OT- Biting Toddlers

[Tricia's mom]

What the heck ?? My Dd just got written up for biting another child at pre-school yesterday... She doesn't do it at home and when I asked her she said somone else had bitten her. I know this must just be a phase

I feel bad she may have hurt some other child. Her and this other child get along great with one another?? So I don't understand ? No one saw my DD do this ?? I'am not saying she DIDN'T...

Any suggestions on how to deal with this she will be 3 in 3 weeks. ???

 

[WantToGoNow]

My ds8 was a biter when he was 3. It was terrible - he was in a daycare setting and it even got to the point of being put on probation at the daycare. At the peak of it, he bit 6 times in 1 day (1 child 4 times and 2 others once each). I was both embarrassed and angry that he would continue no matter what punishment we gave him at home. I didn't know what else to do.

The probation at "school" was what finally broke it. For a week, he had to stay with the teacher - no play time on the playground, he sat with her separate from the other kids at breakfast/lunch/snacks and inside activities and he even had to play by himself when inside. He literally was never away from her for a week - and he didn't like the restriction. At first I didn't like the approach, but it worked and he never bit again (well not until last year anyway when he was being held down by 2 boys and beaten by another - he bit the one in the chest to get away).

 

[princessmom29]

Explian to her that it is NEVER ok to bite. Tell her that if someone hurts her she should tell a grownup. Let her know that ther will be consequences if she does so again. It would likely help to have the teachers enforce a time out immediately afterward, should it happen again. At that age my DD would have also lost her outside play time when we got home for something like that. It took very few times of her hittng/kicking another child to get it. Fortunately she never bit. She was the bitee not the biter. It was the daycare director's child, so you can guess how much got done about that!

 

[jngwright]

I don't have any wise words of advice for you, just a . Been there, done that. My twins bit each other (I have pictures of the bruises). The pediatrician said that kids that age get frustrated easily and just react. They were given a "time out" when it happened, and they outgrew it. I know that doesn't help much-but you are not alone and it doesn't mean you have a "bad" child!!!

 

[Tricia's mom]

UGh... It will all be fine in 10 days when I arrive @ WDW ???

I can get thru this....it's not terminal.

 

[disfan07]

where I worked we had a few kids (mostly 2 and 3 yr olds) who were biters. At that age, many kids will ocassionaly bite...especially around 2 if their verbal skills are not great. We understand that the occasional biting is usually frustration but...

If it is occasional biting (like not every week type of thing) , they go sit in the directors office and get talked to AND a call to parents.

If it becomes a semi-regular thing (like a couple times a week), the parents are called to come pick their child up.

If it becomes a regular thing (we're talking about it happening everyday/multiple times a day) that we have to call the parents, we will ask that they do not bring the child back until they stop biting....we had to do that with one child last yr.
She bit one child 9 times during the course of a week...of course it was the school-age after care director's child...not a good choice

Most of the time, the children who occasioanlly bite do it out of frustratioin and punishment usually works....if the child is a regular biter, it is not usually frustration....the child usually knows what they are doing and not much will stop them

 

[EKW]

When my older son was 3 I moved him to a church-based preschool. Within a couple of weeks he came home with a huge bite on his arm. Less than a week later I was called in because he had bitten another child.

He spent one entire school year there and biting was a constant issue. He only bit twice...after 3 bites you were expelled...but he was bitten about once a month.

The next year I moved him to a school based preschool...the problem never happened again!

Move forward in time 4 years. I decide to give the church-based preschool another try with my younger son. All was fine until they moved him from the baby to the toddler room...and during that very first week, he got bitten!

I fully believe that the program there had a culture of biting! I'd casually ask other parents if their kids have gotten bitten, how often it's happened, etc.

If this is the school culture your choices are to try to confront the director to bring about change or move your child to a different preschool. Personally, I'd go with the second option!

 

[CuteAndFluffy]

I'm so sorry! It's frustrating to have to deal with things like that. Just know you aren't the only one and that 16 year olds rarely bite their friends, so she's likely to outgrow it.

One thing I would suggest is finding some new ways to talk about the issue. For example going to the library and asking the librarian to help pick out some books on biting or checking out the Yo Gabba Gabba episode about Muno learning that you don't bite your friends (I think they've got a board book on this too....)

I would NOT advocate my mother's method of biting the kid back just to show them it hurts. Although not one of the 6 of us was a biter...

 

[ShannonMB]

OP, it doesn't sound like you have a serial biter on your hands! Hopefully this one experience will teach her. I have a friend who has 4 kids, and for some reason, the 2nd one was a little biter. He was the cutest, sweetest kid, but for some reason, he bit other kids till he WAS kicked out of daycare! My friend of course was mortified and she tried everything from taking things away at home to actually biting him so he could know what he was doing (she's one of the best moms I know, but I guess was just beyond frustrated). After getting *expelled*, I don't think he took the behavior to the new school. And now, of course, at 9 years old, his biting is a distant memory. None of her other kids ever bit anyone to my knowledge. It's a weird thing, but hopefully you are done with it!

 

[Zeebs]

With my first he was about 3 and he bit his brother (and thought he had gotten away with it until I saw the bit bite mark on his back) For some reason unknown to me, as I am usually a "yelling mother" I calmly??? asked him why he had done it. He was made to get out of the bath, and sit and wait while Seth finished playing in the bath and I played only with him. Afterwards I did ask him how he would like it if I bit him, I kept telling him that it wasn't ok to bite and he kept asking Why which was frustrating me, but when I went to "bite" him, he knew straight away and said no no no. So he knew it would hurt but he was just being difficult about it. Obviously I didn't bite him and I was quite confident that it wouldn't get to the point where I would have to, and he went straight to bed with no stories (which upset him the most), he never did it again.

My second use to bite occassionally out of frustration. Until he got into a fight with another child while playing and she bit him, hard. He never did it again.

Its such a hard one as what works for some doesn't work for others and it depends on their ages also.

Good luck with it all hope they stop soon.

Kirsten

 

[tms295psu]

I too have recieved the dreaded letter... "your child will be expelled if the biting continues!"

Rest Assured your child is not a monster... they may just need closer supervision until they grow/mature a bit more. Biting is very common in the toddler years. (Or so I've been told by our Ped. and numerous Early Childhood Teachers)

My daughter is in a learning center/daycare. At around 18 months old she started biting other kids in her class (1-2 year old class). And it occasionaly still happens... We do NOT have the problem at home but we also do not have any other children at home for her to compete with.

TALK TO THE PRIMARY CAREGIVER IMMEDIATELY! You need their input on the situation (why is the child biting). Ask these questions... Is my child being properly supervised AND RECEIVING PERSONAL INTERACTION FROM THE CAREGIVER (NO CHILD SHOULD BE BEING HELD DOWN AND BULLIED, NOT EVEN FOR A MINUTE), Is your child sleeping enough, is he/she tired when the biting occures? Is your child hungry? Is the classroom over crowded? Are there enough stimulating toys in the room? Is your child teething? Has your child's schedule (or home environment) changed? Is your child's development in line with that of the other children in the class? How is your child being disiplined for biting? (never bite back, put hot/icky tasting stuff in mouth, I feel separating the child from normal activity is also not good) REMIND YOUR CHILD AT DROP OFF EVER DAY NOT TO BITE IT HURTS IN A FIRM VOICE. IF YOUR CHILD DOES BITE THE CAREGIVER SHOULD QUICKLY ATTEND TO THE BITEN CHILD AND SHOW YOUR CHILD THAT IT HURTS, ITS NOT NICE, SHOW THEM THE MARK, GIVE THE BITER TIME OUT FOR A MINUTE OR 2. AFTER TIME OUT HAVE THE BITER SAY SORRY TO THE CHILD THEY BIT.

After weeks of closer supervision and weekly talks with my Daughter's teacher... we feel that my Daughter bits more when she comes in late (days dad takes her to daycare). And that she interacts better with the older children in the 2-3 year old class (She has an more extensive vocab. compared to other kids in her age group) They have observed her telling other kids NO or MOVE and only attempts to bite after they don't listen to her. She also has no problems with bitting when she "visits" the infant room, and is actually very nurturing toward the babies.

KEEP IN MIND THE BITER FACES GREATER HEALTH CONCERNS OVER BITING. AND YOUR CAREGIVER CAN NOT TELL YOU ABOUT ANY HEALTH ISSUES OF THE CHILD YOUR CHILD HAD BITTEN. (as I've been told by our ped)

 

[hsmamato2]

what the pp just said.....your baby isn;t a monster, kids this age tend to act first,think later. When you get a bunch of them together in preschool or daycare,it's inevitable.
You got a lot of good advice,for my own little biter(he's 10,and a sweetheart now) I stayed home with him,he absolutely couldn't tolerate crowds of kids at that age! he let me know numerous times by biting other kids,it was his way of showing his frustration at the places I'd bring him,(storytimes,playdates,etc)
Kids this age many of them aren't mature enough to handle crowds of other kids.I used to despair over my little guy too, he never started things,but boy could he finish them!
It lasted from about ages 2- 3 1/2. Then a switch flipped,and he became the easiest going,most sociable kid I've ever seen! He's still that way- I have no explanation for his early behavior except he was telling me the best way he could that he preferred/needed to be by himself a lot.