OT- Need to vent

[chip91]

OK, so this will probably sound self-absorbed or very GREEN with envy of me, it's really not, I just needed to vent and have NO WHERE TO GO! Dh tries but just doesn't understand, I'm totally broken-hearted right now, and just needed to get my thoughts of my chest.. DH & I have been TTC #4 for 1 year (since our WDW vacation) never had a problem with the first 3, #1 took 6 mo's, but 2 & 3, got pg right away.. Anyway, 1 of my sil's had a baby 5 mo's ago, the other just had a baby a week ago, and now 3rd sil who has 2 kids, the 2nd not quite 2 just told us she is pg, not even trying, an "oopps"..

I just buried my head in my pillow and cried my eyes out.. I am TRYING to be happy for them all, and I think I'm a darn good Auntie, I love them all, but it truly breaks my heart.. I made the choice to have 4 kids (well DH & I did together) I really wanted 1 more, but my baby is almost 5 now, I'm only 33 so by no means old.. I did go to my Dr., who gave me a few suggestions but that was it, and then just said we can send you to an in-fertility specialist.. I have no intentions to do that, I try to go by my faith in God that if it's meant to be, it will be and maybe now is just not my time, maybe I'm not meant to have anymore... Maybe I should just worry about planning my next WDW vacation and focus my time on the 3 very beautiful, very healthy girls I have..

Thanks for letting me vent, hopefully this will help me get over my self-pity!

Hope you do all have a Disney Day!
Chip

 

[robinb]

{{hugs}}

I think there is a TTC thread here on the Community Board where you can find people who are feeling the same way that you are.

 

[DisneyCrazyX5]

Maybe I should just worry about planning my next WDW vacation and focus my time on the 3 very beautiful, very healthy girls I have..
Chip

It sounds like you have a beautiful family. I DID get pregnant the first time when I gave up on the in-fertility drugs (after 7 years of marrige) and decided to plan our first trip to WDW when - we had to cancel it.
I do think God gives us clues on how our life should go. I would have loved to had another child (I have 3 DS), but a M.S. diagnosis told me I should be done. But I had never planned to have three until I had twins.
I hope your day gets better and remember you blessed with 3 children.

 

[minkydog]

Awww I do know how it feels to want a child. no one can really share your grief and sometimes it makes you feel guilty for feeling that way because after all, you have three kids and somebody else has none I do understand because i went through years of infertility--there are 7 yrs between my first 2. But let me leave you with a bright ray of hope--we couldn't get started good until I hit 37 and then we got it right. Two kids in two years. although my last child is mentally handicapped, it is not age related. Even though it has change the family dynamics, we have enjoyed him immensely and wouldn't change a thing(unless he could miraculously be made whole )

Whether you have no children or three children it's the most painful experience to want one and can't have one. We're here for you

 

[BlondeAlligator]

I know how you feel. DH and I tried for over a year for baby #1...we finally found out that my thyroid was the culprit. I had to have a radiation treatment & then couldn't even try for six months after that. When we could give it a go it only took 2 months & we were pg. Unfortunately, after all that we lost the baby at the end of the 1st trimester. But the next time, again after only 2 months, we had a healthy pregnancy & now have DD age 4!

I used the ClearPlan ovulation predictor machine. It is pricey, but so worth it. As I mentioned, it only took us 2 months, and I then loaned it to 2 friends & each of them were pg after using it for only 2 months. It takes all the guesswork out of it. We will be trying again for #2 after the holidays are over & I'll be using it for sure.

Also, I always advise women to have their thyroids checked. It's a simple blood test (ask for TSH levels & if your doc will do it, T4) but if anything is even a tiny bit out of whack, it can really affect your hormones & ability to conceive.

Good luck with everything. You are so not alone & don't feel bad about how you feel. The week I lost my first baby, my neighbors across the street whom I did not know had one of those huge stork signs put up in their front yard announcing the birth of their new baby girl. I kid you not. I couldn't even leave my house for the week it was up because everytime I saw the stupid thing, I broke down all over again. Just hang in there & come to us if you need support...we get it.

Take care,

Allison

 

[Worfiedoodles]

I feel your pain. Well, not exactly....but I have my own tale of "What the ?". I wanted another child, but dh feels he is too old, and we are done. We both work, have a very comfortable income, home, etc.

DH's cousin, who is older than dh and lives in the projects with his girlfriend, just had their third child about a year ago. Their other two children were 17 and 18...needless to say, this was a big "Oops". They cannot provide for this child, the girlfriend smoked and yes, took drugs throughout her pregnancy, etc. Now I ask you, who should really be having a baby?! Thank goodness the child was born small, but healthy.

We know this child is not going to have a good upbringing, because the older two certainly didn't. It just makes me sad...and I rail a bit at the unfairness. Of course dh points out if we did have another our lifestyle would change, but I sometimes wish I had the audacity to make an "Oops". I just can't do it because that would be a betrayal to my husband, forcing a child on him he doesn't want, but I do understand your feeling that life is just not treating you fairly.

Hang in there, you never know what is in store for you. And always feel free to vent. You need to have a place to complain, you'll make yourself crazy if you hold it in!

 

[chip91]

I really mean it, you all made me feel better, and please do not take me the wrong way.. I cherish the three I have, like I said they are healthy and that above and beyond the number I have is a blessing..My sister has 1 child, a dn who was born with a heart defect, she never had anymore (or isn't, she's not too old or anything) because the dr's gave her a 20-30% chance a 2nd child would be born with the same or similar defects, it wasn't a chance she wanted to take, and my heart breaks for her because there is always the unknown with DN and how long she will live.

I'm feeling better and going to do service for my dsil who just had her baby, some complications and she needs help and it was a boy, I already spoiled him with 6 outfits, I've never had the luxury of shopping for a boy so I'm totally on cloud 9 buying all this blue!!

 

[momoftriplets]

I feel your pain. Check out the photo below. We tried for 9 years--- & ended up with 3 at once. YIPPEE!!!! I am a firm believer that things happen the way they are supposed to. Hugs, happiness & health to you & your family.