OT Should we force our DD to go to a school

[JeffreyY]

Here's the long story,

Here in NYC kids do not just go to our local neighborhood high school (called our zoned school). Kids can apply to any school in the city. They can make 12 choices in addition to applying to specialized high schools which require a test or audition. They are only accepted to one of their 12 choice schools and any specialized schools they make. My DD's first choice was an art school about 10 miles from our house, her second choice was a large local school but not our zoned school. She also auditioned for a specialized art school (the "Fame" school). She found out in Feb that she got into the "Fame school and her second choice school. After some discussion she decided to go to the local school because she was too scared to take the subway into the city for the "Fame" school. I was very dissapointed but accepted it.

Well on Thursday we get a call from her first choice Art school, that they had some room and would like to offer her a seat. Her was so excited, I was thrilled but she wasn't sure. After going to look at the school again she decided she didn't want to go there and stick with her second choice school.

DH and I want her to go to the Art school, it is small (only 700 students) in a new building, has a great reputation and a lot of private funding, it is sponsored by Tony Bennit. Going to this school could open many doors in the future for DD. The school is near where I work and I could take to and from school each day. She loves art is is talented however she loves gymnastics more and this school has almost no sports and when DD mentioned cheerleading to the person who talked to her, the woman make a face. She has several friends going to this school.

The other school is a big school, 4000 students. It is a good school (DS is graduating from there and has done well) but very impersonal. Also they got a new principal last year and I am not fond of the way he is running the school. She wants to go there because it has a gymnastics team that she would have no trouble getting on. There is no art she got in on dance. Also she would have to take 3 buses by herself to get (I could pick her up). She has no friends going to this school.

Should we force her to go to the art school? DD is 14 and I'm not sure she is looking at this the way she should. If she doesn't like it she could not go to the other school but could go to our zoned school which is equal to the other local but doesn't have gymnastics but does have cheerleading.

Thanks for any insight, we have to let the Art school know by tomorrow.

 

[Luvchefmic]

Here's the long story,

Here in NYC kids do not just go to our local neighborhood high school (called our zoned school). Kids can apply to any school in the city. They can make 12 choices in addition to applying to specialized high schools which require a test or audition. They are only accepted to one of their 12 choice schools and any specialized schools they make. My DD's first choice was an art school about 10 miles from our house, her second choice was a large local school but not our zoned school. She also auditioned for a specialized art school (the "Fame" school). She found out in Feb that she got into the "Fame school and her second choice school. After some discussion she decided to go to the local school because she was too scared to take the subway into the city for the "Fame" school. I was very dissapointed but accepted it.

Well on Thursday we get a call from her first choice Art school, that they had some room and would like to offer her a seat. Her was so excited, I was thrilled but she wasn't sure. After going to look at the school again she decided she didn't want to go there and stick with her second choice school.

DH and I want her to go to the Art school, it is small (only 700 students) in a new building, has a great reputation and a lot of private funding, it is sponsored by Tony Bennit. Going to this school could open many doors in the future for DD. The school is near where I work and I could take to and from school each day. She loves art is is talented however she loves gymnastics more and this school has almost no sports and when DD mentioned cheerleading to the person who talked to her, the woman make a face. She has several friends going to this school.

The other school is a big school, 4000 students. It is a good school (DS is graduating from there and has done well) but very impersonal. Also they got a new principal last year and I am not fond of the way he is running the school. She wants to go there because it has a gymnastics team that she would have no trouble getting on. There is no art she got in on dance. Also she would have to take 3 buses by herself to get (I could pick her up). She has no friends going to this school.

Should we force her to go to the art school? DD is 14 and I'm not sure she is looking at this the way she should. If she doesn't like it she could not go to the other school but could go to our zoned school which is equal to the other local but doesn't have gymnastics but does have cheerleading.

Thanks for any insight, we have to let the Art school know by tomorrow.

What a fabulous opportunity! Especially that it is sponsored by Tony Bennett!
That being said, "force" No.....what does she want to do in life? I know 14 is young but not really to think about the future. She won't make a living as a cheerleader (well I'm sure some do like for the NFL or something but I would guess that is a L O N G shot). I had a similar situation with my DD (now 35 y/o) and I suggested ROTC when she was in HS. I wanted her to open her mind & opportunites....she loved it & ended up going to a military college and is now a Major USMC. If your DD agrees to give it a try, can she do that for a year term? If she is truly talented and since you're on this board I venture to guess she is a Disney fan too....you know I would tell her there are so many opportunities when it comes to a career in animation and art school would be a great place to start......hope she makes a great choice

 

[mom2val]

Just my 2 cents.... our dd would and does go the school we choose. Sorry but she is a child and does not a get an opinion. We as her parents make the choice based on what we feel is best for her and her future.

 

[dizneechic]

I would encourage her to go to the Art school and look into finding an out of school dance or cheer program for her to pursue that. Where we are there are many fabulous dance schools/programs for young adults to pursue but very little in the form of Art outside of programs in school and secondary education. A career can be had in any of those fields, so maybe sit down and look a little further into each of them and see what options are available for each path to help sway the decision.

 

[msmama]

I would try to encourage her to go to the Art school.

My assumption is that if she didn't like the art school she'd be able to transfer to one of the other schools, but the opposite isn't the case.

I'd try to get her to tell you more about WHY she wants to go to the other school though. Is she intimidated? Is she really not as into it as she once was?

Does she have an idea of what she wants to be when she grows up? (I'm guessing at that age, the art school would fit her desires more than a regular school). Is the Art school still going to get her a good all around education?

Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[mdsouth]

I would accept the Art School position and then check out private cheerleading/gymnastics programs in your area that she can do outside of school.

As her parents, you need to take the lead on this decision. As a middle school teacher, I know kids are confused at this age and often afraid to venture out of their norm. You DD thinks she wants the large school right now, but that is because she is comfortable with this option since your son went there.

It sounds like her heart is drawn to the art school or fame school since these were top choices for her. She is just afraid right now of the unknown. That is where you, her parents, should take the lead. Accept the spot at the Art School and then find other avenues that she can pursue the cheerleading/gymnastics interests.

I think you and your DD will always wonder and regret not taking the chance at the Art School if you pass it up. Plus, you will be able to take her there yourself over sending her to school on public transportation by herself.

 

[*Seanaci*]

I disagree with one poster who said your daughter is a child and has no opinion. She is 14...growing into a young woman...and should be allowed to voice/express her opinion on where she wants to go.


With that being said, I wouldn't force her to go to the Art School. however, like the previous two posters would highly encourage it. In the end, I feel it is DD's choice where she wants to go. Might I ask, was she in Cheerleading or gymnastics in Middle School? If so, how were her overall grades with participation in those extracurriculars? Personally, I would base the decision on that alone. If she did well in classes while taking the extracurriculars in her middle school, then by all means, let her attend the school she wants to attend.

Also keep in mind, even if she goes to the art school does not mean she will get anywhere in life with an art degree (as you already mentioned regarding cheerleading).

Good luck!

 

[Minniemama350]

I would accept the Art School position and then check out private cheerleading/gymnastics programs in your area that she can do outside of school.

As her parents, you need to take the lead on this decision. As a middle school teacher, I know kids are confused at this age and often afraid to venture out of their norm. You DD thinks she wants the large school right now, but that is because she is comfortable with this option since your son went there.

It sounds like her heart is drawn to the art school or fame school since these were top choices for her. She is just afraid right now of the unknown. That is where you, her parents, should take the lead. Accept the spot at the Art School and then find other avenues that she can pursue the cheerleading/gymnastics interests.

I think you and your DD will always wonder and regret not taking the chance at the Art School if you pass it up. Plus, you will be able to take her there yourself over sending her to school on public transportation by herself.

I taught HS for 10 years and found that kids often make choices based upon things that seem very important at the time because they cannot yet see the big picture. This seems like the best alternative to me because she will be able then to pursue each of the areas that interest her.

My son was temporariy angry with me two years ago because I would not send him to the school his friends were going to. In the end, he has been very happy with my choice for him. This was way to big o a choice for someone his age with that lack of life experience.

 

[foltzy]

My parents wanted me to go to a vocational school for High School. I applied and was excepted. The more I thought about it the more I realized that it wouldn't help with what I wanted to do with my life. So I talked to my parents and had to go to school and withdraw my application. The school was stunned, my parents were stunned but it was the best decision for me.

I went to my local high school and went on to college for an Education degree. That has been my dream since I was 5 years old. Vocational school wouldn't have helped with that. I'm glad my parents left me make that choice for myself. It was a very important decision.

 

[DAPford]

My dd was accepted at all 3 choice schools she applied to last year and all were very different ( vo-tech, a military and med/science magnet) plus had the option of the tradional high school in our area We sat down as a family listed pros and cons for each the only thing not allowed to be included was friends after looking at sports schedules learning styles and her career choice she decided on the votech school and has been accepted into the Nursing program all in all it was important to let her Talk talk talk about all her options and let her make the final choice because as parents we had already approved any of the choices she applied for ( meaning there was another school she thought she wanted and we would not let her apply ) I am happy to say she loves her school and is very happy with her decision and knows it was her decision. yes we are her parents but we have to teach her to make choices.

 

[Skylarr29]

Just my 2 cents.... our dd would and does go the school we choose. Sorry but she is a child and does not a get an opinion. We as her parents make the choice based on what we feel is best for her and her future.

I agree. I do not think children understand the big picture when it comes to some of the choices they make. IMO it is too big of a decision for a teenager.

 

[samandryanmom]

We've recently been through this as well with our eighth grade DS. He was accepted into four great schools and was completely overwhelmed by having to make the choice. He was wavering between schools because different friends were going different places. My DH and I finally stepped in and chose for him. Next year he is going to a private Catholic high school with only 400 or so students. He has ADHD and is still very immature so we felt this will be the best choice for him.

I would encourage the art school for your DD. It sounds like a wonderful opportunity. Good luck with whatever is decided.

 

[Planogirl]

I would sit down with her and explain why the first school is the best choice. Just forcing her without comment could lead to rebellion and her not doing as well as she could.

It's ultimately your decision but you should definitely keep her involved in the decision-making process IMO.

 

[princessmom29]

Just my 2 cents.... our dd would and does go the school we choose. Sorry but she is a child and does not a get an opinion. We as her parents make the choice based on what we feel is best for her and her future.

Be very careful with this course of action. As a high school teacher I have seen it blow up in the face of many a well meaning parent when thier child deliberately self destructs Junior or Senior year when they decide, rightly so, that ultimately they get to make thier own decisions and Mommy and Daddy do not dictate their career path. Typically teens who do not feel that their opinions are heard and valued end up rebelling at some point, often with disasterous results. If not in high school, it will come in college or shortly thereafter, and will carry a lot of pent up resentment and anger with it. A child with no voice is a ticking time bomb.

 

[JeffreyY]

We went to my parents this afternoon and my mother spoke to DD (and bribed her a little) and she has decided to give the art school a try. If she is really unhappy she can go to our zoned school at any time.

There are no sports in her middle school. She is already in a gymnastics program after school three days a week and will continue competing with this team no matter which school she goes to.

I read her your responses, she was impressed and this helped feel better about going to the art school.

Thank you for your fast responses on Mother's day, they helped reenforce our feels about strongly encouraging her to attend the art school.

PS. sorry I spelled Tony Bennett's name wrong.

 

[MSSANDRA]

You sound like good parents, glad it worked out!!!

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

I haven't read the other posts...

but, have you considered sitting down with your daughter and making a pro/con list of the two schools? Help her research the successes of both programs and really dig into what she would get out of both places. I can imagine the subway would be worrisome for young lady - is there a possible alternative to the transportation issue? Could one of you drive her to school each day?

I would not push her towards the school, but I would help her make an informed decision with her choices. It's tough for teens to leave their comfort zone, but if you help her look into her options and then support her decision on the research over her fears you will probably end up with the best possible solution for her future.

CONGRATS on her acceptance!

 

[Luvchefmic]

We went to my parents this afternoon and my mother spoke to DD (and bribed her a little) and she has decided to give the art school a try. If she is really unhappy she can go to our zoned school at any time.

There are no sports in her middle school. She is already in a gymnastics program after school three days a week and will continue competing with this team no matter which school she goes to.

I read her your responses, she was impressed and this helped feel better about going to the art school.

Thank you for your fast responses on Mother's day, they helped reenforce our feels about strongly encouraging her to attend the art school.

PS. sorry I spelled Tony Bennett's name wrong.

That was a terrific way to end Mothers Day for you all...as a side note please tell her that my DD (I told you about her I was the first poster to your dilemma ) that many times along the way my DD was scared, unsure, all the things that all of us feel when venturing on a new path..keep your lines of communication open & all will be fine. This is a new world and I believe that 14 is not the same as 14 used to be, most are wise and mature beyond their years simply because of the world and all it has to offer. I would love to hear from you again & her feelings/progress. As someone mentioned of course there are no guarantees she will end up in a career in art. There are no guarantees in anything, right? But it would be a tragedy to look back and wonder....what if ?

PS....You didn't ask but as one with Italian roots I have to say Tony Bennetts real name is Anthony Dominick Benedetto and I don't think he'd mind you spelled his public name wrong


Ruthie

 

[brockash]

Here's the long story,

Here in NYC kids do not just go to our local neighborhood high school (called our zoned school). Kids can apply to any school in the city. They can make 12 choices in addition to applying to specialized high schools which require a test or audition. They are only accepted to one of their 12 choice schools and any specialized schools they make. My DD's first choice was an art school about 10 miles from our house, her second choice was a large local school but not our zoned school. She also auditioned for a specialized art school (the "Fame" school). She found out in Feb that she got into the "Fame school and her second choice school. After some discussion she decided to go to the local school because she was too scared to take the subway into the city for the "Fame" school. I was very dissapointed but accepted it.

Well on Thursday we get a call from her first choice Art school, that they had some room and would like to offer her a seat. Her was so excited, I was thrilled but she wasn't sure. After going to look at the school again she decided she didn't want to go there and stick with her second choice school.

DH and I want her to go to the Art school, it is small (only 700 students) in a new building, has a great reputation and a lot of private funding, it is sponsored by Tony Bennit. Going to this school could open many doors in the future for DD. The school is near where I work and I could take to and from school each day. She loves art is is talented however she loves gymnastics more and this school has almost no sports and when DD mentioned cheerleading to the person who talked to her, the woman make a face. She has several friends going to this school.

The other school is a big school, 4000 students. It is a good school (DS is graduating from there and has done well) but very impersonal. Also they got a new principal last year and I am not fond of the way he is running the school. She wants to go there because it has a gymnastics team that she would have no trouble getting on. There is no art she got in on dance. Also she would have to take 3 buses by herself to get (I could pick her up). She has no friends going to this school.

Should we force her to go to the art school? DD is 14 and I'm not sure she is looking at this the way she should. If she doesn't like it she could not go to the other school but could go to our zoned school which is equal to the other local but doesn't have gymnastics but does have cheerleading.

Thanks for any insight, we have to let the Art school know by tomorrow.

Yes, I'd make her. I know it kinda sounds harsh, but honestly, if she wanted to orginally go there, then I'm sure she really does, she's probably just a little scared. A lot of ppl., especially teens, pass up great opportunities, because they have fear of the unknown. There were so many things I passes up as a kid because it would mean leaving my comfort zone ect., and I wish my parents would have made me do them. I would just go in explaining to her that to really live life ppl. have to take chances and get out of the comfort zones somtimes to find really great things ect., and just reassure her that everything will be fine ect.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

My parents forced me to apply to a charter high school that was about 45 minutes from home. I really hated my middle school, so I was looking for a way out of the community, anyway, but I had to be pushed to go to high school where I did.

Lo and behold, my parents knew me better than I knew myself. I had a wonderful four years, learned a ton, and made great friends.