OT i need advices regarding my son and the school

[giuly09]

First of all, sorry managers if this is completely OT and not related to the mouse but i am despartely seeking for advices and i have thought to ask you all my friends as most fo all are parents

Mi son Enrico got a very bad mark in science last wednesday so today i called the head teacher.

She has told me quite bad of Enrico, she said he should fail the school year but the worst is the attitude he has toward school, he looks like being there *by chance* and he acts like he was doing a favour to the teachers.

She told me to take off him mobile, internet,and most of all money unless he worksfor them so he can grow up because she said he and most of his school mates are just like children in a body of a man.

Now, take for sure i will make him help me around the house and mobile, internet and money will go what could i do so he can face the *real*work??

In Italy you cant start working before you are 16 (and he is not 15 yet) so i ahd been thinking of volunteering somewhere but not sure you can that age.

Any suggestion please?

 

[Cyrano]

Giulia as mine are not at the same age I don't think that I will of much help but for you.

What I do know of friends DS/DD is that some get on better out of school. Friends DS now goes to college 2 days a week while at school and has come on leaps and bounds Would this be an option at your school?

 

[giuly09]

Thanks Reid,dont think that would be possible here, the only thing is i have seen not far from where a work there is something like an association of University students that help younger students not doing very well at school.
I am going to ask them on monday.
Thans again

 

[jillrobinson]

Oh Guilia My view as mum of a teenage boy

Re: the child in a man's body comment, well really that's what he is. I don't think you should take too much notice of that comment, they're teenagers and it's a very confusing time for them and as for attitude, tell me about it and mine's a year younger than Enrico.

I think there's probably a few questions you need to ask

Is Science the only subject there's a problem with ? Could it be teacher/pupil conflict ? Boredom, doesn't understand the work, so has given up trying.
Has he started hanging around with different friends ?

I wouldn't rush into confiscating his phone etc., until you've had chance to speak to him, you sound like you have a good relationship with him otherwise, it would be a real shame to damage that.
Perhaps, your older son have a better chance of finding out what's going on ?

If all else fails then I suppose you have to grit your teeth and lay down the law.

 

[Cazgal]

I don't really klnow what to suggest as my daughter is only 7. However, when I was a teenager I went through a bit of a rough patcvh aswell - but came out the other end OK !

What he probabaly needs right now is a sympathic ear that will listen without judging him - he may be going through a tough time being a teenager (girls, friends the whole teenage thing can be hard work) or may have other issues that you do not know about (I certainly kept a lot from my parents but in the end confided in them).

I think it is a good idea about asking his older brother to see if he can help - Enrico might find it easier talking to him. Let him know that you love him no matter what and that you are always there for hiom - that is nice to know as a kid, and many many children do not get that from their parents.

It is worth talking to the school again once this has all "sunk in" .. maybe as suggested above it is only Science and it could be a teacher/pupil issue (I certianly had one teacher thjat I absolutley hated and it was very tough in that lesson).

Perhaps they / you could suggest a better course of action than taking away all the things he holds dear - a punishment may not be the solution - maybe an incentive to work / try harder at school would be a better idea so you actually reward the behaviour that you want rather than punish the negative (I use this all the time at school - I work as a Teaching Assistant).

 

[ema74]

Sorry not much help here as Mia is almost 6 and Anya is 18 months but just wanted to send you lots and lots of

Hope things get better for you all soon.

 

[sjaakie]

Wow that’s a though problem I know and experienced. Just doing nothing is the most simple solution but does a child learn anything from it?

It’s a hard world outside and I don’t think the teacher is just “moaning”.

And yes it’s a difficult age but do you ore the school just have to look away?

We did not take away the mobile phone but just did not put any credits on it.
Your son can be reached by you and his friends but can't call himself.

I wish you very much wisdom with this.

 

[DLPdaft]

From what you said in your post, I also thought it might be conflict between pupil and teacher. If its just that one subject, I think that may be it. I'd be inclined to let Enrico know you know theres an issue there, and that it may be in Enrico's best interests to pay extra attention in this class, to get through it.

Have you had any similar report from Enrico's other teachers?

Elaine

 

[jillrobinson]

In total agreement with cazgal, you need to find out Enrico's side of the story.
I was no angel as a teenager and the very fact that my father was strict and wouldn't agree to me dating, staying out as late as my friends, going to discos, didn't mean that I didn't go, it meant that I lied and my parents never knew where I was and I'm sorry but the more I was punished the more resilient and cunning I became. I failed half my O' levels which did wake me up and having resat them got them with very good grades, but this could have been avoided, if there had been just a little give and take from my dad.

I have a fantastic relationship with my son and I hope to keep it that way although we had an odd year when he moved up to Comprehensive, in fact his first report there was appalling, I had a long talk with a Headmaster friend, who explained the problems that can arise with boys particularly, he was spot on is his explanation, Jamie was bored, having spent the last year or 2 at primary school having a very much hands on approach to subjects, he got to Comprehensive where there were laboratories and art rooms and IT centres, but then spent 12 months drawing bunsen burners and learning Lab rules. In Art he was bored witless learning how to shade and about perspective, he is extremely talented at Art and I was devasted when I got his report. At parents evening I was greeted with "Mrs. Robinson, before you say anything, can I just explain that it is only this week that Jamie has shown me what he is capable of"

We had a long talk about school and whilst I did threaten a crackdown on internet, games consoles etc., if things didn't improve I also promised to reward him if the following year's report improved, they can be allocated commendations for subjects in the annual report, they don't have to excell at that subject, just prove that they have put in maximum effort to achieve them. I promised Jamie £10 for every commendation he achieved the following year, much to my surprise and horror he achieved 13 and then 12 this year.

This is just my experience Giulia and all children are different, only you know what will work best for Enrico, but I don't think punishment is the best approach.

 

[giuly09]

First thanks you all for you suggestions.
When he has come home after lunch i told him the thing i am most worried about is his *lack of action* if it makes sense he just keeps saying *i cant do that* and so let things go.
He had a bad start at school, and he got bad with the science and economy teachers. Then the situation got better and when he had his mid term report the onlt bad result was Economy, English was *borderline* but not too bad.
Then in January he had a few minor slips,then went (with the school!!) for a 4 days trip,came back with a bad flu and had to stay off school for another week.
Well the head teacher (she teaches Italian and History) sounds like she has not forgiven him for that,she keeps saying *that period off school has made him bad*and this could be right but he was with the school first (and btw he was left alone in the hotel with high fever!!!) and then sick at home.

Anyway he has cried a lot, saying he is not able to do anything good and he dont know if he can turn the situation for good.

I have told him i will help and has told he wont be able to chat with his friends until he proves me he is putting much effort in his duties and i want him to tidy up his room every day if he wants money for the weekend.

Am i being too hard with him??

Sorry that's a long moan.

 

[sjaakie]

Its no moaning at all.

If you “buy” his good behaviour your only rewarding it.
As a already wrote it’s a hard world outside and if you go out there no one will tell you “oke look if you do better next time I will give you this ore that”.

And believe me its much harder for us as parents to give a sort of punishment then for the kids.
There so many things that did just not existed in out youth and they have to deal with them.

We love them and would like to protect them against the whole world.

Again I wish you wisdom and hope everything will turn up good for all of you.

 

[jillrobinson]

As he is obviously as upset by this as you are, then I have to stick to my previous post and say that I don't believe punishment is the answer and I see no problem whatsoever with rewarding him as and when his work improves. To me it sounds like a culmination of factors have brought you to this situation, I think at this time he needs your support and encouragement more than anything else, and I'd also be seeking reassurance from this school that you can rely on them to do the same.

Giulia I'm sure you will do what's best for both of you and will be able to work through this.

 

[Cyrano]

I think you understand your son better than anyone. As others state teachers can have a negative effect on some pupils as they just cannot connect to them. Other times they can be a very positive mentor.
It is important to get his side of the story and provide positive support and reward good behaviour.
Remember that parents have the most important role and greatest amount of time in the education of a child

 

[MazdaUK]

He is too young for Rotaract yet (starts at 18) but I think the Leos (junior Lions) start earlier - do you have one near you? That would give him a social outlet and he'd be fundraising etc. and feeling he was in control of something/making his own life a bit. Or Explorer scouts? DS(14) loves that! My DSis went through a very rebellious phase at school but joining Ranger Guides helped her really come out of herself.

 

[giuly09]

Thanks MazdaUK, i am in Italy so it is slightly different here but anyway i have been thinking about it too

This morning i have made him cook his brekkie and then i have showed how to make the bed and while i was doing that, well i have must done something wrong as now i can hardly move and every step is a pain.

Wonder if it is the way my body is reacting to this stress!!!
BTW we call it the witch touch lol

 

[Ware Bears]

Oh Giulia, sending you hope you're feeling better today.

 

[giuly09]

Oh Giulia, sending you hope you're feeling better today.

Thanks but i am waiting for the doctor after a painful night

 

[MazdaUK]

Hope you feel better soon! Take i easy and don't doo too much too soon.

Scouting is international, I know they have them in Italy (but not sure what they're called) - great for gtting rid of excess teenage energy/slumping in front of the TV (why one or the other? Why no in between )

 

[giuly09]

Today Enrico had to stay at school in the afternoon too so i told him to take the mobile and just to turn it on at 1.30 pm (when they are allowed out for lunch) so i could call him and ask about the morning.
The teacher of Italian saw him and said *can see your mum has not learnt anything*.
So now i am the stupid of the town

 

[Cyrano]

The teacher of Italian saw him and said *can see your mum has not learnt anything*.
So now i am the stupid of the town

Who does this teacher think there are I would demand a meeting with the principal/head teacher. No professional teacher would dare to undermine the role of the parent.. and definitely not in public.
If anyone is stupid it is this person who is insulting to even think they have any intelligence in learning. Sadly this is the type of teacher that schools will hide away rather than sack. If only parents felt more comfortable to complain we would rid our schools of this type of incompetent.

Do you not have a school board or parent body to talk to. What about your education authority.

Hope you can find a resolution in all of this and do not except the word of this bully.