OT - Is this ok? New neighbor kids...

[tmarquez]

My DD is 7. We have 2 neighbors who have girls, one is 5 and one is 7. All three girls play together.

A new family moved in a couple of houses down. They have a 5 year old boy and a girl who just turned 15 yesterday.

At first both the new kids would come over to play. I assumed it was because they wanted the older girl to stay with the boy until the parents "knew us" or at least felt comfortable about him playing at the other houses. It's been over a month now and the boy is allowed to play at the other houses on his own.

The thing I feel funny about is that the 15 year old is still coming to play with the little ones (even without her brother, sometimes). They do makeovers, play hide and seek, ride bikes, etc. What, to me, is normal little girl stuff.

I know the girl doesn't have anyone on our street to hang out with that's her age, and she seems very shy so I imagine she hasn't made many friends yet at school.

The other day my DD, the 15yo and the other 7yo left without telling me were they were going. A big no-no in our house. My dd and the 7yo both ended up being grounded over this. The thing is...I know they would never have done that on their own if the 15yo wasn't with them.

I'm not sure if having a teen girl playing with little kids is really ok or not...as it has already caused trouble for the little ones. What do you think?

 

[Mandychelle79]

I wish there was a 15 yr old in my neighborhood that I could have my kids play with. That way I could clean up the house and stuff without my kids underfoot. Personally I would think of her more as a mother's helper. Yes I would want her or my kids to tell me that they were going somewhere but I dont think id have a problem with it.

 

[indimom]

We live in town and our children have played with a broard age-range of children (both older and younger than them). We learned pretty quickly that you have to be very clear with the neighborhood kids what your own children are and are not allowed to do. I get along well with my neighbors, but some of their kids are allowed to do things that our kids cannot; and vice versa....

More than likely it didn't even cross the 15yo's mind that this wasn't okay, as she probably runs around with the younger sibling in tow all the time. A lot of parents let their teens take a lot of responsibility for younger sibs, and she probably didn't see any difference between your kids and her sib, just assumed that she could handle it and it wasn't a big deal.
Personally, I'd give it another chance, just making sure that I explain to the teen what we expect. If there are more problems after that, then put an end to it.

 

[Mandychelle79]

We live in town and our children have played with a broard age-range of children (both older and younger than them). We learned pretty quickly that you have to be very clear with the neighborhood kids what your own children are and are not allowed to do. I get along well with my neighbors, but some of their kids are allowed to do things that our kids cannot; and vice versa....

More than likely it didn't even cross the 15yo's mind that this wasn't okay, as she probably runs around with the younger sibling in tow all the time. A lot of parents let their teens take a lot of responsibility for younger sibs, and she probably didn't see any difference between your kids and her sib, just assumed that she could handle it and it wasn't a big deal.
Personally, I'd give it another chance, just making sure that I explain to the teen what we expect. If there are more problems after that, then put an end to it.

And it may not of occured to your children if the girl is the same age as someone who typically "babysits" them.

 

[NotUrsula]

Have you met her parents? It may be that she has a mild disability of some kind that makes her prefer the company of younger children; or maybe she's just motherly. I'll bet if you mentioned to her mother that you're surprised that she's willing to spend so much time around younger kids, the odds are that an explanation of some kind will be forthcoming.

My DS12 has Asperger's, and he typically prefers the company of kids who are a few years younger, around 8-9. (He's still very into playing with Legos.) Aspie kids tend to be socially "younger" than most of their same-age peers.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I think it's kind of sweet, though I would make sure to tell her that the kids need to tell you when they are leaving for sure.

I have a DD15 and I will tell you friends at that age are often not so easy to meet. Girls that age can be very...

Even my DD10had to change schools (we didn't move, her school closed) and she is still having some trouble meeting friends. She has people she is friendly with at school, you know, eats lunch with, parteners up with at gym, plays outside with, but not people who call, come over, etc, and she is a very easy going kid.

I would just stress that they MUST tell you when they are leaving and hopefully that will be the end of it.

 

[Swimalie]

We live across from 3 teens (well, one is 12, the other are 14 and 15) and all 3 will come over at different times and play with my 4 year old son. The 12 year old, who will be 13 next month, has stayed through lunch and dinner with us in fact. They love playing with my son. There is another house with a 14 year old that will come over and play with us as well. I don't find this strange at all. But... they do have to follow my rules and they have known that from day 1. That's one thing I would make sure any older kids who play here know (we have a hill in our back yard and so we have a lot of kids who come here to sled, too).

 

[2binak]

The interests of most 15 yr olds is far different than those of 7 & 8 yr olds so I'm having a difficult time with this one. In fact, I find it very strange that any 15 yr old would have fun playing with kids that young. When I was 15, I was babysitting for 3 kids ages 4, 6 & 7 everyday after school. Part of my job was to make & feed them dinner. I was an authority figure to them, not a playmate.

 

[bumbershoot]

But it's different when you actually have siblings that are so much younger than you.

I was 13 then 15 when my half brothers were born. And then they were 12 and 10 when their sister was born.

I played with them, not *ever* thinking I was an authority (though I was babysitting other children of their ages by then), always knowing that they were my siblings. And they too played with their sister, on an age-appropriate level for her, not ever thinking they were an authority figure over her.

Having a little sibling AND having the personality that allows you to join them in play and not just be bored by them or want to be in charge, makes for a very fun teenage time.

 

[roobug]

When I was 15 my family moved to a new neighborhood. I had a younger brother, and I spent many months hanging out and "playing" with the young children in the neighborhood (kids where 2 years - 11 years). I did it because I was bored and I liked kids - I would rather play house, or teaparty or whatever then sit home and watch TV thinking how much moving sucked. I did babysit every so often but mostly it was just hanging out when I had nothing else to do and didn't want to start feeling sorry for myself or get mad at my parents for moving.

I actually ended up getting my MA in Theraputic Recreation and now spend my time playing with little ones - some children just enjoy being with younger kids - I was always that way. If you set limitations it may be a good experience for the 15 year old and for your family.

 

[2binak]

But it's different when you actually have siblings that are so much younger than you.

It is? My brothers & sisters were teenagers when I was born. None of them played with younger kids on a regular basis. Yes, they played with me in our house, but they never went to other people's houses and played with their young kids. I was 7 when my first niece was born. I had 4 more nieces & nephews born in the next 5 years. My brother and his wife lived a couple of houses from us. I would never have thought to visit them for a playdate when I was 14 and my niece was 7 and my nephew was 5. When they visited our house, I did play games with them, but I would never have sought them out as playmates by visiting their house for a playdate.

The OP asked if the situation was ok or not and I feel that it's not. I think that a 15 yr old needs to be with friends their own age. There's nothing wrong with her playing with her sibling in their own house or yard, but when it comes to playing with neighborhood kids in their houses & yards, that's strange to me.

 

[klacey1]

I don't know, OP, something seems "off." Are there any teens in the neighborhood who you can introduce her to? When I was 15, I was baby-sitting almost every weekend. While I loved interacting with the kids (most of whom were my cousins), my friends that I hung out with were my age. Those years are important for developing social skills-- and not with small children. Like PP said, I was friendLY, but overall was an authority figure-- a parent when their parents were gone.
Something just seems weird. Where exactly did she take your daughter and the neighbor's DD? Maybe I've watched too many Lifetime movies, but if you are concerned-- I think you have every right to be.

 

[QVCshopper]

I have sisters who are 7.5 and 11.5 years younger than me. I always ended up "playing" aka free babysitting for other kids at our church. I never thought it was considered bad; I felt like I was doing the adults a huge favor. I often played with them alone for many hours, keeping them--including my sisters--safe and occupied. (It was a strange church, but that's a story for another day).

Have you considered that the 15 and 5 year old's parents send her along to watch the younger one? I now have a 5 year old and wouldn't let her play in the front yard without me.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't think it is okay. It is too big of an age gap. Unless she is babysitting for you I don't see any reason for her to be coming over to play with the kids. Ask yourself if this was a male 15 year old would you allow it?

 

[Leader of the Club]

Why don't you invite the new family over for dessert and get to know them a little. If everything feels on the up and up, then just talk to the new teen neighbor and make sure she understands what the house rules are and remind her that the kids are a few years younger than her and make sure she understands what is age appropriate.

 

[hmacmahony]

wow, poor 15 year old, I feel bad for her. Send her to my house to play with my kids! Seriously, she just moved, probably has very limited friends, and still is on that cusp where she likes to play, but also likes to do grown up stuff.
Sorry, even at my age, I can sit for hours and play with little kids, not just sit there and watch, but play, its sad people loose that ability.
Maybe she will grow up to be a teacher, or a something along that lines, I don't think she is trying to hurt your kids. And for those people who think that, shame on them, this poor girl had done nothing wrong. Just because she isn't out doing things like shopping, talking on the phone, doing make up, discussing boys, shes up to no good. Maybe shes just brand new, and slightly immature, and rather than sit around and do nothing she comes over to play with your kids.
As for her leaving, I would set the ground rules down, but leave it at that, enjoy the free mothers helper and get some stuff down around the house.

and for the person who asked would I have a problem if it was a male 15 year old? Nope I would not have a problem with it, but then again, I am not the type who thinks everyone is out there to get me.

 

[QVCshopper]

wow, poor 15 year old, I feel bad for her. Send her to my house to play with my kids! Seriously, she just moved, probably has very limited friends, and still is on that cusp where she likes to play, but also likes to do grown up stuff.
Sorry, even at my age, I can sit for hours and play with little kids, not just sit there and watch, but play, its sad people loose that ability.
Maybe she will grow up to be a teacher, or a something along that lines, I don't think she is trying to hurt your kids. And for those people who think that, shame on them, this poor girl had done nothing wrong. Just because she isn't out doing things like shopping, talking on the phone, doing make up, discussing boys, shes up to no good. Maybe shes just brand new, and slightly immature, and rather than sit around and do nothing she comes over to play with your kids.
As for her leaving, I would set the ground rules down, but leave it at that, enjoy the free mothers helper and get some stuff down around the house.

and for the person who asked would I have a problem if it was a male 15 year old? Nope I would not have a problem with it, but then again, I am not the type who thinks everyone is out there to get me.

Thank you for your post! This is exactly my opinion. And I have a friend who would be very hurt by that 15 year old boy comment (her sons are 4 and 16). Some families have large age gaps between their kids and the older ones are used to younger ones. And the poor girl would be probably really upset knowing there are a bunch of women talking about her online.

 

[Sadie Chez]

I have a fourteen year old, who just loves kids. Why just the other day I looked out the window and had to laugh out loud cause the neighbors three little daughters were playing with her and she had one on her back and two hanging off each side and couldn't walk it was so cute.

If she's bored or lonely she would rather be outside doing something than just sitting around. So she will give them "makeovers" or make sure the boys let them play in the fort or whatever. And the girls think she is the "coolest" person ever, the mom is happy she can get a few minutes peace.

I would feel really bad if someone looked at my daughter as wierd or odd just because she likes kids.

 

[badblackpug]

I think you hit the nail on the head with your 1st post. The 15 year old has only been here a month, and seems shy. Please remember it is harder for teens to make friends than 7 year olds. Teenage girls can be eeeeeeevvvvvvil.
More than likely she is just lonely and bored. Looks like you could get a good babysitter out of this!

 

[Zeebs]

My neice is 15 and while she has plenty of friends she is in her element playing with the younger kids.

She has already expressed that she would like to be a teacher or certainly something to do with children.

Personally, I certainly would speak to her about making sure that the kids always let you and the other parent know where they are going and any other rules you may have for your kids, but I wouldn't have any issues with them playing together.

Kirsten