OT: Chores, Allowance, Rewards?

[magicwishes]

I am wondering how people handle chores, allowance, and or rewards or areas for improvement in their house.

Our eldest just finished Kindergarten, and so we are trying to figure out what to do. She's interested in something of the sort. We had the mindset that chores are things that are just expected of each person as part of the family. How then do we handle an allowance? At what age do you give one? Or do you deal with things on a case by case basis and decide what is a want vs. a need? Do you outline chores clearly or have general spoken expectations?

In regards to a reward or area of improvement, she is interested in earning money to do some special activities. Do you just have your kids do extra to earn money or this reward? Do you ever use it to motivate them in an area of needed improvement (like talking calmly/not yelling) or that you want them to focus on (like reading a certain number of books or amount of time)?

Looking online is overwhelming to me. Some of the systems seem so complex that they would not be sustainable or enjoyable for us or our kids.

What's worked for you?

 

[MandiC]

We have chores that are expected. Basically anything that is helping with their own mess. Clearing the table, wiping the table, sweeping the kitchen after meals, making their beds, keeping their room tidy, putting away their clean clothes (my little ones don't do this themselves but my older two do). If they go above and beyond helping around theh ouse or just anything I feel is above and beyond I reserve the right to give them a bead. I have 4 little jars by my kitchen sink, I went and bought beads in 4 different colors and I give them the beads for going above and beyond. Once they earn a certain number (I picked 50, I'm just not a believer in allowances, I think they teach kids we owe them something) they can choose $10 or a 'date' alone with mom or dad.

 

[MandiC]

I'll note I don't actually *give* them the beads, I put them in their little jars My 2 year old is really just 'practice' but he does help right now, my 4 year old is doing a lot on his own but of course I do help, my 8 and 9 year olds are on their own....not to say they don't require reminders
I know people insist allowances are to help teach fiscal responsibility but I never earned an allowance and I do just fine managing money, better than so many people I know who received an allowance...oddly enough some of those people STILL ask their parents for money which I wouldn't fathom doing. It can be taught without giving kids money all the time. My kids do get money from relatives for holidays/birthdays and when we went to Disney they each had their own gift cards with their own spending money on them. So they do get a chance to spend wisely on occasion. I don't feel they need to on a regular basis and none of them will be paid to keep their own houses clean when they are adults

 

[Happyjen27]

We also hold the opinion that chores are required as part of living together and keeping our home. They are expected to clean up their own things, their room and clear the dinner dishes (mine and Daddy's too). They also get a new, big chore every year, at 6 it was changing sheets for their beds, at 7 it was making their lunches (with supervision and help with the hot things in the AM). These expectations have been clearly verbalized, and they know their chores. (Oooooh nelly, I can't wait until 12, that's the laundry year!!)

We just started giving them allowances a couple of weeks ago (age 7). This is not related to doing chores, as chores are expectations. It is so they can fulfill their own wants (books for DD, nerf stuff for DS) by saving up. As a parent, it's also a great tool to teach money management. For example, DS gets $2 a week (there have been many different opinions of value for allowance online, we picked a small number as we live pretty simple lives. When I told DS how much he would be getting, he said "Don't you think that's a little much?) LOL., he decided he wanted to buy ice cream twice a week at lunch. I explained that if he does that, he will be spending roughly $70 of the $100 he will get for the year. He decided to buy ice cream one time every other week instead.

I give allowance with no strings attached. I don't use it to elicit any particular behaviors, or withhold it if they do not meet any goal that I've set. Most children want to please their parents, and so if you set a goal, like reading one book a day, and record it on a chart, and when they meet the goal and give them a non-financial reward like being able to decide dinner, or picking which game the family plays that evening that is more powerful than money. Personally, for us, I don't want to manipulate them with money, I just want to give them some money so they can learn about managing it. We have a 4 slot bank (spend, save, invest, donate) that they use to separate their allowance and other money. I think that bank, and the big picture calculations about daily choices and total income will build a positive relationship with money.

 

[msmama]

I don't do an "allowance" really, but if my son wants to earn money for something, he can. He earns checkmarks - 10 checkmarks is $5 (I rarely have cash which is why I do the check thing - then I can either give him his money or just buy what he wants for him with my CC and get rewards). I do have things on there like "Set table and clean up after dinner" (he does this most nights anyway, but hasn't noticed that he only earns checks when he asks, lol). But there are also things like "try a new food item" or "run an errand with mom even if you don't want to WITHOUT COMPLAINING."

I didn't grow up with an allowance and, like a pp said, I manage my money better than most so I don't think an allowance is the only way to teach fiscal responsibility. Plus, my son and just finishing K, too and I know he still doesn't understand how money works 100% yet.

 

[puffkin]

We don't do an allowance with DS8. He has age appropriate chores he is expected to do. We were just discussing this weekend that he is now old enough to help with some of the animal care as well and make his bed (its kind of tricky to make due to the positioning so I think his arms are long enough now to do it).

My kids don't really have a lot of wants. Its actually really hard to buy for them for Christmas/Birthday because they don't need/want much. They ususually have a good supply of birthday money to spend throughout the year so we really haven't gotten to the point yet where they pest for something. My rule after age 5 is to put 1/2 his money in his fund (before age 5 all of it goes in there).

When I was a kid I didn't get an allowance. If I wanted something I asked my parents and if it was reasonable they usually got it for me. If it was a true "want", they sometimes would offer some type of chore list to earn it. There was never instant gratification though. I plan to do the same thing with my kids....I just don't think allowances are necessary in many circumstances.

 

[disneycruising]

I love seeing how everyone else handles chores and allowances.

We are also in the 'do not get paid for chores' group. You do things because you are a part of the family and everyone has to do their part.

I used chore charts when the kids were little. Each person in the family is expected to pick up their room and bathroom, pick up after themselves. After that each person has to do 2 extra "help the family" chores per a day. Things like; wipe bathroom counters, match socks, take out trash, empty dishwasher, get mail, feed dog, etc. Plus, they had a dinner chore they had to do: set table,clear, table, etc.

We do give the kids allowance based on their age. I think we started out at a $1 per week X their age. With that money they had to put 40% into savings, 10% in to a 'family fun', and 10% into 'donation', the other 40% was theirs to spend as they wish. We paid allowances once a month. When the kids got older we got them reload-able cash cards, that we can put their spending money on.

Personally to me... 'CASH' is not a REWARD for something. If I wanted my kids to improve in something, I would offer an 'earn item' for their improvement. Something like a trip to the ice cream store, have a friend over, extra time on the TV or computer, etc.

 

[GWhitten98]

We have just started trying to implement an allowance for our two oldest. Currently things like cleaning the play room, making beds, setting the table and clearing after dinner are considered expected. DS (now 6) is now also feeding/watering our dogs and mowing the grass (with assistance). We have started giving him $5 a week if he stays on green at school all week, does all expected family activities and the two extra activities we added. DD(4) is now asking for what she can do for "spending" money. Not sure what we are going to have her do.

 

[magicwishes]

Thanks everyone. Holding and infant and typing are a challenge for me, so hopefully I can post more later. These ideas are great.

 

[BellsFam]

DD LOVES stickers... the best way to track our stickers is our sticker chart. We started it when we started potty-training and it's still something we utilize. A row of stickers means something.

While chores, (maintaining chores) are part of our daily routine and are not rewarded, I know that it makes her feel good that she gets a sticker. Plus we've added to the methods of earning a sticker. Bringing home a good report from school, trying new foods, brushing teeth two times a day, etc.

Stickers are updated once a day before bed...

It works as a helpful way for her to remember/track what she does. Each "thing" is broken down to a row of stickers, each item is worth one sticker...completing a row equals something, depending on the row.

More than one row can be turned in for a bigger something, and a whole chart can be turned in for a BIG something.

"Rewards" are small and need to be earned, at 5 we don't get a dollar for putting our toys away, but if she's cleaned up after herself, behaved, remembered to brush her teeth every day, try new foods every so often, not argued, etc. and earns a whole chart of stickers it could mean a trip to the movies, all depends on how she wants to "spend" her stickers...

A couple charts could even earn a trip to Disney...

 

[PennockFive]

My ds10 asked once for an allowance. I told him that he could have one, but he would have to start paying for things that we normally pay for, like grabbing a new book, Pokemon cards, etc. things that are normally $2-3. He immediately backed off. My parents are always sending cards in the mail for birthdays, good report cards, holidays, end of school year, that he always has some money in his wallet, sometimes he surprises us with the amount he has. Some goes in the bank and some just stays in his wallet. He does have to save if he wants to buy a new xbox game. He recognizes how important things are to him and knows that even though he has the money it doesn't have to be spent right away. There are lots of ways to teach children responsibility and money skills, you just figure out the best way that works with your kids.