MiniGirl
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Sep 13, 2006
- Messages
- 3,071
I'm sorry all.... I just got back from the bus stop and need to vent a little. Since ya'll are the only ones here, I hope you don't mind.
First a little background info....
My oldest (2nd grade) has become very good friends with this little girl in the neighborhood. I like this little girl a lot, but her parents drive me crazy. Her mom suffers from extremely low self-esteem. Honestly, I have never heard anyone talk about themselves the way this woman does. She has no friends and has decided that I am her best friend. Truth is I am friendly with her ONLY because our girls are friends. However, she is very kind to both my girls, so I try to be friendly and kind as well.
This woman's husband hasn't worked in years. He "works" from home as a day trader. Since he is alays home, he keeps very close tabs on his wife. She seems to be constantly cleaning or doing something for him or one of their 4 children. They have 3 sons -- 2 are away at college, the 3rd is in jr. high -- and a dd -- in 2nd grade like my dd. He keeps very tight reigns on the family finances. This woman has sat in my living room and cried because she was worried about what she would do in an emergency. He gives her NO cash and took away the cc. She has her cell phone and is to call him if she needs anything while she was out. He also told her she was spending too much on groceries and started going shopping with her. All fresh fruits and veggies are out. He insisted they use frozen, and he started having her buy lots of frozen pizzas and processed foods. She was heartbroken because she knows this isn't what is best for them to eat. He has since backed off some because they do now have fruit in their house. She also contributes the bulk of the family income. Before she was married, she built and operated a successful dance studio. They long ago sold the business but kept the building. The live, primarily, off the rent of that building -- and the $$ he makes day trading.
So, $$ is tight, but he wanted a big flat screen tv just before Christmas, so they got that, and this past month they bought 2 new leather sofas that he wanted; and he and his sons have gone on lots of paint ball outings over the last few months -- esp. when the older 2 were home from college.
Well, their dd's birthday is in less than 2 weeks. Several months ago the girl was all excited because she was going to have a luau themed slumber party. This girl and her mom were making all these plans, etc. Well, dad decided that this girl is too spoiled and has too many things already and doesn't need to have a party, She's turning 8.) so they plan on a small family dinner with cake and ice cream. I know the dd was upset but she was told she could still have a sleep over at a later date, so that helped her feel a litle better.
This morning, after the kids get on the bus, this woman tells me that her dd had a dental appt yesterday and has a cavity. It is going to cost over $200 to get it filled, and her dh threw a fit. He started yelling that that was it. This woman was now to cut out ALL sugar from this child's diet. No soda, no candy, no cake, no ice cream, etc. Yep, that means even for her birthday. She said her dd heard the entire argument and is devestated. She was trying to make it better by saying that they will carve up some fruit to make it look really pretty, but her dd ws having no part of it.
Personally, I think the party and cake were cut out because he didn't want to spend the $$ for it. Also, I know that when money is tight, you have to cut things out, but the things he wants and his boys want, never seem to get cut out. He is also very controlling. I wanted to take them to WDW for a day (at my expense) to say thank you for all the kindness thay have shown us, and he said no. That he wanted to be with his dd the first time she experienced it. We live 90 miles from WDW, and he had never taken her. He finally agreed to let them go, but only when he realized it wasn't going to cost anything.
I know there isn't really anything I can do. When she was crying in my living room because he didn't give her cash, I told her I'd give her some cash if she wanted to help me clean my house. Her dh didn't even have to know about it, and she would then have some mad money. She didn't think that was a good idea. She didn't think she could spend that much time over here without an explanation and she was worried about him finding the cash.
Here's the thing, and I don't say this lightly..... I think this man is abusive. I don't think he is physically harming his wife, but he is definitely emotionally abusive. She has told me about how this man has said how stupid she is, and her response was, "Well, he's right. I shouldn't have done that. I am jut stupid most of the time." or she'll say that, "He's right because I know I'm not at all smart." Also everything is put on her. He cancelled the birthday party because she spoils the dd. He cancelled the cake because she wasn't diligent enough to make sure their dd cared for her teeth properly, AND the woman says he's right. It is her fault.
Anyway, that's it. I just don't know if there is anything I can do. She sees his faults but seems to think it is her fault that he acts the way he does. She even told me once that it is her fault that he won't get a job. He wants to, but he has put on too much weight because of the foods she cooks; and of course, he's right. She needs to try to cook healthier because that's what's best for all of them. (I should add that this man in not terribly over weight. He looks like he could stand to lose 20 pounds -- maybe. He is also very tall, so it doesn't show much at all.)
Thanks for letting me vent. I just feel so bad for this woman. Her sons speak to her the same way her dh does, and he says nothing. I feel bad for the women they marry because they will think this is normal behavior. I feel bad for their dd, too. She's a smart little girl and hopefully, she will just know that she shouldn't stand for being treated so disrespectfully.
Oh well..... I just hate this, but what can I do?
First a little background info....
My oldest (2nd grade) has become very good friends with this little girl in the neighborhood. I like this little girl a lot, but her parents drive me crazy. Her mom suffers from extremely low self-esteem. Honestly, I have never heard anyone talk about themselves the way this woman does. She has no friends and has decided that I am her best friend. Truth is I am friendly with her ONLY because our girls are friends. However, she is very kind to both my girls, so I try to be friendly and kind as well.
This woman's husband hasn't worked in years. He "works" from home as a day trader. Since he is alays home, he keeps very close tabs on his wife. She seems to be constantly cleaning or doing something for him or one of their 4 children. They have 3 sons -- 2 are away at college, the 3rd is in jr. high -- and a dd -- in 2nd grade like my dd. He keeps very tight reigns on the family finances. This woman has sat in my living room and cried because she was worried about what she would do in an emergency. He gives her NO cash and took away the cc. She has her cell phone and is to call him if she needs anything while she was out. He also told her she was spending too much on groceries and started going shopping with her. All fresh fruits and veggies are out. He insisted they use frozen, and he started having her buy lots of frozen pizzas and processed foods. She was heartbroken because she knows this isn't what is best for them to eat. He has since backed off some because they do now have fruit in their house. She also contributes the bulk of the family income. Before she was married, she built and operated a successful dance studio. They long ago sold the business but kept the building. The live, primarily, off the rent of that building -- and the $$ he makes day trading.
So, $$ is tight, but he wanted a big flat screen tv just before Christmas, so they got that, and this past month they bought 2 new leather sofas that he wanted; and he and his sons have gone on lots of paint ball outings over the last few months -- esp. when the older 2 were home from college.
Well, their dd's birthday is in less than 2 weeks. Several months ago the girl was all excited because she was going to have a luau themed slumber party. This girl and her mom were making all these plans, etc. Well, dad decided that this girl is too spoiled and has too many things already and doesn't need to have a party, She's turning 8.) so they plan on a small family dinner with cake and ice cream. I know the dd was upset but she was told she could still have a sleep over at a later date, so that helped her feel a litle better.
This morning, after the kids get on the bus, this woman tells me that her dd had a dental appt yesterday and has a cavity. It is going to cost over $200 to get it filled, and her dh threw a fit. He started yelling that that was it. This woman was now to cut out ALL sugar from this child's diet. No soda, no candy, no cake, no ice cream, etc. Yep, that means even for her birthday. She said her dd heard the entire argument and is devestated. She was trying to make it better by saying that they will carve up some fruit to make it look really pretty, but her dd ws having no part of it.
Personally, I think the party and cake were cut out because he didn't want to spend the $$ for it. Also, I know that when money is tight, you have to cut things out, but the things he wants and his boys want, never seem to get cut out. He is also very controlling. I wanted to take them to WDW for a day (at my expense) to say thank you for all the kindness thay have shown us, and he said no. That he wanted to be with his dd the first time she experienced it. We live 90 miles from WDW, and he had never taken her. He finally agreed to let them go, but only when he realized it wasn't going to cost anything.
I know there isn't really anything I can do. When she was crying in my living room because he didn't give her cash, I told her I'd give her some cash if she wanted to help me clean my house. Her dh didn't even have to know about it, and she would then have some mad money. She didn't think that was a good idea. She didn't think she could spend that much time over here without an explanation and she was worried about him finding the cash.
Here's the thing, and I don't say this lightly..... I think this man is abusive. I don't think he is physically harming his wife, but he is definitely emotionally abusive. She has told me about how this man has said how stupid she is, and her response was, "Well, he's right. I shouldn't have done that. I am jut stupid most of the time." or she'll say that, "He's right because I know I'm not at all smart." Also everything is put on her. He cancelled the birthday party because she spoils the dd. He cancelled the cake because she wasn't diligent enough to make sure their dd cared for her teeth properly, AND the woman says he's right. It is her fault.
Anyway, that's it. I just don't know if there is anything I can do. She sees his faults but seems to think it is her fault that he acts the way he does. She even told me once that it is her fault that he won't get a job. He wants to, but he has put on too much weight because of the foods she cooks; and of course, he's right. She needs to try to cook healthier because that's what's best for all of them. (I should add that this man in not terribly over weight. He looks like he could stand to lose 20 pounds -- maybe. He is also very tall, so it doesn't show much at all.)
Thanks for letting me vent. I just feel so bad for this woman. Her sons speak to her the same way her dh does, and he says nothing. I feel bad for the women they marry because they will think this is normal behavior. I feel bad for their dd, too. She's a smart little girl and hopefully, she will just know that she shouldn't stand for being treated so disrespectfully.
Oh well..... I just hate this, but what can I do?
Jane
It sounds like this woman really needs a friend and I'm glad that you're able to be there for her. I'm sure it's very difficult to see what's going on and know that there isn't really anything you can do until she (or he, although I doubt that's going to happen) decides to change things.
