OT-Sorry, I need to vent-sisters wedding

[pantherlj]

Gosh, even if it weren't financially difficult, I wouldn't want to travel that far with a 5 week old. Then again, I didn't take my first one to the mall until she was 6 weeks old - ha! Of course, the 2nd sat in a car dealership for 5 hours when she was a week old. I am sure I wouldn't feel up to it and I don't think I would want to expose a baby that young to all those germs on that long of an airplane ride.

I say check with your doctor and see what he says. Of course, I would word it something like "It really wouldn't be a good idea for the baby and I to fly cross country 5 weeks after my c section would it"

Then, you can blame the doctor.

I am sure you want to be there for your sister and her big day and are upset that your mom won't come visit. I hope everything works out OK

 

[buckler]

How can your sister not invite you to the rehearsal dinner? We invited all family members and out of town guests to our rehearsal dinner. You are both!

 

[pantherlj]

How can your sister not invite you to the rehearsal dinner? We invited all family members and out of town guests to our rehearsal dinner. You are both!

Yea, I didn't get that either.

 

[NemoMOm]

My mom will only pay if the boys come, there is no one I could stay with, only a girlfriend who jusst told me she really does not have the room but if I really needed to I could. I don;t want to be one of those people.

I would have to travel with my newborn because I do breastfeed.

I don;t mind helping out to make the food, that is whay family if for, but I was upset that I could not bring my baby because it was a girls night out and no kids allowed. I'm not sure how a baby that would sleep the entire time would hinder the drinking

I was upset about not being allowed at the rehearsal, my sister was in my wedding and no I was not even asked and I was okay with it considering I am so far away. It would have been nice to have been asked though.

The expenses would be 500 for ticket (3 mos ago, so Im sure its gone up) 500 for hotel and food. I can not afford 1200. The 6k I'm est. is provided there are no complications which is how much my last c-section cost with no complications, 1st was A LOT more. 3k for DS 2 bills, and I have had other expenses this year. I can not afford it, and my DH works 2 jobs to help out.

 

[iwrbnd]

I actually think the first week of kindergarten is more important than any other grade. Everyone is learning together and meeting friends. By the time he shows up the bus drivers/teachers will expect him to know more and groups of friends are forming. It's his first experience with school and you want it to be good! Plus, parents are there taking pictures and you're meeting them which is important.

I don't know. I'm family to the end but this is a tough one! Good luck!

 

[buckler]

My mom will only pay if the boys come, there is no one I could stay with, only a girlfriend who jusst told me she really does not have the room but if I really needed to I could. I don;t want to be one of those people.

I would have to travel with my newborn because I do breastfeed.

I don;t mind helping out to make the food, that is whay family if for, but I was upset that I could not bring my baby because it was a girls night out and no kids allowed. I'm not sure how a baby that would sleep the entire time would hinder the drinking

I was upset about not being allowed at the rehearsal, my sister was in my wedding and no I was not even asked and I was okay with it considering I am so far away. It would have been nice to have been asked though.

The expenses would be 500 for ticket (3 mos ago, so Im sure its gone up) 500 for hotel and food. I can not afford 1200. The 6k I'm est. is provided there are no complications which is how much my last c-section cost with no complications, 1st was A LOT more. 3k for DS 2 bills, and I have had other expenses this year. I can not afford it, and my DH works 2 jobs to help out.

Both of my siblings made an effort to include me in their weddings. I did a reading at both of them. And I was invited to their rehearsal dinners (my mom and I did the cooking for one of the dinners which was held in my parents' home). Sounds like your sister is "just not that into you". Both your mom and sister sound self-centered and selfish.

Do what works for you. It sounds like they won't be happy with anything you do even if you go and bend over backwards to please them.

 

[robinb]

My mom will only pay if the boys come, there is no one I could stay with, only a girlfriend who jusst told me she really does not have the room but if I really needed to I could. I don;t want to be one of those people.

I would have to travel with my newborn because I do breastfeed.

I don;t mind helping out to make the food, that is whay family if for, but I was upset that I could not bring my baby because it was a girls night out and no kids allowed. I'm not sure how a baby that would sleep the entire time would hinder the drinking

I was upset about not being allowed at the rehearsal, my sister was in my wedding and no I was not even asked and I was okay with it considering I am so far away. It would have been nice to have been asked though.

The expenses would be 500 for ticket (3 mos ago, so Im sure its gone up) 500 for hotel and food. I can not afford 1200. The 6k I'm est. is provided there are no complications which is how much my last c-section cost with no complications, 1st was A LOT more. 3k for DS 2 bills, and I have had other expenses this year. I can not afford it, and my DH works 2 jobs to help out.

It seems that you are working yourself up to NOT going. If that's the way you feel then stand your ground and let the chips fall where they may and duck your mother's calls until she stops calling you for good. If you want to try to salvage your relationship with your mom and sister then you need to come up with a compromise. Swallow your pride. Be "that friend" who stays with the girlfriend in a pinch. Tell your mom & sister that all of you can't afford to come but you and the baby will come if your mom will pay for it. Tell them will be happy to participate in anything as long as the baby comes too because you are breastfeeding. You need to make some suggestions that will work for you and put the ball into their court.

 

[DisneyMom70]

Just my two cents...my son was a second C-section and although I recovered quite quickly from the first, the second recovery was sooooo different. There is no way I could have travelled with him at 5 weeks. I doubt I could have done it at 8 weeks. The pain was worse, the recovery was longer and that is something you may want to keep in mind (he was well worth it of course). This may be more of a medical issue than a financial one.

 

[princessmorgan]

I think you have already made up your mind about not going. If you want "an excuse" then I'm sure your doctor will tell you you can't go or you can get a note from him to appease your family. The family drama will always be there, whether you go or whether you don't go.

You need to decide what your sister means to you. If it really won't bother you in the future that you did not attend the wedding, then don't go. You have valid excuses for not attending and need to do what's best for your family. But don't let their attitudes decide for you. It won't make you feel better. If you can go, it would be a nice gesture. I wouldn't take my DS though and make him miss Kinder.

I have family drama with my sisters and my in-laws. I recently made a cross country trip with our 3 girls while pregnant and had morning sickness with DH to see his mother who has cancer. His whole family was there and it cost us a good amount of money due to short notice and spring break time. It took a lot of sacrifice for me to go. I had a bad attitude for a long time, but I did it and survived. Did I have the time of my life? Absolutely not, but I'm glad I did it for him.

 

[fauna74]

I just wanted to comment on missing the first week of kindergarten-

My son missed his entire first week of kindergarten due to a horrific virus (both ears, both eyes infected; dangerously high fevers; subsequent allergic reaction to antibiotics...he's 13 now and has never been as sick since).

He missed so much. He missed a one-on-one with his teacher where they could get to know each other a little better. They never really clicked all year. He missed learning all the rules, all the assigned jobs, all the routines. The other kids had all had that week to get to know each other. It was VERY difficult for him to start a week late. He honestly had a very rough kindergarten year and I think that missed week is part of the reason why.

To the OP - I'm sorry you're having so much drama and trauma. Good luck with the new baby!

 

[njsweetP]

You know what, mom needs to come visit you instead of making you go up there. It's more economical that way. Also, why don't you tell them about all your expenses? They DO realize you will have a newborn right? And I'm sorry, but I wouldn't miss my kindergartner's first day of school for anything. That is a milestone event in his life you can't get back. If it were me, I would just tell them the facts and that it isn't going to be easy for you to accomplish being there even though you would love to, but you have a family that can't just be dropped when they click their fingers. I'm upset for you!

Ang

I couldn't have said it better myself! People are giving you a lot of advice and many have left out a big factor - your financial situation. I'm upset as well and wish you the best in this situation.

 

[cheshireqt]

IMHO it sounds like you need to make a decision soon for several reasons: first the amount of stress you are experiencing cannot be good for the pregnancy and your overall health; second your sister needs to know whether you will be there for whatever role she has outlined for you..bridesmaid, guest, servant ...from your post sounds like a combination of all 3.
I think it would be sad to miss your sister's wedding but you have circumstances that are beyond your control, the 5 week old after a C-section is enough, forget the kindergarten thing, the amount of time since your Mother has seen her grands, the cost and all the other reasons. Pick one reason and stick to it. If you give them multiple reasons then you give them multiple ways to pick apart your argument. One reason is less fuel to the fire, so to speak!

 

[gatormommy07]

Wow, this is your sisters wedding. I am sorry but kindergarten is not that important. You need to be honest with your sister. It sounds like you are finding every execuse not to go and have no intention of going to her wedding so you should tell her now.

Regardless you will have to live with the consequences. If it were me and my sister didn't show up I think that would be the end of our relationship.

WOW, little harsh don't you think? Do you have any kids? Do you know what it is like to have a 5 week old and a kid (or 2) in school? Kindergarten IS a big deal, it is not all coloring, snacks and naps anymore! If it were MY sister, and I was having a wedding so far away from her, with the family circumstances(kids, money, etc.) I would be a little understanding of the situation. Sure, it would make me sad to not have her by my side for such a big day, but I would love her enough to understand!! Unless you are in that situation, you should not be so rude to the OP about it!


To the OP, if you can't afford it, don't go, don't let your family(or ANYONE else) make you feel guilty!! I have 3 kids , and would not have even had a second thought about leaving my kids in school, and NOT wanting to travel with a new baby!! Call her, tell her you cannot afford it, and tell her you love her and are so sorry to miss it!!

 

[Inigo]

Because they are being selfish and self centered. Instead of understanding why you can't be there, they are focused on how it would RUIN her day not to get HER way (same thing with the check)!

They should step back and just be glad that they have to deal with this issue. Your here, healthy and alive to have this argument with. Too many of us have loved ones that never get the opportunity to turn down the invitation!

But to REALLY get you off the hook, tell them you discussed the trip with your doctor and the doc advised that due to your c-section, chance at clotting/complications with sitting through a 4+ hour plane flight, plus hauling all the stuff, that he has denied you medical clearance to attend

Trust me, WORKS LIKE A CHARM!! My doc made me use it for at least 6 weeks after both my kids were born, my ped made us use it for 4 months after my oldest was born (strict rules on crowds, people holding him etc..) and I tell my clients all the time to tell people that their attorney made them do it. Even heard many a judge tell people and attorney's to just blame the judge to deal with similiar type situations.

This

It's not your issue. It's your sister and mother's issue, and they're trying to put it all on you.

Just tell them your doctor has advised you stay away from stress. When they start there rediculous nonsense, just tell them you're sorry they feel that way, but the health of your child comes first.

Also, there is no way I would have wanted my children to miss the first week of school, even kindergarten.

You could always turn this back around on your sister and mother: Keep telling them If they reallllllly loved you, they'd delay the wedding until next spring so that you and your family could be there. Since they won't do that, they must not really want you there.

Yeah, I'm a witch.

 

[Inigo]

Wow, this is your sisters wedding. I am sorry but kindergarten is not that important. You need to be honest with your sister. It sounds like you are finding every execuse not to go and have no intention of going to her wedding so you should tell her now.

Regardless you will have to live with the consequences. If it were me and my sister didn't show up I think that would be the end of our relationship.

Wow. You really think your wedding would be more important than a family member's health, her newborn infant, and her family?

Just wow.

 

[buckler]

When you budget for airfare, are you just figuring on a seat for yourself? Are you comfortable with your infant not having a seat? Flights are much more crowded these days and unless you travel at an off time, on a less traveled route, it's likely there won't be an open seat for you to use for the baby unless you pay for one. Note: I'm not judging if you choose to go the "lab baby" route, but I know many moms don't feel safe unless their child is strapped in a seat. If you aren't budgeting for a seat for the baby, you might need to double the airfare number.

Plus, will you need to pay for a sitter? And how would you find one in a strange city?

 

[Inigo]

If at all possible fly out by yourself. That cost won't be that bad. And maybe stay with a relative? If you really want to go you will find a way to go. If you don't want to you will find every excuse not to.
It sounds like you don't want to go.

Would you leave your five week old, probably solely breastfeed, infant for several days? I wouldn't.

 

[NemoMOm]

Thanks for all the support guys.

As for the excuses, that was just background to understand the drama and why I'm so stressed, I'm actually watching the clock cause I know I'm going to get a call.

I had planned on going by myself-however I do NOT have the money to pay for the emergency bills. I told DH just a few days ago that we will just have to make monthly payments. It was unplanned and literally taps me out. I am trying to get out of debt, ergo the obsession with the budget board. You guys have been great.

 

[Riverhill]

Stay Home!!!! Tell your sister you love her and will be glad to celebrate her 10 year wedding anniversary with her. People make a hugh deal of weddings, it is the marriage that is the real celebration. My wedding was a nice day but I totally understood when people could not come because of money and work conflicts. These same people have been there through the years to support my family even though they could not show up on a random Friday in September, 18 years ago.

 

[buckler]

I did mention that a summer wedding on the weekend would be more convenient and logical if you expect someone to come out of town and was told that it saver her 500 and therefore it was better for her.

Tell your sister since she saved $500 by having the wedding at an inconvenient time, she has $500 to pay for your airfare.