OT- Mean Teammates, help!

[MinnieTink]

My 13DD started playing volleyball last year and had a great time. This year she made the travel team and hates it because of her teammates. About half of them are the typical awful mean junior high girls. When someone misses a ball or sends it in the wrong direction they roll their eyes or tell the person, "why aren't you trying?!?". (Then they screw up but no one says anything to them. Last week they were pretty tough on my DD. She is usually a tough cookie and can let things roll off her back, but she left the gym and cried all the way home. I think I need to talk to the coach? I don't want these jerks to cause my DD to quit something she used to enjoy. I also don't want to come across as whiny, so how should I phrase this? What can I say?

Thanks everyone!

 

[princessmom29]

I teach and coach at a high school so I understand you fustration. This behavior will go on as long as it is allowed by the coach. If it were me, I would make the coach aware of the problem, while not pointing any specific fingers. Something along the lines of "I have noticed some less than nice behavior and rudeness from some on the team, and some of it is going on during practice" and see if she puts a stop to it. If not, be more persistent and give her specific of what was said and by whom.

 

[MinnieTink]

Thank you for your reply! She has a game tonight. I guess I will see how it goes then talk to the coach afterwards. Ugh!! I will take your advice and not point any fingers. I'm just a big chicken when it comes to opening my mouth. I'm like the dinosaur toy on Toy Story "I don't like confrontation!". LOL. But I do it for DD.

 

[perpetualplanner]

At 13 it's a tough decision. A lot of coaches would rather the player talk to them than the parent and may talk to your child after you talk to them. If your child tells them it wasn't a big deal or tries to minimize it the coach won't do anything. Your daughter is going to have to stand up for herself and talk to the coach - more than likely. I've been through the same thing with my DS10 on a travel soccer team. You may have to walk up with your child but the coaches seem to take it more seriously if the child does the talking.

I tell my kids: "I will stand behind you all the way but you have to stand up for yourself". (I've gone so far as to literally be standing behind them with my hand on their shoulder but they have to do the talking)

It's an important life skill to have.

 

[Dani C]

Stress to your daughter that in team sports, "You win as a team and you lose as a team." Also remind her that everyone has good days and bad days and sometimes things just happen. As a parent keep your goal on keeping your daughter positive.

You could also become involved yourself, but not by going to the coach. (I agree with the other posters that she should do that herself if it becomes necessary.) Organize a get-together for the team and the team moms. Just spending some time off the court together can help to build (or strengthen) friendships.

Sometimes with girls that age mean and hurtful remarks are made more out of fear or jealousy than anything else. Often in sports girls who feel threatened by another player on the team (feeling that their spot on the team is in danger of being lost to the other girl) will try to make that other player miserable in hopes that they will quit and therefore eliminate the threat. Breaking into a circle that was already formed can be difficult but it isn't impossible.

Tell her to hang in there and best of luck!

 

[MinnieTink]

Thanks again everyone. I'm going to do my best to be positive and I'm not going in with a chip on my shoulder. Girls are so fickle, everything could just work itself out. I think I will advise her to talk to her coach herself. I wish my mom would have pushed me to stick up for myself when I was younger. I'm 37 and still get all ridiculously nervous if I have to talk to anyone about an "issue.". Anyway I really appreciate your input!