OT: Son is flunking college, and I'm SO upset!

[Indiana Rose Lee]

As a mother of 3 little ones who has been taking college classes for a while now, I think you are being a little rough on him.

16 credits is a lot (you only need 12 credits for full-time) for anyone, especially if you are working. English, Math and Chemistry are all higher credit classes which require more time than regular classes. Medical Terminology is pretty rough too from what I hear. College (even community college) is a lot different from high school...he may need some time to adjust.

Maybe I'm not the best person for advice on this..I did screw up too when I was his age..that's why I'm in school now. I wish my parents had been more understanding and helpful at the time though.

Good luck to you and your son. I really hope it all works out for you!

I can't imagine a full time student only taking 12 credits, and english and math are basics, not 'higher credit" courses. Chem takes some work, but it is community college chem, for Heaven's sake. I disagree. Community college is just like high school.

OP, I agree that some guys just aren't ready to go to college. Send him to work. Then he can decide what he wants to do.

 

[ADAMANDLISA]

I can't imagine a full time student only taking 12 credits, and english and math are basics, not 'higher credit" courses. Chem takes some work, but it is community college chem, for Heaven's sake. I disagree. Community college is just like high school.

OP, I agree that some guys just aren't ready to go to college. Send him to work. Then he can decide what he wants to do.

Been to community college and regular university...no difference in classes.

A student qualifies as full-time at 12 credits which is enough for them to qualify for the insurance.

 

[mrsklamc]

I can't imagine a full time student only taking 12 credits, and english and math are basics, not 'higher credit" courses. Chem takes some work, but it is community college chem, for Heaven's sake. I disagree. Community college is just like high school.

OP, I agree that some guys just aren't ready to go to college. Send him to work. Then he can decide what he wants to do.

Part time work is different than full time work, and the OP's son is not dealing with children. That said "Community College is just like high school' is going to vary a lot based on school and instructors/professors. I had retired professors from very prestigious universities at some of the CC classes I took, and you can bet that some of them were MUCH harder than the ones at my 4 year university, depending on the instructor.

 

[Justsyd2]

Community college is just like high school.

I've been to both, and they are nothing alike. Community college and university classes are the same -- that's why they transfer.

 

[mrsklamc]

No shortage of ideas on this thread but here's one more-

I was never really challenged in high school so when I hit college I didn't even really know 'how' to study and that was a problem for me. If he got B's with no effort in HS maybe that's what has happened here.

 

[DawnM]

Well, my info is 2nd hand, but what he said was that is isn't that they won't take applications, they are just too backed up with applications due to the economy and an influx of applicants.

Is your DH Navy?

Dawn

My Dh is a recruiter and we haven't heard anything about not taking applicants

OP sorry for your son . I can't imagine the frustration you must be feeling. I agree with you though that I wouldn't pay for the class again. He needs to pay for it.

 

[finz2left]

Been to community college and regular university...no difference in classes.
.

Um...guess it depends on where you are. Here, kids coming from the CC system are woefully under-prepared, and our U. kids know to take their math and science courses at the CC if they want to coast.... As profs, we call CC 13th and 14th grade.

 

[DisneyLover83]

At 19 I was a lot like your son. Not a bad student, did well in High School, went to a University for 1.5 years and ended up failing out becuase I did not attend class. I had other "more important" things to do. My parents are very supportive people but I had no health insurance after I left school, and it was my problem and not theirs. I needed to work full time to pay my bills (gas, car insurance, etc.). Once again, my problem, not theirs. My parents did the right thing by cutting me off. I grew up quick and realized I didn't want to be a cashier for the rest of my life! I am 26 and will graduate next year with Honors with a degree in Accounting and I fully intend on persuing a Masters degree. He needs a real look at life without you bailing him out. You paid for the class once and in my opinion you have done more than enough already!

 

[kpm76]

No shortage of ideas on this thread but here's one more-

I was never really challenged in high school so when I hit college I didn't even really know 'how' to study and that was a problem for me. If he got B's with no effort in HS maybe that's what has happened here.

I think this is key. Many students are entering college very unprepared. The problem originates at the high school level which eventually leads to issues in college. We need to start better preparing students for advanced study and/or the workforce, not teaching to some standardized test (another topic entirely, I know).

As for CC systems, I do think they vary greatly by state and area. Our state has an excellent system and many of the classes will transfer to the state university; however, very rarely will classes transfer to private institutions. You may be able to compare the CC classes to some of the state school classes, but not to private schools.....there really is a difference.

 

[howlongtildisney]

I'm sure it must be really frustrating for you! My husband did pretty much the same thing for his first year of college. He didn't go to class, he didn't study, and he was very very close to flunking out. As hard as it may be for you to hear, he may need to hit bottom before he gets his act together. It took my husband facing the immediate possibility of not making it through college for him to sit down and figure out what his priorities are. He got down to business, and had well over a 3.0 for every semester of the rest of his college career. He's now working full-time and going to grad school at night. I'm not sure why, but that's what he needed and maybe your son needs that as well.

 

[princessmom29]

I think that he needs another chance. 16 hours is a lot for a first semester in college. I have taken over 70 hours, and I can tell you that the classes and labs require a ton of commitment, and that is something that I had to learn. It doesn't come natural. Once you arrive in college you have to learn to prioritize and focus, and throwing 16 hours at him in his first semester...I'm not surprised to hear what happened. I would support him, and give him another chance.

16 hours is NOT a lot in a community college taking remedial courses. I think he needs to reap the consequences of his actions and learn a lesson in responsibility. I carried between 19 and 21 hours every semester in college as a chemistry major at a 4 year university and still managed to never make less than a B. I took general chemistry, calculus, and bio as well as honors college courses first semester, and I am not one that has it all come easy. It is all about level of commintmet and being responsible for yourself and your studies. There is no excuse for failing that many freshman/remedial courses if you were a B student in high school.

Um...guess it depends on where you are. Here, kids coming from the CC system are woefully under-prepared, and our U. kids know to take their math and science courses at the CC if they want to coast.... As profs, we call CC 13th and 14th grade.

Exactly. Many CC credits were not accepted for in major courses at my university b/c students coming from them couldn't pass the competency tests in those areas.

 

[Missy1961]

No shortage of ideas on this thread but here's one more-

I was never really challenged in high school so when I hit college I didn't even really know 'how' to study and that was a problem for me. If he got B's with no effort in HS maybe that's what has happened here.

So true! Happened to me too. I had never learned to study, and when I hit college, I was so unprepared. I wasn't in danger of flunking, but I could have lost a scholarship that depended on my grades.

OP, maybe he really doesn't want to go to college. Not everyone is meant for college. If he decides he doesn't want to go, I'd make sure he got a job where he could pay for his own health insurance and car insurance. If he decides to go back to school, I really love the reimbursment idea too. The military is only an option if he really wants to do it. That's not a "I changed my mind" kind of place.

 

[jedijill]

My story is similar except I had undiagnosed severe depression which kept me in bed and not in class. Lost my full ride scholarship. I moved out of my parent's house and got a full time job, and went back to school paying my own way. It was one of the best life lessons ever. I ended up joining the military to help pay for school and my service was the best and worst things that could have happened. It has set me up in my current career but i have things to deal with that I wouldn't have had I not chosen this path. After getting out of the military I completed by bachelor's degree, attended law school, and completed my MBA all while working full time.

My brother joined the military right out of high school. He knew he wasn't mature enough for college. After 5 years, he left the military and went to school. He had his bachelor's degree and is finishing up his last couple of classes for his MBA. He has a great job and family now.

The military is not for everyone and is NOT a dumping ground. However, it is a proud profession and the hardest job you will ever have. It is not for everyone though.

Remember, freedom is not free.

Jill in CO

 

[Irin997]

I can't imagine a full time student only taking 12 credits, and english and math are basics, not 'higher credit" courses. Chem takes some work, but it is community college chem, for Heaven's sake. I disagree. Community college is just like high school.

OP, I agree that some guys just aren't ready to go to college. Send him to work. Then he can decide what he wants to do.

I agree that these classes are not higher credit classes. Freshman english and chemistry are both level 100 classes which are equal to a freshman level. Should be easy as it is the next step up from HS english and chemistry. Remedial math is a level 000 class and he won't even get credit towards his degree.

No shortage of ideas on this thread but here's one more-

I was never really challenged in high school so when I hit college I didn't even really know 'how' to study and that was a problem for me. If he got B's with no effort in HS maybe that's what has happened here.

Same here. I breezed through HS without ever studying and trying to do the same in college was difficult, but I was actually able to do it most of the time. HW was studying for me. I rarely sat down with a book with the intention of studying.

At 19 I was a lot like your son. Not a bad student, did well in High School, went to a University for 1.5 years and ended up failing out becuase I did not attend class. I had other "more important" things to do. My parents are very supportive people but I had no health insurance after I left school, and it was my problem and not theirs. I needed to work full time to pay my bills (gas, car insurance, etc.). Once again, my problem, not theirs. My parents did the right thing by cutting me off. I grew up quick and realized I didn't want to be a cashier for the rest of my life! I am 26 and will graduate next year with Honors with a degree in Accounting and I fully intend on persuing a Masters degree. He needs a real look at life without you bailing him out. You paid for the class once and in my opinion you have done more than enough already!

Just curious if your parents helped you out with the rest of your schooling. Mine were not so understanding.

Here's my story. Graduated HS and had been accepted to the University of my choice and I even got my 1st choice dorm! Everything was working out perfectly but I had a BF that was 5 years older than me. I have no idea why my parents let me out of the house with him (looking back now that I'm 28). Anyway, I decided that I was soooo in love that I wanted to wait a year for college. My parents told me that this was my one chance and I'd never get it back.

I've put myself through school racking up loans in the process and attending as a single mother - full time and working full time. I wanted it so bad because I knew what life was like without a degree. The reason I didn't end up going to school was because I let some guy convince me not to go - worst mistake ever....BUT I wouldn't have my daughter now so that's beside the point.

My parents haven't helped me out at all. I went to school for 6 years and I finally graduated with a Bachelor's in Business & Marketing with a 3.9 gpa. Yes, they still hold a grudge about everything that happened 10 years ago and now I'm paying the price - I somewhat resent that. Course I made my choice and they made theirs. But I have always thought in the back of my mind that it is my job to prepare my daughter for her life and that includes undergraduate education. Anything after that is on her. But I've been known to say that my DD is going to college right after HS if I have to handcuff myself to her and drag her there because she is not struggling like I have and she is going to break the young mother chain. No more babies at 20!

K that was long....sorry...but I hope that you are able to motivate your son to want better for himself than a HS diploma...whether it's the military, vocational school, or a university.

 

[DawnM]

A different perspective from a high school guidance counselor here:

I was that kid too and probably left to my own I may have dropped out, but my parents really pushed me to finish and I am SO thankful for that.

I would suggest also that you find out if there is a "surviving college" or "how to study" class available.

I took one my freshman year of college and it was not only easy and enjoyable BUT it also taught me quite a bit and here I am 25 years later and I remember quite a bit of what I learned in there! I even used it when I was asked to teach study skills to high school students.

We aren't facing ANY of this yet, so my advice is purely from what I have learned from personal experience and my schooling and counseling experience. BUT, I will add that my oldest son has Asperger's and we are fully anticipating having to find a way to help him finish college if at all possible. It won't be your normal "sink or swim" or punishment based school of hard knocks. we will have to have a different approach for him and so I try to think of things to motivate rather than punish.....I am not always sucessful at it, but I try.

As for CC......I think that it has its' place. Some kids just aren't ready for U yet and some need to figure out what they want before heading to U. It may not be as rigorous as U, but it can be a good stepping stone to get you there.

Dawn

So true! Happened to me too. I had never learned to study, and when I hit college, I was so unprepared. I wasn't in danger of flunking, but I could have lost a scholarship that depended on my grades.

OP, maybe he really doesn't want to go to college. Not everyone is meant for college. If he decides he doesn't want to go, I'd make sure he got a job where he could pay for his own health insurance and car insurance. If he decides to go back to school, I really love the reimbursment idea too. The military is only an option if he really wants to do it. That's not a "I changed my mind" kind of place.

 

[mrsklamc]

I know you have a lot of thinking to do right now OP but as to giving him another chance or not- I assume he will be on academic probation next semester so one more shot may be what he has for awhile. I would sit down, talk to him about what he wants to do, what he thinks the alternatives are, talk about whether you're willing to give him another chance with you paying, and clearly outline what the consequences are if he continues to not take studying seriously.

While I agree with the prof who says it's a maturity thing- people in our society aren't failing to 'grow up' because they are unable to, but because it isn't being required of them.

BIL's long term girlfriends keep leaving him because he won't marry them- well, it sounds archaic but that whole cow/milk thing is working out for him. People don't like change and won't accept it until the alternative becomes more uncomfortable than the change.

 

[ms_missy66]

I didn't read all of the answers yet, but I wanted to throw out there what my parents did for me. I had one really bad semester and my parents said, "okay...we'll spare your life this time. However, the next bad semester you pay us back for what you messed up and foot the bill for the rest." I went on to graduated magna cum laude with a masters degree several years later. I couldn't fathom the bills I'd be handled, which was a real motivator for me. Perhaps that will work for your son. *hugs* to you. I dread the teenage/early adult years with my kids. It will be tough sometimes, I sure.

 

[swilshire]

Sounds like a typical boy that age. I could tell you stories about my oldest son, who will be 22 in a few days. Comparing him to this sister who is two years older is like comparing night to day.

I guess you just have to hope that they find their way somewhere along the line.

Sheila

 

[kmvand1]

Sounds like you've done everything right. I have no advice for you.

I fear my son may end up like yours...he's just not putting the effort into HS that I think he needs to and his grades show it. I worry that college will be the same.

Sometimes I feel that way about my son too. He jsu turned 18 and is a senior. He has 3 classes this semester, we work on the block schedule, so he has auto mechanics and history, then gets home at 1:30. He has always just done what he needs to get by, barely. I wanted him to apply to colleges and go away to school, he wants to go to the local community college. As far as sending him the military? Um, NOT! With the state of the world and all of these troops being sent to Afghanastan, I think not.

 

[jsmith]

Well, my info is 2nd hand, but what he said was that is isn't that they won't take applications, they are just too backed up with applications due to the economy and an influx of applicants.

I think this is something that applies only to the the Navy and the Air Force -the Army and the Marine corps are still working very hard to meet recruiting goals-largely because they are bearing the brunt of the current conflict.