OT- It's that time of year again- School Bullies

[DisneyAprilFool]

Hi Everyone,



Sooooo... My 7 year old daughter walks around the corner from our house to the bus stop and every day, she has something new to tell me about this little girl who keeps bullying her. This little girl likes to make racist comments (my daughter is a blonde haired, blue eyed child- she's a minority at her school) and likes to threaten to beat up my daughter- so far, she hasn't thrown a punch this year. However, last year, I know she hit my child on the very last day of school.

Anyways, on top of the nasty comments, this kid has stolen my child's little Lisa Frank lunchbox. It was only $10- but stealing is stealing in my book and unacceptable.

My daughter asked for it back- of course, she hasn't received it back and the child has not brought it back to school.

How do you deal with these issues? What do you tell your kids? I feel so bad because really- you can't fight fire with fire and my daughter is at a loss. I won't tolerate racist remarks coming from my kids' mouths- and I really don't believe my daughter should give 'tit for tat' in regard to this girl picking on her. Then again, I hate to tell my child to keep her mouth closed and ignore the girl (Ah, this little girl has already been busted once by the bus driver threatening my kid).

Yesterday, I talked to the bus supervisor over her route- he recommended a letter to the prinicipal as well as demands for restitution- either her lunch pail back or the kids' parents cough up the cash for it. So that's what I've done- but I hate having to involve the school at all.

So---- what do you do with school bullies? My son is 11- we've dealt with it with him and we've dealt with it all last year with my daughter- but it seems like we're dealing with it WRONG because it keeps happening!

 

[mommytobug]

Oh, I feel for you. I am the mother of an 8 year old and we dealt with bullying last year. I do think you need to get involved...........at her age you really have to.

Another girl told my daughter last year that she needed to ask permission before playing with any of the kids at recess and then things would be better. Well, the bit** of a teacher had the nerve to tell my dd that she knew the other girl through teaching her and she was sweet and would never blah blah blah. Her eyes nearly fell out of her head when I confronted her with the "permission" story.

We moved to Baton Rouge when I was going in the 8th grade and my brother in the 6th. There was a bully on the bus that every day would take my brother's lunch box and throw it. I can tell you that tears still come to MY eyes from trying to deal with it. You do not want your daughter to remember these years like that. Have you tried walking with her and letting the little girl know what is expected, etc?

I hate to say this but have you thought about private school...............not to get away from a certain race but I find where I live we do have less of this nonsense in our private school that has children of every race attending.

Again, I am so sorry. Protecting your child comes first...do what you need to do in order to do so. I would also suggest reading Queen Bees and Wannabees................it is amazing.

 

[DisneyAprilFool]

I've done everything through the 'correct avenues' over last year and this year and at least last year- it seemed like I was hitting my head against the wall.

My daughter is a straight A student and for the most part, her teachers love her- but when it comes to the bus stop and the bus ride, it's just not right what's been going on. Last year- she even had a girl stick a wad of GUM in her hair and do you know- that girl barely got into any trouble? I had to CUT the gum out of my kid's hair- ooooh, I was so mad!

I have not actually spoken to the child in question- I'm not sure I could. I know her parents do NOT go to the bus stop, so there would be no way of dealing with her through them and my own DD doesn't know where the kid actually lives either.

 

[dis-happy]

Are you home when your dd leaves for school? If so, I would go and stand with her at the bus stop. 7 years old is pretty young to make her deal with the situation herself.

 

[agnes!]

A couple of thoughts...

1) Walk your DD to the bus stop. Be there to pick her up. DO what you have to do, but do not make her go by herself.
2) Does your DD's school allow parents to eat lunch with their children? *Both* you and your DH should go in and eat lunch with your DD. Do not speak to the bully, just *exist* in her space. The bully sees your DD as a target, the bully sees your DD as alone. If the two of you show up...that might just shock the little creep.
3) Over the next month, your DH should volunteer in the classroom a couple of times. This again is to simply exist in the bully's space, do not speak to the child.
4) Role-play with your DD. Have her come up with some strategies to cope with the bully.
5) Have your DD take a self-defense classes of some type. These can do *wonders* for many girls.
6) Your DD has a RIGHT to a safe learning environment. Schools are supposed to have a "no harassment", anti-bullying policy in place. FIND OUT WHAT THE OFFICIAL SCHOOL POLICIES ARE, contact the school administrators and get them to enforce those policies.
7) Get a meeting scheduled with the school principal, your DD's teacher AND a bus system rep. The school day doesn't end until your DD gets off that bus.

We did some of the above when our DD was in grade school. Worked like a charm when we *both* came to eat lunch with her a time or two, the little heathen (a jerk of a boy) left her alone once he saw that she had two other people standing behind her (and one of them was her Dad who's very muscular).

Sorry for all the pain, hope things get better.
agnes!

 

[DisneyAprilFool]

Agnes,

Those are great ideas! I'm still waiting for the assistant principal to call me back- until she calls, I'm at a stand still. I'm just so tired of these little kids with these huge chips on their shoulders at such a young age! ARGH!

 

[Huntava]

I couldn't agree more with "Agnes" comments.
I have twin B/G 4-1/2 yr olds. First sign of bullying was just a few months ago (can you believe it starts that young!) at a soccer camp. I was sitting with the other moms, and watching my kids, who were playing in a group of 4-7 yr olds (I already had some doubts that 7 yr olds should be playing with 4 yr olds, but didn't say anything). My 4 yr old boy started talking to one of the 7 yr old boys, when the 7 yr old backhanded him across the face! I was furious. Before I knew it, I was across the field, picked up my crying son who was running toward me, and walked right up to the 7 yr old, pointed a finger at him, and said "I can't believe what you just did, you do NOT hit people", then walked straight over to the coach (a female) and asked her what she was going to do. Her response..."I asked your son if he was OK and he said yes", which was unbelievable because my son was still crying, so obviously he wasn't OK; plus you don't allow a child to hit another child. I was prepared to tell the head coach the next morning to take the 7 yr olds out of the class (there were 2 of them) the next day, but when we arrived, the coach had already done so (bravo!). I believe you need to give your kids some space, but you also need to be their advocate.

 

[nessz79]

7 is still young. Be there for her however you can...I love the posters' advice. I have terrible memories from middle school bullying and wish my parents had been more involved even at that age (11-13).

 

[DisneyAprilFool]

My Mom said I should walk one of my giant dogs (Great Dane) to the bus stop with her- hahaha! If only he was that behaved on leash (he's deaf and sometimes little things scare him!)

 

[rjan67]

If you can...walk her to the bus stop. Then when you get there...talk to the little girl. Just say Hi Susie...how are you? How is school...how's your Mom? Stuff like that. Just let her know that you know who she is. Nothing threatening because that will just get you in to trouble. Continue to do it everyday if you can. It could help. I would also be calling the principal on the phone and ask to speak to them directly. At my kids school there is a no bullying policy and the child can be expelled. They take that very seriously here.

 

[Mkrop]

I would start walking her to and from the bus stop if possible. Even start talking to the bully, talk to her about the weather, what grade she is in, does she like her teacher etc. It is harder for her to be mean if you are right there and are being nice to her. I think it will startle her to see you there.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Forget the asst. princ. Call the superintendant. You have been dealing with this since last year? Racist remarks should never be tolerated. Also brat girl needs to keep her hands to herself. If the school does not take care of the situation then you need to hire a lawyer. Your child has a right to a safe school environment. I would also go down to the bus stop and tell brat girl that she will be returning the lunch box. I don't care if it cost 10 cents. It is not hers. If you don't know where she lives then when she gets off the bus follow her home and inform her parents of her behavior. Sorry but bullying is wrong and I have no tolerance for it.

 

[stacy6552]

We have been living with one around the corner for a decade and he's gone from bully to deliquent criminal. Involve the school. Its the common denominator bewteen you and any other victims. you need to get documentation going and eventually they will pull the bully off the bus. The bully should be a problem for her own parents and not the rest of the neighborhood. The concept of playing the numbers game is important too. Make sure your daughter has backup, both for her self esteem and for "witnesses." My son is in middle school now and when I say, keep them apart, the school says, "Done deal. No questions asked." Involve the school.

 

[Tammysue5]

I feel for your little one! 7 is very young.

I know it is hard when those kids are so mean! You wish all parents would be there to teach their kids how to behave. I agree that there are many positive avenues you can take. I would never allow my little ones to be put in harms way... their safety comes first. When my DS (who is now 16 ) was little we experienced a bully. This was a large-for-his-age boy.... he was a bully to everyone! Of course it came time for my son. We talked at lengths about this... and we decided to take different approaches. We did talk with the principal/teachers.... the father was alerted to the childs actions. The one thing we had my son do was to try to be nice to the kid.... (not suck-up Ill do whatever you want kind of nice) Well, it actually worked. This kid calmed somewhat... he was usually partnered with our son because he did so well with him. (Good role-model) well, 5 years later, this same young man finally shared with our son some of his family life. Dad was a very strong presence, but mom had taken her life in front of him the year of his 'bullying'. This boy shared it with our son because he knew he would not be made fun of and our son would not 'tell everyone'. This young man is a good (11th grader) now, and is still friends with our son. Sometimes it works... we don't always know what it going on in their lives.

It is not always easy being strong! Knowing she has support at home can be all the difference for your DD! I wish you the best... and keep us updated. Let your daughter know that their are more people that are bullied then bullies... she is not alone!

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

My Mom took my sister out of her public school in Indianapolis after being surrounded by a group of girls two days in a row, berated with racial slurs, and hit with books and a black eye...After that, it was Catholic schools all the way....

 

[PrincessHeart]

I agree with the other posters. One thing that was not mentioned was to put this in writing to the school. A letter following up a call or just a lettter will get more attention. Address it to the Prinicipal and CC the Superintendent. My dad woks for the State Dept. of Ed and he recommends letters. They can deny anything that was "said " in a phone call, but not in a letter.

Bullying is a sad situation, My 5 year old nephew actually had his head put in a toilet by another Kindergartener. Fortunately the school took swift action and sent that kid home.

 

[ujpest_doza]

Hi Everyone,



Sooooo... My 7 year old daughter walks around the corner from our house to the bus stop and every day, she has something new to tell me about this little girl who keeps bullying her. This little girl likes to make racist comments (my daughter is a blonde haired, blue eyed child- she's a minority at her school) and likes to threaten to beat up my daughter- so far, she hasn't thrown a punch this year. However, last year, I know she hit my child on the very last day of school.

Anyways, on top of the nasty comments, this kid has stolen my child's little Lisa Frank lunchbox. It was only $10- but stealing is stealing in my book and unacceptable.

My daughter asked for it back- of course, she hasn't received it back and the child has not brought it back to school.

How do you deal with these issues? What do you tell your kids? I feel so bad because really- you can't fight fire with fire and my daughter is at a loss. I won't tolerate racist remarks coming from my kids' mouths- and I really don't believe my daughter should give 'tit for tat' in regard to this girl picking on her. Then again, I hate to tell my child to keep her mouth closed and ignore the girl (Ah, this little girl has already been busted once by the bus driver threatening my kid).

Yesterday, I talked to the bus supervisor over her route- he recommended a letter to the prinicipal as well as demands for restitution- either her lunch pail back or the kids' parents cough up the cash for it. So that's what I've done- but I hate having to involve the school at all.

So---- what do you do with school bullies? My son is 11- we've dealt with it with him and we've dealt with it all last year with my daughter- but it seems like we're dealing with it WRONG because it keeps happening!

Tit for tat is the only way i'm afraid.

Tell your little girl to give as good as she gets.

I have told my dd to hit anyone who hits her harder than they have hit her as most kids are smaller than her anyway.

 

[MM27]

I would definitely get the school involved. In my district we've had kids fight on their walk home from school and they were suspended even though they were off school property because they consider coming to and leaving school to be part of the school day. Also, the school should have a set of bus rules that, if violated can cause a child to lose bus privileges. Make the other parent be inconvenienced. Good luck and I hope it gets better for your child.

 

[SarahKate]

I am so glad that someone posted this, because there are some really great ideas.

When I was in gradeschool, there was a bully named John. We were in the same class, and we also had to walk the same route to and from the day care that we went to before and after school. He made life miserable for me. I'm an only child and at the time I was very shy.

Well, one day we were on the playground and he got on my final nerve, so I socked him in the eye! I'm by no means an advocate of violence of any sort, but in my situation, it made all the difference.

We both had to go to the principal's office and our parents were called. As we wer sitting there waiting, he asked if I would be his friend! I remember my mom picking me up, looking at me very sternly, but with a half-smirk on her face.

At this time, my DD5 is an only child and just started kindergarten. I've been so pleasantly surprised that she really DOES stand up for herself - she is nothing like I was when I was her age. There was a boy in her pre-K who is a bully (YEAH, at 5 years old) and would get to her sometimes. Her teacher told me that she totally stands up for herself and if he is mean to someone she will put him in his place. I guess they have actually taken a liking to each other and she was able to see past his bullying ways and considers him a good friend. That's a part of her that makes me so proud, that even if someone is mean, you don't have the right to be mean back.

But the bullying thing does worry me now that she is in gradeschool and I am SO glad I read all of the great tips. She's got a boy at her table who seems to be a little "on edge" so I have been asking questions.

 

[marlynnp]

I'd have someone at the bus stop in the afternoon to follow close enough to see where the other child lives and then I'd be paying a visit to get my kid's lunchbox back (and give them a friendly warning that their child's behavior will not be tolerated). I mean really, where are HER parents??? They didn't notice her bringing that home? Do they think the lunchbox fairy gave it to her? Geesh!