OT Need Unbiased Opinions on MIL issue

[3jsmommy]

Does you MIL do this every year?
It seems so ridiculous to me that an adult would make such a big deal over a birthday, especially one that is not a milestone.
She sounds pretty self involved to me. She wants a seperate party for herself but its o.k. if her DS (who is turning 40) shares w/ everyone else, come on, that is pretty selfish.
We are going to WDW this year w/ my parents & we'll be there the day after my Dads Bday, when I asked him where he wanted his Bday dinner to be, he said "don't be ridiculous, wherever the boys would like!"
I feel for the OP..your MIL sounds like alot of work!

 

[DISNEYFOS]

Does you MIL do this every year?
It seems so ridiculous to me that an adult would make such a big deal over a birthday, especially one that is not a milestone.
She sounds pretty self involved to me. She wants a seperate party for herself but its o.k. if her DS (who is turning 40) shares w/ everyone else, come on, that is pretty selfish.
We are going to WDW this year w/ my parents & we'll be there the day after my Dads Bday, when I asked him where he wanted his Bday dinner to be, he said "don't be ridiculous, wherever the boys would like!"
I feel for the OP..your MIL sounds like alot of work!

Exactly. I feel the same way as your Dad.. A celebration is enjoying your family and enjoying your kids joy (kids or grandkids)...This is how I would want to spend my birthday..

She seems to be doing it more and more. As we get more involved with kids..she is more "what about me". And its not like we don't see her at least once a month if not more..but its not necessarily on her terms..it might be a dinner at our house rather than driving up to hers. When ever you have a story to share, she tops it with one of her own.. She is extremely self-involved. She keeps score as to when we see my family (who are 20 mins away) and I'm very good friends with my sister who is only a year older and has a DD who is the same age as my DD, my DH and I hang out with her and her husband but to MIL thats considered time with my family and we need to reciprocate with her. Its nuts. The funny thing is if she wasn't so up our butt we'd be more willing to seek her out for activities.

I guess this thread has turned into a MIL vent session...not my intention..but I'm glad I'm not alone with difficult MILs I guess I should of taken the hint when at my wedding at the reception, right before we were going to be introduced as husband and wife..my MIL came crying/balling to my DH that her Dad was sitting with her sister and his nurse and not with at her table. Umm we are busy right now!!

Thanks everyone! I'm starting to think I'm really glad my MIL doesn't read DISboards

 

[badblackpug]

I can see her point of view. Maybe you think it is childish, but maybe she doesn't want to "share" her birthday. You have planned a birthday celebration that is geared toward the children, and by your own admission, the type of celebration she doesn't like. You felt that your daughter's birthday was special enough to throw a separate party just for her, so why can't your MIL have the same feelings? We all like to feel special sometimes.

 

[janey99]

Ah, I'll never forget the year DH told MIL that we wouldn't be slogging 2000 miles for Christmas because now we had DS and we wanted to make new family traditions that were more about him, as the new and only kid. She blurted out "But when is it going to be all about what *I* want again?!"

Your MIL may not hve been so dumb as to actually articulate this to you, but trust me, it's running through her brain on a perpetual ticker.

If this bid for attention doesn't work, maybe she'll pitch a sick like my MIL is wont to do.

I wish you luck - try to enjoy you vacation and new baby and don't get sidetracked by trying to appease an attention seeker who, in all likelihood, will never be happy.

 

[ksumn1]

I think that your MIL is being a bit unreasonable. You can celebrate your birthday on any date, it's the thought that counts. If my birthday is on a Wednesday, my DM bakes me a cake and fixes my favorite dinner for our family at her house. She's done this ever since I got married, and does the same for my DS, my DH, and our DD's birthdays, unless we tell her we have someting planned at our house. . She does it because she loves us, and let's face it, not having to fix dinner one night is a great gift in my eyes!!! But she always asks what day we want dinner, she doesn't tell us when it is.

Your MIL should recognize that you're busy. And life is not always fair. You can't keep score with the amount of time spent with each branch of the family. I live right behind my DM, DGM, and across the street form 2 Aunts. My MIL definately gets the short rnd of the stick when it comes to Grandkids time. And bless her heart, she's the best MIL ever!! I can honestly say my MIL rocks!!!

I'm just sorry for all those who get grief, and not support from their MIL's.

And to OP, do your best to have the birthday thing for your MIL. It will make her happy, and you'll be the better person. Just tell her due to time restraints, it won't be as big of a celebration as you'd like, especially compared to what you could do after your trip.