OT: Bridal shower gift woes

[kwitcherkicken99]

I just received the invitation for my best friend's brother's bridal shower. Now my problem...I'm taking the pictures for the wedding free of charge. Since I'm providing them with that kind of service (worth at least $200-300) should I still be obligated to buy them a gift for the shower???I'm not close to the brother since we've grown up and been on our own and I was a little surprised to see the registry tags in the invite (it came from the bride's addy).What should I do???

 

[mjkacmom]

How about a nice little picture frame, with a note that it's for her favorite picture? Edited to add, and re-reading your post, that the pictures are for a wedding gift - it is tradition to give a shower gift AND a wedding gift.

 

[Darcy03231]

If you're invited to both a gift for both is customary. For the shower I would get either a smaller item from the registry or do as the PP suggested and get a nice picture frame. I can tell you that someone got me a rechargeable flashlight that plugs into an outlet as a shower gift (this was back in 1991). It outlasted the marriage and everytime the power goes out I have fond memories of the person who gave it to us!

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

I understand that it's customary to get 2 gifts, but I'm giving them a gift that's worth a lot more than the standard. I wouldn't expect anything more if my friend offered to do my pics - the cost they'd be saving me would be more than enough!I'm not even 100% sure I'd be invited to the wedding if it weren't for the photography... it's one thing to be invited, another to be working the event.The brother hasn't been the same since returning from war (2 tours in Iraq over 6 years). He'd be perfectly happy not having the wedding at all but he's doing it for her. He doesn't even want engagement pics - which I'm also doing "on the house."I just feel so stuck. I'll be taking pictures the whole day, starting at 9 am (wedding's not until 5 pm). Plus the engagement pictures... aren't I giving enough???

 

[stsomewhere]

Don't go to th shower then.

 

[powellrj]

I The brother hasn't been the same since returning from war (2 tours in Iraq over 6 years).

All I can say is WOW, maybe you need to rethink the whole event if this is how you really feel about him. Seriously, my DS served in Iraq and came home injured and "not the same". If anyone really felt like that about him he and I would both prefer maybe you not even take the pictures.

If you feel that strongly please rethink the whole event. Even though you feel you have given enough, trust me when I say he has given a whole lot more than one day.

 

[MariDisney]

All I can say is WOW, maybe you need to rethink the whole event if this is how you really feel about him. Seriously, my DS served in Iraq and came home injured and "not the same". If anyone really felt like that about him he and I would both prefer maybe you not even take the pictures.

If you feel that strongly please rethink the whole event. Even though you feel you have given enough, trust me when I say he has given a whole lot more than one day.

I agree with this poster 100%.

Honestly, I would buy something small for the shower that I could easily afford and thank my lucky stars that he was willing to put his life on the line not once, but twice, for my freedom.

 

[LWatson]

Why not get them something simple, inexpensive, but something they will use a lot. The most practical gift we got at our wedding (and its a good idea for a shower too) was a laundry basket filled w/ inexpensive detergent, towels, and fabric softener (oh and friend's hubby added condoms as a joke that C didnt know about till we opened it). I know you think that you doing the pictures is a good gift, but it is also polite if you are invited to the shower to give a gift. Heck the girl who did my wedding cake did it for free and still gave us a REALLY NICE mixer (I mean like NICE) since I am into baking at the wedding.

 

[kalc12345]

I would buy a small gift and take to the shower.

I totally understand what you are doing for them with the pictures. That is saving them TONS of money. My sister got married back in May and I took the engagment pictures and the bridal pictures. I didn't take the actual wedding pictures. Kinda hard to be in the wedding and take pictures It did save her a lot of money and I spent a lot of time doing it all. So I know what you are meaning but I would still get a small gift to take.

 

[LuvBaloo]

I just wouldn't go to the shower; as you obviously aren't close to the bride, she may have invited you just because she felt she had to.
If you do want to attend the shower, I like the idea of a picture frame, which also emphasizes that you are already doing the pictures. Or if you are comfortable with it, you can call taking engagement pictures the shower gift and the wedding pictures are the wedding gift!

My DH videotaped a family friends wedding and main parts of the reception. It takes a lot of focus to do that for someone. I was a little ticked off at the thank you speech portion of the evening, when they didn't mention his efforts, but just chalked it up to forgetting in the excitement/chaos of the moment, because I know they truly were grateful. I only mention this, because they could forget to thank on the actual day, even though they truly appreciate your gift.

It sounds like you are doing these pictures not for him personally, but because he's your friends brother.

 

[micheleq]

Polietly decline the shower invitation, and you don't need to send a gift. I remember several people who did not come to my bridal shower and did not send a gift -- and I took no offense!

 

[chloelovesdisney]

There are plenty of lower priced items to give at a shower, the gift doesn't have to be expensive at all. The amount of the wedding present is a separate issue, and really doesn't figure into the shower or not. I like everyone's idea of the picture frame, that would be perfect. I always see frames on sale, and there are some really pretty ones that would be great for engagement or wedding photos.

If it will bug you too much, then just skip the shower.

BTW, my dh came back from Iraq and has never been quite the same, and I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that. It's just a fact of our life. I don't think negatively about him because of it, it's just the way it is. The experience affected him.

 

[adventure_woman]

I might just say that I can't make the bridal shower. Or, you could offer to do the pictures for the bridal shower too? (I'm thinking you're not getting them printed, you're only taking them and giving them the CD w/ the pictures on it)...

 

[CarlisleMom]

We had a friend take our wedding photos as a gift. We initially called her to hire her (she took my sister's photos as a gift also) and she offered them as a gift.

Here's what played out. My sister invited her to the shower (since she has been friends with DH since High School). She gave us a ceramic pitcher. We invited her husband to the wedding and the pictures (her services and printing of photos) were the wedding gift.

My mother made the album.

 

[GoinToDisney]

I would either do a nice frame or not go.

 

[DaisyLynn]

I'm getting married next month and have had two showers (long story). My absolute favorite gift that I received was from one of my bridesmaids. Having been a bridesmaid several times over, I realize how much effort is put into being part of someone's special day...whether you are in the wedding party, the cake baker, the picture taker, etc. I honestly never expected a gift from any of my girls, and I let them know that. Having them give their time and to share these moments with me and my family was the real gift.

Having said that, I would feel very awkward if I did not bring a gift to the shower.

Ok, back to the favorite gift. She took my invitation, glued it to a piece of colorful heavy stock paper, artfully arranged a couple of little paper flowers around it and put it in a frame. If I had to guess, it probably took her a few minutes to do and cost very little...but I adored it. It meant so much and is just perfect! I do also agree with PP's regarding gifting just the frame. Or something small from the registry. If none of these would be acceptable for you, you may just want to respectfully decline the shower invitation.

It is very nice of you to take the photos for them...your generosity has saved them quite a bit of money.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

Thanks guys... I was really on the fence with this as most of you are right, I'm don't know the bride at all! They've been together for at least 7 years, but we've never really talked.

As soon as I heard they were engaged, I offered to do the pictures for them. I knew money was tight, and the groom (used to be) like family. I'd do anything for them if they needed.

As to the PP of the whole service thing... that came out totally wrong, and re-reading that post, I'm a jerk - flat out. He did give so much more than a day and deserves the best. It's just hard on my part seeing him the shell of the man I used to know.

I'm going to have to think this through a bit more. I do have some wedding albums they could have (that are brand new).

Please keep the ideas coming though.

 

[mjkacmom]

The purpose of an engagement party is to celebrate the engagement, but truthfully, the purpose of a shower is to "shower" the future bride with gifts for the household. I can't imagine showing up at a shower without a gift - just don't go at all if you are not comfortable giving something.

 

[rt2dz]

I just received the invitation for my best friend's brother's bridal shower. Now my problem...I'm taking the pictures for the wedding free of charge. Since I'm providing them with that kind of service (worth at least $200-300) should I still be obligated to buy them a gift for the shower???I'm not close to the brother since we've grown up and been on our own and I was a little surprised to see the registry tags in the invite (it came from the bride's addy).What should I do???

I haven't read any of the replies/updates.

If you don't know the bridal couple well, skip the shower and don't worry about it. If you do feel you should go to the shower (maybe it's your best friend, the future SIL, throwing the shower? Or a couple's shower and it's really the groom you are there for), then get a gift. The pictures, which I'm sure you volunteered, are the wedding present. A bridal shower is something completely different. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it should be nice and thoughtful. You're a photographer so maybe a nice photo album or picture frame.

 

[sk!mom]

I understand that it's customary to get 2 gifts, but I'm giving them a gift that's worth a lot more than the standard. I wouldn't expect anything more if my friend offered to do my pics - the cost they'd be saving me would be more than enough!I'm not even 100% sure I'd be invited to the wedding if it weren't for the photography... it's one thing to be invited, another to be working the event.The brother hasn't been the same since returning from war (2 tours in Iraq over 6 years). He'd be perfectly happy not having the wedding at all but he's doing it for her. He doesn't even want engagement pics - which I'm also doing "on the house."I just feel so stuck. I'll be taking pictures the whole day, starting at 9 am (wedding's not until 5 pm). Plus the engagement pictures... aren't I giving enough???

Skip the shower if you don't want to give a gift. Wouldn't you feel awkward attending without a gift?

Just curious...you seem really resentful about giving up your day to take pictures for these people, why are you doing it?