OT- does this make sense to you?

[Aristomommy]

DD came home very upset today. I filled out a volunteer form for a class party and received a note that they didn't need any more volunteers. I thought this means "don't come" and so does she. I know our school system is fortunate to have many active parents, but even if every single parent came, wouldn't that be a good thing? One parent is the coordinator and she was the one that wrote the note to me. DD is upset as I wasn't able to volunteer last year and she hoped I could be there this year. Now, would you go anyway? I am thinking about just showing up, but not sure if it would be rude. Not because DD can't be unhappy in life, but in general I have never heard help being turned down. Please give me your opinion....

 

[Camno's Mama]

I would try giving the coordinator a call personally. Try telling her that you would really like to be a part of this day, and offer whatever help you can give and see what happens. How active of a volunteer are you the rest of the year? Is it possible that a lot of the moms that do the parties are the moms who are doing everything else as well? (I'm not trying to pick on you...just wondering if there is some kind of hierarchy).

If she really doesn't need more help, I would just ask to put your name down for the next party now. That way you are assured the chance to take part next time. As for just showing up, not sure how that all goes over. I myself do not have any school age kiddies, but maybe they have good reasons for not having a lot of parents there. Maybe that's what the teacher wants, or school rules...I would definitely find out more!

Good luck...hopefully, once they realize how much you want to help, they'll make room for you if there's no reason why they can't!

 

[Mkrop]

I would call the coordinator and find out if there is a different party or activity you can hlep with. AT DS10's school we each get assigned a holiday and we get to go in for that holiday. There are also ample opportunities to volunteer for other stuff at his school. I could be up there all day everyday if I wanted to (I dont! just saying there are other places I could be for him)

 

[TheDizMom]

While I agree with the previous posters and their suggestions I would also call your DD's teacher and ask her if she would object to you just coming to share and enjoy the day with your DD. I would think she/he is the one to make the final decision as to whether or not you can be in the classroom. Let them know you understand if they already have the number of parent helpers they want, but that it is really important to your DD that you at least be there to share in her fun and excitement since you weren't able to last year. From my experience no teacher ever has a problem with a parent coming just to spend time with their child.

 

[MrsJ Henry]

I would also give the coordinator a call!!

 

[PlutoPony]

It's possible this is simply a space issue, and there just isn't room in the classroom for everyone who volunteered. This happened in several of DS's elementary classes when literally about half the moms in the class volunteered to help at parties. In those cases, the coordinator used different parents in subsequent parties so most people got the opportunity to help with at least one event....maybe you can let the person know now that you'd like to help with the next party so your daughter has this to look forward to.

 

[Matt'sMom]

It's possible this is simply a space issue, and there just isn't room in the classroom for everyone who volunteered.

This was my thought too. There are fire regulations that may limit the maximum number of persons per school classroom. Too many 'volunteers' at a single party could result in over-crowding (& potential safety issues if there is a need to evacuate the school in a quick and orderly manner).

Our school's PTSO always sends home a sheet at the start of the school year, asking what ways parents might be willing to volunteer to help out (classroom parties included). From the pool of available classroom volunteers, they will then randomly select the necessary number of helpers for each event. If one parent is not needed this time, they will be called on to see if they would like to help out the next time. That way all volunteers get an equal opportunity to spend time in their child's classroom, without having too many parents crowded into the room at the same time.

I would simply call to touch base with the parent who is the party coordinator... to see if you can be put on the list to help with the next party, should they already have enough volunteers for this one. If they know you really are anxious to be able to help out, I am sure they will find something for you to do (at some future date).

 

[daisyduck123]

1st grade teacher here....

just go!

The only circumstance I can see where you shouldn't just show up is if the class is not having an actual party. I know some schools that do not celebrate Halloween & are just doing a simple fall activity in which the teacher has asked 1 or 2 parents to come in and help out with.

If it's a regular Halloween/fall party where all the parents of the whole school are invited, then definitely go!

 

[GoinToDisney]

I have to say that it depends on the school. I taught first grade, and only the room parents were allowed to come to the parties. It was a space issue and also an issue of too many cooks in the kitchen. We were very limited on time, and parties always ran more smoothly when there was less "help." This was a school that tried not to let parties get out of hand, and since I left to be a SAHM, they did away with Halloween parties and parades. I made sure to have other opportunities for parents to come in. Just no free-for-alls with the parties. As a mom, I would want to be there, so I wouldn't just show up, but I would drop the teacher a note letting her know that your dd really wanted you to be there and asking if she might need help that day or another time. I used to have a parent come in to read a story to the kids every week. Maybe she has some other time for you to help or maybe she wouldn't mind if you just came by for a little while. When parents were respectful and nice about how they handled such requests, I was always very accommodating. I think that taking matters into your own hands and showing up when you were told you were not needed may not be the way to go.

 

[Aristomommy]

Thanks for the replies. As far as volunteering, I have signed up for several things for the year. I'm a lunch mom once every two weeks, I help out with school fund raisers and I signed up for career day presentation. I work part time and have a toddler, so the days I don't work I have him with me. I took Halloween off, and returned the volunteer form the same day. I'm not going to just show up, but I feel like the coordinator chose maybe parents she knew from before. In the past we have signed up for parties at the open house, but this was not the case this year. I'll give her a call and see what can be done, or if I can send in a treat or something to contribute.

 

[tinkandpan]

I would think it was a space issue. We are going through that right now with my ds's K class. I am one of the two class moms so I get to go. In addition, the moms who are bringing the snack (2 moms) and craft (2 moms) will be allowed to go. Otherwise, we ask that the other moms come only to the parade but not the party as there is limited classroom space. I have the sign up sheets for the rest of the parties and have tried my hardest to just assign different people to different things so everyone can have an opportunity if they want to.

 

[bigbabyblues]

ALL parents are encouraged to come to parties at DS' school, and they get about 90% that come. Of course, some people work and it isn't possible.

 

[CEDmom]

I'm a class parent and try to include every parent that wants to participate but I don't think it would be a good thing if every parent came in for a party unless it was for the parents (i.e. mother's day, father's day). Right now we're planning the Halloween party and have 7 parents coming in. I can't imagine how crazy it would be if every parent showed up. We have activities planned and there honestly wouldn't be enough physical space for all the parents.

You could try calling one of the class parents and explain your DD is upset. Given the circumstances they probably wouldn't have a problem with your coming in.

 

[I Love Pluto]

Our school allows only 2 parents in each class for a party. It's too difficult to keep track of faces that are unfamiliar if we didn't do this. It's for the safety of the kids. It's hard to know who would be walking the halls if we didn't have rules.

 

[Tammysue5]

I agree with the teacher... although I am not a teacher I am the mother of four (22, 16, 8 and 5) I say go! Your kids are only young once and you have the right to enjoy this day with her as well. (and she obviously wants you there) Our school encourages parents to come for the 'parade'. Parents, grandparents...etc all line up on the sidewalk for the all-school parade.

As for the party.. when my DD16 was little he was in a high academic class (1st-7th) Most of the kids had a parent at the parties. It can be a 'structured' chaos.


With that said, I can see what the one poster meant by security issues. Our school has locked doors and you have to have a 'pass' on. In this case I would just call the teacher or send a little note to assure that it is alright with her for just that reason.

Hope you have fun! One possible suggestion.... It may not seem like a big deal, but kids love to have their picture taken. I am a mom that makes sure EVERYONE in the class is in a picture/or two! I snap pics for all the parties. I will print them off when I get home, send a set of those for the teacher. All the teachers have been thrilled with this. They will then hang up a poster or such with all the pics from that party! It is always a big hit! You will also have memories ! When my DD16 was in third grade, I was there taking video/pics... a short time later one of his friends was a 'near'drowning' victim'. He lived but requires total care. His mom LOVED that I shared pics/Videos of her son with her after the accident. We have one really special video that has him 'posing' and saying the funniest thing.

Our older sons now have all those pics from these... and when their friends come over.. they all... boys and girls... ask to get out the pics and play the videos.

 

[Aristomommy]

As far as the security, our school has locked doors and you have to sign in at the office to enter any classrooms. These are older elementary age kids, so they know who's who in the classroom. I called the mom who coordinated this and basically she delegated various tasks to the moms she knew. She thought it was easier to ask the ones she had worked with before. I am blessed to be in a school where many SAHMs volunteer, but it makes us working moms like outsiders at times. Meetings are usually during the day etc. I am at home a couple of days a week, but even then it's difficult to come with a toddler. It seems DDs class has a lot of kids who are the youngest in their families and it's convenient to the moms to meet while all kids are in school. Thats fine with me. DD and I talked and she is ok. I will pick her up from school after the party and we will spend some time alone before I pick up DS. She is fine with this solution.

 

[Mkrop]

As far as the security, our school has locked doors and you have to sign in at the office to enter any classrooms. These are older elementary age kids, so they know who's who in the classroom. I called the mom who coordinated this and basically she delegated various tasks to the moms she knew. She thought it was easier to ask the ones she had worked with before. I am blessed to be in a school where many SAHMs volunteer, but it makes us working moms like outsiders at times. Meetings are usually during the day etc. I am at home a couple of days a week, but even then it's difficult to come with a toddler. It seems DDs class has a lot of kids who are the youngest in their families and it's convenient to the moms to meet while all kids are in school. Thats fine with me. DD and I talked and she is ok. I will pick her up from school after the party and we will spend some time alone before I pick up DS. She is fine with this solution.

Did you ask if you could do another party? We have a lot of working moms who dont make it but if they can that is great but some just send in their snack and then the room mom is stuck with no help. I would be sure to let her know that you are willing to help out no matter what.

 

[Aristomommy]

Did you ask if you could do another party? We have a lot of working moms who dont make it but if they can that is great but some just send in their snack and then the room mom is stuck with no help. I would be sure to let her know that you are willing to help out no matter what.

Yes, I asked to do any other party this year, and she said to fill out a form when it's sent home and she or another coordinator will pick which moms to help. I also told her if there are last minute cancellations, I will be ready to help.

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

I would go anyway. Its your child and you shouldn't have to miss your child just becaue they dont need any volunteers. When my daughter was in Kindergarten I asked the teacher if she needed any help. Istarted asking right in Sept. She said that she would let me know. Then she sent home a letter stating that she didnt need any more parents helping. I was crushed. Why shoul d other people have the opportunity to be with my daughter and i can't. So i didn't go. When my daughter came home she said that i was the only parent that wasn't there. I was furious. Last year i didn't ask her first grade teacher, i just asked what time the party was going to be. I wasn't missing it again. If she didn't need my help then i would just stay in the back of the room. This year my youngest is in Kindergarten and I asked the teacher what time the party was going to be too. I am not one those over bearing parents, but why should i miss out on my children's activities. if they cant allow all the parents then none should be allowed.
I do all the other volunteering. I take time out of work to help run the book fair, field day, etc. I want to be an involved parent. There are enough parents that dont care, so why not let the ones that do care come,

 

[PaulaSue]

I wouldn't just show up but I would ask when they do need help and then go.