OT - Considering delaying kindergarten.

[Girly_Qs]

I don't care if you see it now or 4 or 8 yrs down the road MOST (not all) regret putting them in ahead of time.

But, I guess that's the difference in our perceptions. I am certainly not endorsing anyone "putting them in ahead of time." However, if they are "on time" and they are capable . . . that's a different story.

I know parents who held their children back so they'd be the 'biggest' and 'oldest' so they'd have a better shot at the football team and drive first. Sorry, High School popularity is NOT a valid reason, IMO.

 

[chrisxtwo]

I don't care if you see it now or 4 or 8 yrs down the road MOST (not all) regret putting them in ahead of time.

What exactly is "ahead of time"? Cutoff dates range from mid-summer to December?

 

[Tikicampers]

The characteristics that your ds displays sound like a totally normal 4, almost-5 year old to me. And THAT is the age group that Kindergarten is meant for. So, he should fit in well with those who the class is formatted to suit.

I just wanted to say that this really depends on the cutoff where a person lives. I know that in NY, you are correct, but where I live, the cutoff is very early. The vast majority of kids in K are 5 turning 6. The official cutoff date makes a big difference.

To the OP, I think as long as you look at your child as a whole, you will make the right decision. It seems like some people look only at their child's academic abilities, and succeeding in K depends on emotional and social maturity as well. I would strongly suggest speaking to a K teacher at the school your child will attend. Schools that are just miles apart can be very different, and your child's PreK teacher may not know much about the school he will be going to.

 

[Dina]

I posted earlier in this thread that we delayed a year. I do agree with everyone though that it really depends on the child. I'm a high school teacher, and I've also seen the effects of a child being bored. We actually put my son in pre-k the "correct" year --- a few days after he turned 4. Within a few weeks, I had a meeting with the teacher, and they wanted me to think about putting him in the nursery class (the class before pre-k). They said academically he had no problem, and was actually ahead of some, but socially was a little immature. He wasn't really clicking with the kids. Then, though he could do the work, he was having trouble switching from one activity to the next as quickly as the other kids were. Once we put him in the nursery class-- the teachers had absolutely no problems with him, and he was really happy and fit in there really well. So, it seemed like the right decision for us. I just wanted to reiterate what others had said--- it really depends on the child. He had a girl in his nursery class who was almost one year younger than him (she was also right before the cutoff but was not delayed)--- she was more mature, and did fine as well--- they were actually very close friends. It's a tough decision.

 

[louise']

Personally, I don't use or like the term held back. Held back to me means to repeat a grade.

I disagree with the date our state uses as the cut-off which is December 1. Per my experience, I was the youngest in my class with a birthday of November 30 and I wanted my children to be the oldest not the youngest.

My children were planned to be born in January to be the oldest; however, both pregancies were premature and they were born in November. They all started kindergarten at age 5 and I have no regrets. They are mature, smart, great athletics and I had an extra year to spend with them.

Good luck with your decision. You will never regret waiting.

 

[bellebud]

we all have our own experiences that we bring from our own childhoods w/ us about this, which makes it even harder to be objective.

While I totally agree w/ other posters that the cut-off dates stink (again, who thought it was a good idea to send 4yo's to K??), I don't think holding back based on chronilogical age is a good idea.

If the child has no true delays (whether academic or emotional/social) warranting holding back, I think it will show a lot that they should be in the higher grade. And kids know it too... that was one of my concerns about holding my oct dd back (which i didn't in the end) - will the other kids tease her that she should be in the older class, or will she feel like "gee mom, you didn't think I could do it???" (that was the main one i always thought about). She's entering 3rd now, and there's a boy in her class that repeated K, and i've heard the other boys (thank goodness not in a mean way) say he should be in the higher class and not theirs. And socially, he doesn't fit in. But he also doesn't read well at all... his parents haven't tested him (who knows why not), but we're all guessing he has a learning disability (and/or seizures... he passed out one morning in the gym - it looked like a seizure, and he says it happens all the time at home)... anyway - poor kid shouldn't be in a private school, because they can't help him as much as a public one would. Whoops... got a little off base... sorry! My point with that boy is, leaving him back in K didn't help him... there's a disability or something there that holding a child back for won't help. Each of my dd's teachers have said this to me at separate times (that holding back won't help a disability). This is why they don't hold back except when it's truly warranted. Her first grade teacher had told me that even if a child fails a grade, they don't automatically hold back. It totally depends on *why* the child failed the grade (that surprised me - I always thought if you fail the grade, you're held back). I'm sure holding back helps certain instances, and I think the teachers can tell that better than anyone.

I remember when my dd was in 1st grade, I would always say to dh "can you imagine her in K now, doing K work?? she'd be bored and feeling like it was baby work and that she was hanging out with babies. Yes, she'd be the *smartest* in the class, but it would have felt silly, like an older kid sitting in K and being *smart*. But this is because there really was no reason to hold her back. Again, if there's a solid reason, definitely talk to the teachers about it, but if not, think about it a lot before you do it. I remember her K teacher saying she and the other 'young ones' took a little longer to remember the morning schedule (hang up coats, put away backpacks, give teacher folder, etc). But the teacher expects this every year and the class is geared for this. But that is *this* teacher... what is your ds's future K teacher like? I would weigh her opinion very heavily about this.

Again, good luck deciding! I know it's very hard!

 

[belle&beast]

I haven't read all the replies, but I do have some experiencein this area.

First of all I started school at 4 years old. I was always the youngest and one of the smallest in my class. It was not a big deal in kindergarten, academics were never an issue either. The difficulties were in middle school, which is a difficult time for any chlid. But add to it that I was the youngest and less mature physically and emotionally and it was a really tough time in my life. High school was only difficult when everyone could drive and I was too young. I couldn't even take drivers ed with my classmates- I had to go to a private driving school during the school year. Then in college, again not too bad until everyone was turning 21 and I could not go out with them. So in my experience, it can be very difficult to be the youngest in the class.

My DD will be 6 next week and is starting kindergarten in the fall. She was old enough to go last year, (made the cut off by 6 days) but we decided to wait based on things I experienced and her own social independence. The extra year in preschool has really helped her to develop into an independent little girl and she was a leader in the classroom. Academically, I have never had concerns, but I did with her socially. She never stood up for herself and let everyone else decide what she should do during her playtime. She had a wonderful teacher who really worked with us to help her come out of her shell and she is much more independent and outgoing now.

Good luck with your decision, it is tough!

 

[sdrsdd]

Well--I can give you my opinion as a mother and a kindergarten teacher of 7 years. My son's turned 5 7-13 and the cut-off here is 7-31....and we are not starting him until next year. He is very bright and would be ready academically. His pre-school teacher also said he should go...however I do not see any advantages to him being the youngest. THere is a huge difference socially between the "older" & "younger" kids in kindergarten. I also had to really think more "down the road". Graduating HS at 17 seems a little young. I have NEVER heard of anyone who has regretted waiting, BUT I have had MANY parents say down the road (2-3 years later) that they wish they had just waited. I would rather him be the oldest and at the top academically and more mature socially. Good luck with your decision.

 

[Girly_Qs]

I have NEVER heard of anyone who has regretted waiting, BUT I have had MANY parents say down the road (2-3 years later) that they wish they had just waited.

Okay, just because I've heard that come up several times . . .. My neighbors have said MANY times that they wish they had gone ahead and started their son 'on time.' We met them when he was a junior in HS, and ALL through his senior year they had all sorts of issues with the fact that he was "ready for more freedom/responsibility" (their words) and was annoyed to be "held back" by HS which he felt was "too childish and unchallenging." They even pondered letting him simply get his GED and move on.

It may not be the norm - but it illustrates my point that (IMO) it should NEVER be entirely about age, but overall readiness. No parent wants their child to be at a disadvantage, but artificially rigging a supposed 'advantage' is a bit extreme, IMO (and very much a "not in my backyard" kind of attitude).

I just worry that parents now say "oh (s)he's only *1* month from the cut-off, that's too young." Except then kids 2 months from the cutoff are the 'youngest' so their parents will begin to hold back. Then 3 months. Heck, why not wait 2 years - then they'll be really big/smart/mature for their grade.

Again - there will always be bigger/ smarter/ stronger/ smaller/ weaker/ more timid/ more agressive/ more artistic/ etc/ etc/ etc/ kids. IMO, telling (or implying to) our kids that they are somehow not good enough if they're not the biggest/smartest/most popular is a dangerous slippery slope.

There *are* kids who should delay starting - but birthdate shouldn't be the sole (or even primary, IMO) factor (academic and emotional readiness, yes - but again, they don't have to be leading the curve to be ready).

 

[hornedfrog]

My youngest DD was born on 8/30 and the cut-off here is 9/1. She is still a baby and we obviously have to see how she develops in the next few years. But assuming that she passes the readiness test and we feel that she is ready, she will start on time. She could very well be 4 on her first day of school, since school starts here before 8/30.

If necessary, she will repeat kindergarten. Most people that I know (including my mom who is a diagnostician for a local district) suggest that if you feel that the child can keep up, that you go ahead and send the child on time with the caveat that they can repeat the next year if necessary.

I was the young one in my class...at no time was it ever a thought that I would be held back. Just wasn't something that was even thought about back then, I guess. If you passed the test you started on time. I didn't suffer other than I wasn't 18 for prom and I wasn't 18 when I started college (started with summer school). My friends got their licenses before I did. But I was always in gifted classes/honor society and had plenty of friends. I don't think my young age was ever a factor at any level, academically or socially.

 

[yrdlyprincess]

But, I guess that's the difference in our perceptions. I am certainly not endorsing anyone "putting them in ahead of time." However, if they are "on time" and they are capable . . . that's a different story.

I know parents who held their children back so they'd be the 'biggest' and 'oldest' so they'd have a better shot at the football team and drive first. Sorry, High School popularity is NOT a valid reason, IMO.

That's why I say MOST...this year I went in to help out, I know that even SOME children that were "of age" had problems & that was sad to see, I know that my child had the "scholastic ablities" but lacked a little bit in the "maturity". I don't think to hold them back for "my child will be the 1st to drive & the 1st to ....I wouldn't do it for that. You know your own child, and if you think that your child is READY send them!

 

[acadia1960]

I am just curious, how does your child feel about this? My son was ready to go to K at 4y 9 months, but because he wasn't 5 until January, no go. He was so mad. So he had an extra year of nursery school, but was bored and has been ever since.

 

[momofbgtwins]

I am always drawn to these "should they go to K?" threads, but then I regret reading them because I start to question our decision. I have a unique problem - boy/girl twins born 9/13, with our state's cut-off being 1/1! They will be a few weeks short of 5 when they start K on Aug 30.

They are totally different kids. My DD is very bright, and would rather read than play. She's also able to play independently. My DS is not really interested in sitting still to draw or learn his letters, etc. But he's a bit more social than she is. If they weren't twins, DD would be starting now, and DS would be starting next year. But we won't separate them at this time.

One of our concerns is that K is full day in our town, with very little "play" time. Recess is 30 minutes after lunch, which is 20 minutes. So, if they can't eat their lunch in 20 minutes they have less time for recess! (This info I received recently from one of the K teachers.) There is one gym class a week, along with Spanish (huh?????? - there are 3 Hispanic children in our elementary school), computers, music, art, etc.

I am also worried about the future. But as long as not too many people hold their kids back, they will be older than some because of the 1/1 cut-off. BTW - they are currently in preschool (in another town) and ALL of the kids they are with are being sent to K - some with November and December birthdays.

I could continue to ramble...but I just get more indecisive! It would be so much easier if people just respected the cut-off dates, and sent their kids based on them! LOL

 

[Girly_Qs]

I have a unique problem - boy/girl twins born 9/13, with our state's cut-off being 1/1!

That's a tough one . . .. Especially since it would be a very different scenario in another state (not sure if the struggle would be different for you then or not).

I know others have pointed it out before - but that's *one* point I struggle with in this whole 'debate' (speaking of the larger issue at hand, not just OP's dilemma). Cut-off dates vary SO widely. I don't know that I've ever lived in a state with a cut-off that late (and I've lived in more than a few!). Most I'm familiar with are around 9/1 (in which case PP's twins would both not start til a year later). In my head, that sort of date makes more sense in that it coincides with the start of school (here, all Kindergarteners are 5 w/in a couple weeks of the start of K). Then again, what does the shift towards year-round school do to that (I ask out of unfamiliarity - do kids still advance grades in the Fall?)? Maybe that's why some states have chosen 1/1?

I still say that barring exceptional circumstance, kids should start 'on time' (IMO). Yes, some will be more challenged - be it academically, socially, or emotionally - but I still believe in working *with* that challenge rather than circumventing it artificially. It's one of the things I struggle most with as a parent - part of me wants to sheild my children from any/all strife, yet I truly believe that it is exactly that challenge that will help my dd's become the women I hope they become.

Wow, I'm tired (and rambling as such!) . . ..

 

[weldon1]

To momofbgtwins: I also have boy/girl twins. Mine are now 11, they are July birthdays and I too felt one was more ready than the other. You can't completely predict how they're going to do. I thought my daughter was more ready but she has always struggled with math. I worried more about my son and he's alway been straight A's. She's a social butterfly and he's a little genius. I do agree with you about keeping them in the same grade if at all possible. Are you considering the same or different classes?

Now I would like to say, I cannot believe how late everyone is listing birthday cutoffs at. Here is Missouri the cutoff is August 1st. I know many people who's children were 5 for 3 weeks before school started and could not start school. Wow.

As far as the original post: You need to observe and listen to your child. I would listen to the advice of the preschool teacher but remember you know your child best, trust yourself.

Kristy

 

[momofbgtwins]

To weldon1:

We will be keeping them in the same K class. After K, we will assess whether it is necessary. They are very close, and haven't met too many kids in our town as they've gone to daycare and preschool in another town, closer to DH's job. They depend on each other quite a bit. We'll see...

 

[zoemurr]

I know parents who held their children back so they'd be the 'biggest' and 'oldest' so they'd have a better shot at the football team and drive first. Sorry, High School popularity is NOT a valid reason, IMO.[/QUOTE]

OK.. I know you have to do what's best for your family.. but I have been very frustrated by the fact that "everyone" seems to be holding their kids back. Our cutoff date is 12/1. My DS is 7/8 and he was the 2nd youngest in the class! That is only part way through the year! I think it's getting really out of hand. But, in your favor, it is now much more accepted than I think it used to be.

NY is also frustrating that you can send them late, but if you miss the cutoff by even a day you can't go early. DD missed cutoff by a few months. The school tested her and she was reading at a 5th grade level (at 5.) You may not skip K or start early. She had to go to K for a few months, and when that was a disaster move to 1st in the middle of the year.

Good luck.. I would never have considered it for my son, but only you know what's best. I myself will have a 17yr old going to college (although I've told her she can take a year off..) I would rather deal with this than a child who was bored for 12 years.

 

[weldon1]

To momofbgtwins:

We seperated our twins. I read everything I could get my hands on about the subject. Our school district is against it but I was willing to argue if my children wanted to be together. My daughter insisted on having her own teacher, my son was devastated.

They did have both of their recesses together and then in 1st they only had one recess together. That is something you might want to think about when the time comes for seperate classes, arranging to have recess together the first year apart. It really helped and the teachers were good about letting my daughter go to my son if he got upset (when he was little he wouldn't talk at school when he was upset).

Kristy

 

[disney_family_1247]

Before I give you opinion, I'll give you my credentials: I have a Masters degree in education. I've taught fourth, fifth, and sixth grades.

If it were me, I would delay K a year. It isn't what it used to be; K has become real school instead of coloring, playing, and fun. They only have twenty minute recess once a day Little kids need physical activity and stimulation; they cannot sit still and do worksheets all day (well some can, but that doesn't make it good for them). A friend of mine who is also a teacher went through this with her son who turned five two Augusts ago. She talked to the K teachers at the school. Their advice was that almost every kid who became a behaviour problem later on was started in K when they were too young. She kept him out until the next year, even though he was bright and did great at preschool.

My nephew turned five at the end of August a few years ago. He is very bright. He just finished third grade and he was in the gifted program. He is disruptive and doesn't complete his work often. I attribute many of his problems to the fact that he was very young when he started K.

Boys just don't develop maturity at the same rate as girls, so putting them into K as the youngest in the class does more harm than good. It can lead to problems down the road that are easy to avoid if you just keep him out one more year.

I hope this helps. For full disclosure, I have to let you know that my daughter, who is about to start second grade, is homeschooled That doesn't mean that I don't understand the trials and tribulations of parents with traditionally schooled kids!

 

[Becky2005]

If it were me, I would delay K a year. It isn't what it used to be; K has become real school instead of coloring, playing, and fun. They only have twenty minute recess once a day

This is where I think the OP needs to find out exactly what her Kindergarten entails. Our Kindergarten is still only 1/2 day. So, they don't eat lunch at school & we still have play areas (play kitchen, dress-up area, etc...) so they go for about 2 1/2 hours (more or less) & still get free time for playing in there.
I know ours doesn't get the 20 minute recess but really it's not quite needed when it's not any longer than preschool here, just goes 5 days/week instead of 2 or 3. As a matter of fact, when my 7 year old went to Kindergarten he actually had a shorter day than when he was in preschool because he rode the bus & had a 45 minute ride home. He would actually get home AFTER I picked up the older kids from elementary school.