OT-- wedding invitation

[poohfriend77]

My husband plays basketball during his lunch hour a couple days a week. One of the guys he plays with is getting married, and DH told me a couple months ago that we'd probably be invited to the wedding. I met the guy once, and I've never met the woman.

The invitation came yesterday, but it's only addressed to DH. To me, that means only DH is invited. DH said, "He knows I'm married, he probably just didn't know your name." Well... then you write Mr. and Mrs. Smith on the envelope, right? It was definitely the guy's writing on the envelope, so maybe he's just clueless.

Don't get me wrong... I'm not offended if I'm not invited. I really don't care if I go, but I have never heard of only half of a married couple being invited to a wedding. Still, I'd hate to put the guy on the spot and have DH ask if I can go, if they truly have space/budget limitations. What would you do?

 

[LWatson]

Maybe (like DH & I) they just addressed it to the HOH. My mom yelled at me after they were sent out for doing it that way, but everyone knew the spouse was invited. I would just have your hubby ask.

The only person who got offended by any invite being sent to the HOH was one family member who didnt show to my son's 1st birthday party because it was only addressed to her hubby on the envelope. I didnt think it was necessary to put everyones name on a birthday party invite either.

 

[badblackpug]

My understanding is that it is only the person on the envelope that is invited. The spouse is not always an automatic invite. There may be space or budget considerations.

 

[TheDizMom]

Well he is a guy so there is that to consider. I would just have your husband ask making sure he lets him know he totally understands if it's a cost issue and only he is invited. When we got married we did have issues with costs, so we were very careful about whom we invited, we did however put both spouses and or and guest if the person had a long standing relationship on the inside envelope. I think that some people don't realize how to properly address the envelope or just assume you know.

 

[PaulaSue]

Maybe (like DH & I) they just addressed it to the HOH. My mom yelled at me after they were sent out for doing it that way, but everyone knew the spouse was invited. I would just have your hubby ask.

The only person who got offended by any invite being sent to the HOH was one family member who didnt show to my son's 1st birthday party because it was only addressed to her hubby on the envelope. I didnt think it was necessary to put everyones name on a birthday party invite either.

What is HOH?

Only names on invites are invited here...I would have Dh ask at the next game to double check.

 

[LWatson]

What is HOH?

Only names on invites are invited here...I would have Dh ask at the next game to double check.

Head of Household.

We really had no clue until my Mom informed us after the fact because I grew up w/ the man of the house getting the mail etc (none of the bills were addressed to my mom) and I never saw mail come in for my mom, so we just addressed it to the man of the house. Had we known we would have addressed them in the "proper" way. We had 4wks from the time we decided to get married till the wedding day (because of the military moving us), so there really wasnt a ton of planning time to learn some of that (and its not taught in school either). just thought I should clarify why we did what we did since it apparently offended some.

 

[bumbershoot]

It was definitely the guy's writing on the envelope, so maybe he's just clueless.

Oh...probably...

Don't get me wrong, men are very competent, they write books on wedding stuff (Colin Cowie), they know lots of stuff, they are wonderful humans...but sometimes, the normal man just doesn't know how to address an invitation.

From my experience, this is what happened in their home...

her: honey, you said you wanted to invite your b'ball friend and his wife, right?
him: yep.
her: well I'm addressing the invitations...can you please find out her name, b/c we have so many friends who haven't changed their names and I don't want to offend, OK?
him: why? he knows they are both invited, we talked about it!
her: it's just the way it's done, please ask.

days go by...

her: did you get her name yet?
him: no, just put his name on it, he knows she's invited too.
her: I really can't do that...here, you just do it, it'll be in YOUR writing so they'll know I wasn't a party to this.



Or it could even be that your hubby told him to just put his name, after all, he knows you're invited!

We wanted to invite the family of the people we invited, and I wanted to put their names down on the inner envelope. Hubby really wanted to invite a bunch of work friends. Those work friends REFUSED to give him their kids' names, b/c they weren't taking them anyway so why bother? (why bother? because I want to officially be polite, ya goof! and I want families at the wedding!) So I had to send out rude-feeling (to me) invitations. And I'm quite sure that the spouses of the co-workers were probably miffed at us (me) b/c I didn't seem to invite their children. Sometimes there's no winning.


Anyway, guys are allowed questions that women aren't, when wedding-planning. So your husband can ask the groom to be if you're invited and it won't be as eyebrow raising as if you asked the bride to be.

 

[badblackpug]

I have to disagree about asking him if you are invited. Whether he is clueless or not. If he truly only meant to invite your husband and not you, then he may feel obligated or pressured to extend the invitation. I have been to a wedding where spouses/significant others were not invited due to money constraints. I think it is better to just assume that the person on the invite is the person invited. It could have been addressed to Mr. X. O. and guest, or in the case of the family Mr. and Mrs. X. O. and family.

 

[4HppyCamprs]

Okay not to start anything since I am new but we also just received a wedding invitation in the mail to a not so close colleague of my husbands and it was made out to DH and I. I will assume the kids are not invited as they were not on the envelope and that is the proper thing to assume. However I can tell you that I would be miffed if DH was invited to the wedding and I was not (assuming of course that they new he was married) I would feel like it was a pity invite. They could not afford for DH and I to come but didn't want him to be "left out" when they discussed it later. It is Rude I say to only invite one half of a married couple. They know most couples would not go as single.

 

[badblackpug]

Okay not to start anything since I am new but we also just received a wedding invitation in the mail to a not so close colleague of my husbands and it was made out to DH and I. I will assume the kids are not invited as they were not on the envelope and that is the proper thing to assume. However I can tell you that I would be miffed if DH was invited to the wedding and I was not (assuming of course that they new he was married) I would feel like it was a pity invite. They could not afford for DH and I to come but didn't want him to be "left out" when they discussed it later. It is Rude I say to only invite one half of a married couple. They know most couples would not go as single.

I don't get "pity" invite. If the person getting married is a friend of your spouses, and someone you don't know or barely know, why would you care? I would think inviting the spouse you don't know would be more of a pity invite. As in, "invite his/her spouse so he/she doesn't feel slighted, even though I don't know him/her." ...and why would it be rude to invite half of a married couple? If you didn't know the spouse, and were strapped for cash or space, why not save the space for someone you know, and with whom you want to celebrate your wedding? ...and I don't agree that a married person would not go as a single. Lot's of married people attend events without their spouse, sometimes out of necessity, like a work schedule, and sometimes out of preference. Such as a colleagues wedding where the your spouse won't know anyone but you, and probably wouldn't have a good time, anyway. Plenty of married people are secure enough to attend events without their spouse.

 

[*Toadstool*]

I have 2 friends that just got married.
The first invite was addressed to Mr and Mrs and on the inside it said that it was an adult only event.
The second invite said Mr and Mrs and family and I am sure she means that our kids are invited.
I would assume since it was written in the man's handwriting that it probably was as the pp said. How confusing though!