OT: Potty training help; I'm at the end of my rope!

[jpeka65844]

OP here....No real change here. I didn't call the doctor but we did completely back off the potty training to see what would happen. I put DS in Pull-Ups during the day. I was nervous at first at how it would affect his peeing but it has had no effect. He's still spot on and doesn't wet his Pull-Up except occasionally during nap.

He's still got the peanut butter poops. Although I'm not really worried about him witholding; he's been pooping healthy amounts once to twice a day. At least he's going....

We're going to take it easy for a few more days and then give the doc a call. He's spending the night with Gma and Gpa and when I talked to my mom today, she said he did have a poop accident and even APOLOGIZED for it....She said she could've melted.....

We're just trying to stay positive and turn off the pressure. Hopefully he'll come around soon.....

 

[StitchFanZ]

When my DS was about the same age, he knew he had to be fully potty trained to go to pre-school. He wouldn't potty train and later I figured it was his way of letting us know he really wasn't ready for pre-school.

I did sit down with him one day and asked, "so when will you be ready to poop on the potty?" He thought about it a while and decided that he would be ready when he turned 4. I said, "Ok", and we dropped the subject. The day he turned 4, he started using the potty without any problems and happily went to a pre-school class when he was 4 1/2.

I was pretty relaxed about it as we had problems with his older sister being fully trained and then getting constipated so it hurt and then trying to hold it which was very disruptive whenever we had to go somewhere. We got over that situation by backing off and letting her choose when she was ready.

Relax, one day they will be potty trained. If it takes too long they will soon figure out they are the only kid their age that is still in diapers and will be ready. Just one friend saying, "you are still in diapers" can work wonders.

 

[bgohre]

I also bought an assortment of small gifts (Matchbox cars, etc.) and wrapped them and put them in a basket in the bathroom. I didn't say anything about them until he asked. Then I just matter-of-factly told him that they were poopy presents and when someone pooped in the potty, they got to open a present. No pressure. No bribes. Just told him like it was an every day thing.
And that's pretty much how we got past that.

That is exactly what we did with our 2 1/2 year old daughter. The only difference is that we let my daughter see the prizes. Her favorite treat is Gummy Bears because she doesn't get a lot of candy. When she saw there were Gummies in the prize pile, kurrrr plunk (so to speak).

I think the biggest thing was that my wife stopped pressuring her. When she says she has to go we just unbutton her pants and let her go into the bathroom herself to go. Two minutes latter you can hear her get so excited about going then we go it. She doesn't like going poop when there are other people in the bathroom and not going in with her has helped.

Between the prizes, lack of pressure and letting her do it herself she has and zero accidents and one poopy diaper (she still sleeps in a diaper) in about a month.

PS..The prizes, nothing expensive but she only gets them when she "really" goes, not just a little poop nugget. That seems to help her go all at once instead of 3 or 4 times to get 3 or 4 prizes...we caught onto that one quick.

 

[zendisney]

Our dd 3 is random with her training. She goes at school regularly, but when she is at home not-so-much. We have tried lots of tricks and tips. I think kids are so different. Not sure what the answer is but I just wanted to let you know... You aren't alone. This potty training is getting kinda old to me too. Best Wishes.

 

[jpeka65844]

Just an update:

No change here.....DS pooped in pants all weekend. Peeing is still fine; no changes there. No pooping today at all, not even skid marks. We've gone back and forth between Pull Ups and underwear and it doesn't seem to make any difference. He'll go to daycare tomorrow and blow up at least two pair of underwear, I just know it......

I even asked him "what would you like to have if you poop in the potty?" His answer was "nothing"

I guess it's just a waiting game.....

 

[teachallday]

From my experience you will not see a difference between Pull-ups and underwear. Kids who are not completely trained view them as the same. They are still in charge when they are in Pull-ups or Underwear. They pull them up and down the same. They feel different, but they are both "Big Kid" pants. Most of the time even in Pull-ups, he is changed after an accident standing up. He can get a new Pull-up out and put it on just like he does with underwear.

If you want to impact him, try real diapers (not Pull-ups). Lay him down to change him, and insist that only adults take diapers on and off. I would think that at this point even his Daycare would be open to him spending a little bit of time back in diapers, since they seem to be getting the biggest accidents.

 

[*Toadstool*]

Just wanted to say that we are going through the same thing. DD will not go #2 on the potty. She was fine with it until we had some constipation issues. She has never been constipated and the day after having more shots she was constipated horribly... she didn't go for 3 days. We had to do the suppositories to get her to go finally. My doctor insists it is normal and just a coincidence with the shots thing.
She was almost completely potty trained before this happened and now will not go #2 without a pull up on. If I don't give her a pull up she will hold it. I feel that it is better to let her go back into pull ups for fear of her having medical problems. It is hard to explain to people. I keep talking to her about it and she keeps telling me that she can't. She is big on bribes too. That usually works for everything, but not for this!

 

[HappyPeach]

We had success with the "treasure box" or poop presents. One of my friends sons had similar withholding problems... they used miralax.

 

[JerseyMamaBear]

I am so sorry, PT'ing is SOOO STRESSFUL!!!!! I truly feel for you.

What you are describing with the "skid marks" etc is a clear sign that he is holding it in, which causes it to become a large mass that eventually stretches the muscles until some "leaks" out (I literally just read about this in a book last week and a friend from DS's school has this issue with her daughter as well). So, eat all the fiber you want, if he's not letting it out, the same problem will exist. Is there a different dr at your ped practice you can speak with? I have heard of prescribing myralax to help with this issue. Otherwise, I am not sure what to recommend. Does DS associate any shame with wearing a diaper? I hate to use threats, but maybe I would threaten that he will need to go back to a diaper (not a pull up, which seems less babyish). Have you tried having him pick out new underpants? How about keeping an eye out to "catch him in the act" and take him to the potty immediately - that is how I trained my DS, caught him the first time and he never went in his pants again, but I think that might have just been luck.

Good luck to you!!!!

My son, who is now 13, still suffers from the complications tied in with this. All of it had to do with the way he was treated by his father, my ex, when he was being trained and still now since he has these accidents. Long story. I know it is hard but please try not to punish him for it. What helped him when he was younger was taking a long warm bath. This would relax him long enough to make him have to go. I would then quickly place him on the potty once I saw him making the pushing face and he would go. It did not happen everytime but it did get him used to going. Just try not to get him overly use to this, dont want him becomming dependant on the bath to potty.

 

[mitsybella]

Every child potty trains at their own pace, my son at 3 was fine at daycare but as soon as he came home he wanted a diaper on, I even tried to get him to wear pull ups but he wanted nothing to do with them, tried the whole "big boy" routine but he would take off the pull up and put his own diaper on (yes he knew how to do this) and for some reason this is always when he would poop, I let him go at his own pace and decided it was not worth fighting or worrying over, eventually he decided he did not like the feel of a "full" diaper and sat himself on the big toilet. He continued to wear the diaper for months until I mentioned something to his teacher at daycare, she told him he was not allowed to wear diapers anymore and he came home telling me "Miss A** said I don't need them anymore" and diaper days were done. I never went thru any of this with my older child it only took her 1 week and she was trained and the diapers were gone. Sometimes I think we as parents make it more difficult for ourselves because it was different with another child or our friends children never experienced this, sometimes just letting the child decide when they are ready makes everyones life less stressful

 

[ppan77]

I have actually enjoyed reading this thread! I am in a similar situation with my ds3!! He is completely pee pee trained....even sleeps through the night in big boy underwear without accidents! BUT we are not poopy trained yet. Tried hard for a week. Lots of anxiety while sitting on the potty. Bought a new race car that is still sitting on the sink in the package in the bathroom. He insists on having a pull up when its time to poop. When I said no more pull ups he held it for two days and had a bad tummy ache. So I caved and we are literally putting him into a pull up to poop. He goes behind our couch, poops, and then comes back for me to change him. He hates being in a poopy pull up. So I am talking to him about when he will want to poop on the potty. His car is still sitting in the bathroom waiting to be opened I guess it will come when he's ready. Thanks for this thread it has made me feel better!

 

[Hollytigs]

I haven't read all the posts about poop but I just wanted to add my experience.
My DD has a brain disorder and learning difficulties, so she was late potty training (4 years old), but she also would never poop on the toilet, waiting until she had her diaper on at night and doing it then. She was always constipated and crying in pain and we tried everything (fibre, prune juice, laxative etc) to help her, but eventually our health visitor solved the problem.
Basically, because she had been constipated when she was younger, she associated #2s with pain and so would hold it in as long as possible. The health visitor suggested that when she was sitting on the toilet, read stories to her and get her to blow bubbles (the act of blowing bubbles opens your bowels). Eventually after managing to poop on the toilet a couple of times, she realised that it wasn't painful, and much more comfortable than holding it in or doing it in a diaper, and ever since then she has been absolutely fine.
Basically, I never would have thought that the problem was not physical but psychological and once we understood that, we were able to solve it.

 

[lurkernj]

We had issues with our first DS. He was three and would poop on the potty to get a reward if he felt it was worth it (new dvd or some toy, candy wasn't enough...he was playin us.) I finally decided to just keep him in underwear and have him handle the cleanup. After having to dunk the underwear in the toilet a couple of times (with an "ewww this is gross"), he decided it was time. There was no screaming or yelling to traumatize him, just a simple "well, I guess your gonna need to clean that up".

I am happy to report that he is 14 now and has no bathroom issues (except an aversion to lifting the seat).

 

[ktlm]

get her to blow bubbles (the act of blowing bubbles opens your bowels). .

What a fantastic idea!! DD loves bubbles. I'm going to try to entice the pooping on the potty, by saying she can sit there and blow bubbles in the bathroom if she will try.

 

[tinkmom2]

We had a breakthrough yesteday. My dd Claire finally pooped in the potty successfully 3 times now Keeping my fingers crossed that she doesn't go back to pooping and peeing in her pants No bribery needed she did it all on her own. I am thrilled because she starts k3 in the fall.

 

[ktlm]

We had a breakthrough yesteday. My dd Claire finally pooped in the potty successfully 3 times now Keeping my fingers crossed that she doesn't go back to pooping and peeing in her pants No bribery needed she did it all on her own. I am thrilled because she starts k3 in the fall.

WOOHOO!!!!!! Still no luck here (I haven't gone to buy bubbles to try yet), but at least the withholding issues have completely stopped again and she is back to normal.

 

[CLR4321]

I agree that having the child involved with the clean up will typically help. Of course this should be done in an age appropriate manner, such as helping scrub the floor (be sure he's not exposed to any chemicals you may use to clean up messes) or carrying soiled clothes to the trash or hamper. Whenever you are cleaning up, talk to him about how nice it will be when he uses the potty like mommy and daddy (or other adults or older kids he looks up to) does, and that when he does, you and him can do more fun stuff instead of having to clean up a mess. Talk about how proud of him you will be. Talk to him also about what he feels like before he is going potty in his pants. Understanding how he is feeling before going will help you to be able to talk to him about it. Another way that helps is to have him go around the house with no pants or underwear on. If he doesn't have anything on, he will know that the mess will go on the floor. This alone helps many kids with potty training. The bare bottom also helps them be aware of whats going on down there.
Good luck to you!

 

[M-J's Mommy]

My DD will be 2 in August. She is almost completely potty trained. Oddly enough, she figured out how to go "poopin" (as she calls it) in the potty before peeing. Now she's almost there. One thing that I have read to do as far as "poopin" is to wait until your child goes poop in his/her pants, then take him/her into the bathroom and put the poop into the potty. Show them that is where it belongs. (Any guesses as to how doing this grossed me out but poopy diapers never did? Go figure.)

On another note, my daughter and I go to the bathroom at the same time. While this isn't right for everyone due to opposite sexes and comfort levels, it's helped my DD to see what people are supposed to do. I personally try to be very open with my DD about her body as a female so that she can be comfortable in her own skin as she gets older.

But you know, sometimes you just have to back off and give it a rest for a little while. My first attempt failed, so we took a break for 3 or 4 weeks and tried again. I mean really, nobody graduates high school in diapers!

 

[wickywinn]

I definitely feel your pain! We've been through this with my dd who will be 5 the end of the summer. She still isn't trained!!! We go through many pairs of underwear a day, as she is constantly "skidmarking". We went through at least a year of it before she was finally diagnosed with Encopresis. It's been an absolute nightmare. She's been on Miralax now for 2 years, and it doesn't seem to do any good (although it seems to work for most people). In April, I finally made yet another appointment at the pediatricians office and said, "I'm not leaving here until someone figures this out." They sent us for x-rays where they did confirm 2 large masses of stool stuck high up in her colon. They also did a finger rectal exam. That night, she woke up screaming in agony, clutching her stomach. We ended up at the ER, where they they again confirmed the 2 masses of stool, and said it was too high up for a suppository or enema to reach. They sent us home and told us to keep up with the Miralax. We then went to a Pediatric GI specialist, who ordered an MRI. She was looking for physical problems that might be causing her Encopresis. The MRI report came back fine, except it noted the "ridiculous amount of stool" inside of this child. We've been told our only option other than to just keep giving her Miralax at home (she gets at least 3 full doses per day) is to put her in the hospital with a nose tube miralax drip, until she is fully cleaned out. The doctor really doesn't want to do this, and insurance will not cover it. At this point I'm really not the person to offer advice... but I would say do not allow it to get to this point. I would ask the doctor if they could do an x-ray asap to confirm whether or not you're dealing with encopresis. I would have to think the earlier this can be caught, the better. Good luck to you!

**Also... I read about encopresis on line when doing random google searches. My child wasn't diagnosed until I printed off some information, brought it to the doctors office, and said "Do you think this is what's going on?"

i could have practically written this. Finally I switched pedis to one who deals with encopresis on a regular basis and she put him on a regimin of Milk of Magnesia for 4 days then Miralax everyday. She said he was so stopped up that the Miralax wouldn't work so we had to clear him out. Boy did it! Once he was done with the M of M and on the Miralax he was like a new kid. Running around and going crazy. He's always been active but it was like a huge weight had been lifted off of him (which it had!). He still has issues with it, esp if I miss a dose. It's almost like we're back to square one.

 

[jpeka65844]

Update: After vacation, the doctor cleared DS to go on Miralax. So far, nothing.

He's visibly withholding stool. He sits on the floor and squeezes; gets red-faced and visibly distraught.

He's leaking around the mass and when I wipe him, I can tell he's got one loaded up and ready to go.

He still resists even sitting on the potty. Screams, cries, etc.....Ugh....