OT-getting back money from friend

[RivaLJ]

I thought I would get some imput from you guys.
Here's the background and question.
In 2006 I invited my newly divorced friend and her 2 kids to join me in WDW.
I said I would pay for their airfare and would share a room. She would get the tickets for her family. She said yes, I bought the air tickets. End of story- she got new job and new boss would not let her go. DS and I went alone.
Now for the 2007 trip to WDW. She said she wanted to go. I rebooked air tickets- paid for change. She paid her deposit to the TA. Last week I get an email saying it is not financially possible for her to go this year either. Trip is 8/17. In other words she bailed out on me again. (for the last time! I will NEVER do this again).
My question is: I would like to be reimbursed for the 3 plane tickets. I realize that I did offer to pay for them. But I feel this is a breach of promise. How do I go about asking to be paid back, without risking the friendship. Even though right now I am

 

[mrs.beast]

honestly, i would think that you couldn't ask without putting your friendship in jeopardy. it really depends on your relationship. you could try hinting that you would like the money back. but the reality is that you were willing to spend it so you don't "need" it and she is financially strapped so she may not even be able to afford to pay you. good luck to you

 

[tonilea]

I would write it up to no good deed goes unpunished. Then call the airline and see if they will give you credit for those on a future flight.

We had to cancel w/ American when I was pregnant. I called and they gave us a credit that had to be used within one year.

 

[darlak]

I think you have a hard choice to make. Which has the greater value to you, the money or the friendship? As much as I agree that she should reimburse you, I can't think of a single way to ask her to that won't endanger the friendship. Good luck.

 

[Honeymooner04]

First of all I would call the airline and see if you could get a credit for the tickets. We had to cancel a flight a couple of years ago and were able to get some sort of voucher that could be used within the year. Second of all I think that your friend has already jeopardized the friendship by agreeing to go and then bailing out. I personally could not be friends with someone that would take such a generous offer by you so casually. I would explain to her how you feel and if she takes offense to it then it's her problem. You sound like a very generous, caring person that is just being taken advantage of and there are plenty of other people more considerate to be friends with. Sorry if I sound harsh but I've had similar circumstances happen to me and I have found that people like that never change. Good luck in whatever you decide to do!

 

[WildGrits]

This sounds to me like a perfect example of:

Fool me once, shame on you
Fool me twice, shame on me.

I don't think you have a leg to stand on asking for the money seeing as you offered to pay. But why would you offer to pay the second time?

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

You've definitely been taken advantage of and quite honestly, I don't see how the friendship won't suffer even if you do not ask for the money back. Sounds like your friend is a dreamer (and I have one of those kinds of friends). She should have been honest in knowing that her finances would never allow her to go...instead of roping you into yet another financial loss. She probably doesn't have the money, as another poster said. I don't know what the answer is, but I know if a so-called friend did this to me not once, but twice, there wouldn't be much worry about the friendship because there wouldn't be much of one left at that point. If you can let this go and continue on with the friendship remaining the same as it was, bless you.

 

[Doc CW]

This sounds to me like a perfect example of:

Fool me once, shame on you
Fool me twice, shame on me.

I don't think you have a leg to stand on asking for the money seeing as you offered to pay.

I agree completely

 

[gottagodisney]

IMO, your "friend" has already jeopardized the friendship. If she was any kind of real friend she would have already mentioned how she could make things right or better yet, if in precarious situation where she knew going on trip would be iffy, then she should not have agreed to trip in the first place.

In her defense, you did agree to pay for airfare, an awfully generous offer by a friend I must say. You probably will never see any $ back whether you ask for it or not. Sorry to be so negative- just speaking from experience with people. Consider the friendship fractured already....can't hurt to ask though. You should not be the one feeling like you have to gently approach the matter. Yes, she is going through a rough time, but that does not give her the right to be irresponsible. I would say - live and learn this time.

 

[veraletta]

I think you need to get a new friend; she doesn’t seem to me like a very good friend, what friend would do this to another friend and do it two times.

she's not dumb she knows you will lose the money on the air line tickets, if I did this to a friend I would have paid her for the air line tickets, without her asking me to do this.

I care about my friend. Sorry to be so negative but I can't see how you can call her a friend.
You been taken advantage of and quite honestly she doesn’t seem to care about how much money you are out of.

If this happen only one time I would say okay, but not two times makes me wonder why she said she would go and then not go.
I know she said she doesn’t have the money but it seems to me that she may want you to offer to pay for every thing.

She should not have agreed to another trip in the first place, unless she had all her money in hand. After all she remembers that she didn't go last year.
And remember she invited her self this time.

You are very generous and I think you are more of a friend to her than she is to you.
I think I would have to say some thing to her about how hurt I feel about her doing this two times to me and she is acting so so about your loss of the money for the air line tickets

 

[jtlover]

I am wondering whether, as you have been so generous before, she was hoping you would offer to pay as she cant afford the rest?

I hope you can get a credit on the flights or ask whether you can get the tickets changed to someone else and see if any of your better friends can take up the tickets and go with you?

 

[carrie6466]

She paid her deposit to the TA. Last week I get an email saying it is not financially possible for her to go this year either. Trip is 8/17.

I, too, would call the airline to see if you could get credit. I would say since your friend doesn't have the money for the trip, she wouldn't be able to pay you, either. If I ever wanted to ask her again (I doubt it) I'd give her all the flight info and have her book tix herself.

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

You should be able to cancel her tickets and get a credit that you can use in the future. I know Jet Blue gives up to a year (we had to cancel a trip and ended up with $2500 credit from Jet Blue - it all went back to me since I had paid for the tickets - I have been booking various trips off of that credit for the past 5 months).

I wouldn't bother asking for the money - I would just leave it alone. I think it's horribly rude that she did this to you twice. However, if she didn't have the money for the trip, she's certainly not going to have the money to reimburse you.

Good luck!

 

[eliza61]

My question is: I would like to be reimbursed for the 3 plane tickets. I realize that I did offer to pay for them. But I feel this is a breach of promise. How do I go about asking to be paid back, without risking the friendship. Even though right now I am

The friendship is already at risk, let it go. Anyone who has ever travelled on a plane knows the headache of cancelling a trip. First of all, she didn't even have the respect to tell you this in person, she sends an email? I think a true friend would have offered to payback some of the money (even if it was a little at a time) especially after the 2nd cancellation.
I would send her an email requesting the money, tell her you are in a financial bind also. I doubt you will get it and if she gets bent out of shape, cancel the friendship.

 

[disykat]

Looking at it from the other side - what if your friend has felt pressured by you to take a trip she simply couldn't afford? You can be mad if you want, but it's obvious she can't afford this trip and you can. If you loved your friend enough to want her to be with you, why would you want to punish her by putting her in further financial problems?

I can see why you are mad, but you need to realize your own actions that put you in this position. I'm with the "fool me twice" folks.

 

[Disney Crazy Debbie]

I completely understand your situation. Many years ago I lent my very best friend a very large sum of money, which I didn't want to do because I was afraid I'd never see it again and I said so at the time. But, I lent it to her, she paid me back a little of half and still owes me a thousand dollars! We didn't speak for a while but we talk now. I made myself realize her limitations at commitments with friends over family and how money effects her. We have planned 2 Disney trips together and they have not gone once. However, I have never offered to pay any part that I couldn't get. Last year we planned a land/sea vacation and I made the initial down payment, that went to my credit card. I was making payments every month, so I asked the TA if they had made any payments about 6 months prior to our departure and when she said no I cancelled their ressies and got my money back.

When it comes to friends and money I try to stay away from it because I can't afford it unless it is a couple of bucks. You've almost got to get them to sign a document to the IOU.