OT: Parenting help needed 2 year old very high maintenance

[nikkers]

Hi everyone! I am in desperate need of some parenting help. My DD (2 1/2) will be 3 in March is out of control. I don't even know where to start. We decided to put her in a pre-dance class that started in September. To me it is like 'follow the leader'. They just follow the teacher around the room doing really fun things. There were only 4 girls in her class all under 3. They ended up cancelling the class, and joining them with another class in October. There are now 14 girls in the class from ages 2-3. My daughter is the class clown. It is so frustrating! I have to go into the class with her and sit on the side. All of the other parents (except 1 other mom) watch from a window outside of the class. If I don't go in the class, she won't go in. Some classes she follows along with no issues. Other times, she won't do anything. Sometimes she will stand on the outside and observe the entire class. I know she enjoys it. She talks about being a dancer at home and she repeats what they do in class. Why does she choose not to participate? I feel it is disruptive and embarrassing. I know that the common sense answer is to stop going. If she didn't like it, I would stop with no question. But she likes it. Am I sending her a wrong message if I pull her out? I want her to be able to participate in activities. I know she is ONLY 2 1/2, but all of the other 2 year olds follow along just fine. I don't get it, am I over thinking the whole situation? My husband has tried taking her, and that does not make the difference. At the end of the class they get a stamp. I told her she has to participate to get a stamp. She is sad at the time, but it doesn't make a difference for the next class. If she participates, I have tried rewarding her. We have a pep talk before each class.
She goes to a daycare center 3 days a week. We just had conferences, and the teacher told us that she listens and follows along well. She is definately a independent 2 year old. My husband and I are very consistant with our parenting. We have DS who is 4 1/2. He is in activities, and has never had any issues. Thanks for reading, and letting me vent my frustrations!!

 

[LadyShea]

It's just the age and individual temperament. 2.5 year olds are little irrational, insane people who act on whatever whim they have... and even they don't understand why they do what they do much of the time (at least that's what I see in my son).

Sometimes he has fun doing whatever and the next day will hate that same activity. Sometimes he asks to go home the minute we get somewhere he wanted to go and begged us to take him to. Sometimes he asks for something, then changes his mind 5 seconds later. I just go with the flow and don't expect too much from him.

 

[ERMama]

I dont think you would be sending the wrong message to pull her out.
Shes 2.5yo. And forcing her to go when she obviously is having issues is just going to flag her (and you) as being the bad kid.
Try again next year.
Borrow dancing dvd's from the library is she wants to dance.

 

[DVCsince02]

Are you sure my DD isn't your DD? Ha!

We went through the exact same thing. We ended up pulling her from dance class and just spending quality time with her instead. We all seemed a bit happier.

She is now 5 and interested in dance and about a billion other things. Come spring we'll let her choose from 3 activities (swimming, horse back riding, or dance).

Good luck!

 

[Scurvy]

I dont think you would be sending the wrong message to pull her out.
Shes 2.5yo. And forcing her to go when she obviously is having issues is just going to flag her (and you) as being the bad kid.
Try again next year.
Borrow dancing dvd's from the library is she wants to dance.

I agree completely. It sounds like right now, she isn't ready for the class. Maybe she enjoys dancing on her own but not the structure of the class itself. There's nothing wrong with pulling her out if the class isn't a good fit for her right now. If sometime later she seems ready for that kind of thing you can always try again.

 

[ERMama]

(and I just had to laugh at that being a high maintence child. if you think your kid is so hard to deal with i could send you mine for awhile if you like.)

 

[Jenvenza]

I think I would pull her out as well and try again next year. Not all 2 year olds can follow a leader around the room without getting distracted. It just sounds like she isnt ready yet and that isnt a bad thing.

 

[nessz79]

I have boys, but no way they would be able to participate in a class like that how they are expected to. I felt lucky if they would sit quietly through a library reading time with me there! LOL

I'm afraid a bit much is being expected of her. 2 year olds don't usually want to do things without their parents there, especially if they know they are on the other side of a window. Plus, 2 year olds follow the beat of their own drummer .

 

[quasar4legs]

Honestly, I'm surprised any dance teacher has a class for students that are in this age group. Our local dance schools don't take them until they are 4 for the reasons you've described.
I'd take her out of the class it doesn't sound like it is working out for you, your daughter or probably the rest of the class.
Put some music on at home and dance around together and have some fun in an unstructured way, there is lots of time for more formal learning further down the track.
Your daughter sounds adorable

Trish

 

[lilybrooke14]

If it makes you feel any better, my 2 1/2 year old is currently laying on the floor of her room sobbing into a blanket.....for no apparent reason. She just woke up from her nap, and I guess she's still grumpy.

Strange little creatures, these 2 year olds.

 

[wii fit mama]

You should pull her out of the class. It doesn't sound like she's getting anything out of it and its creating a lot of trouble for all of you.

 

[adoptionmomma4]

I had the same issue with my “high maintenance” DD. My DD turned 3 at the end of February. In May she tried out (all the girls make it) for the Tiny’s, a tiny level 1 all-star cheer team at my DD 11’s cheer gym. I REALLY wanted her to do it. They are adorable and more than anything it would have given me a little break while I was watching my other DD’s cheerleading practice. I mentioned she was high maintenance didn’t I. I also knew she would love it. She has been the “gym baby” since she was born and has talked about being on the team since she was 2.5. Well… Katie could not handle it. She cried when I tried to take her in the gym, refused to do what the other kids were doing and said she didn’t want to go. I tried a few times, but after two weeks I took her out. It was the best decision for her. She is now almost 4 and is really ready to take the class and she is looking forward to trying out again in the spring. Honestly, I just think that 2 year olds can not handle it. They are still so little and being with mom is so much more comforting than in a class with a bunch of other kids and 1 adult. It is stressful for them. Honestly I would even prefer to wait another year or two for Katie to cheer. Unfortunately my older DD is there 15-20 hours per week and Katie almost always goes with us. She really loves it, so I will try her again this year. I can say looking back on Leanne (my oldest DD) I was too “into” getting her involved in organized sports. She is truly a gifted athlete, but she spends so much time at the gym. She misses so many other activities like parties and sleepovers and it makes me sad. It is her choice now, but I wish I had waited. She is completely dedicated and gladly misses those things. They are only little for such a short amount of time. There will be plenty of time for classes and sports in the future.

 

[tanyaandallie]

I'd pull her. She is only 2.5. There is still so much time ahead of her for dance class. My dd took the summer session of dance summer before last. It was a class for 2.5 to 4 year olds. The child that was in the class that was 2.5 was exactly like yours. She didn't want to go in. When she got in, she didn't want to stay or do what the other kids were doing. Her mom finally pulled her.

At 2.5 it's just not worth it to push her into doing something that she is not ready for. Try not to stress that the other kids her age are following directions, etc. All kids are just not wired the same. Your dd will be able to get through a class one day. But 2.5 is still so young to be expected to participate in what I would consider a very large class (14!!!) away from mom.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

This is obviously your first child!! First of all, at 2 1/2 the level of maturity just isn't there for some kids - and some kids are just shy. For example, we did soccer with my dd when she was about that age. It was the first social thing she had ever done, and shes a very shy little girl to begin with. DH had to do every drill with her, and stand there with her the whole time. He was like you, and for whatever reason, it embarrassed him. Why?!?!? What in the world is so embarrassing?!?!? I just don't get it - what do you (not yelling at you in perticular!) care what other people think or what their kids are doing?? If your daughter just wants to sit and watch one class, thats fine, shes young. If she just wants to goof around one class, thats fine, shes young. You will be so suprised how much she matures in the next 6 - 12 months.
I have to say, it somewhat sounds like shes not ready for it, but if she likes it, your her mother, you have to make the decision if its worth it for her and you.
Good luck, but the #1 thing I can tell you is don't worry about what othe kids are doing - they may be 2 as well, but they may almost be 3, and as I said, kids do a lot of maturing in just a few short months. #2 - Don't worry about what other parents think of you - what do you care?!? This is something I've been trying to hammer into my DH, hopefully he will get it one day - and hopefully it won't be to late. Good luck.

ETA - Just wanted to say that my "This is obviously your first child" comment was not ment to be rude at all - its the way all first time moms feel. Its so funny how once you have your second (or third, forth etc) you realize so much. Like I NEVER let ANYONE hold my DD#1. When DD#2 came along, OMG - if I knew you, you could take her!!!
So, just wanted to say sorry for it (before anyone flames me!!!) because it wasn't ment to be an insult, just a true observaion of all first time moms - including myself!

 

[nikkers]

Thank you soooooo much for all of your replies!! You all have made me feel so much better. Thank you for telling me it is okay. I needed to hear that. I was just concerned because the other 2 year olds were following along and mine wasn't.

 

[disneynewbee]

Is there another parent who could possibly take her to class for you? I ask because you said she does well in her daycare so maybe she's showing off for you. My now 6yo still does that unfortunately. Maybe she would behave differently if someone else took her. Good luck it's hard because you want to get them involved in things early so they can adjust well but sometimes their personalities make it hard. I want to get my almost 3yo involved in something but I'm afraid she might be too shy. Ahhhh kids. Good luck!

 

[nikkers]

Are you sure my DD isn't your DD? Ha!

We went through the exact same thing. We ended up pulling her from dance class and just spending quality time with her instead. We all seemed a bit happier.

She is now 5 and interested in dance and about a billion other things. Come spring we'll let her choose from 3 activities (swimming, horse back riding, or dance).

Good luck!

I am glad to hear that there is hope for group activities.

Honestly, I'm surprised any dance teacher has a class for students that are in this age group. Our local dance schools don't take them until they are 4 for the reasons you've described.
I'd take her out of the class it doesn't sound like it is working out for you, your daughter or probably the rest of the class.
Put some music on at home and dance around together and have some fun in an unstructured way, there is lots of time for more formal learning further down the track.
Your daughter sounds adorable

Trish

Thanks. I thought 2 seemed young also. I should have went with my instinct. The gymnastics classes in our area start at age 4. Now I know why.

If it makes you feel any better, my 2 1/2 year old is currently laying on the floor of her room sobbing into a blanket.....for no apparent reason. She just woke up from her nap, and I guess she's still grumpy.

Strange little creatures, these 2 year olds.

That does make me feel better

I'd pull her. She is only 2.5. There is still so much time ahead of her for dance class. My dd took the summer session of dance summer before last. It was a class for 2.5 to 4 year olds. The child that was in the class that was 2.5 was exactly like yours. She didn't want to go in. When she got in, she didn't want to stay or do what the other kids were doing. Her mom finally pulled her.

At 2.5 it's just not worth it to push her into doing something that she is not ready for. Try not to stress that the other kids her age are following directions, etc. All kids are just not wired the same. Your dd will be able to get through a class one day. But 2.5 is still so young to be expected to participate in what I would consider a very large class (14!!!) away from mom.

I definately don't want to push my kids into anything! I want them to make their own decisions.

This is obviously your first child!! First of all, at 2 1/2 the level of maturity just isn't there for some kids - and some kids are just shy. For example, we did soccer with my dd when she was about that age. It was the first social thing she had ever done, and shes a very shy little girl to begin with. DH had to do every drill with her, and stand there with her the whole time. He was like you, and for whatever reason, it embarrassed him. Why?!?!? What in the world is so embarrassing?!?!? I just don't get it - what do you (not yelling at you in perticular!) care what other people think or what their kids are doing?? If your daughter just wants to sit and watch one class, thats fine, shes young. If she just wants to goof around one class, thats fine, shes young. You will be so suprised how much she matures in the next 6 - 12 months.
I have to say, it somewhat sounds like shes not ready for it, but if she likes it, your her mother, you have to make the decision if its worth it for her and you.
Good luck, but the #1 thing I can tell you is don't worry about what othe kids are doing - they may be 2 as well, but they may almost be 3, and as I said, kids do a lot of maturing in just a few short months. #2 - Don't worry about what other parents think of you - what do you care?!? This is something I've been trying to hammer into my DH, hopefully he will get it one day - and hopefully it won't be to late. Good luck.

This is not my first I have a DS who will be 5 in January. He has a completely different tempermant. It is amazing. There is nothing high maintenance about him. He started swimming at 2. He has also played T-ball, soccer and basketball. Of course not at the same time, and he was 4.

I think I am mostly worried about my DD being disruptive. It is not fair to the other kids in the class. Thanks for reconfirming her behavior is age appropriate!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Please pull your dd. At that age she is not doing anything out of the norm, but she is being a distraction. That is not fair to the other parents or children. She may love to dance but part of a class is following rules. Also at this point you should not be in the classroom with her. Dance class may not be her thing. Or maybe she just doesn't gel with the teacher. Either way, I would pull her from the class. Good luck.

 

[marcyinPA]

I teach two year olds at a church-based private pre-school. They are all different!!! Some can sit at circle time for as long as you want them to. Others are up and down and running circles around the room. It's the age, and as a teacher, I embrace it!

We've had kids from time to time who just aren't ready for the school environment (and we aren't particularly structured at our school)...It sounds like your daughter just isn't ready yet. Try again next year. 6 months, a year...makes a HUGE difference!!

 

[GoofyG]

Hi everyone! I am in desperate need of some parenting help. My DD (2 1/2) will be 3 in March is out of control. I don't even know where to start. We decided to put her in a pre-dance class that started in September. To me it is like 'follow the leader'. They just follow the teacher around the room doing really fun things. There were only 4 girls in her class all under 3. They ended up cancelling the class, and joining them with another class in October. There are now 14 girls in the class from ages 2-3. My daughter is the class clown. It is so frustrating! I have to go into the class with her and sit on the side. All of the other parents (except 1 other mom) watch from a window outside of the class. If I don't go in the class, she won't go in. Some classes she follows along with no issues. Other times, she won't do anything. Sometimes she will stand on the outside and observe the entire class. I know she enjoys it. She talks about being a dancer at home and she repeats what they do in class. Why does she choose not to participate? I feel it is disruptive and embarrassing. I know that the common sense answer is to stop going. If she didn't like it, I would stop with no question. But she likes it. Am I sending her a wrong message if I pull her out? I want her to be able to participate in activities. I know she is ONLY 2 1/2, but all of the other 2 year olds follow along just fine. I don't get it, am I over thinking the whole situation? My husband has tried taking her, and that does not make the difference. At the end of the class they get a stamp. I told her she has to participate to get a stamp. She is sad at the time, but it doesn't make a difference for the next class. If she participates, I have tried rewarding her. We have a pep talk before each class.
She goes to a daycare center 3 days a week. We just had conferences, and the teacher told us that she listens and follows along well. She is definately a independent 2 year old. My husband and I are very consistant with our parenting. We have DS who is 4 1/2. He is in activities, and has never had any issues. Thanks for reading, and letting me vent my frustrations!!

I thought you were talking about my 2 1/2yr old! She is my spit fire, and independent child. I also have a 4 1/2yr old and she never acted this way. I keep saying 2nd child! Mind you if she wasn't so stubborn, who knows how she would have been as a baby. She was a very SICK baby, so the stubborness is what she needed. Good luck, if I can come up wiht ideas i'll let you know.