OT: other non-spankers feel discriminated against?

[sk!mom]

Maybe your running in the wrong circles. Or care too much what others think. Or discuss personal business too freely. I've not had issues.

DH and I have always been a non-spanking home. Our children are 24 and 12. They are kind, respectful, and caring, and neither was ever in trouble at school. When DS was young, I was younger mom (mid and late 20's) and maybe effected by others opinions a bit more but I can honestly say that since DD came along I don't recall anyone ever commenting much but I don't discuss personal stuff much either. Actually my DD is so kind and our home is so peaceful, that we have had an impact on other's choices and haven't felt judged. Except in a positive way- as in, "how is she so well behaved without spanking."

I wouldn't feel the need to defend myself, though. I'm confident in my parenting choices. Actually we have become such a violent society and there has been so much research on how detrimental physicl discipline can be to a child, I expect that it will become less and less prevalent.

 

[emma'smom]

Where do you live? I don't know anyone who spanks in our community? I think people would think we were crazy if we did. That being said, I think I know some kids who could use a could hard knock on their backside once in awhile! =)

 

[NJFabFour]

If it helps, I don't know a single parent in my community who does spank. Just not done around here. Maybe it's somewhat regional? I never considered spanking to be an option. DS is 11 now, so he's almost big enough he'd be spanking me!

I was going to say the same thing here. I honestly couldn't tell you that I knew anyone at all that spanked their children. Its certainly not a common thing here.

Where do you live? I don't know anyone who spanks in our community? I think people would think we were crazy if we did. That being said, I think I know some kids who could use a could hard knock on their backside once in awhile! =)

Another one here who can't think of a single person I know who spanks. We moved out East from the Midwest and, honestly, I don't know of anyone here or there who disciplines by spanking. Sometimes DH's upbringing comes through when he threatens to beat their bottoms but thankfully they've been empty threats (which is a whole other problem with DH lacking consistency in his disciplining!) I can't say that we've never had a moment of simply "losing it" and given a small swat . . . it's happened on rare occasions out of a moment of weakness when you simply don't know what else to do (I'm sure others have been there!), but it's not a philosophy or approach we employ. I'm not sure what I'd do if others questioned my approach but I think you have to feel confident in your own shoes and let the comments roll off your back.

 

[MasterChief]

In our family we don't spank. Instead we use pellet guns for minor offenses and paintball guns for major offenses. Works like a charm and it's fun too!

 

[Vijoge]

Interesting that this thread should pop up this afternoon, just as DH and I were discussing what do do about DGD, 9.

This is the email I received from her her teacher today:

There have been several issues today and this week with XXX. On Wed. and Thursday she kicked two different students. Today she purposely hit a third student in the face with her lunch lanyard. In addition, she was kicked out of gym class by Ms. YYY for refusal to follow directions and being disruptive. Please speak with XXX this weekend. Due to recent behavior she is ineligible for the field trip scheduled for Monday. She will stay and complete work in another third grade classroom. Her behavior has also started to affect her grades. This week she recieved a 60% on her spelling test, even though students were given time to practice.


Thank you for your time and help,

Mrs. ZZZ

This is not the first time, by any means that she has been in trouble at school this year. I have talked to her until I am blue in the face. She has been grounded, lost priveleges (no phone calls, friend's visits, tv, mp3 player, computer). She has had Girls Scout events taken away. Etc., etc., etc.

This behaviour today is probably more serious than in the past, so her behaviour certainly not improving.

FWIW, I have never, ever spanked her. But quite frankly, I am at the point that I'm starting to think a good dose of corporal punishment is the only thing that is going to get, and keep, her attention.

 

[MasterChief]

Interesting that this thread should pop up this afternoon, just as DH and I were discussing what do do about DGD, 9.

This is the email I received from her her teacher today:

There have been several issues today and this week with XXX. On Wed. and Thursday she kicked two different students. Today she purposely hit a third student in the face with her lunch lanyard. In addition, she was kicked out of gym class by Ms. YYY for refusal to follow directions and being disruptive. Please speak with XXX this weekend. Due to recent behavior she is ineligible for the field trip scheduled for Monday. She will stay and complete work in another third grade classroom. Her behavior has also started to affect her grades. This week she recieved a 60% on her spelling test, even though students were given time to practice.


Thank you for your time and help,

Mrs. ZZZ

This is not the first time, by any means that she has been in trouble at school this year. I have talked to her until I am blue in the face. She has been grounded, lost priveleges (no phone calls, friend's visits, tv, mp3 player, computer). She has had Girls Scout events taken away. Etc., etc., etc.

This behaviour today is probably more serious than in the past, so her behaviour certainly not improving.

FWIW, I have never, ever spanked her. But quite frankly, I am at the point that I'm starting to think a good dose of corporal punishment is the only thing that is going to get, and keep, her attention.

Sounds like trouble at home. Have you considered getting some family counseling?

 

[smkiya]

Interesting that this thread should pop up this afternoon, just as DH and I were discussing what do do about DGD, 9.

This is the email I received from her her teacher today:

There have been several issues today and this week with XXX. On Wed. and Thursday she kicked two different students. Today she purposely hit a third student in the face with her lunch lanyard. In addition, she was kicked out of gym class by Ms. YYY for refusal to follow directions and being disruptive. Please speak with XXX this weekend. Due to recent behavior she is ineligible for the field trip scheduled for Monday. She will stay and complete work in another third grade classroom. Her behavior has also started to affect her grades. This week she recieved a 60% on her spelling test, even though students were given time to practice.


Mrs. ZZZ

This is not the first time, by any means that she has been in trouble at school this year. I have talked to her until I am blue in the face. She has been grounded, lost priveleges (no phone calls, friend's visits, tv, mp3 player, computer). She has had Girls Scout events taken away. Etc., etc., etc.

This behaviour today is probably more serious than in the past, so her behaviour certainly not improving.

FWIW, I have never, ever spanked her. But quite frankly, I am at the point that I'm starting to think a good dose of corporal punishment is the only thing that is going to get, and keep, her attention.

I think maybe you should consult with a professional. There seems to be more going on with her, and her way of dealing with it is to act out in this way. I don't know if any form of discipline will work, you may need to get to the root of the problem with some counseling. A therapist will also help her learn to work out her frustrations in other ways. Good luck!

 

[ScotsMinnie]

I read this thread with great interest. I spank (or smack as we call it) occasionally but try not to do it very often.

I am a member of many parenting forums here and if someone posted that they smacked then they would get flamed. Non-smackers would never get flamed. Its just not really socially acceptable here and certainly you would not do it in public without risking someone butting in and telling you what a bad parent you are for doing it.

So I am interested that in the US its the non-smackers who are discriminated against.

I don't believe in smacking children over the least little thing but as I said I do it sometimes as a last resort. I also think that confiscating treats and priviledges also works well.

They have tried to get smacking banned here and if you hit your child it would be a criminal offense. They did not get it that far but there is a law on how you smack. I can't remember the details but you are not allowed to smack certain areas I think.

 

[saremca]

Interesting that this thread should pop up this afternoon, just as DH and I were discussing what do do about DGD, 9.

This is the email I received from her her teacher today:

There have been several issues today and this week with XXX. On Wed. and Thursday she kicked two different students. Today she purposely hit a third student in the face with her lunch lanyard. In addition, she was kicked out of gym class by Ms. YYY for refusal to follow directions and being disruptive. Please speak with XXX this weekend. Due to recent behavior she is ineligible for the field trip scheduled for Monday. She will stay and complete work in another third grade classroom. Her behavior has also started to affect her grades. This week she recieved a 60% on her spelling test, even though students were given time to practice.


Mrs. ZZZ

This is not the first time, by any means that she has been in trouble at school this year. I have talked to her until I am blue in the face. She has been grounded, lost priveleges (no phone calls, friend's visits, tv, mp3 player, computer). She has had Girls Scout events taken away. Etc., etc., etc.

This behaviour today is probably more serious than in the past, so her behaviour certainly not improving.

FWIW, I have never, ever spanked her. But quite frankly, I am at the point that I'm starting to think a good dose of corporal punishment is the only thing that is going to get, and keep, her attention.

I don't blame you for feeling frustrated, especially when you know she's not acting like herself or is acting out and you have no idea why. Something is going on with her, and I think I would want to dig deep and find out what it is. Maybe take her out for a day together just to talk and really listen to her with no distractions. Maybe a walk at the park or lunch somewhere just the two of you. I wouldn't bring up the behavior specifically at first, just have a nice time together.

I know that many times, with my own kids, if I stop and give them some truly undivided attention they will open up about a lot of things.