OT - Need weaning ideas/support

[mad hatter fan]

I weaned my youngest by slowly reducing the number of feedings between 15 and 18 months. He decided he was done around 18 months when my milk supply started to dwindle.
I was wondering if your son falls asleep while nursing before bed. If so, one thing that may help with dropping that middle of the night feeding is to change your bedtime routine enough so that he is usually not falling asleep while nursing. I found that making sure my son was still awake when I put him down for the night helped with his ability to go back to sleep in the middle of the night without my help.
Good luck!

 

[gottalovethem]

mad hatter - you know, I will have to pay more attention to that. Sometimes he does fall asleep that way, and sometimes I feed him, he doesn't fall asleep and I let him run around a bit more before I put him down. I think last night was one of the run around nights and he slept thru until 5 a.m. (though he didn't go back to sleep ). Maybe it's how he falls asleep to begin with . . .thanks for bringing that up!

 

[solgent]

Haven't read all the replies.

Main thing I want to say: I understand completely that the middle of the night is the one you most want to drop but I wouldn't start with that one. Why? Because it's the middle of the night & not the best time to deal with guiding baby to a new routine. I do not agree with letting baby cry.

My approach and thinking would be "We are establishing a new pattern." Don't even think about it negatively like "decreasing feeding."

I think first thing in the morning is the easiest to change. Just don't be in bed or wherever you might normally have your nursing session & go straight into breakfast.

I think if you work on a different way of easing into nap & bedtime, the middle of the night will follow. Baby will get used to falling asleep without nursing & that will happen at night as well.

I also think that when we parents are not conflicted, when we believe there is no other way and that something has to happen, we are able to present things in such a way to our children that they can sense that we're serious and they go along with it.

Finally, I think that weaning is an ongoing process. Maybe if you can replace some of these feedings, you'll want to continue the ones that remain. I got to the point that I felt I needed to get more control, but when I did, I enjoyed nursing again and enjoyed knowing that the girls were getting nutritional benefits, and we continued nursing for quite a while on the reduced schedule I had established.

Here's my advice, which is how I stopped nursing my twins at naptime:

Announce the new plan. (By the way I think that parent-led weaning takes more time and energy than breastfeeding-- at first. You have to put more time into coaxing baby into the new pattern. Then once you've done that you can trim it back, so you end up not spending as much time. But it is an investment.) Read a book, sing a song, then lie down together and just talk to him soothingly and maintain physical contact until he falls asleep, no matter how long it takes. Do this for at least several days. Then say that you're going to lie with him for a while, and then you have something to do, but you'll check on him. Wait until he's really drifting off to leave. By the time you come back to check he'll be asleep. Soon you'll be able to do your story or song and then go.

 

[SusanMomOf2]

I'd get rid of the easiest feedings first. I'm still nursing my younger daughter who is 21 months, and it's getting to the point where I want to stop... but I nursed her big sister for at least 2 1/2 years, so that's my goal... I'm crazy.

But anyway, what I'm doing is letting my 21 month old nurse when she wants which can be a lot or a little... depends on what we're doing. The easiest time to not nurse is anytime during the day except at nap time. So, when I tell her, "No nini right now, mama's busy," she usually just goes to other things to entertain her. So, with your 13 month old, perhaps instead of an early breakfast nursing session, start giving him a bottle and some food. Usually, the morning time is the happiest and most alert time of the day for a well rested child, so you're catching him at a good time. After that, then you might want to do away with the naptime ones. The nighttime ones are going to be more difficult because everyone's tired, I assume, and the easiest thing to do is plop a **** in there to calm things down.

Also make sure you are extra loving for the times you don't nurse. I'm sure you will be though!

And making it to 13 months is AWESOME! I give kudos to anyone who tries it. And for those who never do, hey, formula is such a great thing nowadays. So take it from me, there's nothing wrong at all with making it as far as you have!

Good luck with it!

 

[belle&beast]

I think finding the right cup to use can be important, too. My kids self weaned easily but my cousin had the hardest time finding a cup that her DD would use for milk. She ended up with Nubi cups that have a silicone top so they are flexible. She only used this for milk- juice and water went in the other sippy cups- and she quickly started drinking milk from her sippy cup.

 

[Bird-Mom]

I think part of my deal, aside from wanting to wear "normal" undergarments

I can totally understand this! You should see the nursing bra that I tossed a couple of months ago. I had bought it before my older dd was born, it was the wrong size and completely worn out. Yuck! Do you have a Nordstrom near you? They have some gorgeous nursing bras that you wouldn't even think are specialty bras. Anita and Le Mystere make some lacy ones that are beautiful and practical. If you don't have Nordstrom, get measured somewhere and buy them online.

I also ended up buying some regular bras and just undoing the back if I'm at home or moving the cup above the breast if we are out.

It is amazing what some new bras can do!

 

[44disney]

Perhaps you could let your older child "camp out" in a different room for a few days if you think that younger one will be fussy while you faze out the middle of the night feeding.

 

[emh1129]

We're still nursing and I've been wearing regular bras for a year or so (dd is 23 mos). I just couldn't handle the nursing bras!
Anyway... I have so been there. I thought I was going to go nuts with nighttime feedings. Then, just as I thought I was going to lose my mind, dd started sleeping through the night consistently! She was between 13-14 mos. Now she only nurses at naptime and before bedtime.

I wouldn't be surprised if your little guy makes this transition soon.. I will keep my fingers crossed for you!

 

[grlpwrd]

My youngest dd is 15mo and she still nurses before bed. I have been getting her to sleep by cuddling with her using her special blanket. I noticed she will "ignore" nursing if I cuddle with her if she awakens during the night. I really try not to act all lovey-dovey and not play with her so she doesn't think it is a fun time or else she will keep doing it. I read this on a nursing board I frequent and perhaps acting this way helps her not to be conditioned to awaken overnight.

I also notice that she will awaken if she doesn't burp well. I am into attachment parenting and I nurse her and then rock her to sleep. I make sure to always burp her well, too.

Here's a helpful website I turn to for bf'ing advice (even if my youngest is my 5th baby I am still learning):

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/how_weaning_happens.html

GL to you!

 

[gottalovethem]

grlpwrd - I will check out the site, thank you. WTG on nursing your fifth! That's a big commitment you made to your children I'm impressed!

emh - thanks for the thumbs up for the possibility of next month going more gradually! I sure hope that's the case for me.

I do the not nurse, unless "asked" for, which in his case is the whining and throwing himself at me I am trying to go right to breakfast with him in the a.m., but then he's wanting to nurse soon afterwards

Thanks all for the positive advice & support! It's nice to have someplace to share these ideas.

 

[KristiKelly]

I'm so glad this topic was brought up. I'm currently trying to wean our 15 mo. DD. I'm down to 2 (sometimes 3) times a day. She has slept through the night since she was only a month old, we got very lucky with that.

I was originally going to wean her @ 12 mo but we had a WDW trip planned last month and I decided to wait until after that trip because I knew I could get her to sleep nursing. Since that trip though, she has stopped going to sleep while nursing at night, but she goes to sleep fine in her bed at night.

Anyway, back to topic - I cut out the morning feeding first, she did fine with that. It took my body a couple of days to adjust but she did fine. I feed her breakfast and give her a cup of milk or water (she prefers water over milk).

I think I could give up bedtime easier than naptime. She will go to sleep on her own in her bed AT NIGHT but if I try during the day, she will scream like someone is pulling her hair out. . I'm working on that though.

I am hoping to have her weaned by Thanksgiving. I'm waiting for DS football season to be over with so DH will be home in the evenings to help with her.

Good luck, will get through this.

 

[jayhjay]

Well, you have gotten a lot of good advice, but here is my 2 cent, fwiw. I weaned my DDs at 13 and 15 months. Both had already stopped nursing at night, but were eating maybe 3-4 times at day (waking, twice during the day, before bed).

I dropped the day time feedings first. Mostly by substituting food at meals. I was tending to nurse either before or after a meal and I just gave them more to eat/drink.

THen I dropped the before bed feeding. Both my girls would wake up ravenous and they really wanted to eat as soon as they woke up, so for me that was the hardest to give up. At night we sort of changed up our routine (DH helped) and got them out of the cycle of nursing right before falling asleep.

I think the biggest hurdle is whether your child is nursing to fall asleep. Until he can fall asleep without being fed first, it is hard to give up the naptime/bedtime/middle of the night nursings b/c they are looking for the soothing.

By the time I weaned, both kids could fall asleep awake. My older one was a champion sleeper and did it on her own. My younger one need some "help". Basically we put her down drowsy (after a bath, after a story, after some cuddling) but not asleep. We would stay in the room and be present, (rub back occassionally, talk to her occassionally) but not pick her up. Sort of a "we're here for you, but you need to go to bed" message. Eventually the crying lessened and before long she could go to sleep on her own.

I really think once this happens it is much easier to break the eating before feeding (or eating when they wake up at night) cycle.

Good luck!

 

[gottalovethem]

Kristikelly - sounds like you are doing a great job weaning! WTG!

I have started to eliminate the a.m. feeding, and we have been busy the last few a.m.'s so we've been pushing back the nap, hence another less feeding. We shall see if this keeps going.

jayhjay - he can fall asleep on his own, but that's not always what happens. After taking ideas and suggestions I am thinking (hoping) that if get the a.m. feeding out for good that the before nap feeding won't be too hard to get rid of. We shall see. Thanks for you two cents!

 

[rt2dz]

I know exactly what you are talking about. My first two self-weened at about 1 year each, but DS 13 months is still nursing and I want to quit. It is no longer mutally benefitual; I want to get pregnant again, and would like my body back to myself for a little bit first.

We're still nursing 2-3 times per day: first thing in the morning, somewhere between noon and 4 (not associated with napping), and shortly before bed. We dropped the other feedings mainly by more and more solid food. He doesn't really seem to care. Although he'd really have a hard time giving up the first thing in the morning feeding.

MY problem is that he never took a bottle and can't seem to get the sippy cup down. I can hold a spouted cup without any leak proof valves and he'll awkwardly drink from it, but it's slow and frustrating to both of us. We've tried every kind of cup under the sun.

I would LOVE any kind of advice anyone might have for me.

 

[belle&beast]

I know exactly what you are talking about. My first two self-weened at about 1 year each, but DS 13 months is still nursing and I want to quit. It is no longer mutally benefitual; I want to get pregnant again, and would like my body back to myself for a little bit first.

We're still nursing 2-3 times per day: first thing in the morning, somewhere between noon and 4 (not associated with napping), and shortly before bed. We dropped the other feedings mainly by more and more solid food. He doesn't really seem to care. Although he'd really have a hard time giving up the first thing in the morning feeding.

MY problem is that he never took a bottle and can't seem to get the sippy cup down. I can hold a spouted cup without any leak proof valves and he'll awkwardly drink from it, but it's slow and frustrating to both of us. We've tried every kind of cup under the sun.

I would LOVE any kind of advice anyone might have for me.

I am a speech therapist and I used to work with infants and todlers on feeding issues. One thing you can try is a straw cup. They are not as spill proof as sippy cups with valves, but they are better for his oral motor development. If you have trouble getting him to suck on the straw, send me a PM and I can give you some pointers. Also I wote earlier that my cousin had luck using a Nubi cup. It has a soft top and some kids really prefer the soft top to the hard plastic. Good luck!

 

[gabbysmom04]

I don't have any advice but I just wanted to say how great it is that there are so many women out there who stick it out and are able to breastfeed. I gave up after a few months with DD and then was so excited to breastfeed DS until he was born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate so that went out the window I want so much to try again with # 3 You guys give me hope that I can do it. Good luck with weaning! My DS is almost a year and still feeding at night so I understand that part.

 

[Camno's Mama]

I would also encourage your husband giving the nighttime wakings a try. I do think most babies can be distracted...maybe he could even rock him to sleep in a different room if you're worried about your other child. Have you thought about letting the older child sleep on your floor while you're dealing with this transition? I know that might create it's own set of problems, but it might be worth it to you.

I nursed my older one for 22 months, and to be honest, I don't remember how the whole weaning process worked! It just kind of happened. I know that I'd had it at night and I think we just sat in the room with him and rubbed his back and held his hand until he went back to sleep. It wasn't easy, and he didn't like it, but as pps said, it went more smoothly than I had expected. We are hitting that point with my 13 month old as well...at least at night, so let me know how it goes! It gets so much easier once they don't nurse during the night. I really enjoyed everything more once I was getting sleep!

Congratulations on nursing this long...good for you! Sometimes it's just time to take back your own body!

Good luck!
Courtney

 

[disnut1149]

Just wanted to say that I think it's great that there are so many nursing mothers out there. I'm a grandmother now, my oldest is 32 and nursing wasn't so popular when she was born. Nursed her till she was 25 months, and I told her they were broke and she was waiting for the repairman all day to come and fix them. She was only nursing once or twice a day, for comfort. My second daughter weaned herself at about a year, and my son weaned himself at about 3 years old. Never thought he would stop. I let him go since I knew I wasn't going to have any more kids. My girls were 10 and 7 when he was born. I hope you guys have enjoyed nursing as much as I did!!

 

[gottalovethem]

disnut - LOVE the "their broken" theory! I will keep that in mind.

I am trying to cut out the a.m. feedings, but when he gets up at 5 a.m., I'm not ready to start giving him food (too tired to start my day that early) so I nurse. Today he woke later and I was able to go right to breakfast and then he didn't nurse until a.m. nap time.

Persistance is the key, I'm sure. Thanks for the stories from the DIS moms out there. The words are encouraging and remind me that this will not be forever.

Gabbysmom - good luck with #3!

 

[staci]

Must admit, I scanned the thread but didnt read the whole thing.

Well just wanted to say we kinda did the opposite: the middle of the night feeding was the last one to go, as it was the hardest one for me to enforce and the most comforting for him. He was 15 months when we weaned him

For waking up from a nap, we just had something fun to go do right away to distract him. Change your schedule up a little. For going down for naps Does your child nap well anywhere without bfing? Take a car ride around naptime, or go to the mall or on a stroller walk if they will sleep in there; anything different from the normal routine.

The last suggestion is to go VERY slow. If you really struggle with that middle of the night feeding you really might want to let it continue for awhile. If part of your reasoning is the fact of a toddler nursing and how people view that, maybe think about the daytime feedings first (the ones that others are more likely to witness). We weaned ds for about 3 months, and it was such a gradual, day by day process that I honestly think he didnt notice. He didnt reall protest at all except for that final middle of the night feeding. he cried for about 4 nights, and i just laid there and held him, but he did accept it.

HTH!! sorry fr any typos, i am nursing right now!