OT- Birthday dilemma, need advice!

What I find odd is that 2 girls who are friendly with each other and old enough to be in school and live close enough to share a bus stop aren't playing at each others houses all the time anyway. In our subdivision all the kids run around together outside and play at each others houses.

OP again-I wasn't planning to keep up with this thread since I got things sorted out but I feel like I need to reply to this.

I don't know why you find it odd that dd and this other girl don't play at each others houses all the time. As I said in my original post, I do not know this other family. I would never be comfortable allowing dd to play over at the house of someone that I didn't know well or let her run around outside unsupervised.
 
I think people are reading way too much into this. Sometimes kids just click in someway for some reason and they look for a way to start a friendship. Sounds like a simple cake and ice cream after dinner. I would pick a small gift, walk over with her and enjoy a little converstation and get to know the parents and see whether a friendship might form.
 
I don't know why you find it odd that dd and this other girl don't play at each others houses all the time. As I said in my original post, I do not know this other family. I would never be comfortable allowing dd to play over at the house of someone that I didn't know well or let her run around outside unsupervised.

You may want to lighten up on that. By elementary age they should be running around the neighborhood playing together and going to each others houses. Not planned playdates, just walking up to the door, knocking, and asking if so and so can play. There are lots of kids in our subdivision who all play together. There is one girl who is not allowed to go out of her mothers view. She can play in her yard and that is it. She has to stand in her yard and watch all the other kids ride bikes and play tag and hide and seek. She can play if they come to her house, but the moment the kids decide to go play at the clubhouse in the wooded common area or ride bikes she can't go. It's really sad. Her mom thinks she protecting her, but she's isolating her.
 
You may want to lighten up on that. By elementary age they should be running around the neighborhood playing together and going to each others houses. Not planned playdates, just walking up to the door, knocking, and asking if so and so can play. There are lots of kids in our subdivision who all play together. There is one girl who is not allowed to go out of her mothers view. She can play in her yard and that is it. She has to stand in her yard and watch all the other kids ride bikes and play tag and hide and seek. She can play if they come to her house, but the moment the kids decide to go play at the clubhouse in the wooded common area or ride bikes she can't go. It's really sad. Her mom thinks she protecting her, but she's isolating her.

:confused3

Did the OP say she lived in a subdivision? For all we know she could live on a busy street or in an area where it isn't safe to be running around with other kids. There are over 15 kids at our bus stop, and while my kids are school friends with all of them, there are only two families that I would feel comfortable with my kids going into their home. It's not that I don't think they are nice people, but I don't really know them like I know the other families. They are all welcome to play in our yard anytime (or theirs if I can glance at them from time to time), but not in the house.

When I was a kid, I used to walk several blocks (not in a subdivision, a busy road) to see friends all the time. When I was 6, I was in a high school production of Annie. I accidently left my script at a friend's house about 10 or so houses away. My mom made walk back to that house alone and in the dark to get it. There is no way that I would let my 10 year old do something like that now, and we live in a nice area in a large well-lit subdivision.

There are parents here that watch their kids like a hawk, and some that couldn't tell you where their kids even are, if asked. It's okay to be somewhere in the middle, and what is comfortable for some, may not be comfortable for others. :goodvibes
 

:confused3

did the op say she lived in a subdivision? For all we know she could live on a busy street or in an area where it isn't safe to be running around with other kids. There are over 15 kids at our bus stop, and while my kids are school friends with all of them, there are only two families that i would feel comfortable with my kids going into their home. It's not that i don't think they are nice people, but i don't really know them like i know the other families. They are all welcome to play in our yard anytime (or theirs if i can glance at them from time to time), but not in the house.

When i was a kid, i used to walk several blocks (not in a subdivision, a busy road) to see friends all the time. When i was 6, i was in a high school production of annie. I accidently left my script at a friend's house about 10 or so houses away. My mom made walk back to that house alone and in the dark to get it. There is no way that i would let my 10 year old do something like that now, and we live in a nice area in a large well-lit subdivision.

there are parents here that watch their kids like a hawk, and some that couldn't tell you where their kids even are, if asked. It's okay to be somewhere in the middle, and what is comfortable for some, may not be comfortable for others. :goodvibes


:thumbsup2
 
:confused3

Did the OP say she lived in a subdivision? For all we know she could live on a busy street or in an area where it isn't safe to be running around with other kids. There are over 15 kids at our bus stop, and while my kids are school friends with all of them, there are only two families that I would feel comfortable with my kids going into their home. It's not that I don't think they are nice people, but I don't really know them like I know the other families. They are all welcome to play in our yard anytime (or theirs if I can glance at them from time to time), but not in the house.

When I was a kid, I used to walk several blocks (not in a subdivision, a busy road) to see friends all the time. When I was 6, I was in a high school production of Annie. I accidently left my script at a friend's house about 10 or so houses away. My mom made walk back to that house alone and in the dark to get it. There is no way that I would let my 10 year old do something like that now, and we live in a nice area in a large well-lit subdivision.

There are parents here that watch their kids like a hawk, and some that couldn't tell you where their kids even are, if asked. It's okay to be somewhere in the middle, and what is comfortable for some, may not be comfortable for others. :goodvibes


This is what I don't understand and am trying to change. Parents today who readily admit that they did various things, walk to the neighborhood playground, local library, a few blocks over to friends houses, but now they will not allow their children to do the same. Parents have a false idea that the world is more dangerous and unsafe and it is not true. Facts show that there is far less violent crime now than there was in the 80s when you were running around your neighborhood. Crime gets a lot more news coverage, but it actually happens less. Kids who are being deprived the opportunity to get together with other kids without parents hovering (watching) constantly are missing out on opportunities to learn valuable skills like problem solving and getting along. Watch the movie the Sandlot, that is what childrens lives should be like. Not being hustled in mom's minivan from one adult let sporting event to the next, where adults step in settle all disputes, and run everything. Kids today are don't even realize they can get a few kids together and play ball, they think adults have to be present. Kids need to be empowered and know they can do things on their own. The unnecessary over protection of children in this country will have a very negative impact on the future. Kids need to build independence, which can only be gained by doing things like walking 10 houses in the dark to get something you forgot, independence cannot be gained while mom is watching.

I think the OP should buy a gift, have her child make a card, and have to walk it over to the birthday girls house by herself. She will feel so proud when she comes back home!
 
This is what I don't understand and am trying to change. Parents today who readily admit that they did various things, walk to the neighborhood playground, local library, a few blocks over to friends houses, but now they will not allow their children to do the same. Parents have a false idea that the world is more dangerous and unsafe and it is not true. Facts show that there is far less violent crime now than there was in the 80s when you were running around your neighborhood. Crime gets a lot more news coverage, but it actually happens less. Kids who are being deprived the opportunity to get together with other kids without parents hovering (watching) constantly are missing out on opportunities to learn valuable skills like problem solving and getting along. Watch the movie the Sandlot, that is what childrens lives should be like. Not being hustled in mom's minivan from one adult let sporting event to the next, where adults step in settle all disputes, and run everything. Kids today are don't even realize they can get a few kids together and play ball, they think adults have to be present. Kids need to be empowered and know they can do things on their own. The unnecessary over protection of children in this country will have a very negative impact on the future. Kids need to build independence, which can only be gained by doing things like walking 10 houses in the dark to get something you forgot, independence cannot be gained while mom is watching.

I think the OP should buy a gift, have her child make a card, and have to walk it over to the birthday girls house by herself. She will feel so proud when she comes back home!

You are making a lot of sweeping judgements in your post. I grew up in a very small town where everyone knew everyone. That is not our current situation here. My children are not "deprived" of anything, and they are very independent. As for walking around in the dark, people drive too fast on our street, and two homes have been hit by cars because of it, and not in bad weather, either. By "hit", I mean they literally drove right through the front of the house.

I think it's great that your kids can go knocking door and run in and out of others' homes freely, but just because mine don't does not mean I am an overprotective or hovering parent. Same with the OP. That is why she came here to post. She was looking for advice on a birthday invite. I do not think she was looking for criticism on her parenting, nor was I.

Gotta love the Dis. :rotfl:
 
This is what I don't understand and am trying to change. Parents today who readily admit that they did various things, walk to the neighborhood playground, local library, a few blocks over to friends houses, but now they will not allow their children to do the same. Parents have a false idea that the world is more dangerous and unsafe and it is not true. Facts show that there is far less violent crime now than there was in the 80s when you were running around your neighborhood. Crime gets a lot more news coverage, but it actually happens less. Kids who are being deprived the opportunity to get together with other kids without parents hovering (watching) constantly are missing out on opportunities to learn valuable skills like problem solving and getting along. Watch the movie the Sandlot, that is what childrens lives should be like. Not being hustled in mom's minivan from one adult let sporting event to the next, where adults step in settle all disputes, and run everything. Kids today are don't even realize they can get a few kids together and play ball, they think adults have to be present. Kids need to be empowered and know they can do things on their own. The unnecessary over protection of children in this country will have a very negative impact on the future. Kids need to build independence, which can only be gained by doing things like walking 10 houses in the dark to get something you forgot, independence cannot be gained while mom is watching.

I think the OP should buy a gift, have her child make a card, and have to walk it over to the birthday girls house by herself. She will feel so proud when she comes back home!

I was just reading this thread and not really thinking about a response (I think the best suggestions have been covered) until I read this.

Not really sure WHY a question about cake and singing got turned into this but here goes:

Don't assume that every area in the world is "just as safe" or "safer" than it was many years ago. That's not the case in every neighborhood all over the world.

We live in a very rural area and I have lived here my entire life. There are a lot more people living in the area now and a lot more traffic.

DD is 14. When I was her age, my friends and I used to walk to the store (about 5 miles or so) or to the community pool (about the same distance). And we never thought about danger. Mom was fine with it. Nothing every happened.

I told dd and her friend they could walk to the store one Sunday afternoon because they were bored. Before they got even 1/3 of the way there; some leering old man stopped and tried to pick them up and a bunch of guys in their 20's came by hooping and hollering at them. When the second man stopped and asked where they were going and the 20 somethings drove by for the second time--they took a turn down the driveway of a guy they know from school and called me on her cell.

Maybe the leering old man was just "being nice" and maybe not. Maybe the guys that were hooping and hollering were just "being friendly" but it made the girls uncomfortable enough to call me.

Another thing I did at her age is walk with my friends down to the creek (less than a mile from my house) to swim, lay out, socialize. Now there are still kids that live in our neighborhood that do that. BUT, there are also a lot of people from outside the area that go there and there have been numerous groups arrested for drugs, etc. down there. A crystal meth lab was busted down there.

My point to all this is that its not always safe to say that "well I did it xxx years ago so you should be safe enough". Things change, times change and every parent has to make their own decision as to whether in THEIR area, its safe enough for a kid to roam and do whatever it was mom or dad did at their age.

We live in a very low crime area, but dd is still not going to be able to do everything I did at her age and be safe.


It would be great if all kids could live in a place like is in the movie "Sandlot" but its not always that way.
 
We have neighbours that have a girl the same age as Dd. The girls are friendly, they were even in the same class last year. I don't really know them beyond saying hi at the bus stop. Dd came home yesterday and told me that the neighbours mother had invited her to come over on Thu for 10 to 15 mins to sing happy b-day and that it would mean a lot to this girl.Dd says she wants to go, but she wants me to go with her. It seems odd to me and I am not sure what to do. If we do go should we bring her a small gift? And what would we get? I truly have no idea what this girl likes. Any advice is appreciated!

Sorry this is OT, but this is where I would usually go for advice.



Maybe this girl has trouble making friends?
 
What I find odd is that 2 girls who are friendly with each other and old enough to be in school and live close enough to share a bus stop aren't playing at each others houses all the time anyway. In our subdivision all the kids run around together outside and play at each others houses.

Great original topic for a new thread.
 
Maybe this girl has trouble making friends?
That is exactly what I was thinking. The girl may be quite shy and uncomfortable asking the OP's daughter over for cake. To many that sounds kind of crazy, but to those of us with extremely shy or introverted kids, it's not an unreasonable thought. I have often thought of just inviting a bunch of dd's school "friends" over for a movie night.

I think it's great that the girl's mom is trying to help out and I think it's great that the OP didn't just say, "that's weird" and keep her daughter home. You never know what will come of something like this.

And I agree, the world is NOT like it was when we were kids. Not at all.
 














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