OT - College & Family related

[tmarquez]

This is going to start off as a kind of vent...so sorry about that. I have 2 stepsons. The oldest lived with his father (DH) and I all through middle and high school. He was all set to go to college, we had all the aid and scholarships done...all he had to do was pack up and go. He would have been the first in his family to go to college. Well right before he was set to go his mother told him if he moved back in with her and not go to college she would buy him any car he wanted. Long story short, he chose the car.

Now DSS #2 is ready to go to college. He lived with us when he was little, but has been with his mother since about age 10. He is planning on attending college starting with the summer term at a school near us. I offered to help him get everything together multiple times, but he always said he had it handled. A couple days ago his mother calls DH and asks how much $ he's going to give DSS for college. That's not a simple question to answer so he asked me.

Come to find out DSS did fill out the FAFSA, but has not applied for any scholarships or loans. Plus they lied on the FAFSA. They said his mother makes 26k per year and is single with 5 kids. That makes his EFC "$0". She is married, they make more than that and she has 4 kids. I honestly want him to go to college, but do not want to be involved in any of this...if you know what I mean. It's very disspointing. He is eligable for the Florida Bright Futures 75% scholarship, but it turns out that it is not being funded for the summer term.

I told DH that he needs to talk to DSS about the FAFSA. Not sure if he will or not as I think he feels like it's not his business or maybe it's some absent father guilt, I don't know.

As a step-parent, would you get involved in this mess? Thanks.

 

[Darcy03231]

I'm a step-mom and try to stay out of it unless I'm directly asked to be involved by either the kids or DH. While I love them dearly and want the best for them and will always be there for them I don't think its up to me to barge my way in without being asked for help. Occasionally I'll ask if they want my help but if they tell me no I stay out of it.

As far as lying on the FASFA, I don't know how she got away with that as you have to provide copies of your tax returns.

 

[RobinFabulous]

NO! Decide what YOU can afford to do to help and do JUST that. What they have done on the FAFSA will not fall back onto you and your DH. Maybe you can pay for books for the first semster or supplies or maybe buy him a gift card to a gas station to help with transportation. If the first semester goes well then maybe do a little more. Hopefully this son will do better than the other child did. Stay out of it though...

 

[plutolovr]

As far as lying on the FASFA, I don't know how she got away with that as you have to provide copies of your tax returns.

I have 3 in college and have never asked for copies of my tax returns. They do ask if you filed, or will file and ask what your AGI is and the amount of taxes you paid.

 

[eliza61]

In NJ, they ask for copies of your tax return. Also remember if you lie on the federal form it is a federal offense. Personally I would simply offer what you and your husband can afford and then step back. Unfortunately it seems mom is set on sabotaging her own sons

 

[dzneelvr]

The FAFSA does NOT ask you for a copy of your return but it DOES ask for the figures from specific lines of your tax return. Your signature at the end of the process means you have not lied in any way about the information. I don't know how or if they ever do an audit, but rest assured that if one is done and there is false financial data provided and assistance was provided based on the lies, there will be trouble...big trouble. What a shame people have to lie and what kind of example does that send to the kid? We've done one for 2 years now for DS and will add DD this year. I simply cannot understand the motivation of some people who want to get something for nothing. Mom better watch out because of the economy and the crisis hitting the student loans, etc, the government is looking closer than ever at this type of thing She may have just signed off on her own "sentence". Horrible!

 

[dementia412]

Although the FAFSA never requires a federal return to be sent in, your school may. I have been caught by the "confirmation" thing at my school. Here it is random. They pick a certain number of people, and those people have to show proof in the form of tax returns. Some places make every student go through it.
I would step in to let him know HE is responsible if there are lies on that paper and that he can easily make changes to the FAFSA before it becomes a problem. I would also gently suggest he wait for the Fall. Most financial aid is based on you going two semesters, so even if he gets aid for summer, he may end up with no money for Spring. You don't have to act like a parent, just like any human who sees a young person making bad decisions. If you don't know the kid that well I would drive my DH nuts until he talked to his son about this stuff. Just because his mother is an idiot, doesn't let your dh off the hook. He needs to work twice as hard to overcome her idiocy!

 

[Darcy03231]

We have two in college and have been asked for the FASFA form and copies of our tax returns for both kids.

 

[tmarquez]

Well DSS called me last night for some help with some forms. So I told him that the false info on the FAFSA could get him into trouble. They did ask for verification of the FAFSA, which is simply sending in copies of the tax return and your w-2's.

Apparently his mother is also providing false information to the IRS as well. The tax return is filed as single and the dependents are wrong, she is claiming her independant adult son as well as the REAL dependant kids. So I guess that's a whole different issue. I'm not sure how he would go about making his FAFSA correct when the only supporting documentation is the tax returns.

I'm hoping that he won't be the one to get in trouble for any of this if (or when) it gets caught...it's not his fault he has a crappy family and these are things he was taught. Although he is certainly old enough now to know better. I don't know who signs the FAFSA saying it is the true info, the child or the parent. The mother has been caught doing other things before (medicaid and food stamp fraud) but nothing was done to her at all.

I really like the gas card idea. At least that way I know where the money will be going. We are also willing to pay the school directly for books or fees.

Anyway...thank you all for you thoughts and advice!

 

[plutolovr]

In NJ, they ask for copies of your tax return. Also remember if you lie on the federal form it is a federal offense. Personally I would simply offer what you and your husband can afford and then step back. Unfortunately it seems mom is set on sabotaging her own sons

Actually I lived in NJ up until last year and for 4 years of DD going to college I was never asked for copies of my tax returns for FASFA.

 

[eliza61]

Actually I lived in NJ up until last year and for 4 years of DD going to college I was never asked for copies of my tax returns for FASFA.

My son is a senior in H.S. in Gloucester township (right outside of Philly) they wouldn't even accept the package and paper work without copies of our tax returns. This was in November.

 

[disney_momma21]

I know at University of Oregon you have to give a copy of your tax return when turning in a FAFSA.

DH and I definitely know our way around a FAFSA, DH and I both got our Bachelors in political science. DH went onto law school and I work for a political campaign here in Oregon. Needless to say without the FAFSA we probably would have never been able to afford college.

IMO I think the best thing to do is to is just offer to help pay for DSS books and other various items. Maybe a new laptop or something like that. Every college student could use a new computer!

 

[momof1princess]

i've just reapplied to college and got a letter from the university about a month ago asking for a copy of my tax return-HAD i lied, i'd be busted. i think the previous advice was great-pay tuition or books directly to the school or give DSS#2 a gc of some sort to help w/ expenses. your DSS#2 is really between a rock & a hard place-i hope everything works out for him

 

[RobinFabulous]

"I really like the gas card idea. At least that way I know where the money will be going. We are also willing to pay the school directly for books or fees.

Anyway...thank you all for you thoughts and advice! "



We had to end up doing that with SO's DD. Pay the school directly, if he needs a book (not from there) offer to go with him to get it. We got taken for some funds when she wasn't even ATTENDING college.

 

[EthansMom]

I agree with the other posters who recommended sitting down and deciding how much money you'd contribute without considering the whole FAFSA/scholarship thing. If it were me, I'd go with the dollar figure that you'd plan on contributing if DSS had applied and gotten some aid. IMO, for a student who is getting good grades, 1/3 paid by Mom, 1/3 paid by Dad, and 1/3 paid by student (or scholarships that the student gets) is reasonable.

I'd make the monetary help dependent upon getting good grades the previous term. Have the kid show you the original report cards.

I also agree with the PPs who recommended that you and your DH write the checks directly to the school. You can send your contribution directly to the school and have it applied toward the student's tuition.

 

[srwarden1928]

In answer to the question by PP about who signs that the fasfa is accurate:

BOTH the parent AND the student sign and since both are legally adults both are legally responsible for the accuracy.

As far as the IRS, someone may turn them in--the IRS has a program that actually rewards people who turn others in for tax fraud, sometimes with significant cash rewards.

Making a payment directly to the school on the child's behalf sounds like the best answer to me. If it were my son and I had the money (and if it were my son I would have been saving the money since his birth) I would pay (at least) half the total bill--tuition, room, board, other required fees--plus a contribution for books. You can assume full time students will pay $500 a semester for books.