OT - Considering delaying kindergarten.

[brymolmom]

OK – here are my thoughts.

It sounds like your ds is ready for K. You state that you think so and that his preschool thinks so. Then, upon talking to other parents – now you’re unsure. Do NOT let them influence your perspective. That’s the problem today – SO MANY PEOPLE are holding their kids back, it makes it a lot more difficult for those of us who want to send them on time. That’s why I personally think it should not be a choice – all children should start at approximately the same age (unless there is a documented delay for which professional treatment is being received).

The characteristics that your ds displays sound like a totally normal 4, almost-5 year old to me. And THAT is the age group that Kindergarten is meant for. So, he should fit in well with those who the class is formatted to suit. Now, yes, those who have been held back and are a year older will obviously have a years’ worth more of learning and developing, but keep in mind – those children chose (or rather, their parents chose for them) to be above the age and maturity that the K class is geared toward.

Overall, while I do think that parents should not have a choice so that all kids are at a level playing field in Kindergarten, I do not mind when parents hold their child back as long as those same parents accept that their child will be taught at a 4 and 5 year old level for that whole year. If that parent gets upset and wants their child more challenged and insists that the teacher instruct at their child’s 6 year old level, well – then that parent had the opportunity for the child to be taught to his/her level by sending them to Kindergarten on time. That was their choice to do and you can’t have it both ways. It is really only when the parent does not accept this (and my 4 year old would suffer in that classroom) that I get truly upset by those who want their child to be the oldest, most mature, most advanced, most developed, etc.

It is perfectly ok for you to send your child on time. Do not feel guilty either way. It sounds like he will do great! And, if held back, it sounds as if he might be bored being taught things that I’m sure he already knows after 3 years of preschool.

 

[Lovin' Disney]

My public school would hold him back. The kindergarten kids here are EXPECTED to dress on their own--shoes, jackets, hats, gloves, etc. They are also EXPECTED to work independently on assigned work, so if your DS didn't want to do a worksheet, he would be in trouble. Our kindergarten definitely seems like how first grade was when I was in school...at the end of the year they are writing sentences, reading books, counting by 2's, 5's, and 10's, and so forth. I have a DS that just turned 5 and I think I will keep him in Pre-K for this year because I don't know if he can handle everything that goes along with Kindergarten this year. They also don't have ANY playtime besides recess, which my DS needs....he loves playtime and likes to use his imaginiation. Good luck!

 

[bellebud]

It also depends on the teachers he'll be having...

my kids school is a very small, private catholic school. There is one class per grade. It goes from 4yo pre-K to 8th. When I was questioning my dd going to K at 4yo, someone said to me "you want to keep her back so she'll be coloring again for another whole year???" That made me think. At that time, the pre-K teacher was very laid back and did true pre-K work, which i loved for my pre-K child, but would have bored my then-ready-to-go-to-K child. I didn't want my active dd being bored in class - that could have been trouble for her.

2 years later my ds went to that pre-K class, with a new teacher, who gave 5 times the work the old teacher did. It was WAY too much for my ds and he hated pre-K (lots of the kids loved the teacher though, it was my ds's issue with it being too much work and the teacher not being as warm and fuzzy as he was used to in his little world). Anyway, when he went on to K, that teacher is a laid back type again, who thinks kids are young and need to be treated as such, and didn't give too much work. I loved it and so did my ds. If my dd was with this new pre-K teacher, maybe I would have felt differently about holding her back and maybe I would have done it, because they were doing WAY more than coloring. they were pretty much doing K work, and I don't think she would have been bored. But again as i'm thinking about it as i'm writing, she would have then been bored silly when entering K with the laid back teacher. so the teachers and class/school should be considered too.

hope you're not just getting more confused... which is what always happened to me when i was thinking about it.

 

[Princess-in-Training]

Thank you everyone for your replies!! I will definately call the school and inquire about the type of work they'll be doing. From what I understand so far (talking to my neighbors), they start reading at mid-year, and there's not much play time.

I think I'll also talk to his speech therapist. I know that she had some doubts at one point on whether he should start (due to attention span, but he was also with another boy who pushed his buttons and would start fights!!), but at the same time she was impressed by what he already knew.

I'm also going to talk to the other pre-K teachers who he interacted with and see what they say.

I talked to DS about it last night and said, "how would you feel if you didn't go to kindergarten in the fall?" and he said, "Oh mommy, I want to go back to pre-k in september. I'll still be 4!" It was very cute. DH said, "of course he's going to say that! All his friends are there!"

Oh, and I wanted to mention that it wasn't that my friend was trying to sway me or convince me to delay him -- the conversation really just made me realize some issues I hadn't considered, as well as that one of my reasons for him going to kindy would be "But then I have to explain to everyone that we changed our mind!" which isn't a good reason at all!

And yes, DH most enthusiastically DOES want to keep him in pre-k this year! He nearly fell down when I told him what I was thinking about and we're going to talk about our options.

Thank you all for your advice and personal experience!!!!!!!!!

ok, i better get ready and go, i think if i keep typing we're going to miss our playdate!

in training

 

[Dina]

We waited another year to put my son in kindergarten (he goes into 1st grade in sept). Our cutoff date is Sept. 1st, and he turned 5 on a few days before--so we waited one year. He wasn't even the oldest in the class (there were 3 older than him). The one thing I can say, is I've talked to many people about this, and I never once heard anyone say they regretted waiting a year--- I've only heard people say that they regretted not waiting the year.

Another thing that we thought about was if we didn't wait--- he would essentially be going away to college as a 17year old (would probably be turning 18 that week)--- I'd rather him be 18 going on 19, then 17 going on 18 when going away to college.

 

[mom*to*2*princesses]

I'm not reading the rest of the replies, just giving you our experience in the hope that it helps.

Our cut off is 8/1. Our older DD has a 7/19 birthday, but she was born a few weeks premature. She is an inquisitive, fun little girl. My mom is a retired kg teacher and my MIL is a retired 2nd grade teacher. Not for a second did my DH and I think that she wouldn't go to kg the year that she turned 5, and we registered her the spring before. About 6 weeks before school was to start, my MIL had a serious talk with me and said that we should consider waiting to send her. It was not that she couldn't do the academics; it was not that she isn't within the norm socially. Her reasoning was that in our state (and probably most others), kids are expected to do things in kg that used to be in 1st grade. She said most likely that our DD would be fine for a few years (and maybe never have any negative effects from going young), but that it quite possibly could catch up to her in 4-5-6 grades and beyond. That is impossible to predict at kg age. She further reasoned that keeping her back would do no harm-to the contrary it would only help.

You know what? She was exactly right. DD completed kg last school year, will be going into 1st next month. She had a WONDERFUL school experience. She's bored with summer and wants school to start again. LOL She was mature enough to handle anything that came her way and that was worth it's weight in gold to us. I never once worried sending her off to school in the morning. I knew that she was as prepared as she could be.

Sure, she didn't read as soon as some of her age-wise contemporaries, but who the heck cares? It's not about who reads first. She has made some really good friends in school too. We weren't thrilled to pay for preschool again, but it was the right decision for her. At the time we agonized over it, but now looking back I can't believe we didn't see it ourselves. When I called the principal to tell her that we were not sending DD that year, she applauded the decision. She did it with her own daughter 25 years ago and has never regretted it.

And everything that I've heard is that boys generally need that extra time even more than girls. My SIL waited that extra year with my nephew, who is two months older than the cut off date. She is the speech therapist for the school district, and I trust her judgment about what is appropriate too. She always planned to send him after her turned 6. It's just such a different school experience from when we were young. I was the youngest in my class and graduated at the top of it. Did it hurt me? I don't think so. Could my school experience have been better had my parents waited a year? Maybe. My mom does wish she would've waited to send me. I was awfully immature in the primary years, and I do remember that.

Sorry for the book. It's such a personal decision that has so many variables. Good luck figuring out what works best for your family.

 

[Michigan]

As an adult that started kindergarten at the age of 4 because of a September birthday I say wait a year. I spent from k-11th trying to catch up. My grades were average but it just seemed hard until my senior year when I went from C's to all A's.

 

[nessz79]

I'm not an elementary teacher so I'm not an expert (HS teacher w/ 2 pre-K kids), but to me it sounds like a lot of his "issues" would work themselves out in Kindergarten. I'm sure that K teachers are used to the whole gamut of personalities. In fact, I think that his social issues would iron themsleves out faster and easier at school...because as mommies, we (I"m speaking from my own point of view) tend to allow our children to act certain ways or at least give more lenience. A teacher will probably correct his behavior rather quickly, as long as you have a kind but firm K teacher.

My 2nd DS will be in the same situation as yours in a couple years as his birthday is Aug. 27th. Unless his PreK teacher advises otherwise, I plan on putting him in that 1st year. He's already demonstrated to me that he's able to catch up pretty quickly on things as he has a brother who is 18 months older and they often do the same things.

Of course, it's ultimately up to you. I would go with your gut, whatever that is.

 

[K and K's Mommy]

Everyone is different, but I have an August birthday and hated being the youngest at these ages 12, 15, and 20. I was always fine academically, but I think socially I caught up about 8th grade.

My DD will turn 6 on August 29. She is going into kindergarten. I really did not want her to be the youngest. My mom completely agreed with me based on my experiences. Her preschool teacher told me she was ready, but we knew we weren't sending her. Actually, we didn't even hold her back because IN's cut-off is Aug. 1. You are allowed to get a waiver through Sept. 1 so we just didn't do that.

I am a former el. ed teacher, and I disagree with not individualizing for kids. Even if every kid turned 5 on the same day, you would still have a lot of different academic levels and teachers should have high standards for all the kids. My DS 8 is going into third grade reading at a 10th grade level, and I expect his third grade teacher to challenge him. I am not saying everyday, but some. His first grade teacher was awesome at this!! Sorry to be off on a tangent, but I would never have sent this same child early because of social and emotional needs.

 

[meandtheguys2]

I am a former el. ed teacher, and I disagree with not individualizing for kids. Even if every kid turned 5 on the same day, you would still have a lot of different academic levels and teachers should have high standards for all the kids. My DS 8 is going into third grade reading at a 10th grade level, and I expect his third grade teacher to challenge him. I am not saying everyday, but some. His first grade teacher was awesome at this!! Sorry to be off on a tangent, but I would never have sent this same child early because of social and emotional needs.

Well said!

 

[brymolmom]

I am a former el. ed teacher, and I disagree with not individualizing for kids. Even if every kid turned 5 on the same day, you would still have a lot of different academic levels and teachers should have high standards for all the kids. My DS 8 is going into third grade reading at a 10th grade level, and I expect his third grade teacher to challenge him. I am not saying everyday, but some. His first grade teacher was awesome at this!! Sorry to be off on a tangent, but I would never have sent this same child early because of social and emotional needs.

I totally agree - and that is why an equal playing field is ESSENTIAL for kids and teachers alike in Kindergarten. I mean, when you take that room-full of 5 year olds who have varied skills and characteristics even if they all turned 5 on the same day...can you imagine the extent of the difference if you have a 4 year old and a 6 year old in that same classroom? Now, the differences are exponential! And many, many parents keep kids back solely based on their birthday and not wanting their child to be the youngest...but - guess what - someone has to be the youngest. And IMO many people do not base their decision based on the abilities of their child (I know SOME do). I've met several people who are pregnant or have a 1 year old or less who have already made the decision to wait a year - obviously not based on that child's ability. If people always decided based on ability, and if the child was ready for K, they went ahead and sent him/her - then I would agree with you, because then everyone would be on a more similar playing field (based on ability if not age) - but I think that parents often do not base it on that.

 

[momgjgc]

I sent my son (Nov 12) birthday to K as he was more than ready. He goes to small catholic school and did great. The cutoff for public school is Oct 1. The preschhol teachers adn principal all thought he was ready and could see no reason to wait. My husband and I both agree this was the best for him. He wetn to the town summer camp this year with kids who are supposed to be going into 1st grade and and WOW is there a difference. My son is one of the smallest but most outgoing and friendly. The teachers are very surprised to hear he is so young. I just wanted to have atleast 1 story where the child was sent on time with a close birthday and it turned out alright.

 

[tl_swift]

Like everyone said everyone has different views on this and you have to do what is best for you and your child. Having older children I will give you my .02 on my experience. I have a 15 year old daughter that has a birthday Aug. 29th and a 14 year old son that has a birthday Dec. 15th also a 9 year old son that has a birthday March 9th. I started my DD in kindergarten the year she turned 5. Which was just a couple of weeks before school started. She had been to preschool. She loved books, could count well, knew her colors etc. Her preschool teacher said she would do just fine. Socially she was fine with her peers and so on. We did not see a maturity difference really until the 6th grade. In the older years that one year difference can be huge. Also, in the upper grades, I say it started about the 4th grade, we started to notice she was struggling academically. She had to work harder to keep up. So in the 6th grade she and I sat down and talked about staying back that year and repeating the 6th grade. Then we sat down with the school staff. Her math teacher was for her staying back. Not that Danielle ever brought home an "F" but that he could see she was struggling and feared that it may pose a problem later in high school. Her English teacher was not supportive in Danielle staying back. She did not believe in retention unless absolutely necessary because she was afraid of it effecting Danielle emotionally. Socially we saw her frustrated because her peers were into things that she was not ready for yet. She always felt like "the baby". But after talking with Danielle (she played a big part in the decision makeing) we decided to go for it and repeat the 6th grade. She is now a sophomore and she was just telling me the other day that it was the best thing she ever did and she was glad she did. She no longer struggles. She maintains an A/B average. She is now on the older end with her friends and fits in just fine. Nobody ever gives her a hard time about repeating the grade. Now with all these new requirements for promotion from 8th grade into 9th grade and exit exams on top of making the grade for graduation staying back is not looked at the same way as when we were in school. Although, I still blame myself for starting her in school so young. I wish I would have waited another year and then I think the whole thing would have been avoided but as a first time mom I just didn't think about the years ahead. The preschool told me she was ready and so off she went. My son because his December birthday was after the cut off I didn't have a choice and my other son with he turning 5 many months before school stared I can see a huge difference. Ultimately you have to do what is best for you and your child I just thought I would give you some things to think about beyond just the elementary years. Like graduating at 17 as opposed to at 18. Being capable of getting the drivers permit in the 9th grade instead of 10th grade. The things you don't think about at 5 but you will when they are in their teens.


P.S. On the drivers licence thing. She is waiting to get her permit until she is 17 1/2. Getting the actual licence takes much longer here. You are not free to have passengers until you have had your licence for a year. She will need to have it by the time she graduates from high school for college. Many kids here opt to wait until they are 18 before they drive.

 

[Brook1099]

My DS birthday is Sept. 28th cut off Oct. 1 when he was just turning 4 I registered him for prek (we have prek at our school) I never thought anything of it until the 3 rd parent teacher conference and the teacher said she would like to talk to us about keeping him another year not for academics but maturity he also was in speech. Well I agreed then it went to the superintendant and it was denied. With the no child left behind law. I guess I could have fought it but I didnt. giving him a chance and then if his kindergarten teacher felt the same I would have fought it tooth and nail.But to everyones surprise she said he did great all year all around and is so ready for 1st grade but it is so nerve racking the last thing you want is your child to struggle thru school I still worry even though Ive been reassured. He will have the same teacher for 1st which I think is great and he no longer needs speech. I think as a mother you will fight the sticken battle ( did I make the right decision).

I have a friend who is holding her son back without a doubt whether hes ready or not she doesnt want him to be youngest of his peers.

 

[Girly_Qs]

Thought I'd add another personal perspective - as an 'old' Kindergartener (I turned 5 just a couple weeks after the cut-off . . .. Until I hit AP classes in High School, I was *bored out of my skull* through most of my school years. The 'gifted' program offered a bit of respite, but truthfully not much. I was one of those kids who 'acted up' out of boredom, so much so that one elementary school teacher *insisted* I needed to be put on Ritalin. Thankfully, I have a Mother who questions authority and sent me to a private pyschologist for testing. Turns out I wasn't ADHD at all, just two whole grade levels behind my ability. To this day I can say the alphabet faster backwards than forwards - why? Because I was sitting in a Kindergarten class full of kids learning their alphabet, when I'd already taught myself to read!

That's not to say that's what's right for *your* child - only you know that (though I would certainly give the word of his teachers far more weight than the uneducated opinion of a friend). I do, however think that there's a HUGE 'movement' of people 'holding their children back' in an effort to give them some sort of 'edge.' There will always be kids older and younger, and there will always be kids ahead of and behind the curve (that's why it's a *curve*) - artificially (unecessarily) altering that doesn't really benefit anyone (an 'advanced' child who's a year older is just smoke/mirrors). I'm not saying there's never a case for delay, simply that (IMO) it's an exception that is dangerously becoming the rule . . ..

 

[ENSOCK]

I also have 2 sons. The oldest turned 13 on June 13, the youngest 8 on June 28th.
The oldest was a very bright child who loves school. I started him when he could go to school. I have never regreted it until last school year. In the 7th grade you can really see the difference between his maturity level and those of his peers. Never has any teacher said he should be held back.
The youngest also started school when he could go. In pre-k everything was fine, but in k the teacher said he just was not mature enough to go to first grade. In testing he had to say and write his abc's and he told her nope I don't feel like it today
Trust me, I cried and felt like the worlds worst mother. But we held him back and he repeated k. This year in first grade his teacher says he is a very bright child but bored. She would give him extra work, but he is the class clown and leader of the pack. I do not regret holding him back, just my hubby telling me I told you not to send him so soon. Only you know your child, but remember that he can always repeat k. It does not in any way reflect on your parenting!! Good Luck!!

 

[Alesia]

Thought I'd add another personal perspective - as an 'old' Kindergartener (I turned 5 just a couple weeks after the cut-off . . .. Until I hit AP classes in High School, I was *bored out of my skull* through most of my school years. The 'gifted' program offered a bit of respite, but truthfully not much. I was one of those kids who 'acted up' out of boredom, so much so that one elementary school teacher *insisted* I needed to be put on Ritalin. Thankfully, I have a Mother who questions authority and sent me to a private pyschologist for testing. Turns out I wasn't ADHD at all, just two whole grade levels behind my ability. To this day I can say the alphabet faster backwards than forwards - why? Because I was sitting in a Kindergarten class full of kids learning their alphabet, when I'd already taught myself to read!

That's not to say that's what's right for *your* child - only you know that (though I would certainly give the word of his teachers far more weight than the uneducated opinion of a friend). I do, however think that there's a HUGE 'movement' of people 'holding their children back' in an effort to give them some sort of 'edge.' There will always be kids older and younger, and there will always be kids ahead of and behind the curve (that's why it's a *curve*) - artificially (unecessarily) altering that doesn't really benefit anyone (an 'advanced' child who's a year older is just smoke/mirrors). I'm not saying there's never a case for delay, simply that (IMO) it's an exception that is dangerously becoming the rule . . ..

I had a remarkably similar experience. I think whether you hold your child back or not should be based on his abilities, not his age.

 

[chrisxtwo]

Only you know what is best for your child. I spent all my school years as one of the youngest in the class and didn't really see a problem with it.

My DS started Kindergarten today! (Love that year round school). He won't turn 5 until mid-September. People asked if we thought about holding him back. He was SO ready to go to Kindergarten. Our DD turns 6 tomorrow and began 1st grade this week. She didn't have any trouble last year. Some of the other kids in her class were much older but she still made friends and kept up academically. I think DS will be the same way.

 

[nessz79]

I had a remarkably similar experience. I think whether you hold your child back or not should be based on his abilities, not his age.

Totally agree!

 

[yrdlyprincess]

I hope that this helps anyone...I held my DD back, this was the best decision, I asked my ped, other parents, teachers (who are parents) then I went in this year & helped out. I can tell you it doesn't matter if your child is "so smart" (because I think that my is also -joking) but I will never, ever regret it. I know someone who is holding their child back from 1st grade putting their child in "private k" but she regrets putting him in. I don't care if you see it now or 4 or 8 yrs down the road MOST (not all) regret putting them in ahead of time.