OT- for those who have kids in school

[MomNeedsVacay]

ok, so my DD3 is in preschool 3 mornings/week for about 3 hours...I have contributed financially to her very expensive education, to the pre-school auction (a virtually black-tie affair), a Christmas gift to her two teachers ($40/ea) and a teacher appreciation gift/lunch ($50/ea plus making a big lunch)...I just got an email from the "room mom" saying how at the end of the year picnic, we'll be presenting her teachers with gifts, cards and gift certificates.....
Does anyone else put up with this over-the top gift-giving at their schools? I can't handle this!!!I also don't want to be the mean/cheap parent and not contribute! I feel pressured.... what do I do? THis is PRESCHOOL for God's sake!!!

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Ouch! That's a lot to be asking of the parents! I'm not a teacher, but we have two in my family and I don't think that most teachers expect pricey gifts from their students. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure they are appreciated, but I think most teachers know that every family struggles to get by (in some capacity) and aren't waiting for these over-the-top gifts.

 

[Hannathy]

I don't! For my kids at Christmas we usually just do something very small like a kid made ornament and a card. At the end of the year I will get them something and then the gift will be according to how much we liked the teacher or what was accomplished. But the most expensive gift ever was $25 dollars and that was to a teacher who really lit a fire under my DD and opened her up to her real potential. Usually for the end of the year and this is from preschool on it is something they like, last year we knew the teacher liked coffee so we got her a recipe book for flavored coffee and 3 bottles of syrup., It has been a basket with a few flower plants and a garden marker, one year it was windchimes. To a male teacher we gave a movie gift card, another a coffee drive up gift card.

Sounds to me like you already gave a very big gift so at the end of the year I would just give a token gift, like a single flower or a single geranium plant. If the class is giving gift cards I'd contribute $5 to keep the peace or buy a single $5 card to a coffee place or even McD's.

 

[ilovejack02]

My DS4 attends a little preschool and most of the families are middle class to a few upper class families. We do nice things for the teachers, but not on the scale that your school is doing. My best friend's daughter attends a very expensive school in B.R. and it is made up of much wealthier families. They do things on a much bigger scale there. I dont think you need to maybe spend quite so much on teacher gift's ,but yes you are going to have to participate when the room mothers and the school asks or be prepared to look like the cheap parent. I am def. not saying its right, but you know how people are.

 

[scouthawkk]

I have contributed financially to her very expensive education, to the pre-school auction

Are our kids at the same school???? My DS4 is at a preschool in DC, and they just had their auction...not black tie, but pretty done up. Major local business donations, as well as the sports teams, and various other family donated items (picnic baskets, craft stuff, books, theatre tickets...the list goes on). They wanted 100% family participation. I couldn't do it. Can't afford the extra on top of the tuition! We are on a budget, and just can't keep up with the extra $30 for auction tickets, plus raffel tickets, plus bidding on items at the auction, plus extra gifts for teachers, plus pizza when the lunch menu doesn't have something on it that the kids eat (I pack lunch for him those days...who needs that much pizza?)...In such a small setting I feel the pressure from them, but I just can't justify all that!

I don't get the room mom e-mails anymore from ours...when we changed e-mail providers, we forgot to update the school. They have my work info for emergencies, but the home one is different. So I have no clue what else they are asking for. Although, I'm sure there is something for teacher appreciation and end of the year stuff. At the holiday time, I gave each of his teachers a small gift bag that had a $10-$15 gift and a gift card each to Starbucks inside. That's it. I will, however, make contributions to class projects if the teacher notes they need stuff (for example, shoe boxes for valentine boxes, egg cartons for another kind of project, their class project for the auction was a quilt, and they needed material...gave me a chance to clean out part of my stash). When they do special things that are planned by the teacher, I'm ok with the little extra. During their space themed lessions, the finished off with an I-max show at the museum...not a problem. The day of the auction, they wanted to treat the kids to ice cream and a ride on the carosel on the Mall. No problem, but the rest is a bit much, in my opinion...especiall for a preschool!!!!

 

[freckles and boo]

I am having a tough time with the concept of a room mom for preschool. What is that all about? Is there a problem finding quality preschools in your area? Perhaps there are cultural or regional differences but this seems way over the top. When my older daughter was in preschool I paid $165 every six weeks (just under $1000/year) for three mornings a week at our community center recreation department for three very experienced and degreed teachers and three aides. She was very well prepared for kindergarten. Six gifts at Christmas and the end of the year always seemed like a lot, but not compared to what other people are putting out. My younger daughter goes to preschool at our Special Ed Cooperative's education center because she is autistic. All of her pre-academic skills are actually very advanced but she requires the services of several therapists and aides so we also have to consider many people when the gifts are handed out. Those folks are invaluable to her success. BUT, there is no outside pressure to do this! Even fundraisers for autism organizations are low/no pressure. I give what I feel is appropriate and what I feel I can afford. Is your child's placement at risk if you do this or are you just worried you will come across as cheap? I wouldn't worry too much what they think unless your child will be negatively affected by it.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

I will be paying nearly $500/month in the fall, not counting my second child who will attending two mornings/ week and is around $250/month . Altogether, I will be paying about $800/month plus $400 for activity fees/supplies and $80/ea application fees annually. YES.... preschools are a HOT commodity here in the Washington,DC metroplitan area. Waiting lists of a hundred people, references, parents lining up outside in January and spending the night in the cold to get a slot..... The only reason I got my kids into the preschool we are in is b/c my husband is an alumus from 30 years ago.

 

[freckles and boo]

I will be paying nearly $500/month in the fall, not counting my second child who will attending two mornings/ week and is around $250/month . Altogether, I will be paying about $800/month plus $400 for activity fees/supplies and $80/ea application fees annually. YES.... preschools are a HOT commodity here in the Washington,DC metroplitan area. Waiting lists of a hundred people, references, parents lining up outside in January and spending the night in the cold to get a slot..... The only reason I got my kids into the preschool we are in is b/c my husband is an alumus from 30 years ago.

I think I would go into the preschool business!!! Seriously, you are putting out enough money. Keep the gifts reasonable and don't let the Stepford moms guilt you into doing anything you don't feel like doing.

 

[alloyd1170]

Last year, all the parents chipped in for an end of the year gift certifcate (I think like $5-$10 for each teacher). The room moms basically organize who will bring/do what at certain functions like a doughnut drop in for parents, holiday parties, etc. At the start of the year, they had a sign up for parents who wanted to help out (ie pass out food, bring food, etc). I didnt sign up, but just joined in when I showed up.

This year, our friend was one of the teachers so I got some inside scoops. The room mom this year wasnt as organized either, so it was pretty much a free for all. For Christmas, I got each teacher some Dr Seuss books (hit a sale at the book store-by two, get one free). They loved those and kept them in the class room. They even read them during Dr Seuss week. For an end of the year gift, I got each teacher a $25 certificate for Atlanta Bread Co.

Just tell the room mom that youve already gone ahead and done your own thing.

alison

 

[RACHELSMOM1]

ok, so my DD3 is in preschool 3 mornings/week for about 3 hours...I have contributed financially to her very expensive education, to the pre-school auction (a virtually black-tie affair), a Christmas gift to her two teachers ($40/ea) and a teacher appreciation gift/lunch ($50/ea plus making a big lunch)...I just got an email from the "room mom" saying how at the end of the year picnic, we'll be presenting her teachers with gifts, cards and gift certificates.....
Does anyone else put up with this over-the top gift-giving at their schools? I can't handle this!!!I also don't want to be the mean/cheap parent and not contribute! I feel pressured.... what do I do? THis is PRESCHOOL for God's sake!!!

Even the public schools do this - gets out of hand. Just do what you feel comfortable doing and just don't say anything to anyone about it.

 

[lillielil]

That is absolutely ridiculous. What are you spending - about $500 a year on "extras"? And that's not counting tuition...

If you keep it up, by the time she's ready to go to college you'll have spent $7500 (assuming 2 years of pre-k) on this stuff. That money would be better spent on something like college textbooks.

I always gave my teachers little gifts that I made - no more than $10 value, I'm sure. For auctions my family offered services rather than $$$. We didn't have any extra to spend! I hate to think that families now feel like they are obliged to pay for all these extras - for freaking preschool, no less. Isn't that just glorified babysitting? I mean, don't get me wrong, I went to a montessori preschool and learned a lot, but I don't think that it had anything to do with how much my parents spent on my teacher's christmas present. Ugh.

 

[surfgirl]

There are always two sides to a story...

If you choose not to contribute, who will know other than yourself and the room mother ? Room mother's understand that there are some people who cannot (or will not) contribute. We do not list individual names nor amounts given and in fact, the only person that knows that is the one that collected. If they do, then you have a legitimate beef.

Our preschool has a policy of 'no individual gifts' for teachers - they ask each room mother to collect funds and give to the teachers. These are teachers who are underpaid and have gone out of their way (and most likely spent their own money) to take care of our kids! Just because the school has a high tuition DOES NOT mean that it goes to the teachers. Most preschool teachers are very underpaid. I'm happy to express my appreciation.

We also encourage individual families to write a personal note to the teachers. Better yet, send a 'professional' one where you've cc'd the director. Nothing like them getting an 'attaboy' and their boss hearing it!

As a room mother, I spend out of pocket money for a lot of extras that are not in the school's budget or from the teacher. I helped the teacher deal with holiday gifts (packaging, signing her name, and wrapping them when she was dealing with a family crises). I also bring in snacks and drinks when other people have dropped the ball for special events. I'm happy to do these things - it isn't about me. As for preschool vs. public school - I find the 'teacher appreciation' amounts are actually less at public school (where fewer people can afford to give a lot) vs. private preschool (where more people can afford to give more money).

You can choose to do what you want. Don't feel pressured into it. Most letters or requests for money typically say something along the lines of "please note this is not mandatory" or "this is truly a gift, not a requirement". Those things are for a reason.

Just don't take our your frustration with the room mother on the teacher. Remember how amazing they are! If they aren't amazing, then they don't deserve to be appreciated at the same level as those who are terrific!

just my .02.

 

[surfgirl]

btw, I'm not advocating things to the level that you have done.

For a point of reference, at our preschool (a pretty tough one to get into - I got lucky in the lottery!), we do:

- Fall Book Fair fundraiser: buy books, raffle items are class craft items only. There are no 'community donated services' to keep this exclusive. This is the ONLY fundraiser for the entire school for the entire year.

- Holiday Teacher gift:
- asked for $20 total ($10/teacher) for my 3 mornings/week child
- was asked for $30 total ($15/teacher) for my 5 mornings/week child

- Teachers Appreciation Luncheon
- this is going to be a surprise (this week to throw them off!). Each class mom was asked to contribute one item and that was it. (for example, I was asked for iced tea + ice). No gifts here.

- End of the Year Gift:
- asked for $20 total ($10/teacher) for my 3 mornings/week child
- was asked for $40 total ($20/teacher) for my 5 mornings/week child

I think this is not overkill. But again, I appreciate the great job that these teachers do! (and no, I don't believe it is glorified babysitting.)

 

[surfgirl]

edited b/c I'm a moron and posted twice.

 

[PaulaSue]

Wow DC moms. I guess I won't complain when I get hit up for Browines, School and Preschool end of school year gifts this week. OUCH!!!

 

[stitchgal]

I am in the DC area too, northern Virginia, but this is nothing like the preschool my daughter attends. We've only had to give $10 for gifts at Christmas, teacher appreciation and end of the year, and only if you really wanted to; it wasn't required. Only one fund raiser all year which you don't have to do. Next year, we will be paying $167 a month for 3 days a week. And it's a great little school.

 

[ndgqccmiller]

My daughter is 2yrs old, right now she goes to a great preschool. She goes 2 days a week from 9:00-2:00. At the price tag of 155 a month. We recently camped out to get her into another great preschool (basically to be able to car pool with a friend) It is as good or better then the one we are at now. It will be 3 days a week but only from 9:15-12:15. It will cost us 180.00 a month. Most kids leave this preschool and go to private. We will go to a public/private school. My children go to a small magnet school that you have to camp out, interview for and claw your way into LOL! I just remember when I was growing up we just went to our neighborhood school. Not any more. I would have my children go private, but my husband is a firefighter and works very hard so I can be with the kids. So private is out of the picture. At my daughters preschool the teacher get nice purses, 50 gift cards, spa days etc. It's crazy. I normally will just bring in lunch for my kids teachers one day. I don't know why we drive each other so crazy and always have to over do things. I fall into to this too. It's so hard!

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I hope you don't send your child to a Catholic school because it will just get worse. Everytime I turn around, someone has their hand out.

I finally said no, enough is enough. We were supposed to contribute a basket for a chinese auction at a fashion show fundraiser for the school. Said nope not doing it. Told them I'm all tapped out this year.

Thank goodness, DS is going to the public school next year. I may be asked to contribute, but I won't have the tuition bill to deal with.

 

[mylilnikita]

Maybe I am silly, but there is no way I would camp out just to get my child into a pre school or any school, let alone have them do referances, lotteries, interviews. My DD did go to a private pre school when she was younger 3 hours a day for 120.00 a month. But I interviewed them, to see if they were up to what is in the best interest of my child, it shouldn't be the other way around. She is in public school now and they do fund raisers,but sometimes the things aren't that great and I don't buy. I do belong to the PTA, I volunteer with the school and the class room.
My neighbor has her DD5 go to private "Christian" school and pays almost 400.00 a month, not including before/after daycare. They want 100% participation for all fund raisers, which seem to come back to back. Even with holiday parties, i.e. pay a certain amount for the party supplies, then they are expected to spend more money on goodie bags. 10.00 a student for party supplies,etc.? They have also done house checks without calling first.
For all that money, they better be teaching your child so much that they will graduate from high school in the 9th grade.

 

[wdwdancerwannabe]

I work for our local school district. Our district is one of few that is "Accredited with Distinction" in our state.

I'd like to think that we are in an excellent district.

The local private school is struggling to keep their head above water --- students are dropping like flies to come to the public school.

Rule of thumb - TEACHERS LOVE FOOD.

This is terrible to say - but I have received SO MANY gift certificates - and I actually lose them - or they expire before I can use them.

I know the value of a dollar and how parents feel spread thin - especially when they have more than 1-2 children.

Nothing is better than a parent who brings in a homemade lunch - spaghetti lunches - potato bars - nacho bars - Soup and Salads!! YUM!! I would much rather receive these with a sincere "thank you" than a gift certificate.