OT-Tell me more about adoption

[MusiqChic99]

I adopted my dd from the state child protective services. It was MUCH less expensive, and their are other benefits that really help.

Her adoption was $1500 and was paid for by the State. (I live in Texas.) There are more older children than younger, but for me it didnt matter. The bonus is, because she was over the age of 4 she will get 4 years of tuition at a state university paid for. She also has insurance though the state.

It took about 18 months for the process.

PM me if you have more questions!

Molly

I really would love to do this one day when my son is older. Right now he is 2 and due to medical reasons I can't have any more children. I am happy with just one child and I would be ok if he is all I am ever blessed with. However i feel there are some children that just really need familes. And often times the older children are overlooked. I would love to take one in and show them what a loving family is all about.

Congrats on your blessing.

 

[mommy4]

Bless you for considering adoption! There are so many children all over the world who need a loving, safe family.
We had 3 biological sons and then felt that we wanted to adopt a daughter. We did a lot of research and my heart was pulled to Ethiopia. We are white, so race was a huge consideration, but in our hearts we felt that this was our path.
From start to finish, our process took 15 months and our daughter was escorted home at around 9 months old. She is our princess and more beautiful than words can describe (her daddy, big brothers, and I are going to be chasing off the boys when she gets older ).
After our amazing journey we are considering adopting again. We cannot afford another international adoption, so we are looking into foster care/adoption.
Good luck with your decision.

 

[LadyShea]

I urge you to consider adopting from your state or county's child welfare system. Contrary to popular belief, you can adopt young children, even newborns in some cases. These kids are truly in need of a loving family. Also, it is free in most areas.

We adopted DS privately, meaning there was no agency involvement. We and his first parents met through a friend of a friend and hired attorneys to complete the paperwork. It was under 10k total with travel expenses. Had this not happened as it did, we would have chosen the foster-to-adopt/child welfare route.

We chose open adoption, as my research led me to believe this was the best thing for the child (when contact is safe of course). It turns out it was the best thing for all of us. Please see www.openadoptionsupport.com if you are are interested at all.

Also, unfortunately, there are many ethical issues to be considered in any form of adoption. I found my personal values tested and it's emotionally straining. It's not for the faint of heart. You may want to read about the experiences of those who were adopted, as well as those who have placed their children for adoption, to understand some of these issues and the views of the other members of the triad.

 

[*pixie*dust*]

If you are open to it, some states do foster care to adoption placements - in states where that is available it is usually the ONLY way to get small non-special needs children out of "the system" - the only other option is to find a birthmother. It has advantages - it isn't very expensive. But it isn't a problem free alternative - the first choice of foster care is to try and reunite the bio family if that can be done - so bio parents are often put through treatment to get their issues fixed so they can parent again - and in many cases this is successful.

A friend in the adoption community went through three different placements of children they utterly loved and wanted to adopt but were placed back with birth family members instead. It was devastating to them. After the third placement failed, the family chose to adopt internationally.
I give much created to those strong enough to go the foster to adopt route.

 

[LadyShea]

There are risks with any form of adoption, of course. With foster to adopt, you can choose (in most jurisdictions) placement of only those children where parental rights have already been terminated.

I know of a family who adopted 3 newborns in 3 years through their county social services, all parental rights had been terminated at birth.

Definitely worth at least checking in to.

 

[crisi]

There are risks with any form of adoption, of course. With foster to adopt, you can choose (in most jurisdictions) placement of only those children where parental rights have already been terminated.

I know of a family who adopted 3 newborns in 3 years through their county social services, all parental rights had been terminated at birth.

Definitely worth at least checking in to.

Check into it though - this is one of those things that varies a lot by state.

 

[PoohHappens]

We have a DS7 who was adopted domestically through an agency at birth. Even with that there is risk. The size and length of the risk depends on your individual state laws. Adoption law is different from state to state. We were thrilled with our experience even though it was not issue free. Our son is bi-racial and race is not an issue to us. We do feel it hastend our process and we did live in MN at the time. We are now in IN and we have just finished foster care liscensing. There are two choices you can do foster care and you can to foster to adopt care. The latter you only take placements of children who will be adoptable. We are doing both as we are willing to have children in the reunification process or who are adoptable. We are also able to stipulate age, gender, race etc.. We have not had a placement yet as we are just finishing the homestudy process. We have been told thought that here there are a lot of infants and toddlers that need placement. Because of cost of day care etc.... Adoption of a state placement is much less expensive to almost free. There are also benifits too like insurance, some financial assistence and possible college costs. It depends on the child and the placement. Our agency adoption was about 15,000.
The home study process for any adoption is somewhat lengthy. It is a lot of paperwork and information, referrences, criminal background checks, actual visit or visits to your home. Some agencies are even more thorough with some interview time and dear birthparent letters and family bios. We have loved all of our processes. Best of luck to you as you research and make a family decision.

 

[adoptionmomma4]

I have 4 children adopted from the state foster care system. Our older children are all biological siblings and were placed with us at the ages of 2,3 and 5. They were with us just over 3 years before we finalized their adoption. Our youngest DD was placed with us 2 years after our older kids when she was just 2 days old. I picked her up from the hospital. DD’s adoption was finalized when she was 18 months old on National Adoption Day in November of 2006. There were risks with both of our adoptions. However, it was all worth it in the end. I guess it is like labor pains and I just forget how hard it actually was. We can not imagine our lives without any of our children and would love to adopt again someday. We were slowly collecting documents to adopt from Vietnam and the program was closed. Maybe someday….

I wanted to add I am so happy to see all of the transracial adoption stories. I never really think of Katie’s race unless someone is staring at us when we are out in public. Sometimes even then I think to myself “I wonder why they are staring at us”! I do sometimes wonder how she is going to feel when she is older.

Good luck with whatever route you decided to choose. Adoption is a wonderful journey. You will receive uncountable blessings.

 

[cerberus]

Both my DD 3 and 19mon are adopted. We did a domestic adoption and both were newborns. Our cost was around 10K, but the 2 other agencies in town were 20-30K. I would first look into what is available in your state. Research want agencies you have around you and get info from then. Also find out where a local adoption class is held....it is often offered by your local children's hospial and attend it...it will give you lots of info. Good luck!

 

[1rockinmamato2]

We adopted our DD 6 years ago.
We did a local adoption. It took 4 years start to finish for a healthy white infant. We went through Catholic Charities. I interviewed a number of agencies and they were the one's for us. I think it wasa round 10K, but we got money back because of the adoption credit.
DD came home to us at 4 weeks of age. We could have had her at 2 weeks, but we were going on a 2 week Disney cruise.

I'm sorry. I'm sitting here dumbfounded. You could have brought your baby home two weeks earlier but you decided to wait so you could take your vacation first.

 

[1rockinmamato2]

So, from pp, for specific questions, 1) if I wanted a US adoption, where would I begin to get info and find out what the requirements are?
2) I know costs vary widely. How would I find out a general ballpark for domestic and international?
3) Where is a good place to research about the process?
4) After adopting, was there anything you'd change or have done differently?

1. Call agencies in your area or look for an adoption attorney. The first step is applying with an agency. Then you will start the homestudy process.
2. Domestic and international vary. If you are not adopting from foster care, be prepared to spend over $10,000.
3. http://www.theadoptionguide.com/
4. No, we researched our options ahead of time, worked with a reputable agency and knew all of the legal risks involved.

I also want to add that nothing is ever guaranteed in adoption. Even a "healthy newborn" that seems to have no problems in utero. On our pre-placement paperwork, we agreed to accept the placement of a child with any conditions that could have happened to a child that I carried myself. That included such things a cleft palate, club foot, etc. But, we would not accept a child that we knew had already been explosed to alcohol, drugs, etc.

Our son was, in fact, born with some birth defects. Caring for his medical and therapeutic needs have added a bit to our plates as parents, but it has all been doable. And we couldn't imagine having said no to him after he was born.

Adoption was the hardest thing we have ever done. It is also the most rewarding, but the process is long and tiring. But, it is all worth it.

Also, we are in an open adoption with our children's birthmother.

 

[anabelle]

We have been in the process of adopting from El Salvador for two years. When we started the process, our agency told us it would be around two years. Well, that was wishfull thinking. Right now there is really no end in sight. There have been a lot of changes in International adoption because of the new Hague regulations. It is very expensive and it takes at least three years for China right now. China is the most organized country for international adoptions. We have looked into domestic adoptions. There are so many children that need homes in the US, they are just older or part of a sibling group.

 

[wehavesix]

Our younger 4 children were adopted out of our state foster care system. They are bio siblings. They moved in with us on the youngest child's 2nd birthday. We had no out of pocket expenses in their adoption and because they are considered a special needs adoption, we get a monthly stipend from the state until each child is 18. In additon, they have Medicaid cards which allows us to use Medicaid for prescriptions and as a secondary medical insurance. The oldest son in the group has some issues that require therapy and our adoption agreement covers that expense too. My kids do/did have some mild learning and behavioral issues but nothing that requires special ed services. They are considered special needs because they are a sibling group and it's difficult to place sibling groups for adoption.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

 

[ERMama]

In our state, domestic adoptions do take longer than average. If you want a caucasian baby you can wait 5 yrs or more to be matched (i know many who took themselves OFF listings when it was 10yrs and no match). We were told by people here that because we already had 2 bio kids that birthmoms were more likely to not choose us. They often choose people/couples without children or those with 1 child already (so they know their child will have silbings). We had to be honest and admit of prejudice in our extended family to certain ethnic backgrounds. We didnt feel it was fair to expect a child to change their minds.
We chose to not foster because we do have 2 other kids and our oldest would not be able to handle falling in love with a child just to have them leave. Our good friend is a judge who was actually being the one who terminated parental rights and he was honest with us that unfortunately, it often takes a long time with many bumps in the road. I have huge respect for those who can do it though.
We chose international adoption. My grandmother was adopted and was Native American. Our daughter is Mayan Indian from Guatemala. As pp said, Guatemala is now closed to new adoptions. Many are struggling to bring their children home now with their new system of rules. We were very fortunate and brought our daugher home at 8 months. Shes very healthy and was loved in a private foster home and received wonderful medical care.
We did NOT want an open adoption (a wonderful choice but just not the right choice for our family). With Guatemala we were given the parents names and have photos of the birthmom and our daughter together which is nice for her to have.

 

[LoriMomx5]

We did a domestic transracial adoption. Our daughter is African American and was 1 month old when she was placed with us. We were blessed to bring her home 10 days after making initial contact with our adoption agency! We went through an local division of a national agency but the fees were reduced some because of placement issues. The adoption tax credit covered most of our expenses after the fact and everything went very smoothly. I wish you the best of luck. Lori

 

[Vijoge]

You might want to contact the Lutheran Child and Family Services in your state. I adopted three children through them.

Their fees were very reasonable, no where near the ten thousand dollars plus others have mentioned. Wait times varied from four months to about eighteen months from initial contact. Our boys were all infants when we brought them home, although we didn't bring any of them home directly from the hospital (they were 10 weeks, three weeks, and nine days). They are all bi-racial and none are special needs.

The people at the agency were great to work with.

 

[Anita_Radcliffe]

We did an international adoption through WACAP (World Association for Children and Parents). We (caucasian) adopted a little girl from India about 8 1/2 years ago. The entire process took 9 months (same as if she'd arrived in utero ). We underwent two home studies, physical and mental evaluations, scrutiny of our finances, background checks, and much bureaucratic paperwork, etc; which is all typical of an international adoption. The process was expedited because she was what they termed a "waiting child", a child with identified special needs. WACAP did assist us with the fees by extending to us an interest-free loan, which we have since repaid, as well as reducing some other fees, because of our daughter's "waiting child" status. My husband brought her home from the orphanage at 18 months of age. Our beautiful girl has been a precious joy and delight, much loved by her parents, her big sister, and all her extended family.

 

[dijid]

We were told by people here that because we already had 2 bio kids that birthmoms were more likely to not choose us. They often choose people/couples without children or those with 1 child already (so they know their child will have silbings).

You never know what a brithmom's criteria will be. We had two bio children when we started the adoption process. We were chosen twice - both times because we already had children. Some bmom's want the child they place to be in a house with multiple siblings. I wouldn't let having more than one child discourage anyone from adopting.

 

[heimlichfan]

Another Korean adoptive parent here!

I don't have to much to add to everyone else's good advice, but I do have a lot of our adoption story posted on our blog if you want to check it out:

www.theoadoption.blogspot.com

 

[ERMama]

You never know what a brithmom's criteria will be. We had two bio children when we started the adoption process. We were chosen twice - both times because we already had children. Some bmom's want the child they place to be in a house with multiple siblings. I wouldn't let having more than one child discourage anyone from adopting.

I know, a friend with 2 boys applied for Guatemala and they put their names into the book for domestic. Two weeks later they got a call they were chosen by a set of birth parents out of state. They were shocked. The birthparents changed their minds though just prior to the labor induction and texted the potential adoptive parents saying they couldnt do it. Heartbreaking. So yes, it is very true birth parents have many reasons for choosing who they want to be the parents of their child.

Another reason why we choose international was the fact that we did not want to be "chosen". We wanted another child, plain and simple. We wanted to give a child a good home. I didnt want to feel like I had to sell myself and my family to someone to try to get them to choose us. I refused to pick a child from a photolisting. So with our agency it was you got on a list and when a healthy baby came up they went down the line. First it was medical info you got then a photo.
(just my preference. there is no right way. all these children need good homes and anyone who chooses to adopt is doing a wonderful thing. all of us know what joy the children bring into our lives. we are lucky.)