OT: Should I tell my son @ Santa?

[drcbpearce]

I am in a real quandary and need some advice from others who have gone before me. My DS is 9yo and a very sweet and caring boy. Example, during 'March of the Penguins' when one of the eggs hits the ice and they show the rapid progression of the egg freezing, he boohooed for ten minutes. when the ASPCA commercial w/Sarah Maclaclan comes on and shows the poor homeless pets, he cries b/c it's so sad how some people treat animals. Earlier this week, I accidentally let it slip that when he was 3 and my DD was a baby, we had to take our dog back to the SPCA b/c he had become aggressive and we were afraid he might bite one of them. We had always told them that the dog had run away. He truly did get out of our yard on a regular basis, so this was not a stretch. but when it slipped out about him a few days ago, my DS became very upset. I apologized to him and explained the reason we had told him that was b/c he was too young to really understand then. I told him we loved them more than the dog and if I had to make a choice, it would my children every time. His response, 'It's all been a lie!" Made me feel horrible, but I know why I did it and I don't regret it. But then he asked if there were any other 'lies' I'd told him and made me promise to never lie to him again.

Here's my quandary. I nearly told him right then about Santa, but my 6yo DD was less than 10ft away from us. I don't want to ruin the magic for her. I am really tempted to let him in on the 'secret', I really think he can keep it to himself and that it will make him feel like he's being allowed into a club. So....who has gone thru this and how did it turn out? Advice please!

 

[bdiddy]

I don't have any advice to you yet about Santa but your post hit a nerve with me because we had to put our dog to sleep last year because he had gotten very aggressive and bit our daughter in the face. Luckily she was fine but it was the last in a long string of events. It was the hardest thing we've even done because he had been part of our family for 7 yrs and both kids really loved him. Our daughter was 4 then (son was 2) and we told her that he had to go live on a special farm for mean dogs. I was kicking myself later on because I should have just told her he got hit by a car and died that way we could talk about him like he is dead. Now she'll say things like "Can we send Harley a Christmas present" and it just breaks my heart. I just didn't know how to explain to her that we were putting him down without making it seem like it was her fault since she is the one that got bit.

Anyway - after reading your post I'm really worried about if and when we should tell her the truth. She is really sensititive too so I don't know what to do.

Maybe could get through this Christmas and maybe next Spring or Summer spill the beans to him about Santa. Christmas won't be so fresh in his mind and maybe he'll mature a little bit?? Wish I had better advice to you about that!

Good luck!

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

Don't fight it... let it ride as if nothing is different. I wonder if you wanted to spill about Santa because he called you a liar or you really do want to let him know?? I'm almost 100% positive it is option #2, but I know I want to say some things when the kiddos hit below the belt.

It's too close to Christmas this year to do anything about it. Don't let the Santa secret out now as you risk him being down through the entire holiday season AND conveying it to the younger kiddo and causing things to be in a downward spiral.

Then again, you could always be like my parents and have wrapped presents from Santa in the hallway closet... in July.

 

[wmharley]

tell him its just some fat old dude in a red suit.

 

[WantToGoNow]

I would think a 9 y/o already knows about Santa and is just playing along. My ds is 8 and has known for the past 2 years. Dd5 is even suspecting. Kids are brighter than we give them credit for.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I would just let it go for now because it's to close to Christmas. I made that mistake with my older child one year. It was like a week or so before Christmas and she was home sick from school, and it was the last day of a good sale at TRU and I had to pick up a few last minute things. So, after we got out of the DR's office we went to TRU. You guessed it. She started with the questions and I told her right then and there. I was heartless and I hated myself for it later, but after she wiped the tear away from her face, she felt cool to know and the younger ones didn't.

My youngest is now about to turn 9 in a couple of weeks and he still doesn't know. He qustions me, but I play it off. We are all trying to keep him from finding out for another year or so. Once they know, it takes most of the fun away. IMO

 

[drcbpearce]

My DS has asked me the past couple of years if I believe in Santa. And I do, but not in the same way he does. I believe there are people out there who do good things for others, just for the sake of doing them. I believe in the spirit of love and caring and giving unconditionally. I really feel like he's on the verge of not believing any more, especially when he comes home from school telling me so-and-so doesn't believe. When i ask what he thinks he says he believes in Santa. So...I probably will just let it go this year.

I didn't want to tell him b/c he said I lied, I wanted to tell him b/c I wanted to have all the cards out on the table and be honest with him about it. Does that make sense? It's hard to not spill your guts when one of the people you love most in the world looks up at you with big, watery blue eyes and asks a tough question.

thanks for all of the input everyone.

 

[drcbpearce]

I don't have any advice to you yet about Santa but your post hit a nerve with me because we had to put our dog to sleep last year because he had gotten very aggressive and bit our daughter in the face. Luckily she was fine but it was the last in a long string of events. It was the hardest thing we've even done because he had been part of our family for 7 yrs and both kids really loved him. Our daughter was 4 then (son was 2) and we told her that he had to go live on a special farm for mean dogs. I was kicking myself later on because I should have just told her he got hit by a car and died that way we could talk about him like he is dead. Now she'll say things like "Can we send Harley a Christmas present" and it just breaks my heart. I just didn't know how to explain to her that we were putting him down without making it seem like it was her fault since she is the one that got bit.

Anyway - after reading your post I'm really worried about if and when we should tell her the truth. She is really sensititive too so I don't know what to do.

Maybe could get through this Christmas and maybe next Spring or Summer spill the beans to him about Santa. Christmas won't be so fresh in his mind and maybe he'll mature a little bit?? Wish I had better advice to you about that!

Good luck!

In reading your post and thinking about your situation, you could tell her you called the 'Mean Dog Farm' to see how he's doing and they told you he died, or something along those lines. That would put it to rest and she's young enough that hopefully she'll get over it quickly. I should've told my kids the dog had been hit by a car, but it seemed to make more sense and I thought it would cause less heartache to tell them he ran away, since it was what he did anyway. Ugh. Why does it have to be so hard sometimes? Where's my "Parenting Manual"? I think it got lost in the mail!

 

[bdiddy]

In reading your post and thinking about your situation, you could tell her you called the 'Mean Dog Farm' to see how he's doing and they told you he died, or something along those lines. That would put it to rest and she's young enough that hopefully she'll get over it quickly. I should've told my kids the dog had been hit by a car, but it seemed to make more sense and I thought it would cause less heartache to tell them he ran away, since it was what he did anyway. Ugh. Why does it have to be so hard sometimes? Where's my "Parenting Manual"? I think it got lost in the mail!

That is such a great idea!! I can't believe I didn't think of it before. I'll have to talk to my DH about it tonight and maybe wait until after our trip & Christmas and we are into the new year a little bit. The one yr anniversary will be around then anyway so I'm sure the tears I'll have will be definitely be real!!

 

[crysplefty]

I would just let him keep on believing. Kids grow up so fast these days, why take away one of the last pieces of innocence he has. It will not hurt him to continue believing in Santa. One day he will come to you with questions about whether or not Santa is real, probably due to other kids telling him he is not, and at that time you can let him in on the secret. He'll probably come to you within the next two years and ask you about it, but for now I'd let him hold on to the belief.

 

[wmharley]

Our DD5 doesn't outright know there isn't, but we tell her that Santa is a person who is helping Jesus, so the focus isn't on Santa so much.

She's ok with it and knows the reason for the season, isn't the large red guy. We also have sprinkled the Santa story with the story of giving, and that its more important to give than to expect toys from him, so the fall won't be large when she knows for sure...

 

[everylastbreath]

Frist off- he's 9 years old, he knows Santa's not real, but in his mind he wants to believe so let him, let him keep his childhood- why tell him something to make yourself feel better, your not telling him for him.

I lied to my kids until they told me, "come on Mom!" I would still be lying now if it would work- by the time they know the truth, they understand that it's not really a lie, its a belief, and I'm telling you - I still believe in Santa, once you don't Christmas has no magic.

 

[Drusilla]

What do you mean Santa's not real???? I'm 38 and Santa still brings me gifts every year - and they're the best gifts of all!!!

Geez, next thing you're going to tell me that I didn't meet the real Snow White at WDW!!!!

 

[everylastbreath]

What do you mean Santa's not real???? I'm 38 and Santa still brings me gifts every year - and they're the best gifts of all!!!

Geez, next thing you're going to tell me that I didn't meet the real Snow White at WDW!!!!

You & I are the only ones here that Santa's gonna visit this year!


BELIEVE

 

[drcbpearce]

Thanks for all of the advice, everyone. I agree that they do grow up too quickly and I can't believe he's 9 already. I work really hard to make sure they don't watch things that are not age-appropriate b/c I know soon enough they will be teenagers and have more attitude than I can handle. Whatever I can do to allow them to be children as long as they can be, I'll do. Until he's 24 and still wants to live at home then I might have to draw the line!

I'm going to keep my trap shut. And i do agree, once you know about Santa, it does seem like the magic is gone, until you have children of your own.

Thanks everyone, HO HO HO!!!

 

[Skooch]

So here is my two cents for what it is worth.... Anyone who is really into the message behind Disney should realize that regardless of what is "Real" or not, it is often the feeling that becomes most important. That being said, anything that we truly believe with our heart and soul has the ability to become "Real" so Santa Claus is very real when you get to the heart of what he represents. Let's take this song from the Rankin Bass Holiday Special "Year without a Santa Claus" as a perfect lesson for all of us.

I believe in Santa Claus
Like I believe in love
I believe in Santa Claus
And everything he does
There's no question in my mind
That he does exist
Just like love I know he's there
Waiting to be missed

I believe in Santa Claus
But there was a time
I had thought I'd grown too old
For such a childish rhyme
He became a dream to me
Till one Christmas night
Someone stood beside my bed
With a beard of white


'So you're too old for Santa Claus'
He said with a smile
'Then you're too old for all the things
That make a life worth while
For what is happiness, but dreams?
And do they all come true?
Look at me and tell me son
What is real to you'


Just believe in Santa Claus
Like you believe in love
Just believe in Santa Claus
And everything he does
Wipe that question from your mind
YES! He does exist
Just like love
You know he's there
Waiting to be missed
Just like love
You know he's there
Waiting to be missed

Isn't this what Disney represents in everything that it does? Childhood is short enough so let children be children for as long as they can....let our kids become Princesses, Princes, Fairies, etc.... and not just children... us adults should try being children as often as possible... Life is way too short.

 

[drcbpearce]

Thank you Skooch! That song is beautiful and really brought tears to my eyes. I totally agree. My daughter is a princess daily, but my DS has stopped dressing up so much these days. We always remind them exactly what Christmas is about, not fat guys in a red suit or presents, but what we're really celebrating Jesus' birth. It's hard w/all the advertising shoving stuff down our throats, but we make sure they really understand.

Thanks everyone. You have really helped me.

 

[wmharley]

i remember when I found out... I between 8 and 10yo.. I foudn the toys I asked for in my parent's closet. naturally, i played with those GoBots when I got home from school and before my parents came home.

Almost go caught when one wouldn't transform back and mom was coming in the door.

then anotehr time, for 3 kings day, my parent's came in and put the gift under the bed but I was awake and saw them.

 

[jeepgirl30]

My DD is 9 too. She is also very senstive. She has been nagging me for a few years and I just say "if you don't believe you don't receive" and "of course he is real". However, this past weekend we had a heart to heart.

A couple days before she was in tears because kids at school teased her and called her a baby for believing. I know she knows and felt I needed to come clean with her.

I explained the spirit of Santa and the true meaning of Christmas is all very real but is different for some people. I said the actual guy in a suit is not real but what he represented was very real.

Her reaction? "I'm just glad you FINALLY told me the truth for ONCE". She promised to continue to play along in front of her brother and her cousins.

Each kid is different, do what you feel is best for him.

 

[crisi]

Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practise to deceive!

-Sir Walter Scott