OT- Help, he wants kids!

[DISNEYFOS]

I definitely would not say your are alone in your fear of pregnancy and child birth. I like the idea another poster stated about speaking with your doctor and maybe learning more about it...for me its the Unknown that freaks me out ;-)

Adoption of course is a wonderful choice as well..but you and your DH have to completely agree on either course...possibly some couples counseling might help you work thru it.

Ignore the pressure from parents..seriously..sometimes In-laws and parents can be so unhelpful!!

Having gone thru the pregnancy thing once..I'm here again after 3 years ready to go again...and I'm quite the wimp when it comes to pain/being uncomfortable. Pregnancy can be very uncomfortable and annoying..but its a limited amount of time.. As for labor,seriously, I know there are women who want the completely natural experience...That was not me... I was induced due to hypertension @ 37 weeks..absolutely no problems. Slept thru most of it. Had my epidural early on..slept thru the entire laboring process (I'm not joking)..my husband watched movies on his laptop... Doctor came in to check on me..he was shocked to see I was ready to push...Three pushes and she came out...perfect little baby. There are many different types of experiences and typically you only end up hearing the horror stories...Not the ones who sleep thru it

 

[Tam1067]

As others have said, you do need to work this out with him.

That said, I understand your feelings about fearing and dreading pregnancy. I did too. I was not happy about stretch marks or morning sickness or having a huge belly and being uncomfortable. The thought of it made me sick. I even had a panic attack (literally) after DH and I decided to try.

When I finally convinced myself I should do it, I disliked pregnancy itself. I was sick and uncomfortable. Then I feared labor.

That said, I had a healthy baby and two more after that. I never loved being pregnant, but it is a limited time and when it's over, there's a big reward.

I had an induced labor with baby #1. I was uncomfortable, but then I got an epidural, and really, that helps so much. I ended up having to have a c-section, and that wasn't so bad either.

What I found is that the fear of it all was worse than the reality. And avoid watching those baby shows on TLC or Discovery Health--when the women don't have epidurals, the images can be scary--but that was not at all my experience.

 

[TheDizMom]

I don't think there is anything wrong with you at all. Being pregnant isn't easy, I like to say the only good thing about being pregnant is 9 months with no period. On the other hand mine suck and I tend to get every complication in the book not to mention having to take 20mg of prednisone every day for 9 months so I don't have any more stillbirths. I am the extreme though so don't judge pregnancy by me. I have always loved the feeling of my baby moving around in my stomach though. I love my children to death, but if medication wouldn't enable me to carry a child to term and have it come out alive, I would adopt in a heartbeat. If you want to be a mother and love children it doesn't matter where it comes from, you will love it just the same. If I didn't finally end up having a healthy boy and girl, I would have done the adoption thing no question.

I think it's natural for you to be scared of pregnancy and the unknown because you haven't ever done it before. We were all like that. Then you hear from women like me who didn't have great experiences and it just ads fuel to the fire. I wouldn't rule it out totally, but if you really don't want to do it, giving an unwanted child a home is a wonderful thing. I think you and your fiance need to really talk about it and think about it in the next several years (if you aren't going to wait a bit anyway) and then do what is the right thing for you. We can't tell you what that is, all I can say is you aren't the only person to feel this way and it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. Loving a child is loving a child no matter how it comes into your life.

 

[Davidsmommy]

Pregnancy, labor and delivery, and quite frankly, parenting scares the heck out of me.

And, I have two kids (7 and 2).

So, being scared is normal I think and it is actually really good you are looking at it objectively and realizing that all of it isn't sweet smelling smiling babies and gazing lovingly at your growing belly.

Adoption is a wonderful thing, but that also has it pains and trials - that isn't easy either. NONE of parenting is simply easy IMO (I am NOT a mommy martyr lol).

But, of course, it is worthwhile and something you can't describe to others.

Keep communicating with your BF - and agree to keep communicating throughout your lives together. DH and I got married when I was 24 and he was 26, and at that point we didn't want kids. We kept the options open, knowing we were young and our feelings might change - and they did.

But, if either of us felt strongly that we didn't want kids - that would have been a dealbreaker. We didn't KNOW at 24 and 26 what we may want later.

So, keep thinking and talking and working together - I am sure you will figure it out! And, don't feel bad about being scared. I actually think doing both could be wonderful in your situation.

 

[DisneyAprilFool]

Americans are made to fear pregnancy, in a way. We're taught it's a medical condition and that we need to have doctors and nurses and everyone surrounding us to bring forth a child into this world- but that's really not the case.

Birth is a natural process; it is not a disease. NEITHER is pregnancy. However, our medical professionals treat it as such and therefore, it's easy to be scared and frightened- particularly if you do not know much about the process.

There was a time when we could ONLY go off of our mothers' and sisters' advice about pregnancy and childbirth- those days are long past. I'd suggest reading a few CURRENT pregnancy books, going on a parenting site and talking to people who are waiting to start trying to conceive as well as chatting with those waiting to adopt- take your time and do your research now.

It seems like to me that adoption is comfortable for you because you know what to expect- however, with a little research and time, you'll find out what to expect with a pregnancy too.

I hope this post made some sort of sense. My main point is- we're taught that pregnancy is a disease- it isn't. It's scary because it's an unknown, but everything we experience for the first time is an unknown. Even adoption can be scary at times.

Good luck, hon! You have your head on right and your heart is definitely in the RIGHT place. I hope you two have a long, happy life together and get to enjoy the joys of parenting- however your children come into this world!

 

[isla bonita]

When I was dating my now husband I informed him kids were not in the cards for me. nope not for me. I dated him from the time I was 17 until we married 11 years later.

Why you ask I got the bug yup the confirmed no kids woman woke up one day and things had changed. I am sure it was gradual but it sure as he(( seemed like just one day I had changed my mind. Crazy but true.

We married and my dear friend calls my son the poconos baby on account of we had him 9 months from our honeymoon. We now have a total of 3 children and all planned.

Not sure how or why things changed but they did.