OT - child skipping a grade

[eMd]

I can't seak fo skipping a grade because I went right into kindergarten when I was 5-meaning by 1st grade I was already 6. And by second grade I was already 7.

My birthday is 8/29...so I was always one of the youngest in my class. We had cut off dates around me and I believe it was actually 8/31. I was mature enough both intellecually and socially to be with kids that were a few months, to almost a year older than me.

Being younger was NEVER a problem. I always turned the same age as everyone else a few months later. The only time it ever really bothered me was when I turned 18 and 21.

 

[eMd]

It's not skipping a grade. It is putting her in the grade that she belongs in.

This is exactly what I thought when I read her age.

The "tradtional" ages for each grade are:
1st - 6
2nd- 7
3rd - 8
4th - 9
5th - 10
6th - 11
7th - 12
8th - 13
9th - 14
10th - 15
11th - 16
12th - 17

The kids who are older than that in each grade are the ones who were usually either; held back, or missed cut off dates.

 

[wallawallakids]

Hi! I actually have done this and I will give you my opinion on it. My oldest DD is bright. She did very well in school. In Kindergarten we were in a public school in WA. The school approached me about having her skip a year to make her eligible for TAG program which didn't start until 3rd grade in our district. We did go for it and she did great. She excelled at everything given to her and she made friends. BUT I hated how the talk instantly changed to more mature things. Her birthday is in Feb so she was a good year/ year and a half younger than every one. She went from 1st to 3rd grade. Third grade humor, third grade talk is much different than 1st! She adjusted but I started to worry about later. What happens in Middle School and High School? How did I feel about the "boy talk", dating, driving a car, going off to college at 16?!

We ended up moving to Oregon after her 3rd grade year in WA. At that point we decided to put her back with her age group and she did 3rd grade again. Luckily she is very well adjusted and did not have a problem with it. (It also helped that it was in a private Spanish speaking only school. So the curriculum was very different.) I do not regret our decision for an instant. She went to school there for 1.5 years and then we moved (again for hubby's job) to Maine. She is currently in 5th grade (which in our district is Middle School). She is in advanced Math and Science here (the only two things offered). She is immature in ways I would not have expected. Like she still likes to play with dolls at times and she isn't into fashion or clothes like most girls in 5th grade. She is kind of "nerdy" and I say that lovingly! She would much rather read and talk about Star Wars and Harry Potter then boys and movie stars. Surprisingly she is also one of the youngest kids in her class. (It seems like most people in our current town do not send kids to kindergarten until they are 6!)

My point is it is hard to see what it will be like in a few years. She may excel and do great, but also it is hard being the youngest kid in class. And although my DD was very mature as a kindergartener I am seeing that as a middle schooler she is less so. It is hard to see the full effect 12 years brings. I can't imagine her going off to college in 5 years, which would have been true had we kept her on that advanced track.

Have you looked into supplementing with other activities instead? Have you thought about adding a foreign language? That actually did my DD wonders. She is fluent in Spanish and English now. She also speaks Mandarin and French and can read books in all 4 languages. I found that it was best to broaden her horizons with things that were not always taught in school. I found a science school that met after school and she went to that for a few years from K-3rd grade.

Have you thought about adding an instrument? My DD started piano in K as a way to keep her busy and learning new things. She still takes lessons now as an 11 year old and loves it. She also does swim team and track.

Sports would be my other thing to consider. Lots of teams are based by grade. Also, some sports, like soccer are only based by age and not grade. This bothers my son who is slightly older than average for his grade based on his birthday. Thus he can not play on a team with his 3rd grade friends, he is always placed on the 4th grade team. That is really hard on him.

I am not saying it is great the way it is. School is still WAY too easy for her. She doesn't have oodles of friends. (I doubt that last part would be different in a grade ahead!) I think having a child who is bright is hard in it's own way. I have the opposite problem with my older son who has a significant learning disability. So I know it is hard any way you slice it. What I will say is I feel better about having her where she is. I feel better about having that extra year with her before she leaves for college. She is growing up way too fast as it is, I am thankful I had the option to go back and change what we did. The reality is, no mater how bright is is, she is still 11. And she acts 11. I want her to hold on to what little innocence she has left and I don't want to force her to grown up before she needs to. Of course, this is all my personal opinion and what works for us, might not work for you. I also will say that teachers seem mostly motivated to challenge her which is really nice. Good luck and sorry I wrote a book!

 

[njmom47]

My birtday is 9/29 and our cutoff was "before 10/01."
I was part of a small group of kids who were in consideration to be skipped a grade. (I don't think I was a genious but I always ahead of most of the kids in school, but I was socially shy). I am glad my mom didn't let me skip. Sure, I didn't drive until after Senior year started, and I was 17 when I went away to college, but due to my shyness, I think Mom did the right thing.
One of my close friends was skipped (however her birthday is in January) and she did not do well in school (or life in general, even as a child...but there could've been issues that weren't noticed).
DD#2 has a friend who went to Christian school until High school. She has a May birthday but when she enrolled in public school, she was so smart they put her a grade ahead of where she should've been according to her age.
She has hated it! The only one not driving. The youngest one in college. She's also a petite little thing so she really looks even younger than she is anway. (She attends a highly rated college in NJ but now lives home and commutes...she was not ready to leave her family and friends she says..maybe a touch of immaturity as in not ready to leave home?).

 

[sonnyjane]

I haven't read the other responses but wanted to say that I was born on 9/24 and was in a similar situation. I was always the youngest - was 17 as a college freshman and only had 2 months of college being "legal" (graduated in December). That said, I am glad that I did it. I was valedictorian of my high school and graduated college a semester early because of AP credits. I was not really affected by my friends doing this before me. It just meant they drove me to the mall instead of me driving them lol.

 

[foltzy]

My oldest is gifted. Her birthday is in March. In Kindergarten she was identified and moved up. She would complain of being bored and would be "sick" so she wouldn't have to go. The school tested her and decided to that a skip would be necessary. She tested on a 3-4th grade level.

My husband decided to allow the skip. She is in 3rd grade now and it was probably the best for her. We did it early enough where she was easily able to make new friends and a few have been friends for years now. She was no longer "sick" or bored. She was getting services that she needed. Her gifted teacher is fantastic.

I will say that now in 3rd we don't feel she is being challenged enough and are considering another move.

She is the youngest, will just turn 17 when she graduates.

I think the early move was good for her.


Now my son, currently in Kindergarten, was just identified as gifted. He we will not skip at this moment.

Each child is different. We knew our daughter was socially ready and academically ready. Our son is not there yet socially. Maybe in a few years. For now the extra services are enough.

 

[POPCITY]

DS was born in mid September, and the cut off here is Sept 1st. He went to a private school for kindergarten and first grade, where the cut off didn't matter, so he was 4 when he started kindergarten. When he started public school, in second grade, they wanted to put him in first, because of his birthday. We didn't want him to have to repeat first grade (he had just completed it in private school), so they did a bunch of aptitude tests, and decided that he could go into second grade.

That was 4 years ago, and we regret the decision now. As far as aptitude goes, there's no problem, but his maturity level isn't where it should be. He fails to turn work in on time, or at all, says he asked the teacher for help when he really didn't, etc. He ranges from D's to B's in all his subjects, but the individual grades for assignments are all either 100's, or zeroes, from not turning in his work. I think, for him, 11 is just a little too young for middle school. We've talked to his school counselor, and she feels that holding him back now would be detrimental, both because of the preceived "failure" of repeating a grade, and because he would get bored. DH and I don't know what to do.

I would think long and hard before making any decisions. I (obviously) don't have the answer. I think it varies for each child.

 

[StephMK]

Has the school done any testing? Is she ahead in all areas or just reading that they could address without a skip? Since she should technically be in 1st this year, that may make a difference as others have said. If you do look into a skip, I can tell you that ours has been successful so far.

DS (late June bday) started K as a young 5 and skipped 1st after testing and school recommendation. We struggled with the decision but went with it. The biggest drawback so far has been his handwriting that he missed in 1st.

He is now in math 2 levels above his age and making As in all classes. He has a small group of equally obsessed video gamer friends and loves middle school. His teachers are better able to assign enrichment projects and he loves learning. He has gotten some grief over the years about his skip but a great deal.

Most don't know he has unless his friends or he mentions it. He's pretty self-confident and outgoing so it hasn't affected him too badly. He is definitely quirky. He takes taekwondo & music lessons but did run into trouble when he wanted to play baseball with his grade peers - he couldn't and ended up dropping team sports partly for that reason. He will be able to take grade level sports next year through school if he wants to.

He is a little more immature, mainly in his organization skills. Later on, he already plans for a year of local college or work since he doesn't want to go away for school at 17 (and we don't want him too either). He can take AP in HS so that should keep him busy. It has been harder on his sis who is now just 1 year ahead of him, instead of 2.

Good luck, it's very tricky to figure out what's best for our kids!

 

[Sossy]

Personal experience and my Mom as a teacher's advice:
My birthday is late Sept, and I moved into first grade from K in the middle of the school year. I wasn't quite socially up to it at first, but did fine after a few months. I never really had a problem with being younger since within a few weeks of the new school year I was caught up with dating age, driving, legal to be in a bar etc. If you work with her and she is socially ready, don't worry about that.
As for the gifted part, it is hard to tell at a young age unless a child is at the real extremes. As it turns out, I tested into gifted programs in 3rd grade and again in middle school. BTW 'gifted' in a lot of places just means quick to understand and figure things out. Not at all the same thing as working hard and really learning. I think the best thing you can do is talk to your daughter and her teachers as you go along and figure out what is really the best place for her right now and support her getting what she needs to do well.
For the near future, does she say she is bored at school, do her teachers say she doesn't pay attention or do what the class is doing if they are working on writing or something? What happens when she is done earlier than everyone else? In my husbands case, he acted out when he was bored and the teacher wanted him medicated, but girls don't do that as much. Right now she is only in school 3 days, so you could have her do workbooks on the off days and get used to something like full-time school.
And my opinion, only you can determine what is right for your child right now, but remember that she is young enough that the choice to skip can be reversed without much damage.

 

[tzolkin]

My oldest (now in 9th grade) "skipped" a grade.

Her teachers actually brought us in and suggested it in a meeting with the principal. This is not common (some had been there for over 20 years and there had not been another child to "skip" in that time). I'm not saying that to brag, but just to emphasize that it wasn't like they were pushing for every smart kid to be moved up.

During the first half of first grade she was going to second grade for two hours a day for reading. (It was not noticeable to the other kids because they all switch classes for reading and math starting in 1st grade.) We met with the teachers and decided to allow her to move up, so after the Winter break she just moved full time into the 2nd grade class. It was a very easy transition.

We have not had any social/maturity issues, but in our family girls develop fast. DD actually looks older than her peers and started puberty much earlier than most of the girls in her class. If she were a tiny thing I could see where that could lead to some social awkwardness. (Also, someone earlier mentioned a girl having peer issues because she wasn't allowed to date/etc based on her age... I would think you would adjust your expectations by grade level. For example, if you think at 15 she's mature enough to be a junior, than I would think she should be mature enough to date. I guess I don't understand the logic. )

We also live in a state where the cutoff age is December. So there is already a wide age range in each grade. In the fall in kindergarten there are always several kids who are still 4 and several who are 6. DD's birthday is in January, so she is the youngest kid in her grade, but she's only two months younger than one of her friends (late Nov birthday). On the other hand there are kids in her grade who were left back and she is 3 years younger than they are.

The only issue I can foresee in our situation is that DD won't be able to drive until she is a senior. And honestly we live in a very rural/hilly/10+ feet of snow a winter area, so to me that's a bit of a relief. I lived in a state where I could start driving at 15 and I was horribly reckless. Putting off driving for a year is fine with me.

 

[Christen99]

my youngest has always been very advanced (taught himself to read at 3, was doing multiplication and division at 4, etc.). When we approached the elementary school principal prior to enrolling him in kindergarten, she advised me to homeschool him (bless this woman!!!!). My oldest had been at that school for a few years, and I was very active in PTA and the classrooms so she knew my youngest fairly well.

Schools are designed to work with kids who fit in a nice neat box, and occasionally you get a teacher who can work with a box with some fuzzy lines. Rarely do you get a teacher who can work really well with a kid who is gifted, for the entire day, for the entire year. Even when you do get a teacher who can handle a gifted kid, what happens the following year, and the year after? Most teachers equate gifted with more work, which is the absolute best way to squelch the love of learning. If you can find a teacher who can challenge her with more challenging work, and less of it, the freedom to explore her interests, and the permission to follow her passions, it will be far more effective.

A grade skip would not have worked for my child, because by the time he was actually in school he was several grade levels ahead, and would have been really bored no matter what he was given. Currently, we are homeschooling and he is working at a pace that is perfect for him. We can challenge him when necessary, and we can hang out with where he's at when necessary. There's no rush, we can take as long as he needs, or move as fast as he needs. Custom learning is a perfect fit for gifted learners, which are also considered special needs as well.

If you are set on keeping her in school, find lots of outside enrichment to challenge her. Foreign languages, music, computer programming reading, reading, reading, museums, trips to the zoo, art classes, etc. are good for giving her an outlet for boredom that the school is creating.

Some really great resources for gifted learners are Hoagies Gifted, Davidson Institute (Profoundly gifted, or PG), Gifted Homeshooler Forum (great resources even if you don't homeschool), and Gifted Development Center.

 

[sonnyjane]

Schools are designed to work with kids who fit in a nice neat box, and occasionally you get a teacher who can work with a box with some fuzzy lines. Rarely do you get a teacher who can work really well with a kid who is gifted, for the entire day, for the entire year. Even when you do get a teacher who can handle a gifted kid, what happens the following year, and the year after? Most teachers equate gifted with more work, which is the absolute best way to squelch the love of learning. If you can find a teacher who can challenge her with more challenging work, and less of it, the freedom to explore her interests, and the permission to follow her passions, it will be far more effective.

A grade skip would not have worked for my child, because by the time he was actually in school he was several grade levels ahead, and would have been really bored no matter what he was given.
.

Yes, some schools are woefully incapable of providing challenging curriculums for "gifted students". In 7th grade I attended a joint middle/high school and their solution was to place me in senior classes when I was 13. I have to be honest, that part wasn't awesome for my self esteem. I was excluded and made fun of at times, but when I look back on my past, that was a fleeting moment that I don't give any thought at all. I'm of the mindset that growing up, things can be tough but when you come out of it, you're much better for having taken the path less travelled.

 

[zoemurr]

and haven't regretted it at all. DD has a Feb birthday and cutoff here is 12/1.
Taking her preschool teacher's advice we asked the school to have her tested about 5 months before K. She was 5 years advanced in reading, 3 in math, and 1 for social/maturity. They couldn't measure her IQ 'cause she hit the ceiling on the two tests they used. (Got this from DH, not me.) Armed with this info we were told she could not skip and start in first as it just was not done. Have they done any formal tests for you? I know public schools have to if you ask, not sure about private. You can pay to have them done but it is $$.

K was miserable. She felt so different from everyone else. She was dumbing herself down to fit in and it was heartbreaking. In May we met with the teacher that she would have for first grade. She was amazing, and had all these cool plans for DD. But after awhile we realized that she would essentially be doing the whole year by herself, making her feel even worse. We brought up our concerns, and she was placed in 1st the next week.

It took quite a long time for us to get her to understand that now the other kids abilities were similar to hers and she could stop acting dumb. I think academically she probably would have been fine by 3rd grade (where everyone can read fluently) but she would have been a mess by then. Now she is in 9th grade. She is in 11th grade math, and honors levels for all other classes. She has a 94 unweighted GPA. She won't graduate #1 in her class, as there are definitely kids more motivated, but she will be way up there. (If she keeps going like she is.)

Socially yes, there are kids more advanced than she is, but that would have been the case if she was still in 8th grade too. She has a close group of nerdy, smart, socially challenged kids. None of them are "cool" or care about normal teen stuff.

Driving might be an issue, but we'll deal with it. We weren't going to sacrifice her self esteem for that. And drinking in college? I went for 4 years and never stepped foot in a bar. Pretty sure I had a drink on day one and no one asked me how old I was.

The biggest problem we've had are expectations. She's "the smart kid". If she messes up (and she has) everyone notices. She's had some very rude comments made to her (mainly by teachers) if her work isn't flawless. That's a lot of pressure. She's had a few meltdowns where she said she wished she was "normal". I think that feeling would have been worse if she was not advanced. I imagine a lot of girls have felt that way at different times for different reasons.

In midde school on her birthday some friends decorated her locker. They made signs all over it that said, "13". Then one friend walked by that she's known since she was a toddler. She looked at the decorations and said, "Uh.. she's only turning 12."

Check out the Iowa Acceleration Scale and "A Nation Deceived" for more information. But honestly, in your situation, you are putting her where she is supposed to be, not really skipping a grade. Can she move up mid-year? As others have pointed out, in many states the cutoff is in December. She will definitely not be the youngest in college.

Good luck!

Oh yes.. I had a good friend who had a DD that was reading chapter books at 4 like mine was. DD compiled a nice list of books that are challenging enough for strong readers, but the content is age appropriate. We can e-mail it if you are interested. This was a huge challenge for us too. Her favorites at that age were "The Wizard of Oz" series and the "Little House" books.

 

[PA Princess]

She goes to a small private Christian school and there are a total of 11 kids in her class (there are 2 kindergartens). She goes 3 full-days. I have been told by her teacher and the advanced children liasion at the school that she is gifted (I have no clue - she is my 1st so to me she is 'normal').

She doesn't like school now - hasn't for the past 2 months or so. I have asked several people and they all say at this age children should love school and not hate it.

You have received some good advice overall, but there are few things I wanted to point out. I would hesitate to make a grade skip recommendation based on the very narrow school experience she has had.

The school she is at has 2 kindergarten students? What are the other 9 kids? She only goes to school three days? These are rather irregular school situations that could be skewing your daughter's experience. And frankly, with only 11 kids, she should be receiving lessons curtailed to her needs and abilities.

I would check out other schools and see if a better placement for next year that fits your daughter dd better could be found. Please keep in mind that I am a private Christian school teacher (high school) and all 4 of my own children attended private school K, so I am not against private school education.

 

[zoemurr]

You have received some good advice overall, but there are few things I wanted to point out. I would hesitate to make a grade skip recommendation based on the very narrow school experience she has had.

The school she is at has 2 kindergarten students? What are the other 9 kids? She only goes to school three days? These are rather irregular school situations that could be skewing your daughter's experience. And frankly, with only 11 kids, she should be receiving lessons curtailed to her needs and abilities.

I would check out other schools and see if a better placement for next year that fits your daughter dd better could be found. Please keep in mind that I am a private Christian school teacher (high school) and all 4 of my own children attended private school K, so I am not against private school education.

Two classes of K w/11 kids each. I agree that she might just need another program w/a more traditional schedule. K kids here go all day every day. (Although when mine went they didn't.)

 

[tjmw2727]

I was in the same situation 17 years ago with my oldest, she was already in a private school and ready academically so she could have started first grade at 5 turning 6 and then moved to public in 2nd grade. We choose not to do this and are all very happy with our decision. IMHO you can always challenge a child who wants/needs to be challenged academically but you can never get that time back once you move them up or skip that grade!

By the time she hit late middle school/high school she was able to choose her courses based on her placement and interest and also remain in her "true grade" which socially was the place for her. She has always been one of the oldest in her grade but it has never bothered her, no matter what someone has to be the oldest and someone the youngest!

Good Luck with your decision !

 

[adventure_woman]

OP here - thank you all for your thoughts. It helps to see everything from some many different perspectives.

As an FYI - here in MI (and at least where I am), it is not uncommon to wait until your LO turns 6 to enter kindergarten. (which is what she did - she turned 6 in kindergarten). The cutoff is actually changing to being 6 by Sept 1 or Aug 31 in a few years (they are gradually going from 11/30 to 10/31 to 9/30 to 9/1).

But, thank you to the poster who pointed out that if we move her up, that she wouldn't actually be 'skipping' a grade, she would just be moving to a grade she could have been in in the first place!

Still not sure what we will end up doing with her - my goal is for her to love school (or at least want to go to school). She has many activities outside of school (ballet, soccer during fall/spring, church group, swimming and soon to be violin). (She does have just downtime too to play - I don't want it to seem like every minute is structured - it is not. )

 

[cndij]

Wanted to give another First Hand experience, my own, not my child. When I started first grade kindergarten was the norm, however not required. My birthday is December 8, the law at the time, was you had to be 6 before the end of the year. I started first grade/no kindergarten at 5 years old. I was very bright, though handicapped somewhat at the time by a first grade teacher, who believed everyone should go to kindergarten and held it against me that I hadn't and because I was left handed and wouldn't change and so on. However after first grade I soared, and the C.A.T. tests when I was in 5th grade showed 11th grade 9th month reading level. I was like one previous poster somewhat bored with school as it was and know it would have been worse if I had been held back a year. My biggest concern for you is your daughter not liking school now and not being challenged, this could be a huge set back for her academically and have far more implications in her reaching her potential than the possible social implications some have mentioned. Being the youngest in the class never was an issue for me, and others dating/driving earlier etc. I am sure it is different with every child, and maybe I had enough self confidence for it not to bother me. I actually graduated in the first quarter of my senior year and I was still 16. So please make sure that school is challenging for her, you don't want her to lose that thirst for knowledge. I am also a member of Mensa, but it was just a personal goal for me, and only my husband and one friend even knows about it.

 

[rebeccalb10]

Another avenue to explore is if you area has a talented or gifted program.

I was actually was in trouble a lot as a kindergartener because I was bored and in the middle of 1st grade was tested and moved to a gifted program in second grade. Socially I was always more comfortable with the older kids.


My daughter had similar issues in school until this year. She didn't get along socially in her class because she was talking over the other kids level and they didn't get her. In our school district they start the talented and gifted program in 4th grade since they use the Iowa exams as part of the criteria.

Now that I have her engaged in school and getting along with her classmates - mostly... she became and early bloomer - acne, physically, the whole 9 yards... - comes with being the oldest in the class.

 

[hardrocker1]

I didn't read all the other replies, but I've got a gifted kindy boy who loves going to the older classrooms. However, he is a young kindy (bday in July) and socially probably shouldn't skip a grade until later on. He reads at the third grade level but math is an issue. I think some gifted kids are good in everything but there are a few who are good in only one area. Kindergarten to me, is like an extension, upgraded version of preschool. First grade is where you start to do things like homework, sit at a desk, follow rules, etc. Personally, I don't think any child should skip first grade, it sort of eases them into 'professional' school if that makes sense. If she is totally bored in first grade, see if she could be challenged with an online computer curriculum enrichment program, see if her teacher(s) might let her go to a kindy class, if in same school, and read to the kids, etc. Also, if she is in a gifted program, ask around and see what other parents have done etc.

I would consider social skills too. My gifted kiddo is very condescending to other kids and also medicated ADHD, so even though he is above first grade level in many things, I think I would be making a huge mistake skipping first grade.

Once she makes it through first, then re-evaluate her needs and social skills and then decide if it would be beneficial for her in all aspects, to skip the other grades.

Good luck!