OT:family problem

[pixxi]

Totally off Disney topic, by not sure where else to get people's input. My husband of 20 years left his email open and I notices a couple of email exchanges where he sought out the attention of a female from a sex chat group. They exchanged pictures (I wasn't able to see hers but his wasn't nude) and she asked to meet up with him and he didn't respond after that (that I can see). He spoke about how "talented" he is. He did this once before that I know years ago. I feel that he wouldn't cheat on me but do you feel this is a form of cheating. I think it is total different than say viewing X rated movies since this was personal 1 on 1 connection. He said he was sorry he hurt my feelings and he was bored and being stupid. He felt I didn't love him anymore (we work opposite shifts and have 4 kids, so it feels like single parents). Please let me know your opinions on this, I don't feel I can talk to friends about this. My husband and I do need to work on things and it's nothing to get divorsed over but I think it is crossing a big line in trust. He bartends part time (couple times a month) so now I feel worried about what might happen at the end of his shift. He's a big flirt during bartending for the tips....but he should understand the boundaries.

 

[Alesia]

Asking for marriage advice on a message board is a very bad idea. Please see a professional marriage counselor.

 

[Saimaeve]

It depends on the relationship.

If you feel it was a betrayal, it was a betrayal.

You've obviously lost trust in him so it's something that needs to be seriously addressed. Have you considered marriage counseling and individual counseling? Especially as this has happened before, it's a pattern of behavior. And that's just the stuff you've discovered.

Also, you had a lack of trust to begin with as you went into his email. So there are underlying issues.

I think seeing a counselor yourself to work on issues and seeing someone together is your best bet.

 

[chris31997]

Y'all need to go talk to someone. There are some issues that need to be worked out.

 

[suebeelin]

It's hard bc you have 4 kids. Could you survive financially without him?

Imo interacting with someone (exchanging pics, meeting) is crossing the line. But that's me.

 

[Jing]

Find a therapist, yesterday.

He gave you a classic non-apology (sorry you feel that way) they blame-shifted his behavior onto you (you don't make me feel loved so I had to go to the Internet).

Also, consult an attorney. Lining up your ducks is prudent, particularly if he will not go to therapy.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Find a therapist, yesterday.

He gave you a classic non-apology (sorry you feel that way) they blame-shifted his behavior onto you (you don't make me feel loved so I had to go to the Internet).

Also, consult an attorney. Lining up your ducks is prudent, particularly if he will not go to therapy.

I agree 100%!!

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Totally off Disney topic, by not sure where else to get people's input.

Community Board

 

[hereyago]

What happened after the first time he did this? Did ya'll seek counseling then or just try to deal with it yourselves?

 

[cjbcam]

I think in your heart you know he's fooling around. He's flirty for tips? Give me a break. I served when I was going through university I was married and never once flirted for tips. I got tons of tips.
What is a marriage if there is no trust? He puts the blame on you the first time and you let him. You really need to seek counseling. I really hope you can find happiness with or without your husband.