OT: Facebook Etiquette, or, Do I Have a Stalker?

[wildfan1473]

Here's my dilema: When I joined facebook, I had several people from my first high school, whom I was never really friends with, try to friend me. Some were acquaintences that I accepted, but the rest I ignored. A couple of weeks later, one of them tried to friend me again. I really didn't care for this person then, and have no interest whatsoever in being friends now. I ignored them again. Since then, this person has requested to friend me no less than SEVEN times



Do I continue to ignore this person? Do I send them a message and tell them to leave me alone? I'm really a nice person, but I just never liked this particular person and she won't go away!!!

 

[Talock]

Just add them and erase them. I did that to some people I didn't really care for. I got a notice that they wouldn't be notified I did that.

 

[Minnie Lor]

Yep, go ahead and befriend them. Wait a day or two remove them. There's no notification. They just won't see you in their list anymore. Or you could block. I believe that when someone is trying to befriend there's an option to block that person. I'd try the first suggestion and then if they still won't leave you alone - block.

 

[two-foxes]

Also, they may not know that you don't want to be friends. As far as I know, If you deny someone as a friend, they are not notified that you denied them. Instead, your "status" with them no longer shows as "awaiting friend confirmation", it goes back to "add as friend". They may think that their request never went through and are innocently trying again. So they may not be stalking, just confused!

 

[cocowum]

You can completely block people on FB. Just go to Settings > Privacy settings > Block list. Add their name and they can no longer contact you.

 

[calypso*a*go-go]

There are a lot of people that use FB as a tool to send out notifications of things like class reunions -- maybe that's why your former classmate is being so persistent. So maybe you should "friend" them for a few days just to see if they respond in that manner, if not -- then I'd do as Alicia suggests and block them.

 

[wildfan1473]

Just add them and erase them. I did that to some people I didn't really care for. I got a notice that they wouldn't be notified I did that.

How do I do this? I have some other people I wouldn't mind doing this to...

Also, they may not know that you don't want to be friends. As far as I know, If you deny someone as a friend, they are not notified that you denied them. Instead, your "status" with them no longer shows as "awaiting friend confirmation", it goes back to "add as friend". They may think that their request never went through and are innocently trying again. So they may not be stalking, just confused!

After the first time, that is what I figured, but after 7 times, I would think she would have figured it out

You can completely block people on FB. Just go to Settings > Privacy settings > Block list. Add their name and they can no longer contact you.

Thank you! That is exactly what I need!

There are a lot of people that use FB as a tool to send out notifications of things like class reunions -- maybe that's why your former classmate is being so persistent. So maybe you should "friend" them for a few days just to see if they respond in that manner, if not -- then I'd do as Alicia suggests and block them.

That is an excellent point. Except I do have several friends from that school on there, including the reunion contact.

 

[Minnie Lor]

To delete someone as a friens, go to your list of friends, find their name, click on the X on the right side, and they'll be gone without notifying anyone.

 

[wildfan1473]

To delete someone as a friens, go to your list of friends, find their name, click on the X on the right side, and they'll be gone without notifying anyone.

Thank you!

 

[DHS_Flo]

Although it may sound harsh, I agree with those suggesting to block the person. I had a problem with a person on FB last year and it was terrible. Block the person and if you have a problem you can send a message to FB customer service/tech help.

Good luck!

 

[disneyholic family]

when i first joined facebook, i thought the whole thing was ridiculous.

I did it just to play some silly word game i saw DS playing.

But the very next day, a girl i went to elementary school with 'found' me.

The oddest thing - especially since it was one of the really really really mean girls from back then.

I was very surprised to 'see' her. And to see that she wanted to be 'friends' on facebook.
We're talking 42 years after the last time i saw her (back in 6th grade - i went off to private school after that).

so i befriended her. what the hey. So what if she was mean to me back them. If she wants to be friends now, that's great.
so i accepted her request.
and then suddenly, everyone from 6th grade sent friend requests, including my very very very very very best friend from elementary school. We were two geeks in a pod back then.
But i hadn't seen him since we were 12 years old, though i have often wondered what became of him.

And there he was. On facebook, requesting friendship. And all because i'd agreed to accept the friendship of that first person who'd 'found' me.

i can't tell you how wonderful it is to rekindle our friendship from so long ago and to see where we both are (he's a doctor, married, kids and very very happy)...

then the following week a girl i'd gone to NURSERY school with 'found' me.
Can you believe it??? Nursery school. I was soooooooooo happy to see her.
I'm sort of easy to find because of my very odd name. So lots of people have found me and i couldn't be happier about it.
And i've found some of them as well.
My high school class is now about 35% found on facebook. It's so wonderful (we were all pretty close back in school - there were the mean girls, but we're older and wiser and don't really care anymore)...

anyway, i've found facebook to be incredible. I've even managed to find some long lost relatives from both my family and my husband's family.

of course, i could have lived my life perfectly well had i never met up with any of them, but it's really lovely to be able to see what's happening with everyone. To reconnenct and see them and their families. (and we've already had two house guests from the reconnections).

and at the same time, i've met lots of new 'friends' on facebook that i hope one day to meet (on the podcast cruise or at dis meets).

i've pretty much accepted all friend requests. I do look at people's profiles just to be sure. And i did have to delete one person (not from the dis, but another disney forum), who seemed to be not what he appeared to be.

anyway, i've found facebook to be very enjoyable. And really i don't think there are as many stalkers as we fear. I really think that most people are just excited to be able to rekindle old friendships and acquaintances and meet new people. of course you have to be careful, as with anything you do.
but all in all, it's really a small world on facebook.

yes, i sound naive (and i am a bit).

anyway. My 2 cents.

And now i'm off to finally see Up!!! (it only got here last week).

 

[two-foxes]

).

anyway, i've found facebook to be very enjoyable. And really i don't think there are as many stalkers as we fear. I really think that most people are just excited to be able to rekindle old friendships and acquaintances and meet new people. of course you have to be careful, as with anything you do.
but all in all, it's really a small world on facebook.

yes, i sound naive (and i am a bit).

anyway. My 2 cents.

I have to say, I completely agree! I was pretty surprised to be friended by one of the meanest girls in grade school (the girl caused me many tears), who now is one of my funniest friends I have on facebook. We were stupid kids back then, and thankfully, have all grown up! (for the most part!) They only people I have denied are some people from work that I am not really friendly with normally (I am not a big fan of combining work/personal relationships) and those who I cannot trace back to another friend/organization. If I get annoyed with silly status updates, the silly quizzes, etc, I just block them. But, the friendships I have rekindled (my first kiss, my first crush, my high school friends, and TONS of grade school friends) are awesome! I love my DIS friends, too

But, to the OP, I agree, 7 times is excessive to not get the hint, but some folks are thick when it comes to computers/facebook...I was just trying to think of the "what if's"

 

[wildfan1473]

anyway, i've found facebook to be very enjoyable. And really i don't think there are as many stalkers as we fear. I really think that most people are just excited to be able to rekindle old friendships and acquaintances and meet new people. of course you have to be careful, as with anything you do.
but all in all, it's really a small world on facebook.

yes, i sound naive (and i am a bit).

anyway. My 2 cents.

I don't disagree in the least! I went to grammar and high school in 3 different states, from east coast to west, and now live in the midwest. I have found (and been found by) people I haven't seen or spoken to, including family, in over 25 years. I LOVE it. But, this particular person just rubbed me the wrong way then, and still does. I'm just going to block them and be done with it.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

You can block them so they can't contact you or see your posts. It's under the privacy settings and easy to do.

 

[Demosthenes]

Yep, go ahead and befriend them.

Totally OT, I know, but thank you! The one of the things that drives me crazy about Facebook is everyone always talking about getting "friended." What the crap!? Don't we have a word for this already (befriended).

 

[Auntie Kelly]

In this persons defense, they may not even know they are sending out an invitation. I am not very familiar with Facebook and one day I tried to find someone and accidentally sent out invites to everyone in my inbox.

Then a few days ago my cousin told me to check my settings, b/c my uncle received 29 requests from me for Facebook. Other than the accidental request, I have never sent him a invite. So this person could just be a total incompetent at Facebook like me and not a stalker.

 

[jpeka65844]

I think too, that if you refuse a friend, then their request gets automatically sent again for 2nd and 3rd tries.

I've gotten requests from people who are totally NOT stalker-y but I've denied them and I tend to still get them.

The person requesting to be friends gets no notification if you ignored them so they might not even know you're being bombarded.

 

[schoen]

If you don't do any thing they can't act. Don't Ignore or Accept them. It will show you as always having a friend request, but that doesn't bother me. If they try to friend you again it will give them a message that says "a friend request has already been sent" It solves all the problems!

 

[disneyholic family]

If you don't do any thing they can't act. Don't Ignore or Accept them. It will show you as always having a friend request, but that doesn't bother me. If they try to friend you again it will give them a message that says "a friend request has already been sent" It solves all the problems!

exactly - just don't accept or ignore..

otherwise, it will appear to the person as if they never made the request.
Then they might request again simply because they didn't remember they already had and didn't know that when you refuse it, it comes back up as an option for them.

so as you said, send them to friend request purgatory. very clever name!!