OT, but I'd like your input, please

[fantasymagic]

My son just came home from Children's Hospital where he had his 3rd open heart surgery (6 surgeries total). It was a long/difficult surgery, but successful.

It's going to take 8 weeks for him to heal (had to open the breastbone). And he can't ride bike, rollerblade, do gym, carry a backpack--anything that could put tension on his chest while he is healing, and no chest impact. (Also, he can't participate in any contact sports, even after healing because of his pacemaker.)

Here's my question. He is 13, and in 8th grade. While the doctors say he can go back to school in a week or so, I'm worried about him returning to middle school so soon. I'm trying to figure out how to balance not missing so much school because he'll be starting high school next year and worried about sending him back to middle school. Middle school isn't the best environment for safety. Lot of shoving into lockers pushing while he's in line, accidentally knocking into him. He had a pacemaker in his shoulder, which was moved to below his ribcage this last surgery. One time he was accidentally run into and it was so painful for him to be hit in his shoulder where his pacemaker was, he was down on his knees in pain.

Do any of you have any thoughts as to this? The principal knows about his surgery. Some teachers will be good about him catching up on his work. Some are totally insensitive (that's something for another thread).

Anyway, as much as I'd like to keep him home, he does want to go back and see his friends, and not be treated like a freak.

Thanks for any thoughts you may have.

Pixie dust to you all.

 

[TanyaB]

In my opinion, don't send him back until you both(you and your son) feel he's ready. His health is more important than anything else, and schoolwork can be brought home and made up. My son misses quite a bit of school due to chemotherapy he's receiving, and he has a tutor for those days. However, I'd think w/your son being older, he'd do fine making up the work w/your help. I wouldn't send him if he's not comfortable yet-it's a serious surgery, not the flu!! God bless him as he heals!
Tanya

 

[fantasymagic]

I appreciate your input. That's the way I'm leaning. I'm sure you're also having more than your share of concerns with your son and chemotherapy. I can't even imagine the things you've had to deal with. I hope all is going well.

I see you're also from Wisconsin. Brrrrrrrrrrrrr I think we need to be thinking about vacations in Florida, don't you?

 

[SueM in MN]

First of all, an Off Topic thread is OK on this board. We're not quiet so busy as the resort or Theme Parks Board, so we can go OT a little bit without casuing a big problem. You will notice, if you look around a little, that a lot of threads here have OT in the subject.

I had a really good response written last night, then the boards went down for maintenacne and I lost everything. Here goes another try:
For your question, I have a little different perspective.
As a parent, I know that I would want to keep my child home until there was no chance of injury. But I also know that sometimes you have to let them do some things that might not be comfortable to you because they need to do do them.

As the sister of a high school teacher, I know that the halls of a high school or middle school are not particularly safe from jostling and bumping. In fact, doing those things are part of the "social activity" of the school.

As a nurse who has worked with teens and worked as a school nurse, I know that 8 weeks is an eternity to a 13 yr old. He may be able to make up the school work, but he's probably going to feel isolated and like all his friends have gone on without him. One of the "jobs" of a teen is to learn to make wise decisions and that's especially important for a teen with a chronic illness and this might be a good time to start on the process. I'd also assume that the doctor's in a children's hospital would have been thru this berfore and would not say he could go back to school if they really though it was a big danger.

I would talk to him about what he wants to do. It may be that he is afraid of something happening and would really prefer to stay home for 8 weeks. It may be that he really wants to go back to school.
If he does want to go back, I'd brainstorm with him what the potential problems might be, when and where they would be likely to occur. Write down what ever you come up with - even if they are a little unlikely to occur. Those "over the edge" ones can sometimes help you think of the more realistic ones.
After doing that, come up with some potential solutions or ways to avoid the problems, like:
-if he's likely to get hit while in the lunch line, bringing a lunch would allow him to avoid the lunch line.
- he could walk down the hall surrounded on all sides by the Middle School Football team in full gear, tackling anyone that gets to close. A little ridiculous, but that might lead to something more reasonable, like
-leaving class a few minutes before the bell so that he has a chance to get where he needs to get before the rest of the crowd is in the hallways.

I'm sure that your school has probably dealt with people who had special needs in getting around the halls before. It's not unusual and he may find that it's not "freaky", there are other kids doing the same thing. But because he wasn't in the halls, he didn't know. Sometimes, they assign a friend to go with to carry books (and not be such a lonely time in the hall).

If he doesn't go back to school for a while, brainstorm things that will help him to be less isolated from his friends during that time. Look at this as an opportunity for him to start making some wise decisions about his needs and I think the 8 weeks will go much faster.

 

[Talking Hands]

A few years ago one of my daughter's classmates had open heart surgery. The following accommodations were allowed so she could return to school safely.

Left her class 5 minutes before the bell to move to the next class. Her identical twin went with her
Allowed to go to the cafeteria and go through line early with her twin as well.
Allowed to go to library after she finished eating instead of the break out area (holding area. lots of fights out there and not easily supervised)
Wheelchair provided for field trips. Group size limited as well. Where most groups were as large as 10 her group was only 4 with chaperone. Twin always in her group and group hand picked by teaacher and approved by parent. Parent was often the chaperone. She was even able to go on out EPCOT trip 2 weeks after surgery this way (group was 6 with 2 adult chaperones)
2 sets of text books. One in classroom and one at home. Parents provided supplies to be kept in each classroom with cooperation of teacher.
Allowed to leave classroom and rest in clinic as needed.
PE changed to a study time in office although technically she was an office aid and recieved a grade for that so she lost no credits.

An IEP was written so these accommodations could not be ignored by teachers without the teacher being in trouble.

 

[fantasymagic]

These are such excellent ideas. Now I feel like I can actually do something to make this work, instead of just worrying.

You all are the best!

 

[mhopset]

I totally agree with Sue. Another thing you may want to look into is, would it be possible for him to leave his class a few minutes early in order for him to make it to his next class. That way the halls would be empty and there would be less of a chance of him being shoved or bumped into.

I know they used to do this when I was in school for somebody who had broken a limb. Of course that was years, and years ago

I hope everything works out you the two of you.

 

[JudithM]

Glad to read your son is home & that his surgery was successful.

Regarding school - does your school district allow concurrent home teaching? This is done where I live. The students attends school whenever & for as long in the day as he is capable/feels like it on any given day. This is supplemented by home teaching - teacher comes to your home.