OT: Caught 15 year old smoking! How to punish?

[Matt'nMeg'sMom]

ARGH! My SIL just caught my 15 year old nephew smoking for the 2nd time. How would you handle?? Looking for all advice!

 

[Mom-2-2Princesses]

Don't know if this would work, but it was what my aunt did to my cousin when he did this as a teenager:

1. grounded indefinitely (no going out, phone, tv, stereo, etc.-- nothing) and
2. bought a carton of cigarettes and made him chain smoke them until he vomited

It seemed effective, as he never touched a cigarette again.... this was 15 years ago.

Good luck!

 

[Matt'nMeg'sMom]

1. grounded indefinitely (no going out, phone, tv, stereo, etc.-- nothing) and
2. bought a carton of cigarettes and made him chain smoke them until he vomited

Sounds like two good ideas. Can his mom get in trouble for the chain smoking punishment? I think it would be very effective!

 

[dis75ney]

Back when I was in high school, I knew of several parents that did the "vomiting" punishment - either with smoking or alcohol. Both were extremely effective, as I saw my classmates during my ten year reunion and none of them went near the open bar or the lounge to smoke...

ETA: I just remembered! One of my classmates that was subjected to the alcohol punishment - her father was the chief of police for our town...

 

[LadyShea]

Personally I don't know that punishment is the way to address smoking. I started smoking around that age, and am now addicted. Punishment only made me want to "rebel" more....and unless the kid is under guard 24/7/365 if he wants to smoke he will.

Education or personal experience might have helped me. My parents were both smokers, and until they had heart attacks in their 50's (in the last 5 years) were healthy. I didn't see the dangers of smoking up close, until I had been doing it for 20 years. Now, after almost losing my mom, I want to quit, and it is very difficult.

Maybe their family can volunteer at a hospice (reading to patients or writing letters) where there is bound to be one or more lung cancer patients.

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

I can PERSONALLY swear that making someone smoke until they vomit works! A friend's mother caught a group of us smoking, we were maybe 13 or 14 at the time. She called all of our Parents to get permission then started the most grueling few hours of my young life!!

I know that none of us could even stomach the smell of cigarettes for years to come.

I'm getting queasy just thinking about it!

 

[DeeDeeDis]

I have no suggestions, just wanted to express my sympathies, its such a rotten habit to start, expensive and sooo very hard to stop.

Good luck to your nephew and sister

 

[kid-at-heart]

Personally I don't know that punishment is the way to address smoking. I started smoking around that age, and am now addicted. Punishment only made me want to "rebel" more....and unless the kid is under guard 24/7/365 if he wants to smoke he will.

Education or personal experience might have helped me. My parents were both smokers, and until they had heart attacks in their 50's (in the last 5 years) were healthy. I didn't see the dangers of smoking up close, until I had been doing it for 20 years. Now, after almost losing my mom, I want to quit, and it is very difficult.

Maybe their family can volunteer at a hospice (reading to patients or writing letters) where there is bound to be one or more lung cancer patients.

I am a psychologist. This is good advice.

 

[fortheluvofpooh]

Don't know if this would work, but it was what my aunt did to my cousin when he did this as a teenager:

1. grounded indefinitely (no going out, phone, tv, stereo, etc.-- nothing) and
2. bought a carton of cigarettes and made him chain smoke them until he vomited

It seemed effective, as he never touched a cigarette again.... this was 15 years ago.

Good luck!

that was going to be my suggestion. When my brothers were younger, age 15 and 14, they were caught with cigarettes and my dad made them smoke the whole pack right in front of him, rumor has it they were green when they were done. ( they are 20 and 19 yrs older than I am). They stopped smoking but only until they were in their mid 20s

 

[surfergirl602]

maybe take them to see what it does to your body. I remember going to the science museum and looking at a pair of smoke ravaged lungs. It was disgusting. We saw first hand what it will do to you. I've never smoked once in my life. Too many people I know have died from tongue, throat and lung cancer because of it. Dear people that i loved.

Although, on the other hand, I remember hearing many stories about the "smoke till your sick" method. I think it worked!

 

[The Moonk's Mom]

My MIL passed away from lung cancer and my FIL is very ill with emphasymia (and yep, spelled it totally wrong) so after MANY years of transpoting both to appointments, we have decided if we ever catch our kids, the punishement will be helping out in a cancer clinic and at the VA for our kids so they can see first hand what smoking will do. We have even kept her x-rays to show the kids what the tumor looked like. I used to smoke MANY years ago and after watching my MIL suffer and then holding her while she passed...there in NO WAY on this earth I would touch another one! I can't stand the smell of it! The fear of what can happen is just too great!

 

[Nie0214]

Show him the price of a carton and the minimum wage rate.

I think the making him smoke til he's sick is a good tactic. My grandparents told me mom to smoke in front of them and she never did it again. My grandpa died of liver cancer and my great-grandmother had throat cancer mostly because they were both heavy smokers.

The reason that I don't think telling a kid "It does xxx to your lungs!" works is because I had a few friends at 18 who smoked and telling them why they should quit would just get stupid replies like, "You're going to die anyway". Most of the time, a teenager won't understand the implications unless it has happened to someone they know like in Moonk's case above.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

My FIL died (7 years ago this month) from lung cancer. He was so beyond sick, fragile, just awful. My DD14 saw this, and I repeatly told her why he was dying at such a young age (early 50s, can't remember for sure). While it was an awful time, I have never worried about her trying it as she finds it to be truly repulsive. She has told her younger sisters who were 2 and inutero at teh time of why they no longer have a grandfather and hopefully that will work on them.
I say make him really see the effect of smoking. Both by helping in a hospice or local hospital with people who smoked and also seeing some of those disgusting ads and such that are so hard to watch. (I haven't seen them for a while but I bet they are on Youtube). As much as I hate even the smell of cigarettes, those ads still got to me. Ick!
I'd say the next several months all freetime would be helping smokers in need (hospitals) and explaining that if he keeps it up, he will be the smoker in need before long.

 

[glesgalass]

I totally agree with the Cancer Clinic / Hospice idea, and I'm sure that if there is a hospital near you they'll be more than happy to help your sister out.. The smoking til you vomit thing doesn't always work - I know two people who did it, kept on smoking in secret and still do - one is my beloved 33 year old sister, who was caught by our father, and still hasn't 'fessed uo to them that she smokes!!!!! Here in the UK on every pack of Cigarettes it says in huge letters thing such as SMOKING KILLS, and SMOKING WHILST PREGNANT CAN HARM YOUR BABY - my eight year old threw his aunt's out when he found them because the words bothered him so much, and he's constantly nagging her - I keep thinking that I should take her to a Cancer Hospice.

Good luck to your sister.

 

[glesgalass]

Actually, I've had another idea. NO allowance, if he has a job, take his pay, show him that until he can be trusted to spend his cash sensibly he won't have any. even if he's bumming from his friends he will get fed up of it, and so will they!!

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I started smoking when I was a teen and I'm thinking back then if someone took me to see people with lung cancer if it would have effected me that much.

Teens think they are indestructable. I'm thinking they'll think, "This will never happen to me, I'm young and healthy".

I like the smoking until you puke punishment. I smoked for `16 years and finally quit 5 years ago. If I ever see either of my kids smoke, I'll have to remember the "puke punishment".

 

[Camno's Mama]

I was a social smoker until I got pregnant with my first. (And a social smoker smokes a lot in college, so I know how it adds up). I would take money out of the allowance every week...the amount it would take for him to buy a pack of cigarettes. (Maybe two or three times a week). He will quickly see how it adds up...and you really get nothing for that money.

The smoking til you're sick thing wouldn't have worked on me. I had many nights where I smoked until I felt sick, and I might have stayed away from them for a few days, but I always picked it up again. If he's gotten caught twice, he's been doing it way more than that. I think it might be too late for that.

I really like the hospice idea, but kids think they are invincible. That kind of thing may seem to far off in the future, and they may believe that dying isn't fun no matter when you do it, and they should live their life to the fullest and do what they want. I'm not sure it would have stopped me at that point...now that kind of thing would scare the crap out of me! Kids have trouble seeing that far into the future.

I wouldn't show a whole lot of anger...it may just fuel the fire. I would just let him know that you are disappointed and you feel you can't trust him. Ground him, and try to limit the social settings where you know it is happening. Ultimately though, someone that is determined will do it whenever...after school, after track practice...any time, really.

Also, a little embarassment never hurts...I hated it when people found out I did it. I was a good girl, and having my grandparents and people I respected find out was humiliating. Some kids won't care though.

The truth is, he will have to come to this decision on his own. Hopefully, something that you all say or do will get him there. And if he finds peers that don't do it now or in college or beyond that, he will stop because it's lonely to smoke alone. Good luck...you are doing the right thing looking for any option.

 

[cerilene]

I started smoking as a teenager and just quit after 13 or 14 years. As a kid I would hide my grandparents cigarettes because I hated the fact that they smoked. One stressful day at 15 and I loved the calm smoking provided, I was hooked. I did a lab in Chemistry class my senior year of high school and while it was disgusting, it had no effect. Neither did the knowledge that I was breaking my mother's heart (we are very close) or the fact that I smelled all the time, the cost really started to add up, I would feel awful after a night of smoking at the bars (once I turned 21), etc. Eventually I wanted to quit and it took me 5 years to finally quit.
The best advice I can give is have someone who does smoke (perhaps someone he looks up to) but would really like to quit, talk to your nephew so he understands while he may want to smoke right now, he probably won't in a few years and then it is incredibly hard to quit. Unfortunately, teenagers are very hard headed and do things just to prove their point. You can also let him know that chances are once he does quit he will be overly disgusted by the whole idea of a cigarette. I know I am repulsed and there is NO way I would ever start back. Good luck!

 

[Kaler131]

Make him write a research paper on the dangers of smoking and lung cancer. I showed my daughter pictures on the internet of lungs with cancer and that got to her. She's 14. I used to smoke when I was a teen and nothing worked...grounding, etc. But, if my parents would have made me research something like the effects of smoking on my lungs, etc I'm SURE it would have worked!!

 

[toesmom]

I started smoking at 15, my mom caught me by the smell. I got in trouble, but really hid the smoking after that.

I continued smoking until I was 31 years old. Ugggh 16 years of a gross habit, not to mention many thousands of dollars.

At 15 my mom did not know how this could impact my life. I know the impact a few cigarettes as a teenager can have.

So my advice... tell her to keep on him, smell his clothes, if necessary, smell his fingers (sounds funny, but it's hard to hide the smell of smoke).

If he continues, take away privileges, including any money. This is a really serious matter, and should not be taken lightly. That is based on my own experience.

His few cigarettes today will lead to a lifetime of smoking. People just can't stop or won't stop. He needs to be stopped at his early age. I sort of like the idea of making him smoke a carton. That would have worked for me.

Unfortunately my mom never knew what could happen if she didn't stop me (and believe me she wasn't against using the belt if needed), and many years later I know that you really have to stop them before they even start.

My deal with dd is if she never has a cigarette ever, when she is 20 years old I will give her $5,000. Most kids start smoking at 14-15, they don't usually start at 20.

This boy at 15 is still under parental supervision, and they need to take whatever action is needed, including grounding, taking privileges away, taking away allowance etc so no money to buy smokes.

Taking it seriously now can really change this boy's life.

BTW I read a book called The Only Way to Stop Smoking Permanently by Allen Carr (Penguin Publishers) approx 200 pages. Allen Carr died of lung cancer in November 2007, sadly, but his book worked wonders to help me stop smoking and never want to start again. I read the book before Ellen and before the guy who married Demi Moore. Both of these celebrities swear by his book.