OT: DS+School=Bad Attitude

[ilandrazdsw]

I do wish it was as easy as pulling DS out of school, unfortunately it is not at this point. We do not put emphasis on grades (because I know that they are expecting TOO MUCH from such young children), rather stress effort.

Monday I am having another meeting with his teacher. I am going to request that all lessons that need to be copied form the board be photocopied for DS. He will still have to attempt to write the assignments/draw pictures, but if he doesn't complete the assignment he will not have to then bring it home for homework or be marked down in grading. Seriously I am over the homework thing! He does mention that he doesn't have enough time to finish the assignment (between stalling and worrying about finishing it). It is time for me to take a firm stand for DS' education in this school...I'm usually outspoken anyway
Thank you for all the comments. DH and I have discussed the suggestions offered and taking them to heart.

 

[PiperPizzaz]

My issue with home schooling/online schooling or even changing schools on island (if that was an option) is that DH and I don't want to give DS the idea that just because he doesn't like his placement it can be changed--AT THIS POINT.

I don't know...I think this can be a good thing. People stay in jobs, houses, relationships etc. that they are miserable in and I don't think that is healthy either. If it were me I would pull him out and homeschool him too. You have some pretty classic gifted kid behavior going on and you don't have the resources available.

GL whatever you decide!

 

[ADisneyQueen]

I had my youngest in a preschool for a year that wasn't a good match for her. I kept her in there all year even though I knew by Christmas that I should move her. I really regret it now. I think you should homeschool for all the reasons in the previous posts.
In what month did he turn 5? I ask because every area has a different cutoff date for school, so when you come back to the US it may determine what grade he could be in.

 

[debbiemomto4]

Copying from blackboard is not a 5 yo realistic expectations. Maybe that is why so many children are failing. Leaving him in an environment that is not appropriate for him is not healthy for him. If pulling him out is not an option maybe becoming a permanent volunteer in his classroom is. He and the other children need reinforcement so they can succeed.
You and your husband are your only children's advocate. You are on his side. You need to make the best decision for him. By the way pulling him out is not showing him he gets to quit especially at 5. It shows him you are on his side.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

In what month did he turn 5? I ask because every area has a different cutoff date for school, so when you come back to the US it may determine what grade he could be in.

DS has a mid-July birthday. This makes him one of the youngest in the class anyway. The Bahamain system cut-off date is the end of September so even a 4 yo could be in 1st grade for the first month. If I would have known in September what I know now I would have held him back, but as DH pointed out last night he was 5 and HAD to go or be registered in some school. Unfortunately the Nursery school would not have been appropriate for another year. And I do realize being in gr 1 this year AND again next year COULD cause problems, but the new school will be able to offer academic challenges.

We do not have the resources that (IMHO) really make a homeschool program successful. We do not live in Nassau (the capital) or Freeport (tourist location). Our island is 50 miles from Nassau (no bridges, only boat or plane to get there) and only 2 miles long x 1/2 mile wide. Sure, the materials would eventually get to us (mail takes forever...about a month, some things never show up). We have no libraries (not even at the school) and our only museum is a small house that shows the history of Spanish Wells. There is only one community sporting activity...baseball for boys & girls over 6 or 7. Children have the option of joining the community band at about 8.

I have seen homeschool programs be successful and the children thrive! A friend home schooled her children for years. Doing so allowed her hard of hearding son to "catch up" on things he "missed" in public school (as they classified him into and LD class when it was really just his hearing) and her second son and daughter are gifted. The children were placed back in public school after 5 years when both parents had to go back to work (both were teachers). This year he is 18 and graduating HS with a regular diploma without accommodations.

 

[pfp258]

Please do not give up hope. As a previous poster said there are no ideas for motivation or positive reinforcement when the expectations are unrealistic. It doesn't matter what you "take away" or "offer as reward" your child simply is unable do the written work. Placing him in a different school that is more academically challenging seems the wrong road to travel down.
If you have access to a computer and internet is not possible for you to download lessons plans and curriculum ideas in order to homeschool your son?
Children learn best through play and experiences at this age. Spending hours at a desk copying, writing and doing worksheets is like a prison sentence for some children and in no way promotes their personal development and growth.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

Copying from blackboard is not a 5 yo realistic expectations. Maybe that is why so many children are failing. Leaving him in an environment that is not appropriate for him is not healthy for him. If pulling him out is not an option maybe becoming a permanent volunteer in his classroom is. He and the other children need reinforcement so they can succeed.

I appreciate the advise of volunteering more. Now that I have finished continuting ed credits (needed them for the state transfer) I will have more time to commit to being in the classroom. Scheduling is sometimes tricky (as it is for any parent). DH is gone for 3-5 weeks at a time (I never know his exact schedule until a day or so before) and DD3 home schools (abc's, 123's) and still naps in the afternoon. I am not asking for any sympathy...I know others have it much more difficult than I!!!

I have tried to home school DD and DS together (on breaks and over summer)...some aspects were doable and others complete failure! It could be successful IF we had a variety of resources available.

Many of the students failing the class has to do with the students' nationality (not exactly the word I want to use) and economic status. Those who are repeat 1st graders or will be repeating next year are Haitian-Bahamian. The families do not readily speak English in the homes. Nursery school, although possibly desired by the families, is not an option due to limited funds. Some students do/did not have the workbooks/materials needed that are bought from out of pocket (EVERYTHING has to bought by parents...nothing given by the school). 9 of the students (American-Bahamain & Bahamian) attended Nursery school and knew letters, numbers, at least pre-reading skills, and + & -. The 9 Haitian-Bahamian students had not had any schooling (unless they were repeaters), some knew every little (if any) English, and very few could form letters or knew to write left to right. There is one teacher who was put in a "special ed" position without any special-ed training...she mostly just does a pull out with individual students that may benefit from one-on -one, but this is for the whole school 1-12. There is no ESOL program. Teachers realize that some students need to be tested for disabilities and despite repeat requests the Government will not send anyone out to test the students.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

Please do not give up hope. As a previous poster said there are no ideas for motivation or positive reinforcement when the expectations are unrealistic. It doesn't matter what you "take away" or "offer as reward" your child simply is unable do the written work. Placing him in a different school that is more academically challenging seems the wrong road to travel down.
If you have access to a computer and internet is not possible for you to download lessons plans and curriculum ideas in order to homeschool your son?
Children learn best through play and experiences at this age. Spending hours at a desk copying, writing and doing worksheets is like a prison sentence for some children and in no way promotes their personal development and growth.

DS says that his work in phonics, language arts, reading is too easy...thus needing more challenging work...not more wiritng work. The new school will be able to provide this.
DS also says that he has difficulty writing. We asked if he has difficulty with writing on the paper or making the letters. He said making the letters. This could be because he was never taught "properly" (but kids will usually compensate to their own style over time), because of mental immaturity with what is expected (FROM THE SCHOOL!), or because there is a disability (what the OP posted describes DS exactly).
I completely agree that learning includes play, role modling, colourful & fun materials. Paper and books are not the only way to learn...or the best for every student. People learn through different modalities and lessons should be planned to reach each modality. I guess that is why DH and I are SO OVER going with the flow.
The easiest answer may be for us to pull DS out of school, but I do not feel that it is necessarily the right choice. DS still enjoys school...if he didn't, then taking him out would be considered more. At this point the school also needs to change...if it begins with me "fighting" for my DS' academics that is what I will do. I may may no headway, but making waves could also help other students who have similar issues that are not being addressed. We are not stressing grades to put added pressure on him. As long as he can demonstrate that he knows the material it doesn't bother us as much if he doen't do well on a pencil/paper test.

 

[3boymthr]

To the PPs who are pushing home school keep in mind that sometimes Home School is not the best answer. Some kids just learn reading, writing and other "school" subjects better in a school environment where they are part of the crowd, even if they have difficulties. My kids have a classmate whose older siblings are home schooled. She just wasn't learning well at home - the toys were calling. At school where she had other kids to motivate her - and her toys were out of sight - she thrived. OP may be feeling her own DS is same way. I have sometimes contemplated pulling my DSs out of school and homeschooling them but came to the conclusion that for them this is not the answer as they need other kids to help motivate them to learn - even though they have learning disabilities which makes learning difficult.

Also, to OP don't be afraid to put your son through the first grade again. My youngest DS is repeating Kindegarten and while he sometimes complained he was bored at first, now he is thriving and doing so much better than last year. We were worried DS#3 would be bored when he repeated but all the teachers we spoke with told me they will try to put a little more challenge in the already mastered areas for a student who is repeating a grade and so far we have found this to be true. DS#3 was held back because of his maturity and incomplete reading skills, but can do addition in his head. So when his class does math the teacher has a separate set of advanced problems for him and the one or two other students who are also advanced in math - they call it compacting.

Good Luck.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

OP may be feeling her own DS is same way. I have sometimes contemplated pulling my DSs out of school and homeschooling them but came to the conclusion that for them this is not the answer as they need other kids to help motivate them to learn - even though they have learning disabilities which makes learning difficult.

The teacher has the students seated in pairs. DS is seated next to a close friend who is a positive role model for him. She is the other advanced reader in the class and they work together well. Yes, every once in a while they talk, but much less than if he was next to one of the other students and when redirected they go back to their work (all this I have wittnessed).

DS does work better for everyone that isn't mommy. This I take the fault for...I know what he can or should do and exptect if of him. Even DH or grandma can get better results! This is another reason why I think me home schooling him is not a good idea.

Maybe the title of this thead should have read DS+School=Mom's Bad Attitude.

 

[ADisneyQueen]

I'm just curious why he had to go to school at 5. In the US children are not mandated to go to school until age 7.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

I'm just curious why he had to go to school at 5. In the US children are not mandated to go to school until age 7.

In the Bahamas the starting age for school is 5. The biggest difference is that in the US the child typically begins in K to ready them for the "demands" of typical, all day school. The Bahamian system does not have a K class, thus sending 5-6 yos directly into the 1st grade.
Some islands have public or private nursery schools that help to prepare children for sitting in a desk, listening to a teacher, and do the basic abc's & 123's. Our island has a private nursery school that DS attended for 2 years (3 hours/day). I will not play the blame game, except to blame myself for not picking up what I thought was lacking in that early education...then again it wasn't until the end of last year I noticed any deficiencies (all in his handwriting)...again thought due to age/maturity.

 

[nessz79]

Wow, I guess I don't know if there is really a solution. I really hope you are able to find something and that your son will see school and learning as something enjoyable to do. Many educators have said that the best indicator of a student's future success in school is how they view learning. If kids think that learning is boring, a chore, etc, they are not likely to be as successful because they don't WANT to learn. Hoping for the best for your family.

 

[GreyGooseCosmo]

On the flip side of things:

We were having some behavioral issues with my DD. Turns out, she's identified as "highly accelerated" (one step below "gifted") in reading and math. She misbehaved because she was bored. Once she was challenged at an appropriate level, the behavior issues went away within days. She was too busy to act out!

Could this be an option for your son?

Big hugs to you.

 

[DISNEYNV]

I realize your concern for your son, but try not to beat yourself up over this too badly! It really isn't your fault at all. In fact you being concerned about his academic wellbeing is a just being a loving parent. Every child learns at their own pace but its perfectly normal for a four or five year old child to be lacking the cognative skills neccesary to complete the tasks they are requiring in his class. The only thing you can do first is to talk to the teacher or head diector/principal of the school and see if they are willing to work with you and your child on this matter. If they are unwilling to help or cooperate or just not seem concerned then I would personally see about other options. GOOD LUCK and let us know how it goes.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

Thank you for all the supportive thoughts and kind words!

I am hoping that meeting with the teacher will provide some positive solution...or at least path to one.

So far DS likes school and learning (except for writing)...he soaks up information like a sponge, remembers it, and can relay it back in his own words. I am concerned/looking out for signs of him not liking school...mainly in the subjects that do not have text/workbooks that he has to write all the notes in a notebook (science, ss, religion--yes, we still have religion in public schools!). We would hate for him to not like learning (especially when it CAN be fun) at such a young age when it can be avoided through accomodations or various teaching methods.

 

[princessmom29]

I am a high school teacher and the mother of a five year old DD. It sounds to me like your son is in a place where he is just not being challenged. The work is easy for him so he just doesn't see the point in doing all the writing and copying from the board, and i can kind of see his point of view. I can remember as a child sitting in a classroom and thinking "this is so pointless, I can do this with my eyes closed." I had and still have terrible handwriting and I HATED writing when I didn't have to. I can definitely see your point about finishing what you start and homeschooling not being the answer for every child. I have seen so many cases that come to me in public schools from BAD home school situations due to many of the problems you are describing. I think that leaving him where he is in NOT going to "damage him permanently" as some have argued. He will have to repeat 1st grade in the US anyway. I think he would benefit from a discussion with you about the situation and why it is important to finish what you start ect. You may have already done this. Beyond this I would say don't stress too much about it. As an educator I say let him do what he is capable of doing in this situation and don't get too upset about what he doesn't do. It really is unreasonable of the school to expect things that are not on a 5 year old level, and it sound like he is progressing just fine regardless of the writing issues. They may work themselves out in time, or they are probably better addressed in the states.