OT- Tips for a maid of honor?

[onesadduck]

I'm sorry that this is off-topic, but I don't know where else to ask, and I've had a lot of luck with advice from the DISboards.

Two friends of mine recently had to move their wedding date from feb 2009 to within the next seven weeks (no set date yet) because of an impending arrival (oops!).

I've been named the maid of honor and I have 1.5 bridesmaids under me, technically two but one has a very busy schedule and the other is such a flake that she hasn't even called her sister to congratulate her after a week!

The thing is, I've never even been to a wedding! My family is more the funeral type . I have a tight budget (I can contribute maybe $200 total for bridal shower, shower gift and wedding gift- luckily we're not having matching dresses- the ceremony is just parents, me and one other friend).

I know I'm supposed to throw the bridal shower, but what else? What do you wish you MoH would do? How can I be a good MoH? Especially with only a month or two to plan! I think I'm throwing the shower at the mother of the bride's house. I haven't even gotten her contact info yet (but I can walk to her house- it's 10 blocks from my dorm). How do I contact the MoB without the bride knowing, or giving me the info?

ETA: There is a reception (otherwise, there isn't much of a need for bridesmaids at all, is there?). I know I have to help plan that.

Any other tips?

Thanks so much in advance,
Alisa

 

[JandJ]

Hi! I've been a MOH 3 times, a BM 3 times, and had a MOH for my wedding, so hopefully I can give you some good information . . .

Your only jobs as MOH are to throw the shower, help keep the bride calm the day before and day of the wedding, hold the bride's bouquet during the ceremony, keep the groom's ring and hand it to her during the ceremony, help the bride with her dress and train, and smile for the pictures. You don't have to help plan the reception - that's not part of your job as MOH. You can also go with the bride to her gown fittings and help her put together invitations or favors, etc., but those are not "requirements."

Traditionally the MOH is in charge of the bridal shower. The other BMs should help you. If they can't help financially they should at least help you decorate and clean up. Don't try to throw a surprise shower, it's a lot of work and you have limited time. Just get with the bride and her mother and find a Saturday or Sunday that work best for them to have a shower. You don't have to go overboard. If you do it late afternoon you don't have to provide much food, just snacks and drinks (alcohol optional; a champagne punch is nice and it goes farther than a bottle of champagne or wine). For decorations you can get some cute bridal shower stuff at discount party stores. Just go simple with streamers and balloons in the wedding colors or the bride's favorite colors and paper plates, plastic utensils, and cups too. Don't forget a cake - everyone loves cake! If anyone has a Costco membership you can get a gorgeous cake for $16 and it feeds 40. Games are easy and practically free. Google "bridal shower games" and you'll get tons of ideas. Two games is plenty. You can get really cute, but cheap, prizes for the game winners. Bottles of lotion, candles, etc. You can even find that stuff at the $1 Spot at Target (or you may have some you can "re-gift" ). You can give everyone a little favor too, like chocolates or a tealight candle. It doesn't have to be anything expensive but it's a very nice touch. The last one I through I wrapped inexpensive candy in little pouches, tied them with ribbon in the bride's colors, and printed out on my computer "Thank you for sharing in (bride's name) Bridal Shower (and the date)" and tied that to the favor. It was cheap and easy and everyone commented on how cute it was. I wouldn't necessarily recommend it, but you can save on the invitations to the shower by sending e-vites via e-mail.

Since you are throwing the shower you do not have to give a bridal shower present on top of it. A nice card will suffice. You should give a wedding gift, but it can be something simple like a scrapbook of memories for the couple, or a gift card to their favorite restaurant. If they've registered you can pick something off the registry that fits your budget and then you know you're giving them something they really want.

FYI - there used to be an etiquette "rule" that whoever you invited to the shower you had to invite to the wedding, but I think that's pretty much gone out the window. I had a Disney wedding with 8 guests, but I was thrown two bridal showers and a bachelorette party. Only 4 people from those came to the wedding (my niece, my sister, my SIL, and my BFF). I think nowadays people understand if it's a small wedding.

HTH!!

 

[MistressOfAllEvil]

Wow! I think you're such a great friend for wanted to be the best maid of honor you can be. Don't think that you need figure it all out on your own. Just like you're asking us, ask your friend the bride!! Be assertive that you're ready to help. Make lists together of what needs to be done and then ask her what she wants you to take the lead on. Don't worry about the money. If you can't swing a gift, being there for support and help is more important. The fact that your care so much tells me that you will do just fine as a MOH.

Okay, so I know that I didn't specifically answere you question, but I was inspired by how earnest your were! Good Luck!!!

 

[OhioGrumpyGirl]

Don't try to keep everything a secret from the bride..........it's a shower, not a surprise party!!! My MOH tried this and it drove me nuts to the point that I told her if she wouldn't let me be involved with her planning that I would just do it all myself. There are some little things that I'm not involved with, but the party is for me, so I want what I want (not what someone thinks I might want, ya know?) Anyway, for favors that are cheap, but a bit time consuming, my sister and I are making rice crispy treats, spreading them out on a cookie sheet so they're not too thick, then using the Mickey egg rings I bought many moons ago at DTD to cut out Mickey heads. We're dipping their ears in melted chocolate, then putting them in to clear bags with cute ribbon and tags. Good luck!

 

[DisneySweetie]

I don't think this thread is OT at all. Good for you using the DIS as a resource.

Anyway, I have to say that I have never been a MOH, but I am a bride. We moved to AZ last June, so all my close friends are out-of-state, including the MOH. Honestly, having a bridal shower didn't make much sense for me. My friends would have to come to town for that, and then travel again for the wedding. Instead, the MOH is planning the girls night out two days before the wedding.

We have already scheduled the weekend before the wedding full of tons of stuff (kick off dinner on friday, open house on saturday, wedding/reception on sunday), so there wasn't much time for anything else. So, we decided that after the kick off dinner we would do our girls night out. We're going bowling at this upscale bowling alley that's pretty new and has cocktail bar area that's just as big as the bowling alley. Really, my MOH is only in charge of reserving the lanes, inviting people (I'm encouraging her to use evite), and gathering the fun stuff like feather boas and tiaras, etc. Since we will have already had dinner, I don't think any of us will be hungry. And if we want cocktails, I don't expect her to pay for them. I am not really into club-hopping or whatever else girls do during their last nights of singledom before they tie the knot, so this works out perfect for me. I think I might even invite my mom and my FMILs.

The other thing we considered doing if we couldn't find someplace we wanted to go was a movie night. There are so many wedding chick flick movies out there, it would just be fun to watch them together before the big day. Plus, some of these movies might be several years old and you might have seen it with the bride when it first came out. It would be nice to connect that way again. All you would need is popcorn and big boxes of candy (which you can find on sale at target or walmart). It might be fun to purchase a couple popcorn buckets too. You could even tell everyone to come in their pjs. I know it seems childish - but how often do grown women get together and connect in the way? I think proper can be over-rated sometimes.

Since it's such short notice, why not combine the bridal shower with the bachelorette party and just make it a simple girls night out/in? Plus, if some of her friends are coming from out of town, it might be easier for them to join in if it's held closer to the wedding.

 

[onesadduck]

Thanks gals.

I kinda thought this was OT because it's not about a Disney wedding.

Also, there is not going to be alcohol at either the bridal shower or bachelorette party. The bride is with child and I don't think it would be very nice to drink in front of her. Also, I am 20 and cannot purchase alcohol. The bacherlorette party will only be the bride and other women under drinking age- so no alcohol.

Thanks for the tip about not keeping it secret! I was gonna go crazy because I rarely get to see bridesmaid #1 when the bride isn't there- and I never see bridesmaid #2- the bride is thinking of just not making her one (she hasn't told her yet) because she is being such a flake.

Actually, I'm thinking of just combining both parties- and not dealing with relatives. Bride and groom have decided to elope, they are each bringing a witness (bride's bringing me!)- and the mom said she'd be happy to take care of her family involving reception and shower (thank goodness!).