OT: Send kids to daycare while you are home?

[mrsltg]

Yes it's wrong. Did you have children so someone else could raise them? As a teacher don't you understand the importance of raising your children? Your home by 4pm, my DH dosent get home until 7pm and he would NEVER want them in daycare when he was home all day. Thankfully we have never had to put them in such a place.

When you have children they always come first. No question.

Clearly her children do come first or she would have left them home with the cat.

I raise my children. I also work fulltime and enjoy the occasional day off when my older dd is in school and my younger dd is at daycare. I am able to work around the house, go shopping without the cacaphony of, "are we done?", or, God forbid, spend some time doing something I enjoy and remembering the fact that indeed, I am ME.

For instance, two weeks ago my older dd's school was closed due to an ice storm. My boss expected me to stay home. Instead, I took baby to daycare so I could attend a meeting with the President. Not "a" president, THE PRESIDENT. Clearly this is an extreme example but was I going to miss the opportunity? NO! Just like other parents shouldn't miss the opportunity to relax every now and again.

To the OP - there is nothing wrong with this. You deserve some time, too.

 

[rt2dz]

I have not read all the responses, very intentionally; I want to give an uninfluenced opinion.

I am a SAHM. I decided that as soon as I was able, I would not work. I just couldn't stand the idea of not being there once my first was born, before that I had planned on being a working mom. That doesn't mean I will always be a SAHM, I tend to look ahead and keep my resume up. You never know what the world will bring that might require me going back to work.

However, my kids all go to preschool even though I am home. And I swear it is the best thing I have done for them. They love it. They love what they do there. They love being with other kids. And all the teachers are great, especially the ones we have had. It has been good for them on so many levels. Socially. Seperating from me. Learning different routines. Preparing them for school. It's just great. Not to mention, all I can get done. Laundry. Clean house (I tend to spend my time with the kids when they are home--which is the majority of the time--rather than dusting, it's not going anywhere and the kids are growing up). Run errands. Doctors appointments. Grown-up conversation with a friend so I don't totally loose my identity.

So, do I think it is wrong? Absolutely not. One, they like it. Two, they are getting something important from it. Three, productive, happy parents is also good for them. Four, it could be more upsetting to change their routine.

If you know what you are doing is right for your family; do not even consider allowing anyone to second guess you. There are all sorts of different ways to do things--home schooling, public school, private school. Music or Art lessons. Baseball or basketball. Bottled water or Tap. Point is, it can get a little silly. Truly, I believe those that feel that you are totally "wrong", really need to justify to themselves that they are making good decision/filled with self-doubt. I mean not were not talking about anything that is black and white like murder...

 

[kribit]

Wow, some people are so judgemental. I don't see anything wrong with what you did. It was only 2 days and what does it matter to your friend anyway? I just don't understand why people care so much about what others do with their time.

I do applaud you and the working moms out there who juggle both work and home, as it's like 2 full time jobs. I have a hard enough time working full time at home with 2 little ones. Sometimes I can barely keep up with all the housework, errands, balancing the checkbook, etc...

That dirty laundry keeps showing up in my basket to wash, fluff, and fold.

 

[DVCLiz]

I have not read all the responses, very intentionally; I want to give an uninfluenced opinion.

I am a SAHM. I decided that as soon as I was able, I would not work. I just couldn't stand the idea of not being there once my first was born, before that I had planned on being a working mom. That doesn't mean I will always be a SAHM, I tend to look ahead and keep my resume up. You never know what the world will bring that might require me going back to work.

However, my kids all go to preschool even though I am home. And I swear it is the best thing I have done for them. They love it. They love what they do there. They love being with other kids. And all the teachers are great, especially the ones we have had. It has been good for them on so many levels. Socially. Seperating from me. Learning different routines. Preparing them for school. It's just great. Not to mention, all I can get done. Laundry. Clean house (I tend to spend my time with the kids when they are home--which is the majority of the time--rather than dusting, it's not going anywhere and the kids are growing up). Run errands. Doctors appointments. Grown-up conversation with a friend so I don't totally loose my identity.

So, do I think it is wrong? Absolutely not. One, they like it. Two, they are getting something important from it. Three, productive, happy parents is also good for them. Four, it could be more upsetting to change their routine.

If you know what you are doing is right for your family; do not even consider allowing anyone to second guess you. There are all sorts of different ways to do things--home schooling, public school, private school. Music or Art lessons. Baseball or basketball. Bottled water or Tap. Point is, it can get a little silly. Truly, I believe those that feel that you are totally "wrong", really need to justify to themselves that they are making good decision/filled with self-doubt. I mean not were not talking about anything that is black and white like murder...

This makes me think of an interesting situation in our town, among our circle of moms who were facing these issues when I was a parent of preschool children (about ten years ago.) The working moms who used daycare were usually gossiped about, in much the same way I am sad to see on this thread (Why did she have children if she wasn't going to raise them? type stuff) but the SAHMs who sent their kids to preschool (and every single one of them did - some even sent their husbands out to get in line at 5am on sign-up day, because space was limited and it was very competitive) were seen as doing the "right" thing - even though what they were doing on at least 3 of those preschool days was meeting at 10 to play tennis for 2 hours. And they successfully lobbied to extend the preschool an hour so they could shower and have lunch before carpool.

Call it "daycare" and use it to earn money for your family=bad.
Call it preschool and use it so you can have a sociala life=good.

I'm really glad I'm now old enough to have some real perspective on this issue, and to see that it doens't matter a bit in the long run what your children do during the days of their preschool years, as long as they are doing it in a safe and nurturing environment.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

I'm really glad I'm now old enough to have some real perspective on this issue, and to see that it doens't matter a bit in the long run what your children do during the days of their preschool years, as long as they are doing it in a safe and nurturing environment.

Exactly!

When DS was little and in daycare (earlier years) and preschool (later years), I had to deal with the tsk tsk mommies and although I knew I was doing what was right for my family, that little voice in the back of my head would ask, "what if he is going to resent me when he's older?"

Now that he is older, I can see that he has turned into a wonderful person and I have no doubt that he wouldn't be any better had I stayed home.

 

[TMB1203]

There's nothing wrong with it. I sometimes take the day off to catch up on housework or school work (I am getting my MBA), and send my son to daycare. I am paying for it, why not use it.

He loves it there. It's his normal routine and I could not get my stuff done if he was at home with me.

 

[TikiGoddess2006]

Original Poster here.

When I posted this question I knew I would get a WIDE range of answers. It's always nice to hear from other moms and how they handle things. Thank you, this is great!

That being said, I am very secure in my decision to send my kids to daycare when we are home. As I see it, it's a win-win situation. DH and I get time to do tasks that would otherwise take us away from spending time with our children, and we actually get to RELAX a little. Taking time away from my children is important to me (if momma ain't happy...). I know myself. I could never be a stay at home mom. I LOVE my children to the ends of the earth, but I am also an individual with goals outside of having children. I love my job and how much time it gives me to spend with my children. The school year is only 185 days -- that is one reason I chose a teaching career. It's a nice balance of work and family. I want to be a good role model for my kids. I want them to see that I am a woman who can be successful and happy in a career and also be a loving mom.

Preparing to be flamed...

Why are parents viewed to be uncaring when they take time for themselves? It seems to me that in a family, the kids should be second to the parents. How else are the kids going to learn their place in the world, to follow authority, rules (do I sound like a teacher??) ? When you make the child the center of the universe you as a parent have lost your authority. I am not about to have everything revolve around a 4 yr old's wishes. My kids get spoiled enough (all those trip to WDW...) but they know that mom and dad are going to give them some structure they can rely on and boundaries that will not change. And they are happy well adjusted kids (you should hear my oldest one sing... and since I'm a music teacher, that's really important! The youngest one has a fire in her belly and a twinkle in her eye -- couldn't have two more opposite girls!).

Sorry, had to brag. Anyway, keep the responses coming (and keep it nice, kids!).

TikiG

 

[NY Disney fan]

When you have children they always come first. No question.

Actually the health and sanity of the parent comes first so they can adequately take care of the children. If nothing gets done around the house because the kids constantly need attention then nobody is happy!

Children come first but not at the expense of the health of parent and home.

 

[DVCLiz]

I don't think children should come first either. I tihnk parents need and deserve some time to be adults - together and alone. I think children should be planned for, wanted, loved, provided for, nurtured, and on and on, but come first always? Ick, what kind of child would that produce? Not one I would want to have on my hands when adulthood rolled around.

 

[jennifer293]

Original Poster here.

Preparing to be flamed...

Why are parents viewed to be uncaring when they take time for themselves? It seems to me that in a family, the kids should be second to the parents. How else are the kids going to learn their place in the world, to follow authority, rules (do I sound like a teacher??) ? When you make the child the center of the universe you as a parent have lost your authority. I am not about to have everything revolve around a 4 yr old's wishes. My kids get spoiled enough (all those trip to WDW...) but they know that mom and dad are going to give them some structure they can rely on and boundaries that will not change. And they are happy well adjusted kids (you should hear my oldest one sing... and since I'm a music teacher, that's really important! The youngest one has a fire in her belly and a twinkle in her eye -- couldn't have two more opposite girls!).

I couldn't agree with you more!!! I also think that if parents don't take time out for one another they will lose sight of why they got married in the first place. Sometimes we get a little too focused on our children and it ends up damaging the relationship between mom and dad!!

If you know in your heart you are a good mother then it does not matter what anyone else thinks!!

 

[kribit]

Call it "daycare" and use it to earn money for your family=bad.
Call it preschool and use it so you can have a sociala life=good.

This is really sad. I'm actually embarassed for us SAHM's that commend the working moms. My best friend of many years has 4 children and she works full time. In meeting some of her friends, I noticed a clear and obvious jealousy from her other friends that stay home that she manages to juggle work and bea good mom. Just because someone sends their children to daycare, pre-school, nursery school...whatever you want to call it, does not make them any less of a parent. As a matter of fact, there are some days that I thank God I don't have to contend with adult gossip in the workplace. My job prior to children was extremely stressful and I honestly don't think I could go back to it now after having children. Imagine having a stressful job and being a parent at the same time. I say "bravo" to those that can work and parent well at the same time.

Never been flamed in 700 posts, but there is always a first time. I used to live in a upper middle class neighborhood where ALL but a few of the mothers stayed home. They used to brag up, down, and all around that they were "the best mothers in the world," because they gave up their high paying jobs to stay home and raise their children. Well, I don't want to generalize because it is absolutely not like this with everyone, but this particular group of women should have returned to work. I managed to escape the "playgroup wrath" as I like to call it, because all they did during those 2 hours was sit around and talk about the "odd mom out" and how awful that mom was for working. To add insult to injury, these moms had absolutely no business "bragging," as their children would have been better off in daycare actually learning something. Most of these mothers thought a playroom full of toys was the answer to good parenting. I'm babbling...I guess my point is people should not judge another...everyone is different.

Oh, by the way op - If it makes you feel better, I'm a SAHM that (GASP) doesn't send my children to preschool, and believe me, I'm in a whole different category with the mom gossips. I just say "get a life."

 

[mom2aredhead]

It's a typical example of "Mommy Wars" - "Mean Girls" grown up - ridiculous!!
My son is in "pre-school" (is that more acceptable than calling it "daycare") 2 days/week. I have sent him on days I was not at work. I will do it again.
I will be starting to take classes to finalize my teacher certification in May and June, and will probably send him 3 days/week during those months so that I am able to get work done for those classes. I don't see a problem with it. I chose the place he goes carefully, I am comfortable with the poeple he is with. I do not care about the opinions of SAHM's that make different choices. I have my opinions about some of the choices they may have made, and I choose to keep them to myself.
However, I am getting a kick out of some of the more vigilant ones that feel the need to put people down in order to justify their own life decisions. Makes for good entertainment.

 

[DVCLiz]

This is really sad. I'm actually embarassed for us SAHM's that commend the working moms. My best friend of many years has 4 children and she works full time. In meeting some of her friends, I noticed a clear and obvious jealousy from her other friends that stay home that she manages to juggle work and bea good mom. Just because someone sends their children to daycare, pre-school, nursery school...whatever you want to call it, does not make them any less of a parent. As a matter of fact, there are some days that I thank God I don't have to contend with adult gossip in the workplace. My job prior to children was extremely stressful and I honestly don't think I could go back to it now after having children. Imagine having a stressful job and being a parent at the same time. I say "bravo" to those that can work and parent well at the same time.

Never been flamed in 700 posts, but there is always a first time. I used to live in a upper middle class neighborhood where ALL but a few of the mothers stayed home. They used to brag up, down, and all around that they were "the best mothers in the world," because they gave up their high paying jobs to stay home and raise their children. Well, I don't want to generalize because it is absolutely not like this with everyone, but this particular group of women should have returned to work. I managed to escape the "playgroup wrath" as I like to call it, because all they did during those 2 hours was sit around and talk about the "odd mom out" and how awful that mom was for working. To add insult to injury, these moms had absolutely no business "bragging," as their children would have been better off in daycare actually learning something. Most of these mothers thought a playroom full of toys was the answer to good parenting. I'm babbling...I guess my point is people should not judge another...everyone is different.

Oh, by the way op - If it makes you feel better, I'm a SAHM that (GASP) doesn't send my children to preschool, and believe me, I'm in a whole different category with the mom gossips. I just say "get a life."

What has been interesting to me is to see how some of those roles have reversed, so to speak. At a time in my life when I was finally, after 20 years of fulltime work, able to retire and be a SAHM, several of those moms suddenly went back to work, when tuition needs for private school and college began to be on the horizon. And, in at least half the cases of the group I'm thinking about, when the husbands left them for younger women and the provider was no longer willing to provide.

I look at their children and I'm satisfied that my daughter is as good as, if not better, in every way - academically, socially, spiritually, etc. And I'm also glad I provided her with an honest look at a woman's life - because chances are that, like me, she's going to go through almost all the different stages over the course of her life - workig, staying at home, having children, being married (hopefully not being divorced!) I'm glad she was able to see that you can raise wonderful children in any and all of those circumstances.

 

[DVCLiz]

My son is in "pre-school" (is that more acceptable than calling it "daycare") 2 days/week. ::

Yes, it is - if you're using it for something other than going to a job to work and earn money.If you're doing that, it's bad no matter what you call it. At least that was the attitude of the SAHMs in my neighborhood.

Thankfully, I've since met many many other SAHMs who are sensible women and who just look at me puzzled and say, "Good heavens, why would I care whether you go to work or not? Does it matter to our friendship?" I'm glad to have gotten to that stage, believe me!! And in many cases, I'm now the SAHM and they are working. We all got over this issue a long time ago.

 

[macmahony]

Who cares what any one else thinks? As long as you and your kids are happy, that is all that matters. I think it is important for kids to stick to a schedule, so if they are used to going, then for them, that is great. I stay at home, my two older girls have gone to preschool for 2 1/2 hours 3 days a week since they turned three. They love it, they need it, they love seeing there friends. Our school is much more social, not very academic, which for me is great, we do all that learning at home, and I think at there age it is much much more important for them to be with kids and just play.
My husband is a retired police officer, when he worked, it was nights, days, weekends, etc, and I used to (and still do), go out usually once every week or so with friends. I need it, I need to sit with my friends and talk, and vent, and eat without getting up every five minutes to get the crayons on the floor. I have a lot of friends that won't leave the kids even at night, because oh my gosh the daddy might have to put them to bed. That to me is so silly, I need that time alone, to be me, and I think that any mom that does not take a little time for themselves is doing a huge diservice to themselves and there kids. My husband and I go out very rarely, we just don't have a babysitter, and on the rare occasion, I love it. We need time to be together, to reconnect, to talk with out kids on our heads, and I truly wish we had more time alone together to put into our marriage. Right now with 3 little ones at home, and no real babysitter, that time is limited (thank goodness our kids are usually in bed by 7), but my husband and I were there first, and we are very important, and I want to keep our marriage strong, and happy, because that makes for happy kids, happy lives.
Sorry this got so long, but please, if you are happy, and it works for you, who cares what others think. All moms, working or not, give there lives for there kids, I hate that competition.
I hope you enjoyed your two days together.
Heidi

 

[leighe]

Yes it's wrong. Did you have children so someone else could raise them? As a teacher don't you understand the importance of raising your children? Your home by 4pm, my DH dosent get home until 7pm and he would NEVER want them in daycare when he was home all day. Thankfully we have never had to put them in such a place.

When you have children they always come first. No question.

Are you serious? And no, I don't believe children always come first.

I'm a teacher too. We are very lucky that my MIL keeps DD. I have let her keep DD overnight if I had a ton of things to do after school or needed to go to the grocery or clean house or even if DH and I just wanted to watch a movie and/or go to dinner. I don't see how that is any different from taking a child to day care if you had a day off from work.

I agree with the previous poster who said as long as a child knows they are safe and loved the rest doesn't matter very much.

 

[Dazer22]

If you are on a plane, and the emergency oxygen masks are deployed you(the parent) are advised to put on your mask first. Something to think about.

I'm a SAHM and its taken me time to make sure I take care of myself so I can take care of my children.

 

[pweyl36]

Sorry, hollyb, but this is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read on the DIS. OP, it's perfectly fine to take your girls to their daycare on your days off. That's your decision, and even if you were simply dropping them off and going back home to lie on the sofa and eat bonbons, it would still be perfectly fine to do it.

I get really tired of moms who have decided that daycare is the next best thing to a dog kennel, so I'm having less and less success being pleasantly bland in response to their extreme comments like the one above. How and by whom your children are cared for during the day has no bearing on how you are "raising" your children. Period.

I'm all for each set of parents being able to make their own choices, but parents who are so judgemental about other's choices always make me think they don't have the intelligence to do a very good job with their own children, either.

WELL SAID!

 

[perdidochas]

My DH and I are teachers. We have two little girls, ages 4 and 2. We both work very hard but are lucky to come home around 4pm each day and have the regular school vacations off. The girls are at daycare 3 days a week, with Grandma one day, and with me on Fridays (I am lucky to have one day off a week).

I mentioned to a friend of mine that we had sent the girls to their normal daycare for 2 days of our President's week vacation, so my husband and I could get some things done around the house and have some quiet time. She was surprised that we would do this -- if we were home, we should have kept the girls home with us.

The girls like their daycare, it is a home daycare with a wonderful lady and lots of kids their ages to play with. If they are home with us, most of the day is consumed with playing with them and tending to their needs.

So I'd like to get everyone's philosophy on this. Are we wrong to be sending our kids to daycare while we are home? I'm open to all opinions.

Thank you,
TikiG

Sometimes when you have to get things done around the house,there's nothing better than the kids being away. Also, parents need time without their kids occasionally. I don't have relatives in easy distance (the closest is 3 hrs away), so sometimes a day alone without the kids is useful. Daycare is cheaper than a babysitter, and much less risky.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

When you have children they always come first. No question.

Not on an airplane!!
They always say for the parent to put their oxygen mask on 1st then the child's.