OT: question about a school project

[kt_mom]

My DD4 goes to preschool/daycare everyday. She just started at a new school this fall and seems to like it. They sent home this project last week for the kids to do over the weekend. It was a big yellow traingle and they were to decorate a family penent. So I get out DD's crayons and give her the yellow triangle and told her what the project was. I said you can draw all over it anything that you think represents our family or a picture of our family or things that remind you of our family. So she drew a picture of the three of us. It was really cute and I put it in her backpack and sent it back to school on Monday. So when I drop her off this morning I see them all hanging on the wall and DD's is so plain and almost bare looking compared to the other kids. Her's looks like a child made it and the rest of them obviously look like the parents did them. She was showing me her's and looking kind of sad at the other ones. She said "my teacher said I did a good a job". But it sounded more like a question. I told her it was great and that she did it all by herself and I loved it. But she looked kind of sad.

The other kids were so fancy. They had pictures and construction paper borders around the picutres and writing on them and all kinds of stuff. I wonder if some of the kids even helped with them or if the parents just did them. I thought the idea was to let the kids do it, but I guess not.

I'm tempted to get her's off the wall when I pick her up and take it home and redo it and then hang it back up in the morning. She's the first one there and one of the last ones to leave in the evening so no one would notice that it was gone, just that it had been redone. But I don't know if its worth it or not. Any ideas?

 

[WildGrits]

I just want to say that you are going to have to get use to this. Up untill about 3rd grade most projects, I would say half actually, where obiviously done or coached too much by parents. I mean in the schools setting my girls where in not all schools.

You told her it looked nice. Her teacher told her she did a good job. If you take that project down and re-do it, what are you telling your daughter?

And if you re-so the project, is it going to be a piece of artwork you will treasure years from now?

I wouldn't dwell on it, I know that's hard to do. And when she brings it home, she will be proud of it when it adorns a place of pride on your wall or fridge or where ever you plan on putting her stuff.

Look at it this way, what issues must those other parents have that they wouldn't even let a four year old color their own picture. IT's sad.

And just to let you know, wait till it is time for science projects. Then you will know who has the real issues.

 

[crjack]

WildGrits said it perfectly! My children are now in middle school but most parents will tell you stories of school project craziness, especially in the lower grades. You can always tell which child has a parent that's an engineer, carpenter, etc!

I will say our experience with the teachers was always very positive. They definitely know when a child has had excessive help and always praised and graded appropriately the projects clearly done by the students themselves.

 

[Mkrop]

Welcome to parenting!

Same thing happen to us when DS now 10 had a preschool coat of arms project, although we were told to "help" them I still thought he should be doing the bulk of the project. He wrote our name (14 letters mind you) in his horrible handwriting and drew a picture of us in the pool (did I mention DS10 will never win any art awards ) and then we added some other pictures that we cut out of magazines per the directions. Well we got into school and most of these looked like they were professionally done with calligraphy etc. So I figured it was one of the first time parent lessons, your first ceratinly takes the brunt of those lessons and I learned to guide much more. I also learned that I was going to help him work with his strengths (say actual research on said country or animal) and help him with the art part (did I mention he is horrible in art ) so I bought stencils, and peel off letters and so now at least part of his poster etc looks neater. I chalked it up to living and learning.

And now I am already when DS4 bring home the family coat of arms prpject this year

 

[powellrj]

welcome to the world of school! Please don't redo the project. It would set a bad precedence. Just accept it for what it is, a learning experience for both of you! There are always going to be parents who have bigger and better everything than you do and you just go on.

I will never forget a science project DS did. We followed the project to the letter. It had to be child made, cost under $10 and be something useful. We made a solar oven from a pizza box. It looked homemade and under $10 compared to the other projects, but I have to give it to the teacher, he had DS show his as a example of following directions!

 

[lady9]

As a teacher, I prefer to see children do their own work. Parent help is sometimes needed for clarification but I can tell when a parent has done most of it. I do not give higher grades for perfect work. I did have a parent upset because her child received a "B" on a science project that was "window dressing" quality but the child couldn't tell facts about the animal she was to research when she gave her presentation. Another child with an obviously 3rd grade attempt at a project earned an "A" because he knew all about the animal and its habitat. He read the book and learned from the project. That's the point. The OP is teaching her child that she is capable and worthy of doing her own work and she should be proud! Her child is the one who will grow and gain self-esteem.

 

[janey99]

Try not to sweat it, although personally I'll never forget the year that a 6yo Tiger Cub whose father was the middle school shop teacher won the Cub Scouts Pinewood Derby with a car that looked like it rolled off the line in Detroit!

 

[kt_mom]

I'm not going to redo it. I just feel so bad. All the other ones really stand out with pictures and lots of "stuff" on them and her's is just a picture that she drew. And it is partly my fault. I didn't realize it was going to be such a big deal and I just sort of gave it to her to do and enjoy. And all she wanted to do was draw one picture. If I had known that people were going to put hours into this thing then I would have done that with her. Now I know. Hopefully they will do another project soon and we can work together and spend a little more time on it. Although I still feel that she should do the bulk of the work. But I can provide more guidance and resources for her to use. I just didn't realize it would be such a big deal in a class of four year olds.

 

[pixiewings71]

You did the right thing, it's a school project not a parent project. I have 3 DD's, my youngest is in 2nd grade and she does her homework. Yes I will sometimes help but I don't do the major work, she does. And yes, sometimes you can tell hers was done by her with minimal help with Mommy but you can also bet her teacher gives her the best grades and at every conference we have her teachers have always said "I really appreciate how you have Jade do the majority of her school work instead of doing it for her" and you can always tell which kids do their own work and which do it with the "help" of the parents. I know I much prefer to see the kids work myself.

Good job Momma!!!

 

[WildGrits]

Although I still feel that she should do the bulk of the work. But I can provide more guidance and resources for her to use. I just didn't realize it would be such a big deal in a class of four year olds.

I just want to give you a little Girl Scout guidance. So that you don't become one of those parents, learn the following so that you can teach it to your DD:

Before starting any project walk though the S.M.A.R.T Goals

Specific--WHAT are you going to do?

Measurable--Establish concrete criteria for measuring progress toward the attainment of each goal you set. When you measure your progress, you stay on track, reach your target dates, feeling of achievement that spurs you on to continued effort required to reach your goals.

Attainable--Goals you set which are too far out of your reach, you probably won't commit to doing. Although you may start with the best of intentions, the knowledge that it's too much for you means your subconscious will keep reminding you of this fact and will stop you from even giving it your best.

Realistic-- This is not a synonym for "easy." Realistic, in this case, means "do-able." A realistic project may push the skills and knowledge of the people working on it but it shouldn't break them.

Timely--If you don't set a time, the commitment is too vague. It tends not to happen because you feel you can start at any time. Without a time limit, there's no urgency to start taking action now. Time must be measurable, attainable and realistic.

This might sound too above your child's age but they really aren't. If she learns these concepts now, when she gets to higher ed she will have a lot of the skills she needs to succeed. When a parent steps in to "HELP", that child is learning that can't do it because their parents don't think they can.

I have been teaching these skills for a long time. They work.