to attend to her work. Let the teacher be your guide in how she is coming at school.

Our DS's teacher understands that some days homework just is not possible. Other days he's right there and attends perfectly. Last night - first night of math after two weeks off, took an hour and a half for grade three math. We took breaks, but he gets really upset turning in unfinished homework so it can get pretty draining. It's a balancing act between what he can handle, how he feels about doing his work plus what extracurricular activities are going on.

Maybe her teacher could let homework be an "as best you can" thing for the time being. Our son's says it should never be a battle, that isn't the point - at this age it's simply to create the habit for later years. In grade two if after 20 minutes or so it's not going well, I'd be inclined to call it an evening and move on to letting her enjoy being in a loving, stable home. Of course the teacher would have to be on board with that plan.

Good luck and I wish you the best. You are truly re-building this little girl by taking her to live with you.

 

[ccgirl]

Woodkins - I love your ideas with the sticker chart and journal under the pillow. I see my DD7 loving that. I am going to "borrow" those. Although she is 7, she is in 1st grade due to a late birthday.

OP - I just want to say, keep up the good work. Your DGD is so lucky to have you. I believe you mentioned that she had 50's in one subject? Isn't that failing? If so, I would be a little concerned if the teacher wasn't concerned.

 

[ShannonMB]

Wow, you've got a plateful, just when you thought the child raising was done, huh? You and your husband are truly to be commended for what you are doing. Obviously you love her dearly, but I imagine there are a lot of people in your shoes who would not be able or willing to do it. So you get a HUGE round of applause for that!!

I think you have gotten great advice so far! My DD is in 3rd grade, and she, too, is a player. It has kinda taken me by surprise, because when I was her age, I was much more self-motivated when it came to schoolwork. I don't ever remember my mom helping me with my work, telling me when to do my work, etc, and I REALLY have to do all of that with this kid to keep her on track!

The fact that your little GD has gone up to now with no help/involvement from her parents, she probably is feeling really overwhelmed by her work at this point and maybe has even *shut down* to it all. Especially if she has had to worry about so much other stuff like her mom's wallet and making sure her dad wakes up on time. There's only so much space in a little mind, and if the logistics of day to day living are all crammed in there it leaves little room for the school work.

Patience, extra work sheets, CONSISTENCY, knowing that dinner will be on the table EVERY DAY, counseling, realizing in time that gram and gramp can take care of themselves and she only needs to worry about being a kid and doing her work, all will have her caught up in no time, I believe! If, after a time, things don't start to fall into place, you could look for some additional interventions. It's great that you are getting her now, while she's still relatively young and can bounce back.

Kudos to you, I really admire what you are doing.

 

[kellyg403]

I do think the pp re: parental involvement was on target. Dgd has a late Nov birthday so so she went to school a year later. On one hand she is very mature for her age. She needs no, and I mean zero, help with certain things. In the mornings when I get her up she gets totally dressed, brushes her hair etc and the first morning came down the stairs prepared to make her own lunch. She was surprised I made it..so she has been taking care of herself for a while I think. On the other hand, there are normal 8 yo behaviors that cause me to stop for a minute, as she is sooo mature in other ways. Just a reminder she is a still a kid! Neither of her parents graduated highschool and she was born when they were 17, so they have always been kids raising kids. They lived with dsd mom, my dh ex, all this time and had some issues this last year and they have moved 4 times in just this school year alone.

Honestly, I was blessed with 6 children who did well in school. I do have a dd who is 23 that is ODD/ADD but impusliveness was her biggest obstacle, focus never was so I wasn't sure if the focus issue was even AN issue kwim?? She has an eye dr's appt next week. Hopefully we can get certain medical issues out of the way so we know.

I am going to go back to the store I bought her booklets from. Its a teachers store, so they had tons of reward charts and things. Maybe some positive reinforcement will help more. Thanks for all your words of wisdom. Along with with menopause and all its fun stuff it took my memory...!!

Kelly

 

[kellyg403]

Woodkins - I love your ideas with the sticker chart and journal under the pillow. I see my DD7 loving that. I am going to "borrow" those. Although she is 7, she is in 1st grade due to a late birthday.

OP - I just want to say, keep up the good work. Your DGD is so lucky to have you. I believe you mentioned that she had 50's in one subject? Isn't that failing? If so, I would be a little concerned if the teacher wasn't concerned.

Yes, the very first spelling test she had was 100 and then every week after a 50. She did get a different spelling test than the others that week since she started school on a Wed. Her words this week are with the gh ph sounds, i.e. cough, trophy etc. She writes them twice (10 words) and then we go over them. The first try, even after writing them she spells them with an 'f'. So we work on sounding them out and reminding her the sounds are for ph and gh. The second try we get cough right but trophy she will spell trogpy.

So, I don't really know where I am missing the mark? We do take her to Chuck E Cheese on Sat for being good during the week. She loves that place! I think I don't want to change the reward to good in school to good grades in school. I will find something different.

Thanks again

 

[kstinw19]

What about taking her to a "tutor time" type of place? We do that with dd who is in third grade and has trouble focusing enough for school.

They are "professionals" and she is able to work well with them with no distractions, and no arguing either.

I know that it can be expensive but maybe they can work out a "deal"?

It's worth a try. Maybe not every day but two days a week, perhaps, and maybe that will get her on the right track.

Good luck...you are a great Grandma for caring so much

 

[mjkacmom]

Ds11 has not been diagnosed with ADD, but has it (I just need to get his bloodwork done, and his pediatrician will prescribe him something, and if it doesn't get better, he'll see a specialist, but he's always been and ADD/ADHD posterchild). Fortunately, he's very bright (in the GT program - I have his IQ scores), and up until this year, has had mostly A's, and has been in the top reading and math groups.

This year (6th), his math teacher said he just can't focus and stay on task long enough, and he has a C. She said don't bother with tutors - he knows his stuff, but can't focus and makes stupid mistakes. All the extra help in the world won't help him. In the lower grades, the teachers would put him in his own area, to help with distractions.

I feel horrible that I waited this long, but his teachers always told me his behavior was fine, and not to think about medication until his grades were affected. I'm not saying your DGD has it, but it might be a good idea to at least rule it out. I think second graders are supposed to know their math facts, and in third, will start the year with timed tests for addition, timed tests for multiplication in the second half of the year.

My kids never had a wrong spelling word until the third grade, and then just a few, and they never study (ds11 now HAS to study - everything).

 

[MSSANDRA]

Prayers for this difficult time.
DGS's mom has custody but we have him a GREAT deal of the time. As the amount of time increased, we found we had to switch gears from "grandparent mode" to "parent mode". This helped so much. Setting limits, structure and rules that are not needed for visits, are now needed since she lives there.

What worked when mine were little was about 20 minutes of snack/ rest time and then homework. Set say 30 minutes and if she is not done, take another short break and go back. Try to stay in contact with the teacher and see how much help she expects you to give on her homework. Sometimes you have to step back and give less.

One year when homework was an issue for DS, we would stop at the library EVERY day on the way home from school. We would find a quite table and work there with out the distractions of homelife. Got it done in no time. There was an ice cream place nest door so that helped as well.


I think that the guidance department at school could still be a great help without an "offical" visit. I would be a little concerned about the grades but it sounds like her whole life is turned upside down right now. Repeating 2nd grade after she gets life under control is not the end of the world either!!!

 

[woodkins]

Yes, the very first spelling test she had was 100 and then every week after a 50. She did get a different spelling test than the others that week since she started school on a Wed. Her words this week are with the gh ph sounds, i.e. cough, trophy etc. She writes them twice (10 words) and then we go over them. The first try, even after writing them she spells them with an 'f'. So we work on sounding them out and reminding her the sounds are for ph and gh. The second try we get cough right but trophy she will spell trogpy.

So, I don't really know where I am missing the mark? We do take her to Chuck E Cheese on Sat for being good during the week. She loves that place! I think I don't want to change the reward to good in school to good grades in school. I will find something different.

Thanks again

As for spelling the way my dd (and her teacher) do spelling is the 1st night they write the words 3x each, 2nd night use the words in a sentence, 3rd night write the words in alphabetical order, 4th night study for test. Typically she has them down by then, and I tend to quiz her periodically if we are driving in the car, walking to the bus etc. Hope that helps a little!

 

[kellyg403]

Prayers for this difficult time.
DGS's mom has custody but we have him a GREAT deal of the time. As the amount of time increased, we found we had to switch gears from "grandparent mode" to "parent mode". This helped so much. Setting limits, structure and rules that are not needed for visits, are now needed since she lives there.

What worked when mine were little was about 20 minutes of snack/ rest time and then homework. Set say 30 minutes and if she is not done, take another short break and go back. Try to stay in contact with the teacher and see how much help she expects you to give on her homework. Sometimes you have to step back and give less.

One year when homework was an issue for DS, we would stop at the library EVERY day on the way home from school. We would find a quite table and work there with out the distractions of homelife. Got it done in no time. There was an ice cream place nest door so that helped as well.


I think that the guidance department at school could still be a great help without an "offical" visit. I would be a little concerned about the grades but it sounds like her whole life is turned upside down right now. Repeating 2nd grade after she gets life under control is not the end of the world either!!!

Yes, switching gears has been difficult..on us too! We are the ones who take her to WDW and Chuck E Cheese!

She does have an after school program she attends since we have no children her age in our neighborhood and I dont get off work until 5. She had never been in this but we described it as fun school. I was concerned with her being a little shy at first, she seemed to hang back. She has made some friends and now when we leave the school we hear echo's of 'bye dgd" so I know that socially it is getting better for her. We also have no friends who have children in her age group. She enjoys spending time with her cousins who are now 4 (all 3 of them think she is just the end all be all). So we set up things to get them together more often.

I thought...well, really thought, I knew how to be a mom. This is a bit harder! And I agree that repeating 2nd grade would not be the worse thing. I just was concerned with the 'age' factor as in as a teen she would be 18 already in 11th grade and without knowing if/when we will be able to keep her would this cause issues for her later as well. Since I amnot sure mom and dad put a lot of stock in school.

Kelly

 

[kellyg403]

As for spelling the way my dd (and her teacher) do spelling is the 1st night they write the words 3x each, 2nd night use the words in a sentence, 3rd night write the words in alphabetical order, 4th night study for test. Typically she has them down by then, and I tend to quiz her periodically if we are driving in the car, walking to the bus etc. Hope that helps a little!

this would be a deviation from what her teacher is asking us to do but I will try it. Maybe making sentences will also help with her comprehension skills.

Kelly