OT-bedroom help

[MichelleinMaine]

As the mom of a 13 year old boy, I can only think the plea to sleep on the sofa comes from him thinking he can be up late watching TV when others have had to go to their room. (Not that we've had that happen here, at 3 in the morning on cable channels, no.....)

 

[BellesMom72]

Dont you post on thebump too?

I seen the thread last month where you said your husband may move to Florida for a job but you will stay in pennsylvania? Maibe you can let one of the kids share your room?

 

[la79al]

If I may suggest, if you have a basement you could fix up for him, he, along with most other teen age boys would love it. If it's cold and damp, that can be addressed. It doesn't have to be perfect. Temporary walls with paneling, or fabric will work. A nice roll of carpet remnant for the floor, a dehumidifyer and space heater for extra heat will work. A nice electric blanket for the bed will help too.

This is what I am thinking about doing actually. Our basement is not super ideal but after we actually tell the kids about the baby, I am going to suggest it and see how it goes over. I figure DSS can fix it up (with our help of course) however he wants and he will actually probably get more privacy than he gets now (the attic door is in his room).
I'm reluctant to put the little ones together because I feel like they will constantly be waking each other up. I know part of baby and toddlerhood means no sleep, for 19 months I have been dealing with a child that thinks 3 hours stretches are plenty of time to sleep. I just don't think that either of the babies or me will benefit from that much sleep deprivation. And if there are 2 grouchy babies in the house, no one else is going to be very happy either.
Rooms are going to have to be moved, one way or another. DD currently has the smallest room. DSS is in the largest. Whoever is sharing a room is going to be sharing the largest room.
And DH and I have not really sat down to discuss the bedroom situation. He did suggest bunkbeds for DD and DSD but DD is going to be in her crib for quite a while yet and not ready for bunkbeds. Obviously we are going to ALL need to come to an arrangement we are happy with, or can at least live with.

 

[sk!mom]

I would put the 2 youngest (baby and to be born baby) in the same room. Ideal, no, but at that age, it's doable.

Your post makes it sound like you're proposing your DSS not have a room? I think that it's unreasonable to expect someone to not have a room in a home he lives in 1/2 the time. It's not so much about the amount of "stuff" he has, but the privacy and sense of "belonging" that a teen would need.

Completely agree.

 

[iheartnmr's]

not worth it.

 

[okeydokey]

I know it's natural to see your kids are your kids and the stepkids as "his" kids, but the moment you married they all became your kids. They all deserve equal consideration. Maybe the basement can be the home of the new baby?

 

[Magic Mom]

I'm reluctant to put the little ones together because I feel like they will constantly be waking each other up. I know part of baby and toddlerhood means no sleep, for 19 months I have been dealing with a child that thinks 3 hours stretches are plenty of time to sleep. I just don't think that either of the babies or me will benefit from that much sleep deprivation..

Is that the reason, or is this the reason?

la79al

Joined on 07-12-2007
1,235 Posts
27,449 Points
That's what I was thinking too. Unfortunetly. Not trying to make it a step versus bio issue but I'm kind of upset that the kids that only call this house home won't even have their own rooms while the kids that don't even consider this house one of their homes each get a room all to themselves. I guess the only other option is to wait to TTC until the oldest doesn't come anymore.

 

[la79al]

Relax guys, DSS is not going to end up on the couch.
And okeydokey, they are getting equal consideration. I would not put DSD in the basement because I know she would not like the basement. I will not put DD or the new baby in the basement because I will be running up and down stairs all night long. DSS is the only person in the house who would actually enjoy a basement bedroom. I'm not suggesting an attic room for anyone. Why? Because no matter what anyone says or suggests, an attic room in our house would not be safe. I'm not trying to kill any of the kids off or run them out of the house. I'm trying to figure out a way to give everyone the space they need without moving anyone to the backyard. I adore my stepkids. I am not suggesting that my bio kids get more/better space because they are bio and not step. I am mentioning that the bio kids are here all the time and have all their toys/clothes/gear etc here and need someplace for it to be stored.

 

[pixiewings71]

You need to put the 2 youngest together, I did that with my 2 youngest and they did fine. They shared a room until they were like 7 & 10 I think....ya, that's right because 3 years ago they each got their own rooms, when DDthen18 decided she wanted to live in our garage. LOL I let her do it because she was an adult, but she knew she could come inside anytime, she lived in the garage for about 6 months then she got her own place. Anyway, it can totally be done, just put the baby with you while it's tiny then put the 2 youngest together. My girls loved it and to this day they are each other's BFF, no one comes between them, no one.

 

[Ceila]

Relax guys, DSS is not going to end up on the couch.
And okeydokey, they are getting equal consideration. I would not put DSD in the basement because I know she would not like the basement. I will not put DD or the new baby in the basement because I will be running up and down stairs all night long. DSS is the only person in the house who would actually enjoy a basement bedroom. I'm not suggesting an attic room for anyone. Why? Because no matter what anyone says or suggests, an attic room in our house would not be safe. I'm not trying to kill any of the kids off or run them out of the house. I'm trying to figure out a way to give everyone the space they need without moving anyone to the backyard. I adore my stepkids. I am not suggesting that my bio kids get more/better space because they are bio and not step. I am mentioning that the bio kids are here all the time and have all their toys/clothes/gear etc here and need someplace for it to be stored.

But your older children (I hate when people call them "step" all the time - they're now your children too!) have "toys/clothes/gear," too? I have two kids about the same age, and they have a lot of stuff! Heck, they even have "stuff" at their grandparents houses! If those two children live with you half of the time, they absolutely need a place for their belongings.

You and your husband decided to have another child, and now you must find a way to make room for that child that still gives your other children privacy and a sense of belonging. If it means you give up sleep because the two babies are in a room together, then so be it. It wasn't the older children's decision to add to your family, and they should not be made to feel left out or unwelcome because of the new addition - which is exactly how your first post comes across.

 

[iheartnmr's]

Just make sure whatever little hovel your DSS ends up in in the basement, that it is fire code worthy. Mkae sure it has a window so if there's a fire he has a way out. Don't just find the most convenient corner.

treat him like you'd treat your own biological kids. Believe me, they know they are considered second class citizens.

 

[deva]

I totally understand not wanting to have the baby with the toddler, but you should be good after about 4 mos when the baby can sleep through the night.

I would work on getting DD to sleep through the night well before arrival of baby. Then put her with DSD on a temporary basis just until the newborn is sleeping through the night which can be achieved by 12-16 weeks. Then put the two little ones together. Check out Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Weisbluth, the Sleep Easy Solution and Secrets of the Baby Whisperer and, of course, Ferber. If everyone is sleeping well, it won't be an issue at all.

Good luck!

 

[Merriwind]

Quote:
Originally Posted by la79al
I'm reluctant to put the little ones together because I feel like they will constantly be waking each other up. I know part of baby and toddlerhood means no sleep, for 19 months I have been dealing with a child that thinks 3 hours stretches are plenty of time to sleep. I just don't think that either of the babies or me will benefit from that much sleep deprivation..

Is that the reason, or is this the reason?


Quote:
la79al

Joined on 07-12-2007
1,235 Posts
27,449 Points
That's what I was thinking too. Unfortunetly. Not trying to make it a step versus bio issue but I'm kind of upset that the kids that only call this house home won't even have their own rooms while the kids that don't even consider this house one of their homes each get a room all to themselves. I guess the only other option is to wait to TTC until the oldest doesn't come anymore.

Wow la79al, that's really unkind. You might want to watch out. I hear karma can be a you-know-what.

 

[Magic Mom]

Wow, that's really unkind. You might want to watch out. I hear karma can be a you-know-what.

Me or the OP? Because my question might have been blunt, but it wasn't unkind.

 

[cosmicrays]

Wow. I agree with many of the other posters. The 2 smallest kids should go in one room. I think moving one child to living room is wrong and if this was your biological child that you wouldnt be to happy about it.

 

[la79al]

Just make sure whatever little hovel your DSS ends up in in the basement, that it is fire code worthy. Mkae sure it has a window so if there's a fire he has a way out. Don't just find the most convenient corner.

treat him like you'd treat your own biological kids. Believe me, they know they are considered second class citizens.

Thanks for your concern. DSS won't be going in the basement either. Someone's sharing a room.

 

[Merriwind]

Me or the OP? Because my question might have been blunt, but it wasn't unkind.

Oh no, not you. Definitely the OP.

 

[Magic Mom]

Thanks for your concern. DSS won't be going in the basement either. Someone's sharing a room.

If the toddler still wakes up a lot at night, won't that keep the 8YO up if they have to share? That wouldn't be good on school nights.

 

[momto3kids]

I just have to say that while agree with everyone that the two youngest need to share or the baby needs to room with mom & dad for all the already mentioned reasons, that I don't think the OP is uncaring - there is no requirement that she ask for opinions about where ot put her children / step children and if she didn't care about her DSS and DSD at all, I don't think she'd even bother to ask the question in the first place.

So to the OP for caring enough to ask for opinions and for appearing to be listening those opinions. I think the most important thing is to remember that these are all your DH's children - not one more than another and to divide the rooms up the way you would want them to be if they were all your own.

Also, I had three 4 and under for a while (DD was 4, DS 19 mos when my youngest was born) and for me, having the baby in the room with me meant that the baby didn't wake anyone else up in the middle of the night crying and so I got more sleep than if the baby slept anywhere else. Even if my youngest DS had his own room as a baby I would have had to hear him cry, get up from my bed and run there by which time my then 19 mo old DS and 4 yr old DD would have been wide awake and asking for food or crying themselves and I would have lost my mind

Good luck!

 

[leighe]

Tell the steppies to save all that ice cream and pool money for an apartment of their own and then you will all have plenty of room!!!