OT: ? for those doing AP

[NemoMOm]

HI,

We practice AP for our 18 mos DS. He still nurses all the time and co-sleeps with us. I'm with you. Not only are you tired all the time but when people find out your parenting (and I do not volunteer the info) all I hear is how We are digging a hole for ourselves.

However, I have the sweetest little boy. He's always drawing comments from people. He is an only child yet willingly shares toys with other children at playgroups. He is kind to others (which is big when you see others his age hitting and pushing other children). Most of all the bond he has with us is tangible. And though he still clings to his parents he still very independent, often accomplishing things such as eating with a spoon or drinking from a sippy cup before other children his age.

So, I understand what you are going through. I can't wait until I can pee without an audience or even sleep for more than 5 hours. But, I can honestly say it pays off in the end. Within the next 6-12 mos you'll see it pay off.

 

[jnordan]

I think AP is really about meeting the needs of the child. Some children really seem to NEED cosleeping, for example, whereas others are fine in their cribs. I've sort of come to understand over time . . .

I also approach parenting with an AP attitude. But over time, I've come to realize that YOUR needs are important, too. With an infant, I do believe that you have to sacrifice a lot. When you step into parenting, that's sort of what you're signing up for, IMO. But as the child gets older, a balance needs to be re-established, and if you're feeling exhausted, resentful, or whatever else, it is OK and RIGHT to do something about that. I would just say to do that "something" respectfully. With my second child (who actually slept very well in her own space -- a shock since my oldest slept the entire night in our room until she was 2-1/2 and one day told me that she would sleep in her "big girl bed"), I was certain that she had developed a "habit" of eating at night and that it was the only reason she was waking up (with my first, I could tell that she needed the comfort -- she actually night-weaned herself, but continued to need to be close at night). As she approached a year old, I decided that I HAD to see if there was a way that I could get more rest. I just couldn't keep going and be a good mother/wife/etc. So, I blew up the aerobed, took it into her nursery (she already slept pretty well there for a good part of the night) and plopped it next to her crib. When she woke to eat, I rubbed her back, offered her water in a sippy cup, sang to her. . . . but I stayed with her the entire night. The first night, she did cry once for abuot 15 minutes, but I did NOT leave her side. She woke other times, but was soothed quickly. The second night she woke ONCE and was soothed quickly. The third night she slept through and never woke at night again! Not only that, but when she woke up in the morning, she wouldn't nurse right away. She was NOT hungry. I could have kept feeding her "on demand" and continued in a zombie state, but I would have been resentful, and in the end, I think I did what was right for both of us.

That's just one example. You know your child, you have a sense for what is really NEEDED. And I agree with Dr. Sears, that for the most part, in the first year, needs and wants are the same. But that changes as he/she gets older, and I think sometimes AP parents forget that.

In any case, I think my girls are pretty great! Both (but especially my oldest) are very sensitive, empathetic kids -- even for their ages. They're very attuned to others, and we have a lot of fun together!

Good luck, and I hope you get some rest soon!