Reading the comment about your daughter swinging her feet while at the dinner table reminded me about a story I saw on the nightly national news a few months ago. It featured an elementary school teacher that had all the kids desks elongated so the kids would be able to write while standing. A swinging bar was also added to the bottom of their desk so the kids could swing it with their feet while sitting on their "bar" stool or while standing. The students were allowed to stand or sit at their desk as they like. They can also swing the bar with their feet as they like. The teacher said she was astonished that most kids preferred to stand most the day rather then sit. When the students were able to release some of the anxiety from test taking by swinging the bar, they were able to focus and across the board, test scores went up. The bar certainly helped the kinetic learners. I think this was a 4th or 5th grade.
I just found it interesting and wanted to share.
Thank you. I try to be flexible with giving DD the option of standing/sitting but I draw the line when it comes to the dining table b/c in the real world there is no exemption of manners when it comes to dining.
I have a friend whose son is ADD/ADHD/Spectrum and I swear he has jumped over a million times on his mini-tramp. They homeschool too and that's how he does his learning.
If only I had that much energy, I'd be the skinny person I wish I was.
As to your prior post about your DD3, my heart goes out to you. I don't know if I could do this if I had another little one. I'm often at a loss with one.
I think one of my saving graces is that I am a very structured person. So even though I may be seen as being too rigid or strict or depriving my DD of a normal childhood, to some degree it worked.
At about 3, we started posting what we called The [Insert Last Name] Family Laws. I put them on a big posterboard where everyone could see and if anyone broke a law then there was a consequence. For DD it meant time out, but there was also a consequence for me and DH too (usually having to apologize). They were all in a positive tone. We started with one and over the course of a month added to it. Before I did this DH and I discussed the things that we needed to deal with then listed 8 or 10 things. From that list we prioritized. Here are some of them:
All family members speak lovingly to each other even when they are upset. This was b/c DD would yell when she was mad. We made it OK to be upset but she had to still communicate nicely.
All family members touch each other with kindness. DD went through a hitting phase. It didn't last very long, maybe a few weeks, but it always stayed on the list.
All family members keep saliva in their mouth, where it belongs. The little boy across the street was a spitter and so DD thought that might work for her. WRONG! This one was escalateable in that first violation was time out, second violation within one hour and DD was given a coffee flavored candy (to her it wasn't candy, it was just nasty). One coffee candy and DD never spit again.
All family members ask pleasantly before taking something someone else is using. We ended up not having to use this one, but it may be useful for you.
All family members use words to communicate what they want or need. This one was used b/c DD would point at stuff or think that I was a mind reader and then get upset when I wasn't.
All family members treat their possessions with respect. DD would get upset and throw her toys or kick them and then would expect me or DH to fix them or buy her new ones. Consequence for not treating her things nicely was that they were taken away, usually for the rest of the day.
All family members ask politely for things they want or need. I'm not a 'gimme' person, so I wanted DD to learn about pleasantries. If DD didn't ask nicely the first time I'd give her a reminder. If she still didn't get it then she didn't get what she wanted. And yes, there were times she swore she was going to die of thirst if I didn't immediately give her some water. But all she had to do was ask nicely. And now, honestly, DD generally has terrific manners.
One of the rules we have at the therapist is that when I am in my session, DD can interrupt only if there is an emergency or if she has to use the bathroom (the bathroom is through the therapists office). DD is doing much better about not interrupting, but some days it takes all I have not to tie her down so she stops knocking on the door. The door is unlocked, so at least she's knocking and not barging in. Maybe you need to have rule like this with your DD3 for times when you are needing one on one time with DD1.5. Maybe you can give DD3 a choice of activities (play with ponies, read a book, or .....) that she can do while you are with DD1.5. Start with short amounts of time -- 5 minutes. Let DD3 know that it's very important that you help DD1.5 and you can't be interrupted because when you do things with DD3 she gets your time too. Tell DD3 that she is a big girl and that she can sit quietly and that DD1.5 is still little and she's just learning and that DD3 can help DD1.5 learn how to have good manners. Maybe I'm babbling, it's kinda late. If I sound incoherent, let me know and I'll try to do better later.
I read about an early childhood education program that believed little tiny kids can learn anything. And b/c of learning more I was able to create a program that gave DD what many would think is seemingly random information. They are discrete pieces of information. I taught DD all kinds of things with this and it really helped -- she had to focus and she got the stimulation and information she craved. For me it was a my saving grace b/c you can't send a 3 year old to school and there is no preschool in the world that wouldn't have wanted to sedate DD b/c she was just so intense. I have very elaborate stories that DD would dictate to me (before she could write) and I'd write them down. I put them in a composition book and would leave a blank page after each written page so that when I needed DD to do something individually she could illustrate her story. I know, sounds completely goofy but it was terrific for us.
DD also wanted to control everything and I hated the idea of arguing with her. When it came to choosing what to wear, we picked out the outfit the night before (it worked for us b/c our weather is pretty consistent but most people know what it's going to be like the next day). In the AM there was no discussion. She picked it out, she wears it. Of course, either I or DH would help her pick things out to some degree. But DD knew she needed panties and bottoms and a top or a dress. Maybe having your DD get her clothes ready the night before would be helpful so that in the AM you could get DD1.5 ready w/o DD3 creating a situation.
Some of DDs favorite books are the ones about how things are made as well as the Handy Answer guides (I think we have 6 or 7 different topics ranging from weather to history to geography, etc).
Often I would make her homemade books. I literally have thousands of these things. The type was larger b/c it's easier to read. I have books on all kinds of things. Some of them are 15 pages long and basically I took one page from a book about the moon and typed it up and added some pictures. I have books on dinosaurs -- I'd take one dinosaur and come up with 10 or so facts and create a 15-20 page book with these 10 facts and a few nice pictures. Egypt, got it. Planets, yep. Composers, them too. Poems too. Seriously, it took a lot of time. But it's what I felt I had to do to give her what she needed. It was interesting, it was age appropriate, it had nice pictures, she could put it on her lap (I used standard paper in the landscape mode) or on the floor. But they weren't always books of info and all academic. I have disney books that I re-typed/edited so the type was larger so she could read it more easily -- one thing I found was that although she could read at a very tender age, her eyes still had difficulty focusing on the tiny print in most kids' books. Large type was easier to read (signs, ads, things on TV) so I redid her favorite books to make it more fun and independent for her.
I also found that physical activity was so important for DD, which is partly why we have monkeybars in our house. I also created games where we'd crawl around the house (yep, I'd do it too but it was kinda fun crawling around) pretending to be dogs or cats or whatever animal. I'd let DD hide pretend food for the animals and she was the leader and she'd have to lead me around to get it all. Other times we would have to be so quiet and sneak up on the various stuffed animals she'd hide around the house. I created something like a circuit and we'd do these activities -- hop 10 times around the dining table, then crawl to the front door, then skip to the bathroom, and finally do bear walks back to the start. I'm sure this all sounds extraordinarily stupid, but it gave me stuff to do with DD that was engaging, fun, good for her health and development and occupied her time.
I have so much compassion for you, Sand. You're right, it is like having a reverse special needs child. Except that 'gifted'/high ability kids do not get federally mandated assistance as readily as other special needs children. Some of the first things to go in public schools when funding gets cut are gifted services. The last things cut are special ed programs b/c schools need them to get funding. I do not begrudge any special needs child's services because I know they are critical. But it is equally challenging with high ability/high intensity kids that don't have the help and resources too.
I hope I've been able to offer you some help. Everyone has been so helpful to me, I need to pay it forward.
