OT - The Santa Situation

[Fantasmic23]

Okay. Now, many of you might think I'm a bit nutty for posting a Christmas-related question in July, but I thought "Christmas in July" and that whole thing (and Lifetime ... "Television for Women" has been showing nothing but Christmas movies lately!). Anyway ...

DS (6) still believes in Santa wholeheartedly. DD (9 ... but soon to be 10) seems to be right on the cusp, though. Last Sunday it rained so DD asked me if she could watch a DVD. She picked out "Gremlins". I hadn't seen the movie in years and I agreed, all the while trying to remember if there's profanity. We're watching the DVD together and then this scene comes on where one of the film's leads, Kate (Phoebe Cates), begins explaining why she doesn't celebrate Christmas. Kate ends this little speech with: "And that's how I found out there was so Santa Claus." And I was worried about profanity. I'm ready to dive for the remote when DD gasps and says, "What? Santa isn't real?" DD's face looked ... it was a combination of horror and shock. So I start stuttering and talking really fast, "He's real! That girl is just frightened by the gremlins ... she doesn't know what she's saying." I guess DD bought it because she went back to watching the movie and never brought up the topic again.

So I guess my question is this: Is there a certain age/appropriate way to broach the Santa-isn't-real topic? I found out the truth when I was 8 and I remember being absolutely crushed. She's starting 4th Grade in the fall and I know how kids (kids who know, that is) will talk ... especially around Christmastime.

Am I stressing too much? Maybe she knows the truth and is just humoring me and DH (not to mention playing along for the sake of DS)?

 

[sk!mom]

Okay. Now, many of you might think I'm a bit nutty for posting a Christmas-related question in July, but I thought "Christmas in July" and that whole thing (and Lifetime ... "Television for Women" has been showing nothing but Christmas movies lately!). Anyway ...

DS (6) still believes in Santa wholeheartedly. DD (9 ... but soon to be 10) seems to be right on the cusp, though. Last Sunday it rained so DD asked me if she could watch a DVD. She picked out "Gremlins". I hadn't seen the movie in years and I agreed, all the while trying to remember if there's profanity. We're watching the DVD together and then this scene comes on where one of the film's leads, Kate (Phoebe Cates), begins explaining why she doesn't celebrate Christmas. Kate ends this little speech with: "And that's how I found out there was so Santa Claus." And I was worried about profanity. I'm ready to dive for the remote when DD gasps and says, "What? Santa isn't real?" DD's face looked ... it was a combination of horror and shock. So I start stuttering and talking really fast, "He's real! That girl is just frightened by the gremlins ... she doesn't know what she's saying." I guess DD bought it because she went back to watching the movie and never brought up the topic again.

So I guess my question is this: Is there a certain age/appropriate way to broach the Santa-isn't-real topic? I found out the truth when I was 8 and I remember being absolutely crushed. She's starting 4th Grade in the fall and I know how kids (kids who know, that is) will talk ... especially around Christmastime.

Am I stressing too much? Maybe she knows the truth and is just humoring me and DH (not to mention playing along for the sake of DS)?

At her age, I wouldn't think that it would be premature for her to understand the fantasy. Neither of mine believed past age 8 and they doubted at 8.

I remember my DD at 8 saying that she wasn't sure about Santa. Her words, "he's human so there could be magic involved but it seems unlikely." I then asked, so what about the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny? She answered, "Seriously mom, a bunny and a fairy, I'm embarrased that I ever believed that!"

 

[mamaLori05]

I don't know... I say if she still believes, then let her. I remember when I found out there was no santa claus, it just changed Christmas. Let her stay young and believe the magic. don't see any harm in it. No need for her to grow up to quickly, they grow up fast enough!!

 

[imthatgirl]

at her age most likely she really knows the truth, but doesnt really want to believe it, or doesnt know how to handle it or and most likely doesnt want to break your heart.

i have never had the "santa is real" conversation with my kids. i never felt comfortable telling them that he was a flesh and blood person. but, they all believe in him, hell i still believe in him. when my now 8yo asked me last year if santa was real i told her that sometimes things arent exactly what you think they are, but that doesnt make them any less real. and then i asked her if the feeling of magic she has on xmas was real? she said yes, and i told her it was for me too. and that that was the answer to her question.

well she hasnt asked since, but i would never look my daughter in the eye and say "i bring your gifts, theres no such thing as santa". im 32 and those words would still never come out of my mothers mouth.

 

[momto2girls]

I don't know... I say if she still believes, then let her. I remember when I found out there was no santa claus, it just changed Christmas. Let her stay young and believe the magic. don't see any harm in it. No need for her to grow up to quickly, they grow up fast enough!!

I agree. Christmas just isn't nearly as magical once the reality of Santa is known. Let her believe for as long as possible.

 

[Chipmunk89]

So I guess my question is this: Is there a certain age/appropriate way to broach the Santa-isn't-real topic? I found out the truth when I was 8 and I remember being absolutely crushed. She's starting 4th Grade in the fall and I know how kids (kids who know, that is) will talk ... especially around Christmastime.

Am I stressing too much? Maybe she knows the truth and is just humoring me and DH (not to mention playing along for the sake of DS)?

My DS is definitely on the cusp. I have a feeling he is either humoring us or hoping "just in case" Santa's real. It's hard, and this will probably be the last Santa is real Christmas. He is only 8 (he'll be starting the 4th grade this fall, too), but most of his friends are older than him. And I know some of them already know the truth.

 

[JennCa]

My opinion is that I would not bring it up. If they bring it up and you want to burst the bubble, I would explain about how Christmas time is magical and that some people believe in Santa. If they want to be a "big kid" and spread the joy of Christmas they could be like Santa and donate a gift to a child who might not otherwise get something. Then, you all can think about how magical this other child's day will be and I'm 99% sure it will add some magic to your own child's day.

Personally, I pretended it was true because my parents said that once I didn't believe in Santa I would stop getting presents : ) Of course we still role play and they put out the presents after we go to bed if we are spending the holidays with them! I'm 37 and if we spend a holiday with them we track the reindeer on line, etc. It's always fun.

Jenn

 

[nessz79]

I would let her decide when she was ready to stop believing. Some kids are just highly imaginative. I was. I didn't stop believing in Santa until I was about your DD's age, which was much later than many of my peers, because my parents never told me...I just decided one day that I was done. I had many doubts and suspicions before then, but just wasn't ready to let go. The hardest part was telling my parents- sometimes kids are afraid of making their parents sad.

 

[RMulieri]

No sage advice here...My dd is only 4 and thanks to some "sweet" neighborhood kids, doubts BIG TIME.I know I was 6 when i stopped believing, both my brothers were 6 too.i think as a parent, we are more reluctant and saddened to let go then the kids are sometimes. the only thing I can say is to let the subject drop for now.If they bring it up and keep asking, maybe they are ready for the truth (you may not be)

 

[rt2dz]

I’m not reading any responses before posting; I find that is best in these types of threads.

You could take our approach. Of course Santa is real. Talk about how Santa might not be one, specific person, but is an idea, a spirit, that many people take on the role of (“playing Santa”). Talk about the origins of Santa—Saint Nicholas. Talk about the different places traditions come from.

I wouldn’t bring it up unless she does first. I would not tell her he is real, or lead her to believe it is a real person; she may very well feel lied to—although I’m sure she won’t be damaged for life. But, while young before she has the bigger picture understanding, you want her to feel that she can trust you and go to you about anything and get honest, upfront answers.

 

[eh24fan]

My DS8 doesn't believe anymore and I've been pushing the "Santa is real" thing for nearly 2 years at this point. He knows I'm full of it, but he plays along to keep his mama happy. He's a sweet boy, what can I say?