OT I need advice

[BridetobeDisney]

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[bumbershoot]

We never left our son, until a couple weeks ago, with my MIL. We've watched her smack her angelic granddaughters for absolutely no reason, and I couldn't imagine what she might do with our rambunctious boy. She doesn't care about our being vegetarian, and I have NO interest in DS being fed meat. And so on and so forth.

So we just never started giving them alone time...in your case, I would just stop giving them alone time. If she asks for some time with him, just go with. No need to explain. Just go and stay there, or invite her to your house.

That's if you still want to see her...I know I sure wouldn't with her history!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

What does you dh say about all of this?

 

[bellebud]

I wouldn't have her babysit anymore. It's one thing to not see eye-to-eye on some child-rearing issues, but she truly does sound neglectful. To say "he hasn't run in the street before" is just plain stupid (and how many times has she put him in the situation that he *could* run in the street???) You can just visit all together. Good luck!

 

[joolz1910]

This is a really difficult issue. My MIL has looked after all of my children and I must admit, at times she has made me almost die with shock at her stupidity. An example: Too many people in the car and no car seat for our three year old - so she puts the child on her lap and the seatbelt around both of them. When I found out, I went berserk. She never did it again. Having said that, she adores my kids and they love her so much. She can be wise in many other ways and sometimes her advice has been spot on. This doesn't sound like you MIL though - from what you've said, she doesn't just make 'mistakes' - she doesn't sound particularly loving either. Personally I would trust your instincts - as his mother, you know best, no matter what anyone else says.

 

[Aliceacc]

It's hard having it both ways.

She's been abusive to you since the start of your relationship... why on earth would you leave your son alone with her?

 

[LJRJR]

My MIL watched my daughter once a week for almost a year when I was working. I was so nervous when I left the house to go to work about the safety of my daughter. MIL would completely disreguard my wishes about safety issues. However, she was never mean, she is just not "all there mentally". My husband and I both have the same opinion of her, which makes it easy on me. To this day (my DD is 9 years old) my MIL does not watch any of my children. I dont make it obvious to her, it just appears that I never need anyone else care for my children. Its a tough situation, but trust your feelings, I am sure they are correct.

 

[jms531]

The most important thing in this situation is your baby's safety. If you feel that your MIL is not taking proper care of your DS, then it is your responsibility as his mother to keep him safe (i.e. away from her until she turns around). Dare I say it but it seems to me she's doing these things to spite you. She seems like a control freak who still hasn't accepted the fact that her son has chosen a wife and has a family of his own. She needs to realize that while SHE may not have chosen you, her son did. And if she wants to have a relationship with you all, she needs to give you respect and respect how you want DS to be taken care of.
That said, it is your responsibility to step in if she doesn't. It may be a rocky, long road until she understands she needs to shape up and until that time keep in mind YOU had that baby in your belly for 9 months, he is yours and don't let anything bad happen to him b/c you're trying to avoid drama with the inlaws. Trust me, the drama will always be there and you likely will NEVER make this woman happy but your son will always be YOUR son and it's your call who you leave him with regarding safety etc.

HTH, G/L!

 

[Moeluv4u7]

Sounds like she is taking her "dislike" for you out on your son, her grandson...
Totally inappropriate! Has your DH seen this? Have you told him about it? Have you all said anything to her as it is happening?
If she would have kept telling my young toddler "Get Up, Get Up" and then just pushed him through a doorway knowing he wouldn't "clear the way through" and then acted exasperated and passed him off, I would have immediately made comment as to what did she think she was doing! He is 2 yrs old!! Etc etc!
Good Luck! Sounds as though you need to lay down the law or let her know she is not welcome to visit with him- at all!!

 

[mrscramer]

I wouldn't let her watch him. I feel I am probably extra careful with my kids but after watching my child start choking on a piece of lettuce and celery that my MIL gave them I was like, "come on!!!!" you don't give those items to a young child. Both moms have let my children go underwater while in their care. both times were of course for very very short times and they were both there but still. If I had the feelings you had about my MIL (I do not I love her to death) I would not let her watch my child. I would not care what she said. You are his mother and it is your decision who takes care of your child.

When my niece want to take my kids to the pool I was like."You know if something happens to them I will have a hard time forgiving you." Once I got past that point then it was okay for her to watch them.

You are not overreacting.
Blessings to you.
Cassie

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I still would like to know what the OP's dh has to say about all of this.

 

[surfgirl]

you've definitely got some issues going on and lack of trust is only the start of it.

I wouldn't be comfortable leaving him either, but try to find a diplomatic way to do it. Do you ever think she acts differently with you standing there ? I also wouldn't tell her directly about the safety concern thing since you've admitted that he fell off the bed and had a skull fracture while under your care. (btw, he should be falling asleep in his own bed -- that's why there are crib rails, but that is a different subject entirely).

I think preschool is important, but for 2yo's, if it is a financial burden, absolutely not. Just try not to p*&& her off any more and give her more reason for her to hate you.

 

[surfgirl]

oops, I don't mean you... in singular you, I mean you ... in plural you... you and mil don't have a rosey relationship.

 

[MiniGirl]

I still would like to know what the OP's dh has to say about all of this.

I agree. Certainly he has been there during some of this and has some opinion, and it could offer some clarity.

As to the rest... personally, I wouldn't hold onto all the remarks and comments made before you were married. Holding onto them is doing you no good. If you don't want to send him to preschool, then don't. I don't see that as a big deal. Also, if you are uncomfortable having your in-laws watch your son, then don't let them watch him. Again, no big deal.

 

[BridetobeDisney]

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[ryanshana]

subbing....cause I don't have time right now to respond....But want to remember when kiddies take a nap.....

for now

 

[PatricenPete]

At the end of the day, Tyson is YOUR son and you have to do whatever you feel comfortable with. My son is 4 and my daughter is 2 1/2 and they only people who I have EVER let watch them are my mom and my grandmother. It's not that I don't think that other people will take good care of them, but I need to do what I am most comfortable with and you need to do the same. It sounds to me like you have some legit reasons not to want your MIL to watch Tyson. I say follow your gut and don't leave him alone with her anymore.

 

[BridetobeDisney]

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[bedillamouse]

I agree with the other posters....just don't let your in laws have him without you there. As for the preschool thing....heck if you are going back to work full time next year and don't want to send him...then DON'T...preschools are not a must do. He's still so young and you have plenty of time for preschool later. Plus it saves money which is important! It's hard to let go of the rude comments from the past...but I think you just limit your exposure to the comments and control the thing you can control ...which is keeping your son safe. Trust your instincts!

As for "lighting up" with your second one...my worries over saftey have not let up at all...in fact they are more so since we now have older kid toys around that are not 'approved' for the younger one. That's a silly thing your MIL said. While it's true they are more resilent that we give them credit for they are still very much breakable...and unfortunately you've had that experience. I'm so sorry you had to experience that...it's so heartbreaking when your baby is hurt.

Just stick to your guns and keep your son safe while ignoring the snide comments.

Just to add...you were posting while I was....I would just act like you don't need the babysitters....like a previous poster said. If she calls and wants to babysit or 'have him over' just invite her over to your house or go with and stay while he visits his grandparents. YOu aren't doing anything wrong and she can't say you aren't letting her see him. It's weary and I understand about the wearing you out...just vent to us here and keep going. You probably will need to sit down with your DH and have a long talk about support. While he may not want to confront his mom ....he needs to support you and what you are trying to do.

 

[Aliceacc]

It doesn't have to be a knock down drag out fight. Simply be the one taking control of your son, just as you would do if you were along.

"I'll get Tyson out of his car seat, mom, could you get the door?"

Don't ask for her help, don't expect her help, don't accept her help. You can be civil and friendly and all smiles, but ultimately YOU take the responsibility. Don't put your son into a situation where this woman's lack of attention or other agenda could cause him harm.