(OT:)Todder food fights

[Whosemom]

I am SO frustrated with this whole issue. Over the years, I have tried everything anyone has suggested here (good and bad) and more. My 11 yo is totally picky. And, since she's the oldest, once she declares something disgusting, the other two won't eat it either. ugh. As far as trying to have something she likes available, what's fine for a long time is suddenly declared awful, denial that she EVER ate it. Then DH who loves to cook gets really frustrated and tries to slip veggies into dishes she will eat, and of course she spots the merest sliver of carrot, or sees the onion peels in the trash, etc etc, and then adds to the list of what she won't eat. OMG then I get mad at him for ruining something that was generally a good bet.

As far as not starving themselves, a couple of years ago I was teasing her about boys and asking who was cute. The only boy she would admit was cute is honestly a diagnosed anorexic. Great.

Last check up, the pediatrician approved of what we were trying, and gave her a very stern lecture. She was right on the 50th percentile height and weight for a long time, and has dropped off that. He told her the time is coming for big changes and growth and her body needs the fuel.

What the heck. I can't pry her jwas open.

After the last fiasco of carrots-in-the-tuna-patties, I told my good cook husband it was my turn. So I bought a ton of stuff to eat raw, and a restraunt case of little ranch dressing packets. And I declared we would all be drinking orange juice at breakfast and eating two "plain plants" at lunch and supper, and not caring which they pick. So I throw out onto the table tubs of baby carrots (which for some reason are ok), celery (and the peanut butter), brocolli, strawberries, kiwi, apples, banana. I put baby carrots ranch, and apple sauce in her lunch everyday. We'll see what happens.

yikes - what a rant!

 

[hollyb]

Around that age 3 or 4 we started with they ate what was served and then got dessert if they wanted or they didn't eat and they didn't get anything till breakfast the next morning. It didn't take long for them to get with the program. If they only eat part of their dinner and then say they are full, then they still don't get anything till the next day. Our kids are now, pretty good eaters that eat a variety of things. I refuse to battle. Eat it, if you don't want to that is fine, but that's all you'll get till tomorrow. I say it calmly and I refuse to get pulled into the drama.

Thats a great way for them to grow up to have major food issues.

 

[tmarquez]

With DD(4), the rule is that you try a bite of each item. If she doesn't like it...that's fine she doesn't have to eat it. She rarely doesn't like at least something that is being served. There are times when I have to supplement her meal with something she does like (green beans instead of brocolli, etc.).

She eats pretty good at home. Foods she likes change often. Texture is a big thing with her (me too). Although when we eat out, she will only order chicken...ever.

She never goes hungry, and I never force her to eat if she is full. She is very concerned about growing and always asks if the food item she is eating is healthy and if it will make her grow or shrink.

 

[clownchk]

the rule in our house is "you HAVE to try it, but you do not have to like it". It semes to work for us.

If they do not "like' what is prepared, then they have a coice of PB&J or Cheerios. Period.

My 6YO does not like Peanut Butter, but WILL eat, scallops, shrimp, steak (Medium rare, please!), Lobster, steamed broccoli, steamed zuccini, mashed potatos (As long as I do not make them cheesy), mushrooms, and a wide variety of other foods.

My 4YO refuses most veggies or fruits, but I know its a phase.

THe boy (21 months) will eat just about anything repetedly LOL!

Desserts in this house are a rarity, but not a reward.

A small, healthy snack is usually presented shortly before bed time regardless of how much/ little is eaten at dinner.

None of us are over or under weight, and I think we have ended most meal time battles. We are curently working on being truely THANKFUL for the meal, even if it isn't a favorite.

Find a solution that works for you! Good Luck!

 

[JJLJ]

Thanks again to all for the advice.....

 

[hollyb]

First you have to ask yourself is it worth it to fight her on food issues? Maybe she wasnt hungry at the time you made dinner. Are you always hungry at meals? I honestly do not belive in fighting my kids over meals that will lead to issues later on in life. Yes I do give them healthy food everyday. So I do not worry when they eat as long as they eat.

 

[newtowdw1]

ITA on dinner battles. My sister and parents ruined more family meals than I could ever count.

We serve something they like every meal. I am strict about "That's what's served. Eat it or nothing until the next offering." DH is not strict and will serve special things. This fits with our personalities, so that's not going to change.

DD is picky. She must eat some of what ever is offered. I don't make her eat raw tomatoes, but she's liked cucumbers before, so they go in her salad. DS will eat anything. We love him best JUST KIDDING!!

We don't do food punishments or rewards. If we have a sweet treat later, everyone participates, even if you didn't eat supper. You don't have to clean your plate if you're full. This drives DH's mom crazy. We don't care.

Interestingly, my parents refuse to have dinner battles with DD or DS.
Guess they learned their lesson! At big meals (Xmas, Thxgiving) you eat what you like ONLY!!

 

[Elaine R]

We have our children (3 and 4.5) try at least one bite of each food on their plate. After that the kids are in control of how much they eat. If they eat their food and are still hungry they can have seconds or dessert. If they choose not to eat more than one bite, then that is their decision, BUT I am mommy not a restaurant. I make one meal a night.

This is not to be controling, but because children are frequently fearful to try new foods and it can take up to 10 exposured to a foods before they will accept it. I feel that I am hurting my children by letting them box themselves into a limited menu of chicken nuggets, mac and cheese and pj and j,

 

[mericletwins]

Around that age 3 or 4 we started with they ate what was served and then got dessert if they wanted or they didn't eat and they didn't get anything till breakfast the next morning. It didn't take long for them to get with the program. If they only eat part of their dinner and then say they are full, then they still don't get anything till the next day. Our kids are now, pretty good eaters that eat a variety of things. I refuse to battle. Eat it, if you don't want to that is fine, but that's all you'll get till tomorrow. I say it calmly and I refuse to get pulled into the drama.

Thats a great way for them to grow up to have major food issues.

I disagree. How can disallowing junk food if you haven't eaten healthy food, lead to major food issues? I think it is quite the opposite. Healthy food holds the value in our family. I didn't say that they had to eat everything on their plate. I said that they had to eat dinner and that we always made sure a portion of what was served were things they liked. We keep the portions small and they can get seconds of what they like. A portion in our house is three to five bites, which is what a lot of other posters required their children to eat. Why is what I said so different? My kids went through a phase where they said they were full, got up from the table and wanted dessert because they were hungry. I refuse to allow that. If you are hungry you eat your meal. If you are not hungry, that is okay, but I'm not going to hand out junk food five minutes later. Or is it that I refuse to be pulled into the drama that is going to make my children into food basket cases? Different things work for different families and being judgemental isn't really helpful to anyone.

 

[hollyb]

By forcing a child to eat what they don't want is abuse plan and simple. No I am not saying they should get junk food instead. But by saying that if you do not sit there and eat what you hate then you get nothing else. What does that show the child? Sounds like a lot of lazy parents on a power trip. How much time does it take to make something else? Then again maybe its a money issue and they can't afford to feed everyone.

 

[mericletwins]

By forcing a child to eat what they don't want is abuse plan and simple. No I am not saying they should get junk food instead. But by saying that if you do not sit there and eat what you hate then you get nothing else. What does that show the child? Sounds like a lot of lazy parents on a power trip. How much time does it take to make something else? Then again maybe its a money issue and they can't afford to feed everyone.

I am abusive because I "make" my child try new foods? I am abusive because I make them eat healthy foods though they would rather eat junk? That is what you are saying. My children must eat a "dinner". Does that mean they have to clear their plates? No. That means they must eat a sufficient amount of healthy foods before they get sweets, which they prefer. I also clearly stated that a variety of foods that I know they like are included in each dinner. If they want to eat more of one thing that they like and less of another that they don't, to us, it balances out. We keep the initial portions small, about 3-5 bites. If they want seconds, they can have it. You have implied that all parents that force their child to try new things, even a few bites, if they don't want to, are abusing their children. That is beyond my comprehension.

I also "make" my children drink milk and water although one of them would "want" soda all the time. I "make" them go outside and play and run around and get exercise, though they may "want" to sit in front of the TV. I guess that would fall under the rules of abuse since I am forcing them to do it sometimes.

I think it is irresponsible to give into all the whims and demands of my children. What am I teaching them there? The world is not going to revolve around them and what they want and when they want it.

The tone of your post is really quite insulting. Whether you intended it to be that way or not. You have called me abusive and a lazy, power tripping parent. You have also called into question socio-economic levels which really have no bearing upon this discussion at all.

 

[hollyb]

To each there own, just don't come crying to us years from now when your kids are in some kind of rehab wether it's drugs or deadly eating disorders. Only you know what your doing to your kids. Good luck

 

[MSSANDRA]

Another helpful thing we did when DS was about that age and was very small for his age and very picky and LOVED sweets, was just to not have the sweets and junk in the house. We did do "treats" outside the home and at grandmas they were oked
Now as many others have said, I still fixed one meal making sure that there was something on the table he liked, and still required a "taste" of our dinner but if he did not eat well, a snack later (not in an hour however) was fine becasue whatever we had in the house (yougert, fruit, ceral etc) was healthy. It was really was hard as I refused to let his "wants" control the family meal time but it was very important to get good for him food into his tiny body. WE refused to use the table as a battle zone and still got some good food into him. So importatin to remember that what works for one family will not work for everyone.

 

[Arvandor_Ilfirin]

To each there own, just don't come crying to us years from now when your kids are in some kind of rehab wether it's drugs or deadly eating disorders. Only you know what your doing to your kids. Good luck

I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt that perhaps you've misunderstood the poster's situation or are not looking at the big picture. She didn't say that she forced her kids to eat foods that they didn't like, she required them to just plain eat real food. Small portions of different foods at the table for one meal is extremely generous and lets the kids eat what they like or leave what they don't. That's hardly anywhere near abusive.

I wasn't so lucky when I was little. (not so long ago! ) My grandmother raised me, and the rule was "no leaving the table until you clean your plate!"' Needless to say I sat at the table for hours just muching away...
But I did learn how important it was to try new foods, and to eat healthy food instead of junk.

I was forced to eat without a choice of what I liked or disliked, and to this day I have never tried drugs, tried smoking, and now that I am of age, I drink a bit of wine at dinner on special occasions. I am neither over nor underweight, and I excersize at the gym 5 days a week, leaving two days for rest. I have no mental problems or issues besides Attention Deficit Disorder (but not ADHD) which I was born with, so it certainly didn't come from being forced to eat.

Anyway, I have two cousins (ages 5 & 7) who come to visit every so often, and both of them are extremely lacking in the desire to eat anything. They'll love mac and cheese, but then the next day say they hate mac and cheese and will never eat it again. I found that the best way to help them understand why they need to eat is to actually explain why we all need to eat. Kids are extremely intelligent, and I know that if we take the time to help them understand the 'how's and why's' that they have a better respect for it.

I asked them if they knew what makes their toys run, and they responded 'batteries!' to which I inquired if they knew why, and they hesitated a bit, but the elder girl answered '...energy?'
So I nodded and asked her to think of our bodies in the same way, but instead of using batteries, we use food for our energy! And not just any food, we need a special kind of mixture of healthy foods. Well that night I wasn't sure if it would work, but not only did they eat, they also asked if what they were eating was the 'good kind of energy'. (which was so cute I almost couldn't keep from laughing!) Every time they visit now, they always help me choose what foods we should make each night (based on their likes and dislikes, but also on how each of them feel is the 'goodness level' of the food...somehow they created the idea that certain veggies and meats are better than others...probably based on personal taste.)

I realize this might not work for everyone, but it certainly helped my cousins and I. Good luck with your food battle! I know it's one of the tougher parenting hurdles...

 

[mericletwins]

I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt that perhaps you've misunderstood the poster's situation or are not looking at the big picture. She didn't say that she forced her kids to eat foods that they didn't like, she required them to just plain eat real food. Small portions of different foods at the table for one meal is extremely generous and lets the kids eat what they like or leave what they don't. That's hardly anywhere near abusive.

:

Thank you. That is exactly what I was saying and I still can't understand how that would be abusive. It seems if I let them eat whatever they wanted (they would pick junk) and not "force" them to eat healthy food, then that would be more along the lines of abuse and would lead to serious health and weight issues.