OT - Considering delaying kindergarten.

[Princess-in-Training]

Hi everyone! This isn't going to make alot of sense. I have alot going on in my brain and wouldn't mind some support!!

DS will be 5 on Sept 27th, juuuuust making the age cutoff for kindergarten here (Sep 30). He did 2 years of preschool (1 year was 3 times a week for half day. Last year was 5 days a week for half day), and is quite bright. His last preschool teacher said he's ready for kindergarten.

I registered him for kindergarten back in April. Its full day, a great (public) school, and a 5 minute walk away. He's been going there for speech therapy and knows the staff, the school, and many kids.

Can he work independantly? Yes and no. No, if he looks at the worksheet and decides he can't do it. Does he get along well with other kids? Definately, he's a social butterfly. However, he's a little leader and sometimes gets mad and pouts when other kids don't do what he asks. His speech is now up to his age level. I'm not sure if he's mature enough to handle it, even though he's beginning to read, can add and subtract, and other things as well. He still can't (won't?) get dressed on his own. He tends to rile up other kids (class clown in the making) but is, in general, a good listener for the teacher (he stops when the teacher tells him to). He's very sweet.

I know I'm rambling. DH has wanted to wait a year forever. But I was convinced by his pre-k teacher that he's ready... I'm not so sure anymore. I had great conversation with a friend who really got me thinking that delaying kindergarten is a great thing. I think she made me realize that I was thinking more of myself than DS.

He's a great kid. He's smart but easily frustrated. He may need extra maturity to deal with a larger classroom. He'll be the youngest one there.

Why am I so worried that this (delaying Kindergarten) will reflect badly on me as a mother???????

I'm want him to go to school all day and feel guilty about that .

We can't afford all-day pre-k. We'll have to dip into savings for him to repeat pre-K just for the half day program. I don't want him to go to a different pre-K, since he'll have a ton of friends where he was. It's a 20 minute drive, which isn't fun either, and I'll have to get all new uniforms as he outgrew last years'.

thanks for reading, my emotions are so mixed up. I'm trying to do what's best for my little boy, and I'm confused.

in training

 

[macmahony]

My oldest will be starting kindy in the fall, she will be 6 days after she starts. Our cutoff is Oct 1, her birthday is very late september. We held her last year.
It was a tough decesion, but one I am 100% happy in. I know for our family we made the right choice.
First thing I would do is to call the school, and to find out if other kids have birthdays that late, I know for a fact that we have lots of parents who are holding there kids in our school. My daughter will start with 6 other kids who were held last year (all girls too!!). That could be a thought, he might be the youngest by much more than a year if it is something more parents in your area are doing.
We held my daughter for many reasons, speech, immaturity, she was little, I honestly know a year home will not hurt her. Could she of gone to kindy last year and done okay, yes, I do believe she could of, but I was thinking more along the lines of do I want to send a 17 year old off to college. (no, I think that year of growing up, means a lot to a kid).
You have to do what is best for your son, and your family, and be happy in your choice.
I know in the long run, it will not affect my daughter that she was home an extra year, but yes, I do believe it could of hurt her had we sent her last year.
Her preschool also advised us to send her, she is reading now, but I in no way expect the teacher to cater to her. We read, and do lots of stuff at home, and if it means I have to step up to do that stuff with her, I don't mind. I know she will not be bored, she is thrilled to be going this year, and I am truly happy with sending her. Last year it just did not feel right, this year I am thrilled for her, she is ready, and kindy will be a happy thing, not stressful like last year could of been!
Good luck!

 

[DisneyCrazyX5]

I held my twins (BOYS) last year. They turned 6 in April before starting, but due to being premature, having speech problems (with sounds not talking)and the fact that I had been a 1st grade teacher - until they were born- DH and I decided to hold them . They had a few other students in their call near their age. My twins were mature enough to be in the same class with no problem - they each had their own friends - and were rarely overwhelmed due to being immature. We had a great year. The boys are very smart and I hope they will qualify for the school gifted classes like their big brother. The are reading and love to write their own shopping lists.

In all my years of teaching (11 years) I never heard a parent say I wish we had sent them earlier - but had many say they were so glad they waited.

 

[princesssfws]

This is a tough decision. One thing you also need to consider is that if he is already starting to read and add and subtract he is probably ahead of the curve for his class. Kindergarten is a time for catching kids up that may not have had lots of preschool. Most schools now have centers for all different levels but if you hold him back he may really be ahead academically.
My brother was way ahead and because of this he became extremely bored in class. When some kids get bored they start to act out and then become classroom problems, not because they are immature but because they are bored because they are ahead of everyone.
Just another view to think about in your decision making process.
Good Luck.

 

[Skatermom23]

I started DS16 in K at age 6. I don't use the words held back since this was his first year of school. Was he ready the year prior? Sure, but my mommy instinct told me to wait. It was the right thing to do. He is in HS now taking all AP classes and the most level headed kid around. More importantly, he has the maturity to handle the social issues in HS. Most of his good friends are also on the older side and you can certainly tell the difference in the way they behave. Do what your gut tells you to do.

 

[SavvyMom]

First of all, it most certainly will not reflect badly on you as a mother! There is nothing to be ashamed of in being ready for your child to start school. Nothing!

From your description, he sounds like a normal kindergartener to me (I'm a 2nd grade teacher). Having said that, you have to do what is best for your child, and only you know what that is. You sound like a parent that wants what is best for your child. As such you 2nd guess yourself. I know I do! That's normal. Do what your mommy instinct tells you is the right thing. I'm sure it will turn out for the best.

 

[Becky2005]

This is a tough decision. One thing you also need to consider is that if he is already starting to read and add and subtract he is probably ahead of the curve for his class. Kindergarten is a time for catching kids up that may not have had lots of preschool. Most schools now have centers for all different levels but if you hold him back he may really be ahead academically.
My brother was way ahead and because of this he became extremely bored in class. When some kids get bored they start to act out and then become classroom problems, not because they are immature but because they are bored because they are ahead of everyone.
Just another view to think about in your decision making process.
Good Luck.

That's what I'm thinking. A call to the school to see what's expected in Kindergarten might be in order. Around here, the description you gave is pretty much end of Kindergarten, NOT the beginning.

They learn to count to 100 here, learn shapes, colors, do a quick review of the alphabet & the sounds that go with it...pretty much they assume the kids walking in the door have never ever been to any sort of school ever. The first quarter is just seeing where everyone is at. They expect them to know sight words by the end of Kindergarten, the counting to 100 and I'm not even sure they expect simple addition yet. Definitely not subtraction per se.

Really, they don't even expect reading until 1st grade here. They would like them to know the sight words but the big push for reading is in 1st grade, that's when they test everyone & if anyone is behind they have a booster class for them, if that doesn't help then you go for further testing.

Just found my 7 year old's report card for Kindergarten, so this might help (I'll try to shorten it):

Language Arts: engaged & participates in literacy experiences; identifies upper & lowercase letters; orally express ideas; retells a story in sequence; rhyming skills; reading strategies; knows letter/sound relationships; understands concepts of words.

Writing Readiness: Uses pictures to explore ideas; attempts writing independently; writes left to right; Uses phoentic spelling (developmental spelling).

Fine Motor: Holds crayons/pencils properly, Holds & uses scissors properly; Prints name in lowercase letters (proper form).

Math: Identifies basic shapes, Recognizes numbers 1-20 out of sequence; describes, extends & create patterns; sorts & classify shapes & objects; understands graphing; writes numerals to 10; understands same, more or fewer; Counts to 100 (1's & 10's)

Science & Social Studies is just participates in class activities.

The also have things like knows full name, address, phone number.

Based on that & your description, if your Kindergarten requirements are similar I would be sending him. I know I wasn't sure about my 7 year old since he's a May birthday, has speech/fine motor skill delays, etc... but his pre-school teachers said he was ready -- so far so good. He's a little older than yours with the cut-off but still a young one in the class.

Good Luck with your decision.

 

[drivencrazy]

To me, it sounds like he is ready.... but I do not know him personally so... I can't really say. But I can tell you that I tought pre-school for 4 years and there were times that we thought it would be best for a younger child to stay another year in pre-school and sometimes the parents would agree others they wouldn't... then if they did do K and the child wasn't really ready, guess what, they would end up doing K again.

I have a 4 year old boy now, he did 2 days a week in pre-school last school year, this year he will be doing 4 days a week. At the end of the year last year his teachers meeting with us was saying that we "should have him tested, he is more than ready for K... he is able and doing everything we "wish" for the ones going into K already"................ and went on to tell me that they are going to have to work really hard to keep up with him...

Need less to say, I told them that I am NOT interested in having him tested to go to K a year sooner than he should....... I wouldn't want that. He probably is ready and would do fine, but we have to think about years down the road. He will go when it is his time.

My oldest is 12 and a Dec. birthday so she is one of the older ones in her class... 4.0 in honners classes and extra classes... really glad that we didn't start her a year sooner (as we could have) she is doing great!

 

[jennwdw]

You will get opinions either way on this. Here's my .02...My sons bday is Sept 17th. He will be 7 this sept and starting 1st grade. I delayed starting Kindergarten and waited until last year. (He was 5 going on 6 as opposed to 4 going on 5) I worried about it sooooo much before I made the decision but have NEVER regretted holding him back...My son also has some developmental delays and gets speech therapy. Socially he is fine and never had a problem and would have been ready but the extra year really served him well.....The expect so much from these kiddos these days. I say delay if you have the choice...You won't regret it...It's much easier to hold back now than in 3rd grade.....

If you talk to parents who held a kiddo back I bet 99% say they don't regret it.....

If you delay he'll be an older kiddo for his age group as opposed to the youngest in his class. Not a big deal now but going off to college at 17 as opposed to 18??? Could be scary.

 

[kuusimo]

I have some friends who have held their children back and do not regret it. One of them is having her son do kindergarten twice. I agree in talking with the school about expectations.

 

[Alesia]

I think he sounds like he's ready, but only you know what is right for your son.

I always sort of resented the fact that my mom chose not to send me to kindergarten when I was six. I always felt really self-conscious about being the oldest kid in the class and was always worried that people thought that I had failed a grade. It hasn't really affected my adult life, but it really did bother me as a kid.

 

[bellebud]

Boy did I toss this around for a long, agonizing time for my mid-oct bday dd (our cut-off is nov 30). she's now entering 3rd grade and is 7yo and i'm happy w/ my decision that I sent her to K at 4yo (but it took me a while to be totally happy w/ my decision). Here are some different opinions I had to consider...

One person who was a teacher and was holding her october girl back told me her older brother was also held back all those years ago, and he was always thrilled that he was held. He was always the biggest kid, ahead in sports, the work was always easier for him, he drove first, etc, etc.

My mom told me she was the absolute oldest in her class, and she always felt like she was playing with babies and that she should have been with the class above her (she wasn't held back, but it was a weird cut-off - she's a late May bday, so i don't know how that happened). But her point was the social aspect of being the oldest and she hated it... but I don't think that matters as much with boys as with girls.

The class behind my dd's has a handfull of held-back kids... 2 are actually older than my dd and they're in a younger grade. Many, many people are holding back now. I don't know who ever thought of these fall cut-off dates... no 4yo should go to K. Kids should all be 5yo going into K, but unfortunately that's not how it works.

I also had a guidance counselor friend tell me she's never heard of an instance that the parent was sorry they held them back. She always saw good in it.

BUT another friend of mine who is a 1st grade teacher thought I should send my dd - she couldn't imagine my dd playing and interacting w/ the kids who were in our neighborhood and were in the grade below her... BUT remember girls mature faster than boys, and my dd wasn't immature, so there was a big enough social difference in the grades that this friend thought i should send her (this friend is also a november girl herself and was always the youngest in her class).

My step-mil has a son who has the same oct bday as my dd. their cut-off was sept 30, but she had him tested and sent him early. she couldn't imagine him sitting at home or being in pre-school when he was almost 5yo... and he wasn't a whiz-kid or anything, just a normal almost-5yo boy. she was a teacher and moved up into administration and recently retired a nyc school principal. He's now 16yo, has always done fine to well in school, and excels at sports even though he's the absolute youngest in his class. He attends an all-boys prep high school and does great.

I'd go by the social aspects as much as the academics. My ds (almost 6yo and going into 1st grade) is a late july baby, and he's always gravitated towards older kids when playing in a group (maybe he was always used to playing w/ his older sister and friends). If he has a choice, he'll always end up playing w/ kids older than him or at least his age. I've heard of parents holding back summer babies, and it wouldn't even cross my mind for my ds. Even if he had to work extra hard academically, he needs to be with kids his own age. He's fine in class academically (he's actually the youngest boy), and he's right where he should be socially... if i had held him it would definitely be weird for him to be with the class below his. I have to say the same for my dd... if i had held her, socially it would be weird for her without a doubt. And both my kids are average to tall for their age, so they'd be towering over the class below.

Who does your ds interact with the best? Older kids? His own age kids? Younger kids? That will tell you best socially where he'd be most comfortable.

Good luck! I know it's a very hard decision!

 

[tonilea]

Trust your instincts. I know we often second guess ourselves, but really I think your instincts will not let you down.

Good luck on a tough decision.

 

[MomofKatie]

You know your child best, but from your description, it sounds like he's ready for Kindergarten.

I have a "young" rising 4th grader- she will turn 9 a few weeks after school starts (Sept birthday)- and I have never regretted sending her to Kindergarten when I did. She is small for her age, so many friends told me to consider holding her back. But academically and socially, she was READY!! She is now a well-adjusted, gifted program student who never had any issues with starting at 4.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I held mt DS back. He turned 9 at the end of April and will just now be starting 3rd grade. I never regretted it for a minute. He knows he's at times the oldest kid in the class. Alot of his classmates struggle and study alot. Things come alot easier to my DS amd he gets straight A's. He's much more mature and ready for what faces him.

This year he'll be going to a new school since we're moving. Most of the kids there are held back since the ciriculum is advanced. He'll be right in the stream of things now.

My DD has a late September birthday also. Her birthday is September 28, but our cut-off is September 1st so I had no choice but to hold her back. She will turn 4 a month after she starts 3 yo pre-school. She is more than ready though. She is a 180 from my son and already has her 1st day of school outfit picked out.

You know your child. Trust your instincts. I have a few teachers in my family and when I asked them if I should hold DS back, they all said if there is any doubt do it, because it will eventually catch up to them in the higher grades when holding him back will be a major deal unlike now.

Good Luck!

 

[sk!mom]

I would delay. It would be an easy decision for me (a teacher).

In your position, I would delay because you are torn but your DH is solidly in favor of delaying (if I read your post right). Since you're unsure defer to Dad's wishes. Sometimes,it seems, we moms think that our opinions count more with regards to the kids.

 

[1of6]

Ask 100 people and you will get 100 different reasons why you should hold or send your child. I agree with the PP that said talk to the school. There is not a single "right" answer to this question (at least not one that you can figure out for many years.)

We have done it both ways in our house. DS10 has a mid Nov. b-day. He made the cut-off by 2 weeks (Dec. 1). I sent him at 4. He had 6 kids in his kindy class that turned 6 while he was still 4. He is very mature and a hard worker. He struggled early on learning to read but I think it had to do more with his immature speech. (The word "this" was said "dis"...) He had several substitutions that hung on because he was so young. He is now an avid reader reading well above grade level. It was the right decision to send him on time.

DD8 is a late Sept. b-day and we sent her on-time as well. Her preschool teacher could not believe that she was the youngest in the class. She does great with the work but socially it's a different story. She has so many "tummy aches" due to playground issues. She does play much better with kids the year after her. I wish I had given her the extra year.

DS5 will turn 6 mid Aug. and we gave him the year. He will start K in the fall as an oldest. We did this for him because he has many speech related issues. He has been in therapy since 2 for speech, OT and PT. He will go to K in the morning and speech every afternoon. He would have been way too frustrated last year without the extra year to improve his speech. He is very bright and I am worried about his boredom down the road but this was the best decision for him now.

Trust your gut. You know your child best.

 

[bellebud]

To add to my post above about me sending my mid-oct dd to K at 4yo... I remember when dd was 2yo and september was approaching for 3yo pre-K (she would turn 3 mid-october)... my friend and I were out shopping w/ our kids and friend and her then 6yo dd went to the bathroom and took my dd w/ them. We had just been discussing "should I send her to 3yo pre-K????". My friend came back laughing and saying "you *have* to send her... she's so ready!" DD had insisted on going in a stall by herself, but friend peeked through the gap in the door to make sure everything was ok. DD lined the seat, took care of business, hopped off, pulled up her pants, flushed w/ her foot (no germies!) and came out and looked at her like "what?!???"

Not that potty training tells when a child should go to school, but at that time, NOT sending her to 3yo pre-K because of her chronilogical age would have been silly. She was simply ready and if her bday was earlier in the year, I wouldn't have thought 'should i hold her back?' I was only thinking it because of the date of her birth and the cut off date. Not because of anything my dd was doing or not doing at the time.

Pretend your ds's bday is 6 months earlier... would you still consider holding him back? If so, it might be the right decision. Let us know when you decide. Good luck again!

 

[kltruck]

My dd has a sept 30th birthday and we are keeping her in preschool for her 3rd year now. She is very excited about her 5 by Fall class and I am excited that she'll be with kids her age. I was also held as a child (July bday) and loved it because I was the smarty pants of the class.

Best of luck with your upcoming decision! One of many as a mom isn't it!

 

[rbork]

Boys and Girls mature very differently. I struggled with the same decision but also have never found anyone regreting holding their son back. I did it - DS b-day is in Dec. He had gone through 2 years of preschool (Prek3's and 4's) and was deemed ready for K but I held him back. DS went through speech therapy and is now doing fine. I did however decide to enroll him in a 5 day a week Pre K. A special program I found in my area specifically for kid's whose parents delayed K entry. It was awsome! Hardest part was defending my position with the neighbors and family. It was like keeping up with the Joneses and "little Bobby" is starting school this year because "he is sooo ready" and the inferior complex being hinted. Perhaps my own insecurity at the time but I am glad I have stuck to my guns and not given in to other parenting styles that I might not feel comfortable with only to fit in.
I mostly wing it with the kid's and go with my intuition as far as they are concerned and so far it's been successful.
Good Luck and Do what's right for you!