OT - Need weaning ideas/support

[gottalovethem]

First off - please no bashing. This is not to debate the issues of nursing, it's to help me (and maybe others) wean their babies.

Second - don't say decrease feedings, that's obvious. What do I do when all he wants to calm down/go to sleep is to nurse?

Okay, that being said, I have a 13 month old that I am ready to wean, but am not sure how to go about it. We pretty much only feed before naps, before bed, middle of the night, and first thing in the a.m.

I'd love to lose the middle of the night one first, but don't know how. I do wait 10-15 minutes before I go to him, and that works where he will put himself to sleep sometimes, but not always. The downside to CIO is that he shares a room with ds3 and two kids awake in the middle of the night is not my favorite idea.

He doesn't take bottles or milk. He will drink water and juice out of a sippy cup and eats meals well.

At this point I do believe it is more habit than anything else.

Any POSITIVE suggestions/ideas would be much appreciated! Thank you.

 

[fabshelly]

I just let Alice decide. One night, she hadn't latched on right so I broke it off with a finger, gently, like always. Instead of returning to the breast, she just kind of shrugged and rolled over and went to sleep.

She never attempted to nurse again. She was about two weeks shy of her second birthday, and I breastfed on demand from birth. She had one bottle in the hospital and one bottle of breast milk when I had to go to the store and leave her with my mom for four hours.

 

[Not so Dumbo]

Try feeding him before he goes to bed( juice, food, milk from a cup) so that you know he's not hungry. Then you'll just have to let him cry it out for awhile. Maybe try a pacifer so he has something to suck on. I have a feeling it won't take long before he forgets about nursing.

 

[KirstenB]

As you know, if he's 13 mths, he doesn't need this middle of the night feeding. You're right, it should be the first to go. My opinion on breaking my children of an old habit, or introducing a new one is....I have to be prepared because neither of us is going to be happy for a while.

You just have to bite the bullet, and let him cry in the night until he goes back to sleep. I understand this wakes up your 3 year old, but realistically, the 13 mth old will probably take a few nights to get used to this change in his schedule.

I let both dd's use a pacifier, maybe you don't. Also, I weaned dd2 when she was 7 mths old, and it was easy to wean her, I'm sure because she's younger than your son.

The next easiest feeding to knock out would be the early morning. He's going to be most hungry then, so he probably won't fight a sippy cup of milk very hard.

I'd let him keep the bedtime feeding, and knock that one out last, because I'm sure it's as much a comfort habit, as it is nourishment.

Good luck, and remember that in the short term this will be tough, but long term, it's the right decision for you all.

 

[momofprincess]

I'm not a big fan of the "cry it out" school of thought. It was too hard for me when my girls were babies. I spent the time crying it out too. This may sound hippy-ish, but you got to do what your heart tells you is best for you and your baby.
I breastfed my girls on demand until they decided to wean themselves. I slowly introduced sippy cups and food. DD8 walked when she was 8 mos., she decided then she didn't want to breastfed anymore either. She would just turn her head an refuse to nurse. DD4 I breastfed until she was 13mos., and then started putting her in a daycare situation 2 days a week, with bottles of breastmilk for feeding while I returned to work part-time. I slowly increased bottles (mixing breast & formula at first and then decreasing one while increasing the other) & days at daycare. Eventually she was bottle-only. She was 1 1/2 years, I think.
good luck and to you!!

 

[Bird-Mom]

I have never weaned a baby that young, but this is what I would do. First, you may have better luck if you wait a few months. 12-14 months is time for a huge developmental spurt-a fussy stage, if you will-so baby is going to want comfort because of all the new things happening in his world. If you don't want to wait, I would start off by dropping the feed that is least important to him.

Logistically, it will be harder to drop the night feeding if you don't want to hear him cry and he is sharing a room. Nursing is a big deal to him. My dd age 2 is very vocal about how much she loves to nurse. I think if I tried to take the night feedings away, the whole town would know. My dd age 4 was ready to lose the night feedings earlier (at 20 months). It just depends on the child. So, as far as sleep, have you read The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley? She gives lots of great advice to teach sleeping without crying.

Does he take one nap or two? If he is down to one nap (or on the way to one nap), I think I would run him ragged in the morning so that he is ready for nap and doesn't protest to go down without nursing.

The early morning might go next...bring him right to the table for breakfast if you can. Then start your day after his tummy is full. Run child ragged in order to put him down for a nap without protest.

IMO, before bed and in the night would be the hardest ones to drop. When it comes time to drop before bed (which would be my last one to go-it's a great time to reconnect and relax before sleep), I would give him a snack like yogurt or hot cereal just to make sure he goes down with a full belly.

I would not start a pacifier at 13 months because it is a true habit, as opposed to nursing, which is much more than habit. With a pacifier you are exchanging one comfort for another and it gives you something else to wean from, kwim?

Drop one at a time and give him a couple of weeks to get used to it. Doing it so gradually won't be as hard for him.

Good luck and congrats on making it past one year!

 

[tanyaandallie]

Go for the middle of the night feeding first. It's the one that is probably the hardest on you. I am not a fan of cio and believe that you can get your baby sleeping through the night without it. I night weaned my dd using Dr. Jay Gordon's night weaning method. It worked for us. It does involve crying (or it did for us) but no crying alone. Also, his method is directed at parents who co-sleep. We didn't co-dleep so we just modified his method to work for us. It took a week before she was sleeping through.

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

I would just take the rest of weaning slowly. I'd give yourself a week or two to get rid of the middle of the night feeding. Then start with the others. I weaned my dd at 20 mos and we introduced a sippy cup of water at bedtime an naptime to do it. I was 5 mos pg at the time so my milk production was low so I guess that might have helped. I would nurse her for a bit then take her off and give her the sippy of water. She would drink the sippy for a while then I'd rock her to sleep. It took a few weeks for this to really work and for her to really accept the sippy. She is now 3 and we still give her a sippy by her bed at night.

Generally I would say not to drop more than one feeding a week. If your little one starts to protest, just slow it down a bit. For me, I got rid of all the others then the nurse to sleep at night b/c it was the hardest for both of us to get rid of. Here is a link that may be helpful to you.

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/weaning_techniques.html

 

[Bugsmom73]

I agree with bird mom and her suggestions. DD had to be night weaned at 11mos, we did not cut everything out but I almost fell asleep driving with her one day b/c she was nursing every 2 hours. It was not cold turkey by any means, can you say OUCH. SHe nursed until 21 mos. DS until 19 mos.

 

[maryjl]

I think you should nurse right before bed and when he wakes in the night just comfort him. I am not a believer in the "cry it out" school of thought. At 13 months the breastfeeding is mostly comfort, especially at night. I have 3 children. My first were weaned at 13months and 15 months, mostly because I thought that at one year it was "time to stop the breastfeeding". With my baby I was much older and working as a L&D/postpartum nurse with more education in breastfeeding and I decided that I would nurse her for as long as she needed to nurse. She was weaned at 26months. By that time it was just a bedtime nursing. Maybe it is not quite time to wean your child yet. I believe that much like potty training waiting until the child is ready is the key.

 

[MSSANDRA]

Thumbs up for nursing for a year. Good job. One suggestion is to let you DH go to her and comfort her instead of you. She can smell the milk and that makes it harder to be near you and not nurse.

good luck,
Ms Sandra

 

[MinnieGi]

I second DH going to calm your little one down in the middle of the night. This is what we did and it worked like a charm!!!! My DS was still waking 2 to 3 times per night wanting his mama's nursings. After 16 months of this I was worn out. However I was too cued into his cries and melted whenever he wanted me to nurse. So that is when DH stepped in. DS of course was not happy and did cry while DH tried to soothe him by rocking and singing. But we saw improvement in about a week. By a weeks time of just DH going to him he was only waking up once per night. That too disappeared in a few more weeks. In fact in two months time he went from being an awful sleeper to sleeping 12 hours straight per night!!!!!!

Get DH aboard to help!!!!

 

[gottalovethem]

Thank you all, for the suggestions and encouragement.

Bird-mom - thanks for the development issue, I wasn't aware of that, but I guess this is a huge brain development time, as he's getting smarter every day.

He has slept through the night, but maybe averages 1-3 times a week.

I may try the breakfast right away thing. I think that is what I did with the other two, but they were a lot younger when I weaned (ds was 6/7 months and dd was 10 months and she self-weaned).

maryjl - I appreciate the postive words, as I think part of my deal, aside from wanting to wear "normal" undergarments is the nursing a toddler stigma (NO, we don't need to debate that issue here as that's not the point of this thread)

kirstenb - we tried pacis when he was a baby, but it never took, he preferred mama

someone suggested the food before bed, I may give that a try. Thanks!

The ideas, and more importantly, the support, is greatly appreciated.

 

[ekball]

Thank you all, for the suggestions and encouragement.

Bird-mom - thanks for the development issue, I wasn't aware of that, but I guess this is a huge brain development time, as he's getting smarter every day.

He has slept through the night, but maybe averages 1-3 times a week.

I may try the breakfast right away thing. I think that is what I did with the other two, but they were a lot younger when I weaned (ds was 6/7 months and dd was 10 months and she self-weaned).

maryjl - I appreciate the postive words, as I think part of my deal, aside from wanting to wear "normal" undergarments is the nursing a toddler stigma (NO, we don't need to debate that issue here as that's not the point of this thread)

kirstenb - we tried pacis when he was a baby, but it never took, he preferred mama

someone suggested the food before bed, I may give that a try. Thanks!

The ideas, and more importantly, the support, is greatly appreciated.

Just a couple of other opinions/points of information to pass along...

1. I found that both of my kiddos did well with weaning when we changed our routine around the feeding we were dropping. For example, dropping the bedtime feeding? Change the routine leading up to the point at which the nursing would usually occur. We changed the location of where we read books and added a sippy with a little milk when dropping the bedtime feed (at 13 months). Both kids took the change pretty easily (I may have been lucky).

2. Not a tip but a reminder...my experience has been that with any 'hurdle' that I had to get over with my babies (weaning, sleeping through the night, bedtime fears, etc.), there may be a couple of rough days/nights, but I always find that they acclimate to the changes much faster than I expect. I always build up these hurdles in my mind, that they are going to be terrible, stressful, difficult, etc. And the reality is that they are merely a bump in the road, a few tears, but that the kids adjust to change much easier/more quickly than I anticipate. Know what I mean?? Kids adapt to change. Much easier than adults I think.

Of course there's the obvious too....lots and lots of cuddles during this time. You both will be fine.

Oh and lastly, congrats on your success...you have one lucky little boy.

 

[jchick]

I weaned mine at 15 months. I wanted to long before, but I was really all she wanted. She started eating more and more "real" food, juice, reg. milk, etc. I tried to fill her up in the evening so that she wouldn't wake and want me. What finally did it though is that she got sick with a stomach bug, and you know milk is the worst for this. It was the weekend, my husband took over for me so that she didn't try to go for my breast. It was a lot easier than I thought. We had to go cold turkey b/c of that.

Good luck! I feel your pain!

 

[noodleknitter]

Just a couple of other opinions/points of information to pass along...

1. I found that both of my kiddos did well with weaning when we changed our routine around the feeding we were dropping. For example, dropping the bedtime feeding? Change the routine leading up to the point at which the nursing would usually occur. We changed the location of where we read books and added a sippy with a little milk when dropping the bedtime feed (at 13 months). Both kids took the change pretty easily (I may have been lucky).

2. Not a tip but a reminder...my experience has been that with any 'hurdle' that I had to get over with my babies (weaning, sleeping through the night, bedtime fears, etc.), there may be a couple of rough days/nights, but I always find that they acclimate to the changes much faster than I expect. I always build up these hurdles in my mind, that they are going to be terrible, stressful, difficult, etc. And the reality is that they are merely a bump in the road, a few tears, but that the kids adjust to change much easier/more quickly than I anticipate. Know what I mean?? Kids adapt to change. Much easier than adults I think.

Of course there's the obvious too....lots and lots of cuddles during this time. You both will be fine.

Oh and lastly, congrats on your success...you have one lucky little boy.

Nice reminder. Any time you make someone change a behavior things will briefly get a bit worse. Stick out the fussies, let you husband help, and your little man will come thru like a champ.

 

[gottalovethem]

Unfortunately, DH is pretty much not around (he works two jobs). So I can't rely on his help. I am hoping that he will suddenly lose interest, but am ready to try some suggestions to begin the process.

I appreciate the ideas and especially the support! I don't have anyone around me that has really been through this or understand it, so sometimes it's lonely and frustrating to work out the nursing issues. Thanks DIS!!

 

[Katy Belle]

I didn't read all the posts...so this may have been said. Have your DH get up with him in the middle of the night. Hopefully you will be surprised and it will only take a few nights.

I tried to eliminate a feeding at a time with my DS, he was 16 months, but that just didn't work for us. So I went cold turkey. I just quit. Gave him a sippy cup, rocked, but no nursing. He would chase me around the house with a pillow because I always layed him on a pillow on my lap to nurse. It was hard and heartbreaking, but I was ready. It really only took about a week. I hid all the pillows from all the beds in the closets in the day. I kept us very busy going places, etc. WE DID IT!

I weaned my 3rd son at the same age, but I don't remember anything about it! It must have been easy!

Good luck! I hope it goes smoothly for both of you.
Katy

 

[WDWorBUST]

I weaned DD at 15 months and it was definitely one of the hardest things I had ever done. I work FT and at around 11 -12 months she quit taking bottles during the day and just nursed when I was home. I needed to have a medical test done that required me to wean her (I found out when she was probably 6-8 months) and I held out until "we" were ready. It felt like we tried everything. But the thing that worked was I went out of town for a weekend and she stayed with Nanny and Poppa - those 3 days and she was weaned. I was miserable - but she did really well.

 

[Addicted2TheMouse]

I am hoping that he will suddenly lose interest, but am ready to try some suggestions to begin the process.

Yeah, him losing interest is not likely to happen any time soon. It's been my experience that boys just don't give up the **** easily. My DS is 25 months and just starting to wean. Have you tried "don't offer, don't refuse"? I don't know if anyone else has mentioned it yet but it's the LaLeche League's recommendation for weaning and basically what I'm doing with my DS. I know others have said to work on the nighttime feedings first, I'm not sure I agree with that. Those are probably the ones that mean the most to him. You'll probably have an easier time with giving up any daytime feedings first, then he may start to lose interest at night.

Good luck with whatever you do. And if it doesn't work out, it really isn't that bad to be nursing a toddler. I NEVER thought I would but I just kind of fell into it. And now letting him self-wean has started to mean a lot to me. And I'm saying that in only the most supportive way, not to start any kind of debate.

ETA- I can't believe I got censored! Apparently you can't say b00b on the Dis!

 

[noodleknitter]

You also aren't supposed to bypass the filter. You might want to remove your **** in the edit! Hate to see you banned for silliness!